(no subject)
I wrote this at the end of last year, but felt like posting it to get some feedback. It resulted from a daily prompt at online writing group I belong to... It flowed pretty easily but I'm not sure where to go from here or if I should just leave it... All criticism (constructive or otherwise) greatfully received.
Daily Prompt 12/12/05
A man takes lunch to his wife's office,
where he's told that she hasn't worked there in weeks
________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Catherine watched the man stride through the foyer towards her desk, brown paper bag clutched in his hand. Her heart filled with dread at the sight of the lunch bag, it was going to be on of the bad days. Just how bad remained to be seen.
He wasn’t an old man, perhaps mid-30s, tall and darkly handsome with a proud yet cheerful countenance. “Good morning Catherine,” he sang out as he reached her desk, “how are you this bright, fine morning?”
“I am very well Mr. Ramirez. How are you?”
“You know me Catherine, fit as a fiddle and twice as noisy” he laughed heartily, he always took great delight in ribbing Catherine about her quiet ways. Catherine smiled softly in response. “How can I help you this morning Mr. Ramirez?” she asked gently.
“Anita forget her lunch again this morning,” he laughed and shook his head, “I don’t know what she’d do without me to keep her line”.
Catherine stood slowly and walked out from behind her desk, “Mr. Ramirez, don’t you remember? Mrs. Ramirez doesn’t work here any more”. Catherine reached out and put a gentle hand on his shoulder as his face crumbled with confusion. “I don’t understand, I saw her off this morning the same time as yesterday. She forgot her lunch yesterday too, didn’t she Catherine?” A faint ghost of a smile grace Mr. Ramirez’s face with this remembrance but it was largely over shadowed by confusion and sadness. “I don’t understand Catherine”.
Catherine gave his shoulder a squeeze, “It happened six months ago, remember Mr Ramirez? It was the first time Mrs. Ramirez had forgotten her lunch in five years you said” Catherine prayed he would remember quickly, sometimes he remembered on his own. It didn’t make it any less painful to watch but it was easier than having to tell him all over again, watch his heart break all over again. “Yes, she forget her lunch but when I arrived here to give it to her she hadn’t arrived yet,” all cheerfulness had left his voice and had been replaced by pain tinged confusion “why wasn’t she here?” His voice cracked and tears began to stream down his cheeks. Catherine guided Mr. Ramirez to the small kitchen behind her desk and into a chair. Her heart ached for this generous, kind soul who’s life had been so tragically altered. He looked up at Catherine, tears filling his normally bright, blue eyes “I remember.” With that he began to sob uncontrollably, Catherine wrapped her arms around Mr. Ramirez and held him while he wept, the lunch bag fell to the floor forgotten.
Daily Prompt 12/12/05
A man takes lunch to his wife's office,
where he's told that she hasn't worked there in weeks
________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Catherine watched the man stride through the foyer towards her desk, brown paper bag clutched in his hand. Her heart filled with dread at the sight of the lunch bag, it was going to be on of the bad days. Just how bad remained to be seen.
He wasn’t an old man, perhaps mid-30s, tall and darkly handsome with a proud yet cheerful countenance. “Good morning Catherine,” he sang out as he reached her desk, “how are you this bright, fine morning?”
“I am very well Mr. Ramirez. How are you?”
“You know me Catherine, fit as a fiddle and twice as noisy” he laughed heartily, he always took great delight in ribbing Catherine about her quiet ways. Catherine smiled softly in response. “How can I help you this morning Mr. Ramirez?” she asked gently.
“Anita forget her lunch again this morning,” he laughed and shook his head, “I don’t know what she’d do without me to keep her line”.
Catherine stood slowly and walked out from behind her desk, “Mr. Ramirez, don’t you remember? Mrs. Ramirez doesn’t work here any more”. Catherine reached out and put a gentle hand on his shoulder as his face crumbled with confusion. “I don’t understand, I saw her off this morning the same time as yesterday. She forgot her lunch yesterday too, didn’t she Catherine?” A faint ghost of a smile grace Mr. Ramirez’s face with this remembrance but it was largely over shadowed by confusion and sadness. “I don’t understand Catherine”.
Catherine gave his shoulder a squeeze, “It happened six months ago, remember Mr Ramirez? It was the first time Mrs. Ramirez had forgotten her lunch in five years you said” Catherine prayed he would remember quickly, sometimes he remembered on his own. It didn’t make it any less painful to watch but it was easier than having to tell him all over again, watch his heart break all over again. “Yes, she forget her lunch but when I arrived here to give it to her she hadn’t arrived yet,” all cheerfulness had left his voice and had been replaced by pain tinged confusion “why wasn’t she here?” His voice cracked and tears began to stream down his cheeks. Catherine guided Mr. Ramirez to the small kitchen behind her desk and into a chair. Her heart ached for this generous, kind soul who’s life had been so tragically altered. He looked up at Catherine, tears filling his normally bright, blue eyes “I remember.” With that he began to sob uncontrollably, Catherine wrapped her arms around Mr. Ramirez and held him while he wept, the lunch bag fell to the floor forgotten.