Its been quiet a year. Ive had a lot of firsts. At 25, my first kiss, my first boyfriend, etc.. And now my first breakup. He was very sweet. Very accepting. He went to my ed support with me on our fifth date. Made me uncomfortable by staring at me admiringly, told me i was beautiful even though i gained a lot of weight during our time together.i ( Read more... )

I keep trying to get to know people and I apparently fail at any chance of any form of relationship. I try. I swear, even with my fears and insecure bs. I keep getting blown off by guys. I don;t fuckin no what the point of continueing to try is. I am lonely and I am sick of it. But Im sick of either feeling a. rejected and angry or rejected and sad ( Read more... )

So the guy I met online (Jeff) who I'd figured I"d been blown off by left me a message yesterday. Errr...so okay. I hadn't heard from him in a while and I assume he is not all that interested. But I dunno. He said he'd be visiting family during the summer. So...uh I dunno. I told him I'd be glad to set up and time to meet and gave him my schedule ( Read more... )

So my first day when okay. We mostly talked about scheduling and this biofeedback self-help thing available to interns in the office. I ate horribly all day and hope to do better tomorrow. I;m exhausted. The first person I ran into when I got to the counselign center was the couselor who runs the ED group there, which I use to attend. She tells me ( Read more... )

I got a text from a classmate yesterday giving me her new number and asking if I could call when I had time. So I did and we talked for a little bit. I was excited for some human contact. It's like I've been in hibernation for three months. I mean, I leave my house and all but I rarely talk to people and I haven't socialized in ages ( Read more... )

I feel
cranky
disappointed in myself
unloved
unexistent
forgotten
unimportant
empty
sad
lonely

I guess just letting myself cry beats out the other coping skills I've got.

I was at an assembly at my elementary school , as my current adult self. I sat down cross legged on the floor next to someone. It turned out to be Juan Rodriguez’s brother. He looked just like Juan. The skinniness, the big smile , the awful skin, hehe. Juan was a boy I went to high school/jr. high with, whom I’d had a bit of a crush on as a ( Read more... )

So I’m more upbeat today. Yay! Still looking for summer work. I went to an agency yesterday and they said they had something temporary but it wouldn’t start until next month. And it would be an hour drive away. I have an appointment at another temp agency next week to so we’ll see what happens there. In the meantime I have been spending time ( Read more... )

..online, J ( Read more... )