Utterly Random Waffling Towards Some Vaguely Relevant News
Today's been a weird day. Yesterday was... well, stressful. Today's been weird.
Yesterday I got MASSIVELY down in the dumps - I reasoned I'd missed out on the job at Company S, because by the end of the day no-one had contacted my referees yet. WOE, FAIL, etc. (I... am rather pessimistic. My best little friend back home calls me a DRAMA QUEEN, which is soooooo unfair!!1! She is meen! EVERYBODY HATES ME! THE WURLD IS AGAINST ME! ETC!)
This is the last month of our lease, so we were looking last night at other furnished places to rent here in Invercargill - SEEEEEEEERIOUSLY few and far between to choose from, and all SHITE compared to our current place, which I adore. There's no reason for us to have to move (i.e. we're not being shunted out or anything), except that it's kind of an expensive house, and we wanted to see if we could save a few bucks if we moved. And we could, but only if we took something much, much smaller and grodier. And while I'm in no way a housing snob (our little unit in CHC will attest to that), I love this house and thinking of having to move out of it JUST BECAUSE I CAN'T GET A FUCKING JOB broke my heart.
*sigh*
Then I got all wrapped up in a wallowing WHERE AM I GOING WRONG pity party- because I felt like the interview had gone pretty well! In fact, the best interview I'd had! WHY AM I DOOMED TO FAILURE?! And I wallowed and wallowed and whined and talked myself round and round in circles while Himself stayed pretty characteristically silent. Which... is really difficult for me, because I enjoy a sounding board rather than a vacuum. *le sigh* We discussed alternative plans - how to get the money together for the return home flights, how much we thought we could sell our car for unless it falls apart before we can sell it, when we finally call it a day, and other horribly depressing nonsense. It was a bad night, full of anxiety dreams that replayed my interview - except this time the whole panel were really mean and rude, laughing at my CV which they showed me was scribbled in childish writing with MULTICOLOURED CRAYON, and then MICE JUMPED OUT AT ME AND TRIED TO EAT MY FACE and I screamed out loud (really, really loud) and kicked Himself in the shins.
I was... rilly tired this morning. Tired, and sticky-eyed from pity party crying, but at least I still had my face. Fucking mice.
Today I walked Himself into town since it was a nice day. (SIDENOTE NEWSFLASH - the fucking workmen outside are FINALLY putting the final layer of tar on the road. Thank you, baby Jesus!) We went to the Letting Agent to sign a new lease, just month-on-month, because I am NOT moving out until we're sure that our attempt to stay here has FAILED and we no longer have a choice. (Stubborn. Immature. Unrealistic. I KNOW.) We went to the shop where Himself works, and some Serious Shoplifting Shit went down and he had to rush off and be all Magnum P.I about it, and I walked home listening to my iPod.
I guess I get randomly pensive when I'm depressed, because the music just made me think of everyone on my flist, their dance woes and career concerns and stuff that I've read on their journals lately, as well as my own woes about dance and career and all sorts of random shit. evil_spice heads to Cairo today.. or... uh.. yesterday? Because I am in the future here in NZ?! I am very jellus. Homa Milholm Bina Ya Leil came on, a very pretty song from a couple of years ago which I LOVE, even though it is the blandest, wishy-washiest pop song with ZERO street cred because it's sung by a guy who was, essentially, Arabic Idol winner. It got me thinking of how I saw the video when I was in Egypt with my mum and my Asshat Ex, and the song was soft and dreamy and I fell asleep to it one hot afternoon by the pool. And I searched everywhere for it and couldn't find it... and how I mentioned it to our resident musician in a subsequent holiday in Sharm el Sheikh, and he had a friend in Cairo buy it for me (on CASSETTE TAPE, lolariously enough) and put it on the long bus journey with the hotel's staff heading back to the hotel so that I would have a copy, and how he wouldn't take any money for it because he wanted it to be a gift to me because he was so grateful to be playing ARABIC music in the hotel pool bar for the first time in years.
I miss Egypt.
I miss having these types of moments and stories to share, and I worry that I might not ever have any more. And yet, I don't want to go back to the UK which would facillitate Egypt trips and dance stuff, because I AM NOT READY YET. Sitting in the Rose Garden of the park near my house in the sunshine, with the warm (and a bit strong, unromantically enough, HELLO CRAZY HAIR) wind blowing the heady rosey scent around me, I wasn't sure whether to smile or cry.
And now the actually relevant newsy news after all that pointless ramble - I got a call from Company S. They want me to come back to the office tomorrow at noon for a "half hour informal chat about the position" with the COO and the Chief Medical Officer, who is new (very new... like arrived from overseas this week new) to the post, and to whom I would be reporting should I get the job.
I'm thinking this sounds really positive! I mean, it's not IN TEH BAG or anything, but I imagine they can't be having more than 2 or 3 people coming in for informal chats to meet this guy, and presumably he'll have the final say. Kind of a personality contest, i.e. Does He Think He Can Work With These Applicants? JOB IDOL: THE FINALE. I am crossing my fingers and toes and eyes and EVERYTHING and really hoping that I can turn this into a job offer. Wish me luck - I really, really need a fucking break right about now.