A Place We Call Home (Chapter 28)
Only two days left…
Jessica folded her used uniform and left it in the laundry bin, thinking to herself that this might be one of the few times that she’ll be able to do little things like this in their dorm room. This had become their home away from home even though she saw it as a prison cell when she first arrived at Beacon and it tore her up inside that they were leaving in a few days without so much as an assurance that they would ever return.
She walked up to the window by her bed and peeked through the curtains. It was a moonless night and all she could see were the tops of trees in the distance, their leaves swaying in the wind against the pitch black background. She heard the rustling of blankets and when she turned her head to look, Yuri was sitting up on her side of the bed with a bad case of bed hair. Yuri ran her hand through her hair and yawned. Jessica found it adorable.
“Sica, it’s past midnight. Why are you still awake?”
“I was just cleaning up. I’m lying down in a while.”
“You can’t sleep?”
Jessica nodded. There was no use in trying to hide it anyway, especially since it was Yuri who was asking. “I just have some things on my mind.”
Yuri walked over to Jessica’s side of the bed and stood next to her partner by the window.
Without a word, Jessica leaned over and pressed her forehead to Yuri’s shoulder. The bruise from earlier was already gone when she checked after their training and even if it wasn’t, she knew that Yuri wouldn’t have pushed her away despite the pain. Yuri brought her closer into an embrace and she sighed, knowing that this was another one of those little things that she won’t be able to do in their dorm room in a few days’ time.
It was surreal how much things had changed in over a year.
+
The airship that took them to Beacon Academy was the light at the end of the tunnel. Jessica walked toward it with such anticipation and relief that it might as well have been her salvation. At the time, she really thought it would be.
A few weeks back, she attended her graduation ceremony as her last day in combat school. She could barely remember giving her speech for making it to the top of her class and it didn’t matter because she knew that none of her classmates were really listening to her. She didn’t need to look at them to know how true that was. She didn’t need to be shunned at her own graduation.
Her years in combat school taught her to become less trusting if not completely distrusting of everyone around her with the exception of her sister. Things started out okay for her. She adjusted well to her schedule despite the early morning classes and she even made a few friends. They ate their lunches together, teamed up for projects and stuck together all throughout the first term like all cliques did. Only, they didn’t make it past the end of that first term.
“It’s fun hanging out with you and all, Jessica, but nowadays you’re always with the teachers. Following them around and training with them and stuff. It’s kinda strange.”
“But that’s just because of the tournament next week,” Jessica tried to explain. “They want me to be prepared when I represent the class.”
“Yeah well it’s making it hard for us to adjust our schedule to yours. Maybe it’s best if you find another group to spend time with.”
She tried to bargain with them like every fifteen-year-old would whenever they can’t have what they want but they didn’t want to
settle and she couldn’t afford to compromise.
The week of the tournament approached as scheduled and Jessica stuck to her training as best as she could. The days were long and the nights were longer. The latter was by choice. She no longer had friends to walk home with and it killed her every time she was reminded of it on her way past the school gate. So she chose to work herself to death instead. That way she was at least doing something worth her time.
Come the week of the tournament, she blew through the competition without a sweat. Not that she could sweat even if she wanted to. She kept the temperature of the arena at freezing point the entire time for as long as she could manage it. Things were easier for her that way and more than challenging for her opponents.
But there was one match that challenged her for a change and it was annoying as fuck.
“It’s Jessica Jung’s fifth match of the week and this time she’ll be up against Kim Taeyeon. Both competitors have zero losses so this fight is one to watch!!”
Jessica had to admit that she was impressed by her opponent’s winning streak. She kept the temperature around them at the lowest point possible but that turned out to be useless because her opponent could teleport. She stopped wasting her aura on the environmental effect and switched to conjuring frozen walls all over the arena to make sure her opponent had less space to maneuver in. It worked for a little while but her opponent had another ace up her sleeve.
Lightning? Goddammit…
Aside from having to dodge the strikes, she also had to figure out how to get close enough to her opponent to actually land a solid attack. She had already consumed too much aura and she knew she had to resort to hand-to-hand combat sooner or later.
She kept still for a second and tried to predict where her opponent would appear next. The lightning strikes had already stopped coming and she was relieved to be rid of them but it didn’t mean that she was already home-free. She still couldn’t see her opponent and she knew that it would only take a few direct strikes to knock her out. Keeping still wasn’t going to help in that case so she moved slowly to the edge of the arena and waited with her kotatsu drawn.
As she expected, her opponent came at her in an attempt to knock her out of the ring instead of attacking her to deplete her aura.
She must be out of aura too…
Jessica slashed at the figure that appeared before her and her blade met another. She parried her opponent’s counterattack as well as the next one. The second dagger in her opponent’s left hand came down slower than the first, which told her that her opponent was predominantly right-handed. Using this knowledge to her advantage, she kept attacking her opponent’s left side and even though she was met by consecutive parries, they were flimsy. She was able to disarm her opponent with an upward slash that she aimed close to the hilt. The strike shook the opponent’s grip and numbed her wrist temporarily, causing her to drop her weapon.
The opponent was about to throw her remaining dagger toward the other end of the arena when Jessica hurriedly grabbed the opponent’s wrist and sent a chill straight to the veins. The opponent screamed in pain as she dropped the dagger to the floor and before she could struggle to get free, she was already out of the ring.
The crowd burst into cheers and applause and Jessica was announced the winner. She bowed slightly in acknowledgment and left the arena, exhausted without a drop of aura left. She collapsed in the waiting room and was woken from her nap by a pair of voices just beyond the door.
“Man, I lost.”
“I think it’s because you got distracted by her butt. Tsk tsk. Oh unnie…”
“What? No! Well, maybe in the beginning. Just at the beginning!”
“Unnie, I think we should do extra training.”
“But we just finished training our asses off! Can’t we take a break?”
“I mean extra training for your self-control. Seriously, unnie, I wouldn’t be surprised if this fetish of yours gets you into trouble someday.”
“Oh fine. But let’s get some ice cream first. My treat!”
“Yay! You’re the best, Taeyeon unnie!”
Jessica tried to return to her nap but the door opened before she could close her eyes.
“Oh. You’re here.”
It was her opponent and behind her was a taller girl. She figured that it was them talking behind the door.
“Congrats on your win, by the way.”
“Thanks,” she replied. If she recalled correctly, the one speaking was Kim Taeyeon.
“You should be celebrating with your friends! Where are they?”
That was exactly what Jessica had been asking herself for weeks now. But she knew the answer. She had no friends to celebrate with.
“Maybe they’re still preparing a surprise celebration for you,” said the taller girl. If her name had already been mentioned, Jessica didn’t catch it.
“I doubt that they are,” Jessica mumbled to herself with a heavy heart. She would take physical pain over these emotions any day.
“Hm? Did you say something?” Taeyeon asked.
“No, I didn’t. Thanks again for a good match. I have to go.”
That wasn’t the last time that she ran into Taeyeon and the taller girl, who she later found out was named Seohyun. And every time she did, she was reminded of how empty she felt despite winning that match. She didn’t have anyone to talk to like Taeyeon did. She didn’t have anyone to comfort her. No one to eat ice cream with after matches. No one to argue with. No one to remind her to train better. No one to tell her that her fetish would get her into trouble someday. Not that she had one that she knew of. But if having one would get her friends back, she was willing to consider it.
And that wasn’t the only thing she was willing to consider doing to have friends again.
When she overheard them talking about her being the teacher’s pet and how it was so hard for them to be with her whenever the teachers praised her too much, it all finally made sense to her why they suddenly just left. They weren’t concerned about matching their schedules. They were insecure and she was the reason why. So all she had to do was figure out how not to make them insecure. The answer came to her some time later, after an announcement during homeroom.
