Private, read if you want.
Talk about a late update...
So its been 87 weeks since my last post. Well, I would love to sit here and review the past year and a half, but really who the hell wants to know?
I'm shocked at how my life has evolved since I first started this journal, The friends I talk to, the ones I dont, the lif experiences that have passed.. Wow, time flies.
I'm getting my own place, super excited about that ( as so many know already). But it is terrifying, I wonder how I'm going to do it. Some people tend to fall apart when they live on their own, kind of as if now your stuck really facing yourself everyday. I dont think I'm one of those people, but God only knows. I finally realized what it was that I wanted to do with my life, and hopefully this coming fall I start school again to officially finish the school process and go ahead with my career. Nursing is it for me. Its what I want.
Life other than that has been better than before. I've dealt with some issues that I've had for a while. And for once I feel great. Everything is just different, more balanced. Although, sometimes its hard. Sometimes I freak out and I have to calm myself. The love life is there, not very loving lately, but thats ok. Its not the right time for that. I dont feel lonely. I feel like there are other things that I have to get done before I can see myself in any type of healthy relationship. I know it sounds.. well I dont know what it sounds like, but realistically, I'm well aware of whats going on with me and it wouldn't be fair to anyone at the moment.
Ok, so cutting the bullshit:
I'm terrified out of my mind. I dont know why it is that I dont want a relationship, I dont understand it. I thought it was what I always wanted, but when it attempt to get too close, I totally freak out and then its over, and I'm ok. I dont even get devastated. THats strange. Aren't I suppose to feel some sort of emotional distress...
One of my friends says I have the tendency to aim for unavailable men. Because that way I dont have to invest real emotion into because it would never happen. So theres no real risk of rejection.
May be she's right? May be she isn't?
May be I just haven't found someone to really be into enough to actually get emotionally attached too. May be I'm just tired of playing games and figure that the real one will actually work a little harder to get to me.
I dont know. but its nice to vent.. :)
So its been 87 weeks since my last post. Well, I would love to sit here and review the past year and a half, but really who the hell wants to know?
I'm shocked at how my life has evolved since I first started this journal, The friends I talk to, the ones I dont, the lif experiences that have passed.. Wow, time flies.
I'm getting my own place, super excited about that ( as so many know already). But it is terrifying, I wonder how I'm going to do it. Some people tend to fall apart when they live on their own, kind of as if now your stuck really facing yourself everyday. I dont think I'm one of those people, but God only knows. I finally realized what it was that I wanted to do with my life, and hopefully this coming fall I start school again to officially finish the school process and go ahead with my career. Nursing is it for me. Its what I want.
Life other than that has been better than before. I've dealt with some issues that I've had for a while. And for once I feel great. Everything is just different, more balanced. Although, sometimes its hard. Sometimes I freak out and I have to calm myself. The love life is there, not very loving lately, but thats ok. Its not the right time for that. I dont feel lonely. I feel like there are other things that I have to get done before I can see myself in any type of healthy relationship. I know it sounds.. well I dont know what it sounds like, but realistically, I'm well aware of whats going on with me and it wouldn't be fair to anyone at the moment.
Ok, so cutting the bullshit:
I'm terrified out of my mind. I dont know why it is that I dont want a relationship, I dont understand it. I thought it was what I always wanted, but when it attempt to get too close, I totally freak out and then its over, and I'm ok. I dont even get devastated. THats strange. Aren't I suppose to feel some sort of emotional distress...
One of my friends says I have the tendency to aim for unavailable men. Because that way I dont have to invest real emotion into because it would never happen. So theres no real risk of rejection.
May be she's right? May be she isn't?
May be I just haven't found someone to really be into enough to actually get emotionally attached too. May be I'm just tired of playing games and figure that the real one will actually work a little harder to get to me.
I dont know. but its nice to vent.. :)