Sins of the father?

[wigetz]

So this is going to be a rather serious post...ignore it if you wish...
How beholden are we to the "Sins of the Father"? I ask this to myself sometimes, since, I often times find myself with an underlying...anymosity...let's say...for my dad. Not that he was ever horrible or unloving. Just difficult, when we were young. And I still, I guess, haven't

Comments

<-- preachy panda

[evillilkitten]

In my humble opinion...

I think you are being a little narrow-minded.

Having expectations for one's children does not make one a terrible parent.

How you react to your parents' expectations is solely your own experience brought about by your personality. Not everyone would ever be angry at their parents for nudging them - I'd argue some people appreciate the motivation - let alone merely having expectations.

Me? I'd be angry if my parents didn't have expectations. I'd be angry if they didn't think I'm worthy to perform X task or experience Y, to achieve things they - however misguided - think would make me happiest or fulfill my potential. Doesn't mean I exist to please them, but I always make it a point to tell them my goals for myself so they know that they a) aren't the only ones who have expectations for Karen or b) know how to support me as I achieve my goals

Re: <-- preachy panda

[wigetz]

I agree with you. I do. I would be upset if my parents didn't have expectations for me. But there is a point where the expectations can become burdens to uphold

[littlefish]

I think that it's admirable you are admitting to the animosity, but it's more a question of what you are going to do with it. If you just say it's there and let it be, that's not helpful.

I will also say that yes they have expectations, but because you don't communitcate with them, perhaps you don't realize that those have changed. And perhaps you should open yourself to the idea that all they really want is for you to be happy. They push you because you have set these high goals for yourself, and they just want you to reach them because they think that is what you want.

As for the kid thing, I think that if you think that way, you will fail. You can't predict how things will be with kids. I think that you would be a great dad.