“I was supposed to lower the passing grade because I thought the test was too difficult. However, Jessica almost got a perfect score so I’m no longer going to adjust the passing grade to accommodate everyone else’s grades. You all just have to work harder come the next exam.”
That was the last straw. Jessica knew for sure right then that she had to stoop down to everyone else’s level to get them to accept her again. It would be easy, she told herself. She stopped training until evening and she only studied the night before tests. Her grades slowly plummeted but not enough for her to fail out of her classes. She tried talking to her former friends after the grades were released and they invited her to lunch like nothing ever happened.
Come the final term of her first year in combat school, she had average grades and a circle of friends. She thought things were looking up. Her parents didn’t pressure her to get outstanding grades like she used to even though they admitted to being surprised that their daughter was no longer working hard to be at the top of her class.
She was grateful that she had another chance at happiness… until the day came when she was alone all over again.
Her so-called friends turned out to be more manipulative than she thought. In the middle of the final term, they started avoiding her again, saying they had to go home earlier and that being with her was keeping them from studying harder. She asked if they could all study together, bargaining once more to keep their friendship, but they didn’t settle. This time, she didn’t bother to compromise.
She returned to her training and study habits, no longer concerned about how she was put on a pedestal by her teachers and how her classmates shot her down behind her back. Krystal was the one who kept her in line whenever she got too frustrated with not being as good as she wanted to be. Her sister was her only friend and it wasn’t so bad. She could trust her sister. She loved her sister. And her sister loved her. That was enough to get her through combat school and she expected to get through her stay in Beacon Academy the same way.
+
“Sica, did you fall asleep?”
Jessica shook her head. She was lost in thought and she didn’t know how long she had been standing by the window with Yuri’s arms around her.
“I think we should lie down. You’ll get drowsy faster that way,” Yuri said with a kiss to Jessica’s temple. She didn’t get a response.
“Don’t worry. I won’t let go.”
It took a few more seconds for Jessica to show signs of movement. She let Yuri pull her down to the bed and she did feel drowsier the moment her head landed on a pillow.
Yuri rolled on her side and nuzzled into Jessica’s neck before resting her head on the same pillow then placed her arm over Jessica’s stomach. “What are you thinking about?”
“I already told you. A lot of things.”
“Name one.”
“Us.”
“What about us?”
Jessica sighed. She felt the weight of Yuri’s arm as she breathed out and it reminded her of a time when she couldn’t care less who her partner was, which was far from how she felt at this moment when her partner meant the world to her.
The initiation wasn’t as grueling as Jessica expected. It was ridiculous beyond reason, yes. But it wasn’t as hard as having to fight through tournaments back in combat school. The actual challenge was dealing with the aftermath.
“Jessica, hi! Do you need help with that?”
“No.”
“Oh, okay. How about we get something to eat later after you unpack?”
“That’s okay. You go on ahead.”
“You sure? ‘Cause I can wait for you if you want.”
I don’t. She kept the thought to herself. She already knew what people thought about her and that included her partner. She didn’t need to pretend that she wanted to get along with anyone in Beacon but she wasn’t going to be a bitch about it. She could be civil if she had to be.
And that was how she was with Yuri.
Still, there were times when she couldn’t help but want to strangle her partner to the point of unconsciousness, the most memorable out of the bunch being her disqualification from a graded match against Sooyoung and Hyoyeon.
That was her first failing mark and she mourned her tarnished record as if it was a fallen comrade. She knew that they could’ve won. She had the strategy and Yuri had the power. If they had just made the effort to develop their teamwork then they would’ve been set. She blamed herself at one point. Yuri had already tried getting along with her but she kept a wall up in between them, still afraid that her fifteen-year-old self would emerge and be a vulnerable target once again. But that wasn’t my fault. None of that was my fault.
She told herself that just like her sister used to and went on with her life in Beacon, tolerating all of her partner’s antics until there was one that she could be grateful for.
That was when Yuri had gotten them a chance to redeem their grades. When she asked how that was possible, Yuri said she had to beg Professor Psy to agree. Jessica wondered why Yuri would go to such extent for her sake but she remembered that Yuri’s grade was on the line too so that was probably the reason. Still, she was somewhat relieved. When they emerged from the match with decent grades she wanted to go up to her partner and thank her, which she did. They shook hands and that was that… At least for her. Yuri seemed to have taken it as permission for them to be friends and she kept on trying to get Jessica to spend time with her.
Jessica refused time and time again, saying she had something to do or somewhere to be.
“I’ll just do my thing and you do yours, okay?” she told Yuri once.
“Okay,” Yuri replied with obvious hesitation.
Despite their agreement, Yuri remained stubborn. She did stop trying to ask Jessica to spend time with her but Jessica noticed the little gestures and at the time she wondered why she cared at all. She could’ve just ignored it whenever she fell asleep while reading late at night and Yuri covered her with a blanket or whenever she caught Yuri picking out cucumbers from her cafeteria meals when some get mixed in. But no. She just had to ask Yuri why she was doing these things for her.
“You said that we should do our own thing. So I am. Even though we don’t get along and all, we’re still partners. I’m not asking for anything in return, if that’s what’s worrying you. I’m doing these things because you’re my partner.”
Jessica didn’t quite understand what it meant to be partners with Yuri. She didn’t understand what it meant to be partners with anyone. And it was harder to make sense of it all with two more teammates in the mix.
When Sunny and Yoona moved into their dorm room, she avoided all instances of being alone with either of them. It was hard enough to deal with how she felt about Yuri being her partner and she didn’t want to think of how to have conversations with two strangers. Yuri didn’t have the same problem, though. She got along with their new teammates just fine like she did with everyone else. If Jessica wasn’t so used to being on her own by now then she would’ve been envious. But she wasn’t. If anything, she was expecting them to shun her... To treat her like she had always been treated.
She thought that day had come when she heard Yuri and Yoona talking and her name came up.
“Here we go again,” she muttered to herself. “It’s the same. Everyone’s the same.”
But her name didn’t come up because she was being insulted. It came up because Yoona was asking Yuri what her hobbies were and whether she would be available for dinner later that evening. Jessica thought of coming out of the bathroom and answering these questions herself if only to make it clear that she would never be available for dinner or whatever meal they had in mind. Then Yuri spoke up.
“Well, we don’t talk that much but Sica likes reading. A lot! I think she also likes fashion. But I’m saying that just because I see her browsing through catalogs on her scroll from time to time. She mostly keeps to herself. You can try asking her to join us but don’t get your hopes up too high. She really values her alone time.”
She waltzed out of the bathroom while the two were still talking, not bothering to make eye contact. Yuri answered for her well enough and she wondered whether that was because they were partners. Either that or she pays way too much attention to me. She pondered that possibility on her way out but never came up with anything concrete.
In the following days, Yoona was still insistent on becoming friends with her despite her equally insistent refusal. Sunny was different but that wasn’t necessarily a good thing.
They were, more or less, on the same page when it came to school and their training. They were both concerned with strategy and efficiency while Yuri and Yoona always went with how they felt at the moment. Once, during a practice match, she and Sunny gave up on trying to teach their two teammates a proper defense formation because the latter insisted that a good offense is the best defense and that there was no need to bother with a purely defensive position.
“Tsk. Why are we stuck with children?” Sunny said with a sigh as she sat down on the bleachers next to Jessica.
Jessica shrugged.
“Imagine if we were partners, Sica. And those two were partners instead.”
“Life would probably be so much easier for me,” Jessica replied, thinking of that set-up in terms of their training alone.
“Why’d you choose Yuri anyway?”
“I didn’t. She was just there.” Jessica realized that this was one of the few times that she was actually in the mood to talk. I must be really out of it today. She chalked it up to the exhaustion of having to deal with Yuri and Yoona’s antics and how hard it would be to keep shrugging at everything Sunny said. “What about you? Why did you choose Yoona?”
