Life
This is probably PMS, but I need to rant about stuff.
I am angry! Very very angry! At life and at myself. More myself really. I want to blame a LOT of other people, and I want to be mad at God or whatever higher holy power is watching over me, but I feel like that's wrong. It's not God's fault. It may not even be my fault, and because I have no one to blame, I feel lost and confused and angry.
I'm mad at myself. I picked a job that I am really good at. Something that I have a TON of confidence in and yet, because of various circumstances it's not a steady job. I have applied to other salons, they have all ignored me.
Then I have my once a month business meetings were I was getting picked on, at least that's what it felt like last month. The thing is, I'm in a luxury business and in this specific business you can't twist someone's arm and say get naked and let me rub you. I'm fairly sure that's not legal. So it's gets frustrating, people tell me I"m good, and I"ll call you and all that other polite stuff, but it's a brush off sometimes, because they don't have the time or the money. The one thing at the meeting that got me mad, was they said it's like a doctor's office. The doctor says I have this time and this time which do you want, but the thing of it all is YOU call the DOCTOR. the doctor does not call you to say oh gee when would you like to come in. So it wasn't the best of examples for me to hear plus everytime I would answer a question it felt like it wasn't a good enough answer for Jen and so she'd say I answered wrong, or she kept pushing and pushing and I can't stand that.
I just want steady massage work. I'm good at it, and I deserve it just as much as people who currently have it. The other part of it is that I could just get a "real job" but then I get more confused.
Mom says don't look for a real job, look for a job in the industry I'm in. Then when I complain about money she says well look for a job! I feel like it's a viscious circle that I can't get out of. I know I'm complaining a lot, probably over nothing, and there are people a lot worse off than I am, but I can't stand this any more and I don't know what to do about it. I feel like I'm getting mixed signals and it's extremely frustrating. I can't rant anymore I don't know what else to rant about and not even I want to hear this any more.
I am angry! Very very angry! At life and at myself. More myself really. I want to blame a LOT of other people, and I want to be mad at God or whatever higher holy power is watching over me, but I feel like that's wrong. It's not God's fault. It may not even be my fault, and because I have no one to blame, I feel lost and confused and angry.
I'm mad at myself. I picked a job that I am really good at. Something that I have a TON of confidence in and yet, because of various circumstances it's not a steady job. I have applied to other salons, they have all ignored me.
Then I have my once a month business meetings were I was getting picked on, at least that's what it felt like last month. The thing is, I'm in a luxury business and in this specific business you can't twist someone's arm and say get naked and let me rub you. I'm fairly sure that's not legal. So it's gets frustrating, people tell me I"m good, and I"ll call you and all that other polite stuff, but it's a brush off sometimes, because they don't have the time or the money. The one thing at the meeting that got me mad, was they said it's like a doctor's office. The doctor says I have this time and this time which do you want, but the thing of it all is YOU call the DOCTOR. the doctor does not call you to say oh gee when would you like to come in. So it wasn't the best of examples for me to hear plus everytime I would answer a question it felt like it wasn't a good enough answer for Jen and so she'd say I answered wrong, or she kept pushing and pushing and I can't stand that.
I just want steady massage work. I'm good at it, and I deserve it just as much as people who currently have it. The other part of it is that I could just get a "real job" but then I get more confused.
Mom says don't look for a real job, look for a job in the industry I'm in. Then when I complain about money she says well look for a job! I feel like it's a viscious circle that I can't get out of. I know I'm complaining a lot, probably over nothing, and there are people a lot worse off than I am, but I can't stand this any more and I don't know what to do about it. I feel like I'm getting mixed signals and it's extremely frustrating. I can't rant anymore I don't know what else to rant about and not even I want to hear this any more.