Sunny let out a laugh. “That’s a story for another time.”
Jessica didn’t bother to coax an answer out of Sunny. She didn’t need to know the story anyway. “Maybe we just have bad luck.”
“You really believe that? ‘Cause I think you like Yuri as a partner more than you dare to admit.”
“What? I do not.”
Sunny was the one who shrugged this time with a slight smile.
“I don’t!” Jessica insisted.
“Yeah, I heard you the first time. Geez.” Sunny leaned back on her palms and watched Yuri and Yoona chasing each other around the training room like the children that they were. She could feel Jessica still staring at her so she stared back. “You know, whatever
you may think about her, Yuri cares about you a lot.”
“That’s just because I’m her partner. She said so.”
“Maybe. But there’s something about the way she pays extra attention to you.”
Jessica let out a laugh. It was more out of awkwardness than amusement. “No shit?”
“I shit you not,” Sunny said with a hand on her chest as if in pledge. “It’s up to you whether to believe it or not but look at it this way: whenever I get hurt or Yoona gets hurt, Yuri just grabs us by the shoulders and drags us to the infirmary. When you get hurt or pass out from training like a maniac, she carries you. And I don’t mean she carries you like a sack of rice or whatever, okay? She’s gentle with you. She’s really, really careful whenever she carries you bridal style.” Sunny let out a laugh when she saw Jessica’s eyes widen. “Bet you didn’t know that, huh? Well duh. You’re knocked out whenever it happens. There was also that time when she gave you a piggyback ride…”
“Well, Yoona is taller than me and taller than Yuri. That’s probably why Yuri has to drag her around.”
“But I’m smaller than you and she doesn’t carry me,” Sunny pointed out.
“Yeah but…”
“But what? Hm?”
Jessica let it go. That was a long enough talk already. She didn’t want to read too much into what Sunny said but she had to admit that it made sense. Sunny almost always made sense. They understood each other that way, at least on a logical level.
She didn’t expect to be so bothered about why Yuri cared about her so much and before she knew it she was already somewhat invested in their partnership. Yuri still did little things for her from time to time, probably thinking that she didn’t notice, and at one point she did find it sweet. She thought of pushing Yuri away more than she already was but she had a feeling that it wouldn’t work unless her goal was to become a total recluse that her partner would loathe. So she tried the opposite.
“Uhm… thanks for the help, Yuri,” she said after Yuri helped her clean the dorm room.
“You’re welcome. I oughtta thank you, too, actually.”
“Huh? For what?”
“For smiling just now. It’s kinda rare, you know? But you let me see it so I feel special.” Yuri let out a slight laugh as she felt the back of her neck. Jessica would later learn that this was Yuri being adorably awkward.
“Uh, okay?” Jessica said, not knowing what else to respond with.
“Yeah. So… I should probably go. Later!”
Yuri was already by the door when Jessica finally made up her mind to attempt to hold a more decent conversation. “Uh, I haven’t eaten yet. Have you?”
“Actually, no. Do you wanna… uh…”
Jessica waited for the rest of Yuri’s offer but it didn’t materialize and she didn’t know how to insist. “Well, I’m going to get something to eat. You should too since you haven’t eaten either.” It didn’t really come out like an invitation was supposed to but she hoped that Yuri would catch on. Otherwise, she would just have to deal with her socially awkward self over a bowl of noodles and an ice-cold drink.
She left through the door and she sensed Yuri following her. At first she thought they were just heading in the same general direction but when they got to the cafeteria and sat at the same table, she figured that Yuri somehow understood her vague way of asking a person to eat with her.
They didn’t speak much but it was a start.
After they ate, Yuri excused herself and said she had something to do. Jessica only nodded in response. She was far too familiar with the phrase, which only saddened her because that meant she also knew the meaning behind it. She probably just doesn’t want
to hang out with me after all.
She watched Yuri leave and then followed her with an ounce of curiosity that overpowered her will not to care. She was led to the third floor of the dorm building and she was about to leave until she heard Yuri mention her name once she got through one of the doors.
“Guys! Sica and I ate together!!”
“You guys ate together?! Mind blown!”
Jessica recognized the voice as Sooyoung’s. She recalled how loud it could get from that time they sparred.
“I know! It was awkward but I think we’re getting somewhere!”
“So what happened to you ranting about wanting a new partner, huh?”
Jessica heard Hyoyeon’s voice next and it broke her heart. I knew it. Yuri doesn’t like me at all. She’s probably just putting up with me because she has to. She wanted to believe that she had heard enough but she couldn’t leave just yet. If Yuri was going to talk about her behind her back, she wanted to know what was so wrong about her that her partner would feel the need to exchange her for someone else.
But then she learned that that wasn’t the case.
“I didn’t mean it when I said that. I was just frustrated! You know how whiny I can get sometimes, right? Anyway, since I’m her partner and there’s nothing we can do about it, I figured we should try to work things out. And I think doing small, simple things for her is finally paying off!”
“Dude, you sound like you’re courting her or something,” said Sooyoung. Jessica almost laughed but she held it in and pressed her ear to the door once more.
“What? No! I’m doing my best to get along with her and because she asked me to eat with her today, it means I’m making progress!”
“So you’re not just doing these things because she’s your partner?” Hyoyeon asked. “’Cause it sounds like you’re going the extra mile for her. Soo’s right. You’re totally pursuing this girl.”
“Yeah! You even give her piggyback rides when she’s too tired to get up! You never do that for me!”
Jessica could hear Sooyoung’s fake sobs through the door.
“That’s because you’re too tall and your axe is too heavy!” Yuri replied.
“You and your excuses!”
“Meh. But seriously guys, I want to do these things for her. Maybe it’s because she’s my partner… and maybe it’s not just that. Who knows? There’s just something about her that’s so delicate that it makes me feel like I have to be there for her. I know she avoids me like the plague but I think I’m getting through to her. ‘Cause you know what?”
“What?!” Sooyoung and Hyoyeon asked in perfect sync.
“She smiled at me!”
“O-kay?” Hyoyeon dragged the word out for as long as she could.
“I’ve never seen her smile ever since we became partners. This is the first time!”
“If that’s what you call progress then good for you, Yul. I can still remember how she treated you after initiation. I almost pitied you.”
“Good thing she’s eye candy,” went a comment from Sooyoung. Jessica muttered “Ugh” under her breath, slightly flattered but still annoyed by the way Sooyoung said it.
“Her smile is pretty. It really suits her,” Yuri said, seemingly oblivious to whatever it was that her friends said. “She should smile more often. I think she’s prettier when she does. It was definitely worth the wait.”
“God, Yul… You’re like a puppy!” said Hyoyeon.
“Yeah, her puppy,” Sooyoung added with a laugh.
“Excuse me?!”
“Think about it! You come over and play around here with us but at the end of the day you always come back to your master. I mean her. Just in case you still don’t get the comparison.”
“I get it!”
“Oh so you agree?” Hyoyeon asked.
Jessica heard Yuri force a laugh in response. She didn’t know whether Yuri was embarrassed or insulted by what her friends said but she herself was blushing. She felt it on both cheeks as she left the third floor, all the while thinking to herself that maybe she should try smiling more often.
+
Yuri was still rolled on her side next to Jessica. She settled her chin on her palm and propped her head up with her elbow on the bed. She watched as Jessica’s eyelids started to fall with the weight of sleep slowly descending upon them. She was getting sleepy herself but she wanted to wait for the answer to her question. She asked Jessica moments ago about what she was thinking but all she got was a sigh and this silence.
“Yuri?”
“Yes?”
“Do you like it when I smile?”
“I do. I think you’re prettier when you smile.”
“Ah. So you were telling Soo and Hyo the truth.”
“Huh?”
Jessica shook her head then rolled on her side to face Yuri. She smiled and Yuri smiled back. “You asked what I was thinking and I said I was thinking about us.”
“Yeah but that’s just one thing, isn’t it? You look like you’ve been thinking of a lot more. It’s okay if you don’t want to tell me the rest. I understand.”
“You always understand. But I do want to tell you the rest.”
Yuri nodded as she placed an arm around Jessica’s waist and pulled her closer until their foreheads touched. “Only if you’re sure.”
“I am,” Jessica said in a whisper.
The heat that crept down from her cheeks down to the tips of her toes grew the longer Yuri held her. It only started to go away when
she remembered what she was so upset about.
+
After overhearing a full conversation about herself that she wasn’t even a part of, Jessica’s brain was in overdrive. So Yuri likes it when I smile. That’s sweet. But it also doesn’t mean anything. It’s just her opinion. That’s all it is. Isn’t it? She went back to their dorm and, as luck would have it, Sunny was inside doing some homework.
“You look awful.”
“Sure, thanks.”
“Did you even hear what I just said?” Sunny put her pen down and threw a piece of crumpled paper at Jessica who was still standing by the door. She got a frown in response at least. That was typical of Jessica. What worried her was the blank stare. “Yo! Did you get hit in the head? I need to know if I need to take you to the infirmary!”
“I didn’t. Keep your voice down.”
“So what’s wrong?” Sunny whispered through cupped hands.
“Now you’re just exaggerating.”
“Me? You’re the one who came in here looking like someone just died. What the heck happened?”
Jessica hesitated. Sunny didn’t need to know what she was feeling but she did need a logical explanation for it. “I overheard something a while ago. Something about me. It was something Yuri told her friends and I want to know what you think. Be honest please.”
“Okay, shoot.”
Jessica told Sunny what she heard but she left out that part about Yuri liking her smile. She knew she would blush again once she mentioned it. She was embarrassed just thinking about it.
“See? I told you so! She cares about you a whole lot! You should give her a chance.”
“Give her a chance to do what exactly?”
Sunny shrugged before going back to her desk. “Let her be your friend. I think she deserves a chance to do that, at least.”
“She’s already my partner-”
“That’s different.”
“How is that different?”
“I think that’s something you have to figure out for yourself. Think of it as a new hobby. It’s better than practicing doing that resting bitch face of yours.”
Jessica kept herself from raising an eyebrow, giving life to the said resting bitch face.
“Would you look at that? You’ve mastered it already! Now you can focus on figuring out how to be friends with your partner. Shicaaaaa hwaaaaiiiting~~!!”
“Oh my god.” It took a while before Jessica could hear normally again. Sunny’s voice was beyond squeaky and there were no other words to describe it. Just that it really did call for a punch.
The day after that, even though Jessica didn’t want to admit it at the time, she started paying more attention to Yuri as Sunny suggested. Their conversations steadily grew in length only to be interrupted by either Yoona’s antics or Sunny’s teasing. Jessica managed to tolerate this behavior and the more time she spent working on maintaining that tolerance, she found that she was no longer bothered by what her teammates considered as fun. With the exception of Yoona and Sunny’s varied baby talk and squeaky voices that knew no bounds. Even Yuri was annoyed by those. It was actually the first thing that they realized they had in common.
“Yuri-yaaaah~~ Carry meeee!!” Sunny said with outstretched arms.
“Ugh! Stop using that voice!”
“Ignore her, Yul! Carry me instead~!!” Sooyoung sang right into Yuri’s ear.
Yuri pushed Sooyoung and she bumped into Sunny. When they both recovered, they rushed toward Yuri and fought over who should climb up her back for a piggyback ride.
“Guys! Stop it! Get off!”
Jessica watched as Sunny clambered up Yuri’s back while Sooyoung tried to push Sunny off. In the midst of the struggle, Sunny grabbed onto Yuri’s uniform and it was pulled upward, exposing Yuri’s abdomen. Jessica turned away at the first instance but she couldn’t help but sneak another peek since it looked like Sunny wasn’t done trying to get a piggyback ride just yet. She couldn’t deny the physical attraction at this point and it only grew after she realized how beautiful her partner really was.
That realization came days later when she was finally conscious enough to know for real that Yuri does carry her when she collapses. This was after their training, which she took seriously because they had a practical exam coming up. It was typical of her to train until exhaustion and when she came to, she was a few feet from the floor and cradled with strong arms that supported the width of her back and the underside of her thighs.
Jessica figured that Yuri was too busy looking where she was walking because she didn’t notice how long Jessica had been staring at her profile. She really is pretty. Her skin looks so soft. And those eyes… If she didn’t notice Yuri’s eyes during initiation, she noticed them now. How they slanted whenever she blinked. How focused they could get. She thought of Yuri staring at her with those eyes in the same way that she stared ahead at this moment and she felt like she was the only person in the world. Or at least the only one that mattered.
She felt that way all throughout the next term and even more so after their grades came out. Hers were right up there with Taeyeon, Seohyun and Sunny following closely behind. The professors announced that they were not going to give extra credit to those who failed and those who got low marks, which caused an uproar that lasted until dismissal time.
“It’s not like everyone’s perfect like Jessica Jung is. God! If it wasn’t for her, the professors would’ve adjusted our grades.”
“Must be hard having someone like that as a partner. I feel bad for Yuri.”
Jessica was within earshot and she knew that her classmates could see her just standing there. Huh… And I thought being talked about behind my back was bad. This is definitely worse.
“I’m glad that Jessica is the way she is.”
Jessica didn’t notice Yuri by her side until she spoke and it looked like their classmates also heard what she said judging from how they were suddenly so tight-lipped.
“I’m actually quite thankful that she’s as good as she is. It’s inspiring. She works so hard by herself that she makes me want to push myself and work as hard as she does. I suggest you guys do the same instead of hoping for the professors to adjust your grades.”
Their classmates tried to giggle their way out of the conversation, probably hoping to make it look like Yuri was just joking around with them. But Jessica knew that Yuri did that for her and that those were genuine words.
“We should celebrate, Sica! You wanna grab some dessert? Ice cream? Bingsoo?”
“Uhm…” Jessica felt herself melting under Yuri’s gaze and she had to look away to prevent herself from blushing in front of everyone else. She saw them pretending not to watch and it gave her a sense of satisfaction to know that she was able to get back at them with Yuri’s help. She smiled at her partner and gave her answer: “Bingsoo sounds good.”
“Alrighty! Let’s go then.”
Yuri opened the door and waited for Jessica to follow while Jessica made sure to throw their classmates a harsh look before letting Yuri usher her out. She felt Yuri’s hand on her lower back as they exited the classroom, like Yuri was supporting her and guiding her. She learned to like that feeling. It was comforting and warm. She felt safe.
+
Jessica lied back down, worn out from thinking too much. Yuri was waiting for her to explain, she realized, so she began.
“You know, it was Sunny who got me thinking about us,” she said. She felt Yuri shift on the space beside her but other than that there was no response. “For some reason, she always got me thinking. Whether it’s about our battle strategies or topics for school projects… she’s just the kind of person who has a lot of ideas and she always has something to back them up. I admired her logic and, like I said, she did convince me to give this partner thing a shot.”
“And now here we are,” Yuri said. A sigh followed.
“Here we are,” Jessica echoed. “But why isn’t she?”
Jessica felt pain in her eyes, the kind of stinging pain that crept up to her temples and down her throat at the same time. The tears started to fall and her shoulders shook whenever she attempted to hold them back. She buried her face in Yuri’s neck, unaware of how her trembling hands clutched at Yuri’s shirt in desperation.
Yuri didn’t say anything because she knew that there wasn’t anything worth saying at a moment as agonizingly sad as this one. She held Jessica close and stroked her back while she silently shed tears of her own.
It would be morning soon and all they could do was hope for drowsiness to save them from this ache that replaced Sunny’s place in their hearts.
Jessica folded her used uniform and left it in the laundry bin, thinking to herself that this might be one of the few times that she’ll be able to do little things like this in their dorm room. This had become their home away from home even though she saw it as a prison cell when she first arrived at Beacon and it tore her up inside that they were leaving in a few days without so much as an assurance that they would ever return.
She walked up to the window by her bed and peeked through the curtains. It was a moonless night and all she could see were the tops of trees in the distance, their leaves swaying in the wind against the pitch black background. She heard the rustling of blankets and when she turned her head to look, Yuri was sitting up on her side of the bed with a bad case of bed hair. Yuri ran her hand through her hair and yawned. Jessica found it adorable.
“Sica, it’s past midnight. Why are you still awake?”
“I was just cleaning up. I’m lying down in a while.”
“You can’t sleep?”
Jessica nodded. There was no use in trying to hide it anyway, especially since it was Yuri who was asking. “I just have some things on my mind.”
Yuri walked over to Jessica’s side of the bed and stood next to her partner by the window.
Without a word, Jessica leaned over and pressed her forehead to Yuri’s shoulder. The bruise from earlier was already gone when she checked after their training and even if it wasn’t, she knew that Yuri wouldn’t have pushed her away despite the pain. Yuri brought her closer into an embrace and she sighed, knowing that this was another one of those little things that she won’t be able to do in their dorm room in a few days’ time.
It was surreal how much things had changed in over a year.
+
The airship that took them to Beacon Academy was the light at the end of the tunnel. Jessica walked toward it with such anticipation and relief that it might as well have been her salvation. At the time, she really thought it would be.
A few weeks back, she attended her graduation ceremony as her last day in combat school. She could barely remember giving her speech for making it to the top of her class and it didn’t matter because she knew that none of her classmates were really listening to her. She didn’t need to look at them to know how true that was. She didn’t need to be shunned at her own graduation.
Her years in combat school taught her to become less trusting if not completely distrusting of everyone around her with the exception of her sister. Things started out okay for her. She adjusted well to her schedule despite the early morning classes and she even made a few friends. They ate their lunches together, teamed up for projects and stuck together all throughout the first term like all cliques did. Only, they didn’t make it past the end of that first term.
“It’s fun hanging out with you and all, Jessica, but nowadays you’re always with the teachers. Following them around and training with them and stuff. It’s kinda strange.”
“But that’s just because of the tournament next week,” Jessica tried to explain. “They want me to be prepared when I represent the class.”
“Yeah well it’s making it hard for us to adjust our schedule to yours. Maybe it’s best if you find another group to spend time with.”
She tried to bargain with them like every fifteen-year-old would whenever they can’t have what they want but they didn’t want to
settle and she couldn’t afford to compromise.
The week of the tournament approached as scheduled and Jessica stuck to her training as best as she could. The days were long and the nights were longer. The latter was by choice. She no longer had friends to walk home with and it killed her every time she was reminded of it on her way past the school gate. So she chose to work herself to death instead. That way she was at least doing something worth her time.
Come the week of the tournament, she blew through the competition without a sweat. Not that she could sweat even if she wanted to. She kept the temperature of the arena at freezing point the entire time for as long as she could manage it. Things were easier for her that way and more than challenging for her opponents.
But there was one match that challenged her for a change and it was annoying as fuck.
“It’s Jessica Jung’s fifth match of the week and this time she’ll be up against Kim Taeyeon. Both competitors have zero losses so this fight is one to watch!!”
Jessica had to admit that she was impressed by her opponent’s winning streak. She kept the temperature around them at the lowest point possible but that turned out to be useless because her opponent could teleport. She stopped wasting her aura on the environmental effect and switched to conjuring frozen walls all over the arena to make sure her opponent had less space to maneuver in. It worked for a little while but her opponent had another ace up her sleeve.
Lightning? Goddammit…
Aside from having to dodge the strikes, she also had to figure out how to get close enough to her opponent to actually land a solid attack. She had already consumed too much aura and she knew she had to resort to hand-to-hand combat sooner or later.
She kept still for a second and tried to predict where her opponent would appear next. The lightning strikes had already stopped coming and she was relieved to be rid of them but it didn’t mean that she was already home-free. She still couldn’t see her opponent and she knew that it would only take a few direct strikes to knock her out. Keeping still wasn’t going to help in that case so she moved slowly to the edge of the arena and waited with her kotatsu drawn.
As she expected, her opponent came at her in an attempt to knock her out of the ring instead of attacking her to deplete her aura.
She must be out of aura too…
Jessica slashed at the figure that appeared before her and her blade met another. She parried her opponent’s counterattack as well as the next one. The second dagger in her opponent’s left hand came down slower than the first, which told her that her opponent was predominantly right-handed. Using this knowledge to her advantage, she kept attacking her opponent’s left side and even though she was met by consecutive parries, they were flimsy. She was able to disarm her opponent with an upward slash that she aimed close to the hilt. The strike shook the opponent’s grip and numbed her wrist temporarily, causing her to drop her weapon.
The opponent was about to throw her remaining dagger toward the other end of the arena when Jessica hurriedly grabbed the opponent’s wrist and sent a chill straight to the veins. The opponent screamed in pain as she dropped the dagger to the floor and before she could struggle to get free, she was already out of the ring.
The crowd burst into cheers and applause and Jessica was announced the winner. She bowed slightly in acknowledgment and left the arena, exhausted without a drop of aura left. She collapsed in the waiting room and was woken from her nap by a pair of voices just beyond the door.
“Man, I lost.”
“I think it’s because you got distracted by her butt. Tsk tsk. Oh unnie…”
“What? No! Well, maybe in the beginning. Just at the beginning!”
“Unnie, I think we should do extra training.”
“But we just finished training our asses off! Can’t we take a break?”
“I mean extra training for your self-control. Seriously, unnie, I wouldn’t be surprised if this fetish of yours gets you into trouble someday.”
“Oh fine. But let’s get some ice cream first. My treat!”
“Yay! You’re the best, Taeyeon unnie!”
Jessica tried to return to her nap but the door opened before she could close her eyes.
“Oh. You’re here.”
It was her opponent and behind her was a taller girl. She figured that it was them talking behind the door.
“Congrats on your win, by the way.”
“Thanks,” she replied. If she recalled correctly, the one speaking was Kim Taeyeon.
“You should be celebrating with your friends! Where are they?”
That was exactly what Jessica had been asking herself for weeks now. But she knew the answer. She had no friends to celebrate with.
“Maybe they’re still preparing a surprise celebration for you,” said the taller girl. If her name had already been mentioned, Jessica didn’t catch it.
“I doubt that they are,” Jessica mumbled to herself with a heavy heart. She would take physical pain over these emotions any day.
“Hm? Did you say something?” Taeyeon asked.
“No, I didn’t. Thanks again for a good match. I have to go.”
That wasn’t the last time that she ran into Taeyeon and the taller girl, who she later found out was named Seohyun. And every time she did, she was reminded of how empty she felt despite winning that match. She didn’t have anyone to talk to like Taeyeon did. She didn’t have anyone to comfort her. No one to eat ice cream with after matches. No one to argue with. No one to remind her to train better. No one to tell her that her fetish would get her into trouble someday. Not that she had one that she knew of. But if having one would get her friends back, she was willing to consider it.
And that wasn’t the only thing she was willing to consider doing to have friends again.
When she overheard them talking about her being the teacher’s pet and how it was so hard for them to be with her whenever the teachers praised her too much, it all finally made sense to her why they suddenly just left. They weren’t concerned about matching their schedules. They were insecure and she was the reason why. So all she had to do was figure out how not to make them insecure. The answer came to her some time later, after an announcement during homeroom.
“I was supposed to lower the passing grade because I thought the test was too difficult. However, Jessica almost got a perfect score so I’m no longer going to adjust the passing grade to accommodate everyone else’s grades. You all just have to work harder come the next exam.”
That was the last straw. Jessica knew for sure right then that she had to stoop down to everyone else’s level to get them to accept her again. It would be easy, she told herself. She stopped training until evening and she only studied the night before tests. Her grades slowly plummeted but not enough for her to fail out of her classes. She tried talking to her former friends after the grades were released and they invited her to lunch like nothing ever happened.
Come the final term of her first year in combat school, she had average grades and a circle of friends. She thought things were looking up. Her parents didn’t pressure her to get outstanding grades like she used to even though they admitted to being surprised that their daughter was no longer working hard to be at the top of her class.
She was grateful that she had another chance at happiness… until the day came when she was alone all over again.
Her so-called friends turned out to be more manipulative than she thought. In the middle of the final term, they started avoiding her again, saying they had to go home earlier and that being with her was keeping them from studying harder. She asked if they could all study together, bargaining once more to keep their friendship, but they didn’t settle. This time, she didn’t bother to compromise.
She returned to her training and study habits, no longer concerned about how she was put on a pedestal by her teachers and how her classmates shot her down behind her back. Krystal was the one who kept her in line whenever she got too frustrated with not being as good as she wanted to be. Her sister was her only friend and it wasn’t so bad. She could trust her sister. She loved her sister. And her sister loved her. That was enough to get her through combat school and she expected to get through her stay in Beacon Academy the same way.
+
“Sica, did you fall asleep?”
Jessica shook her head. She was lost in thought and she didn’t know how long she had been standing by the window with Yuri’s arms around her.
“I think we should lie down. You’ll get drowsy faster that way,” Yuri said with a kiss to Jessica’s temple. She didn’t get a response.
“Don’t worry. I won’t let go.”
It took a few more seconds for Jessica to show signs of movement. She let Yuri pull her down to the bed and she did feel drowsier the moment her head landed on a pillow.
Yuri rolled on her side and nuzzled into Jessica’s neck before resting her head on the same pillow then placed her arm over Jessica’s stomach. “What are you thinking about?”
“I already told you. A lot of things.”
“Name one.”
“Us.”
“What about us?”
Jessica sighed. She felt the weight of Yuri’s arm as she breathed out and it reminded her of a time when she couldn’t care less who her partner was, which was far from how she felt at this moment when her partner meant the world to her.
The initiation wasn’t as grueling as Jessica expected. It was ridiculous beyond reason, yes. But it wasn’t as hard as having to fight through tournaments back in combat school. The actual challenge was dealing with the aftermath.
“Jessica, hi! Do you need help with that?”
“No.”
“Oh, okay. How about we get something to eat later after you unpack?”
“That’s okay. You go on ahead.”
“You sure? ‘Cause I can wait for you if you want.”
I don’t. She kept the thought to herself. She already knew what people thought about her and that included her partner. She didn’t need to pretend that she wanted to get along with anyone in Beacon but she wasn’t going to be a bitch about it. She could be civil if she had to be.
And that was how she was with Yuri.
Still, there were times when she couldn’t help but want to strangle her partner to the point of unconsciousness, the most memorable out of the bunch being her disqualification from a graded match against Sooyoung and Hyoyeon.
That was her first failing mark and she mourned her tarnished record as if it was a fallen comrade. She knew that they could’ve won. She had the strategy and Yuri had the power. If they had just made the effort to develop their teamwork then they would’ve been set. She blamed herself at one point. Yuri had already tried getting along with her but she kept a wall up in between them, still afraid that her fifteen-year-old self would emerge and be a vulnerable target once again. But that wasn’t my fault. None of that was my fault.
She told herself that just like her sister used to and went on with her life in Beacon, tolerating all of her partner’s antics until there was one that she could be grateful for.
That was when Yuri had gotten them a chance to redeem their grades. When she asked how that was possible, Yuri said she had to beg Professor Psy to agree. Jessica wondered why Yuri would go to such extent for her sake but she remembered that Yuri’s grade was on the line too so that was probably the reason. Still, she was somewhat relieved. When they emerged from the match with decent grades she wanted to go up to her partner and thank her, which she did. They shook hands and that was that… At least for her. Yuri seemed to have taken it as permission for them to be friends and she kept on trying to get Jessica to spend time with her.
Jessica refused time and time again, saying she had something to do or somewhere to be.
“I’ll just do my thing and you do yours, okay?” she told Yuri once.
“Okay,” Yuri replied with obvious hesitation.
Despite their agreement, Yuri remained stubborn. She did stop trying to ask Jessica to spend time with her but Jessica noticed the little gestures and at the time she wondered why she cared at all. She could’ve just ignored it whenever she fell asleep while reading late at night and Yuri covered her with a blanket or whenever she caught Yuri picking out cucumbers from her cafeteria meals when some get mixed in. But no. She just had to ask Yuri why she was doing these things for her.
“You said that we should do our own thing. So I am. Even though we don’t get along and all, we’re still partners. I’m not asking for anything in return, if that’s what’s worrying you. I’m doing these things because you’re my partner.”
Jessica didn’t quite understand what it meant to be partners with Yuri. She didn’t understand what it meant to be partners with anyone. And it was harder to make sense of it all with two more teammates in the mix.
When Sunny and Yoona moved into their dorm room, she avoided all instances of being alone with either of them. It was hard enough to deal with how she felt about Yuri being her partner and she didn’t want to think of how to have conversations with two strangers. Yuri didn’t have the same problem, though. She got along with their new teammates just fine like she did with everyone else. If Jessica wasn’t so used to being on her own by now then she would’ve been envious. But she wasn’t. If anything, she was expecting them to shun her... To treat her like she had always been treated.
She thought that day had come when she heard Yuri and Yoona talking and her name came up.
“Here we go again,” she muttered to herself. “It’s the same. Everyone’s the same.”
But her name didn’t come up because she was being insulted. It came up because Yoona was asking Yuri what her hobbies were and whether she would be available for dinner later that evening. Jessica thought of coming out of the bathroom and answering these questions herself if only to make it clear that she would never be available for dinner or whatever meal they had in mind. Then Yuri spoke up.
“Well, we don’t talk that much but Sica likes reading. A lot! I think she also likes fashion. But I’m saying that just because I see her browsing through catalogs on her scroll from time to time. She mostly keeps to herself. You can try asking her to join us but don’t get your hopes up too high. She really values her alone time.”
She waltzed out of the bathroom while the two were still talking, not bothering to make eye contact. Yuri answered for her well enough and she wondered whether that was because they were partners. Either that or she pays way too much attention to me. She pondered that possibility on her way out but never came up with anything concrete.
In the following days, Yoona was still insistent on becoming friends with her despite her equally insistent refusal. Sunny was different but that wasn’t necessarily a good thing.
They were, more or less, on the same page when it came to school and their training. They were both concerned with strategy and efficiency while Yuri and Yoona always went with how they felt at the moment. Once, during a practice match, she and Sunny gave up on trying to teach their two teammates a proper defense formation because the latter insisted that a good offense is the best defense and that there was no need to bother with a purely defensive position.
“Tsk. Why are we stuck with children?” Sunny said with a sigh as she sat down on the bleachers next to Jessica.
Jessica shrugged.
“Imagine if we were partners, Sica. And those two were partners instead.”
“Life would probably be so much easier for me,” Jessica replied, thinking of that set-up in terms of their training alone.
“Why’d you choose Yuri anyway?”
“I didn’t. She was just there.” Jessica realized that this was one of the few times that she was actually in the mood to talk. I must be really out of it today. She chalked it up to the exhaustion of having to deal with Yuri and Yoona’s antics and how hard it would be to keep shrugging at everything Sunny said. “What about you? Why did you choose Yoona?”
Sunny let out a laugh. “That’s a story for another time.”
Jessica didn’t bother to coax an answer out of Sunny. She didn’t need to know the story anyway. “Maybe we just have bad luck.”
“You really believe that? ‘Cause I think you like Yuri as a partner more than you dare to admit.”
“What? I do not.”
Sunny was the one who shrugged this time with a slight smile.
“I don’t!” Jessica insisted.
“Yeah, I heard you the first time. Geez.” Sunny leaned back on her palms and watched Yuri and Yoona chasing each other around the training room like the children that they were. She could feel Jessica still staring at her so she stared back. “You know, whatever
you may think about her, Yuri cares about you a lot.”
“That’s just because I’m her partner. She said so.”
“Maybe. But there’s something about the way she pays extra attention to you.”
Jessica let out a laugh. It was more out of awkwardness than amusement. “No shit?”
“I shit you not,” Sunny said with a hand on her chest as if in pledge. “It’s up to you whether to believe it or not but look at it this way: whenever I get hurt or Yoona gets hurt, Yuri just grabs us by the shoulders and drags us to the infirmary. When you get hurt or pass out from training like a maniac, she carries you. And I don’t mean she carries you like a sack of rice or whatever, okay? She’s gentle with you. She’s really, really careful whenever she carries you bridal style.” Sunny let out a laugh when she saw Jessica’s eyes widen. “Bet you didn’t know that, huh? Well duh. You’re knocked out whenever it happens. There was also that time when she gave you a piggyback ride…”
“Well, Yoona is taller than me and taller than Yuri. That’s probably why Yuri has to drag her around.”
“But I’m smaller than you and she doesn’t carry me,” Sunny pointed out.
“Yeah but…”
“But what? Hm?”
Jessica let it go. That was a long enough talk already. She didn’t want to read too much into what Sunny said but she had to admit that it made sense. Sunny almost always made sense. They understood each other that way, at least on a logical level.
She didn’t expect to be so bothered about why Yuri cared about her so much and before she knew it she was already somewhat invested in their partnership. Yuri still did little things for her from time to time, probably thinking that she didn’t notice, and at one point she did find it sweet. She thought of pushing Yuri away more than she already was but she had a feeling that it wouldn’t work unless her goal was to become a total recluse that her partner would loathe. So she tried the opposite.
“Uhm… thanks for the help, Yuri,” she said after Yuri helped her clean the dorm room.
“You’re welcome. I oughtta thank you, too, actually.”
“Huh? For what?”
“For smiling just now. It’s kinda rare, you know? But you let me see it so I feel special.” Yuri let out a slight laugh as she felt the back of her neck. Jessica would later learn that this was Yuri being adorably awkward.
“Uh, okay?” Jessica said, not knowing what else to respond with.
“Yeah. So… I should probably go. Later!”
Yuri was already by the door when Jessica finally made up her mind to attempt to hold a more decent conversation. “Uh, I haven’t eaten yet. Have you?”
“Actually, no. Do you wanna… uh…”
Jessica waited for the rest of Yuri’s offer but it didn’t materialize and she didn’t know how to insist. “Well, I’m going to get something to eat. You should too since you haven’t eaten either.” It didn’t really come out like an invitation was supposed to but she hoped that Yuri would catch on. Otherwise, she would just have to deal with her socially awkward self over a bowl of noodles and an ice-cold drink.
She left through the door and she sensed Yuri following her. At first she thought they were just heading in the same general direction but when they got to the cafeteria and sat at the same table, she figured that Yuri somehow understood her vague way of asking a person to eat with her.
They didn’t speak much but it was a start.
After they ate, Yuri excused herself and said she had something to do. Jessica only nodded in response. She was far too familiar with the phrase, which only saddened her because that meant she also knew the meaning behind it. She probably just doesn’t want
to hang out with me after all.
She watched Yuri leave and then followed her with an ounce of curiosity that overpowered her will not to care. She was led to the third floor of the dorm building and she was about to leave until she heard Yuri mention her name once she got through one of the doors.
“Guys! Sica and I ate together!!”
“You guys ate together?! Mind blown!”
Jessica recognized the voice as Sooyoung’s. She recalled how loud it could get from that time they sparred.
“I know! It was awkward but I think we’re getting somewhere!”
“So what happened to you ranting about wanting a new partner, huh?”
Jessica heard Hyoyeon’s voice next and it broke her heart. I knew it. Yuri doesn’t like me at all. She’s probably just putting up with me because she has to. She wanted to believe that she had heard enough but she couldn’t leave just yet. If Yuri was going to talk about her behind her back, she wanted to know what was so wrong about her that her partner would feel the need to exchange her for someone else.
But then she learned that that wasn’t the case.
“I didn’t mean it when I said that. I was just frustrated! You know how whiny I can get sometimes, right? Anyway, since I’m her partner and there’s nothing we can do about it, I figured we should try to work things out. And I think doing small, simple things for her is finally paying off!”
“Dude, you sound like you’re courting her or something,” said Sooyoung. Jessica almost laughed but she held it in and pressed her ear to the door once more.
“What? No! I’m doing my best to get along with her and because she asked me to eat with her today, it means I’m making progress!”
“So you’re not just doing these things because she’s your partner?” Hyoyeon asked. “’Cause it sounds like you’re going the extra mile for her. Soo’s right. You’re totally pursuing this girl.”
“Yeah! You even give her piggyback rides when she’s too tired to get up! You never do that for me!”
Jessica could hear Sooyoung’s fake sobs through the door.
“That’s because you’re too tall and your axe is too heavy!” Yuri replied.
“You and your excuses!”
“Meh. But seriously guys, I want to do these things for her. Maybe it’s because she’s my partner… and maybe it’s not just that. Who knows? There’s just something about her that’s so delicate that it makes me feel like I have to be there for her. I know she avoids me like the plague but I think I’m getting through to her. ‘Cause you know what?”
“What?!” Sooyoung and Hyoyeon asked in perfect sync.
“She smiled at me!”
“O-kay?” Hyoyeon dragged the word out for as long as she could.
“I’ve never seen her smile ever since we became partners. This is the first time!”
“If that’s what you call progress then good for you, Yul. I can still remember how she treated you after initiation. I almost pitied you.”
“Good thing she’s eye candy,” went a comment from Sooyoung. Jessica muttered “Ugh” under her breath, slightly flattered but still annoyed by the way Sooyoung said it.
“Her smile is pretty. It really suits her,” Yuri said, seemingly oblivious to whatever it was that her friends said. “She should smile more often. I think she’s prettier when she does. It was definitely worth the wait.”
“God, Yul… You’re like a puppy!” said Hyoyeon.
“Yeah, her puppy,” Sooyoung added with a laugh.
“Excuse me?!”
“Think about it! You come over and play around here with us but at the end of the day you always come back to your master. I mean her. Just in case you still don’t get the comparison.”
“I get it!”
“Oh so you agree?” Hyoyeon asked.
Jessica heard Yuri force a laugh in response. She didn’t know whether Yuri was embarrassed or insulted by what her friends said but she herself was blushing. She felt it on both cheeks as she left the third floor, all the while thinking to herself that maybe she should try smiling more often.
+
Yuri was still rolled on her side next to Jessica. She settled her chin on her palm and propped her head up with her elbow on the bed. She watched as Jessica’s eyelids started to fall with the weight of sleep slowly descending upon them. She was getting sleepy herself but she wanted to wait for the answer to her question. She asked Jessica moments ago about what she was thinking but all she got was a sigh and this silence.
“Yuri?”
“Yes?”
“Do you like it when I smile?”
“I do. I think you’re prettier when you smile.”
“Ah. So you were telling Soo and Hyo the truth.”
“Huh?”
Jessica shook her head then rolled on her side to face Yuri. She smiled and Yuri smiled back. “You asked what I was thinking and I said I was thinking about us.”
“Yeah but that’s just one thing, isn’t it? You look like you’ve been thinking of a lot more. It’s okay if you don’t want to tell me the rest. I understand.”
“You always understand. But I do want to tell you the rest.”
Yuri nodded as she placed an arm around Jessica’s waist and pulled her closer until their foreheads touched. “Only if you’re sure.”
“I am,” Jessica said in a whisper.
The heat that crept down from her cheeks down to the tips of her toes grew the longer Yuri held her. It only started to go away when
she remembered what she was so upset about.
+
After overhearing a full conversation about herself that she wasn’t even a part of, Jessica’s brain was in overdrive. So Yuri likes it when I smile. That’s sweet. But it also doesn’t mean anything. It’s just her opinion. That’s all it is. Isn’t it? She went back to their dorm and, as luck would have it, Sunny was inside doing some homework.
“You look awful.”
“Sure, thanks.”
“Did you even hear what I just said?” Sunny put her pen down and threw a piece of crumpled paper at Jessica who was still standing by the door. She got a frown in response at least. That was typical of Jessica. What worried her was the blank stare. “Yo! Did you get hit in the head? I need to know if I need to take you to the infirmary!”
“I didn’t. Keep your voice down.”
“So what’s wrong?” Sunny whispered through cupped hands.
“Now you’re just exaggerating.”
“Me? You’re the one who came in here looking like someone just died. What the heck happened?”
Jessica hesitated. Sunny didn’t need to know what she was feeling but she did need a logical explanation for it. “I overheard something a while ago. Something about me. It was something Yuri told her friends and I want to know what you think. Be honest please.”
“Okay, shoot.”
Jessica told Sunny what she heard but she left out that part about Yuri liking her smile. She knew she would blush again once she mentioned it. She was embarrassed just thinking about it.
“See? I told you so! She cares about you a whole lot! You should give her a chance.”
“Give her a chance to do what exactly?”
Sunny shrugged before going back to her desk. “Let her be your friend. I think she deserves a chance to do that, at least.”
“She’s already my partner-”
“That’s different.”
“How is that different?”
“I think that’s something you have to figure out for yourself. Think of it as a new hobby. It’s better than practicing doing that resting bitch face of yours.”
Jessica kept herself from raising an eyebrow, giving life to the said resting bitch face.
“Would you look at that? You’ve mastered it already! Now you can focus on figuring out how to be friends with your partner. Shicaaaaa hwaaaaiiiting~~!!”
“Oh my god.” It took a while before Jessica could hear normally again. Sunny’s voice was beyond squeaky and there were no other words to describe it. Just that it really did call for a punch.
The day after that, even though Jessica didn’t want to admit it at the time, she started paying more attention to Yuri as Sunny suggested. Their conversations steadily grew in length only to be interrupted by either Yoona’s antics or Sunny’s teasing. Jessica managed to tolerate this behavior and the more time she spent working on maintaining that tolerance, she found that she was no longer bothered by what her teammates considered as fun. With the exception of Yoona and Sunny’s varied baby talk and squeaky voices that knew no bounds. Even Yuri was annoyed by those. It was actually the first thing that they realized they had in common.
“Yuri-yaaaah~~ Carry meeee!!” Sunny said with outstretched arms.
“Ugh! Stop using that voice!”
“Ignore her, Yul! Carry me instead~!!” Sooyoung sang right into Yuri’s ear.
Yuri pushed Sooyoung and she bumped into Sunny. When they both recovered, they rushed toward Yuri and fought over who should climb up her back for a piggyback ride.
“Guys! Stop it! Get off!”
Jessica watched as Sunny clambered up Yuri’s back while Sooyoung tried to push Sunny off. In the midst of the struggle, Sunny grabbed onto Yuri’s uniform and it was pulled upward, exposing Yuri’s abdomen. Jessica turned away at the first instance but she couldn’t help but sneak another peek since it looked like Sunny wasn’t done trying to get a piggyback ride just yet. She couldn’t deny the physical attraction at this point and it only grew after she realized how beautiful her partner really was.
That realization came days later when she was finally conscious enough to know for real that Yuri does carry her when she collapses. This was after their training, which she took seriously because they had a practical exam coming up. It was typical of her to train until exhaustion and when she came to, she was a few feet from the floor and cradled with strong arms that supported the width of her back and the underside of her thighs.
Jessica figured that Yuri was too busy looking where she was walking because she didn’t notice how long Jessica had been staring at her profile. She really is pretty. Her skin looks so soft. And those eyes… If she didn’t notice Yuri’s eyes during initiation, she noticed them now. How they slanted whenever she blinked. How focused they could get. She thought of Yuri staring at her with those eyes in the same way that she stared ahead at this moment and she felt like she was the only person in the world. Or at least the only one that mattered.
She felt that way all throughout the next term and even more so after their grades came out. Hers were right up there with Taeyeon, Seohyun and Sunny following closely behind. The professors announced that they were not going to give extra credit to those who failed and those who got low marks, which caused an uproar that lasted until dismissal time.
“It’s not like everyone’s perfect like Jessica Jung is. God! If it wasn’t for her, the professors would’ve adjusted our grades.”
“Must be hard having someone like that as a partner. I feel bad for Yuri.”
Jessica was within earshot and she knew that her classmates could see her just standing there. Huh… And I thought being talked about behind my back was bad. This is definitely worse.
“I’m glad that Jessica is the way she is.”
Jessica didn’t notice Yuri by her side until she spoke and it looked like their classmates also heard what she said judging from how they were suddenly so tight-lipped.
“I’m actually quite thankful that she’s as good as she is. It’s inspiring. She works so hard by herself that she makes me want to push myself and work as hard as she does. I suggest you guys do the same instead of hoping for the professors to adjust your grades.”
Their classmates tried to giggle their way out of the conversation, probably hoping to make it look like Yuri was just joking around with them. But Jessica knew that Yuri did that for her and that those were genuine words.
“We should celebrate, Sica! You wanna grab some dessert? Ice cream? Bingsoo?”
“Uhm…” Jessica felt herself melting under Yuri’s gaze and she had to look away to prevent herself from blushing in front of everyone else. She saw them pretending not to watch and it gave her a sense of satisfaction to know that she was able to get back at them with Yuri’s help. She smiled at her partner and gave her answer: “Bingsoo sounds good.”
“Alrighty! Let’s go then.”
Yuri opened the door and waited for Jessica to follow while Jessica made sure to throw their classmates a harsh look before letting Yuri usher her out. She felt Yuri’s hand on her lower back as they exited the classroom, like Yuri was supporting her and guiding her. She learned to like that feeling. It was comforting and warm. She felt safe.
+
Jessica lied back down, worn out from thinking too much. Yuri was waiting for her to explain, she realized, so she began.
“You know, it was Sunny who got me thinking about us,” she said. She felt Yuri shift on the space beside her but other than that there was no response. “For some reason, she always got me thinking. Whether it’s about our battle strategies or topics for school projects… she’s just the kind of person who has a lot of ideas and she always has something to back them up. I admired her logic and, like I said, she did convince me to give this partner thing a shot.”
“And now here we are,” Yuri said. A sigh followed.
“Here we are,” Jessica echoed. “But why isn’t she?”
Jessica felt pain in her eyes, the kind of stinging pain that crept up to her temples and down her throat at the same time. The tears started to fall and her shoulders shook whenever she attempted to hold them back. She buried her face in Yuri’s neck, unaware of how her trembling hands clutched at Yuri’s shirt in desperation.
Yuri didn’t say anything because she knew that there wasn’t anything worth saying at a moment as agonizingly sad as this one. She held Jessica close and stroked her back while she silently shed tears of her own.
It would be morning soon and all they could do was hope for drowsiness to save them from this ache that replaced Sunny’s place in their hearts.