Echo of Dawn - Chap 12
A/N: This is the aftershock of the fic ECHO OF DUSK.
A/N2: For once in my life I have absolutely nothing to say. O_O *the world freezes in shock* XD
I was stuck in an alternate universe. I didn’t even know how I managed to get stuck in one in the first place. All I knew was that I was in one, for what else could explain the changed dynamics at my home that evening?
When I had gone to work this morning I had left behind two surly men who fit together about as well as communism and capitalism. So how on earth had those contrasting personalities suddenly combined into good friendship? Alternate reality, that’s what…
To be honest, I didn’t know how I felt about Heechul suddenly approving of JaeJoong and wanting to spend meaningful time with him. I didn’t even know why their attitudes had both changed.
When I came back from work on Monday they weren’t even home. I opened the door and there they had been; holding hands after returning from a picnic. None of it made sense so all I could do was numbly go with the flow of this strange, alternate reality.
As we all sat down for dinner later that night it had been the first dinner that felt normal and comfortable…for them at least. I still felt a little tense, waiting for this seemingly nice dynamic to suddenly crash back to the normal, hostile relationship my two friends had shared. It never happened though - throughout dinner they were still happy to chat with each other.
JaeJoong even asked me if I was enjoying the meal. As always it tasted pretty appealing to my taste buds so I had assured him that it was delicious. To my astonishment, JaeJoong had giggled and high-fived Heechul. Apparently, Heechul had made most of the meal under JaeJoong’s strict instructions and guidance. JaeJoong had looked at Heechul with so much pride it had surprised me.
Since when had Heechul even wanted cooking lessons? And from JaeJoong of all people! It was like they had created their own world, only I was slightly shut out of it.
When Heechul had first arrived I had been the only thing him and JaeJoong had had in common. Now, they seemed to have discovered many things in common. I had always known they had similarities laced throughout their personalities and behaviour, but I had never anticipated they’d finally click together so well.
It was crazy; Heechul was my best friend and ex-lover, the man I had known for almost six years and JaeJoong was my best friend and current lover, the man I had been devoted to for almost three years…so why did I suddenly feel like a third wheel? It made no sense for me to be feeling left out. That was the second reason why I knew I’d somehow fallen into an alternate reality.
I didn’t like this alternate reality though. It seemed to thoroughly confuse and irk me.
I shouldn’t have to fight for my boyfriend’s attention and yet that was exactly what I had found myself doing.
After dinner, I had helped stack the dirty dishes knowing Heechul generally avoided chores - especially ones of the cleaning dishes variety. However, to my escalating surprise, he came up to the sink as well to pass JaeJoong the dirty plates to make the task of cleaning easier for him.
The last time Heechul had come out to help with the dishes it had been out of guilt for not helping us out more with chores. Back then he had put the dishes away next to me, far from JaeJoong. Now, he was comfortably working hard next to JaeJoong?
Their behaviour was really starting to unnerve me a bit. I wanted to leave this alternate reality as soon as possible!
“JaeJoong, you know this town well,” Heechul begun as I dried the stack of plates in front of me, listening with a small frown. “Where can I go? Any good clubs to recommend?”
“Clubs?” he exclaimed in amusement. “Here? You’ve got to be joking. This is a tiny town, not some extravagant suburb of Seoul!”
“No clubs? What?! Then what do you do for fun around here?”
“Um… Clean up cow poop from the paddocks?” he giggled in response.
“Disgusting!”
“You are most definitely a proudly bred city man, aren’t ya, hyung…”
“Apparently, that is exactly right. But you’re in the minority here - Yun-yun is part of the city men alliance.”
I chuckled awkwardly.
“Give it time, give it time,” JaeJoong grinned, gazing mischievously at me.
I couldn’t help but slip into a smile at the sight of his expression.
“There are some places you could go to here for fun, but…don’t,” JaeJoong continued to suggest to my friend. “Stay here. There’s no need to go out. You can hang out with me and Yunho.”
“Ah…”
Was Heechul embarrassed? Thankful? Touched? Well of course JaeJoong was an extremely thoughtful, warm-hearted man. Why else would I be so ‘obsessed’ with him? It took him that long to realise why JaeJoong was amazing? Aish.
“Hey, JaeJoongie…” I slowly began to murmur after the silence had taken over the three of us. “After this cleaning is done can we go out for a walk? I want to talk to you about some stuff…”
“Oh…sure,” he accepted, emptying the dirty water from the sink as Heechul drifted towards the bathroom. “It won’t take long, right?”
“Why does the duration matter?” I asked, feeling unknown, dark emotions gurgling inside.
“Err… I’d feel bad for Heechul-hyung,” he admitted. “I got him to stay home to spend more time with us before he leaves on Wednesday. It would look so rude if after all that we just left him all by himself in the house, right?”
Why so much consideration for Heechul all of a sudden? Normally JaeJoong would be looking out for any excuse to avoid the man at all costs! I couldn’t believe how annoyed this change made me…
However, I didn’t want to sound like an inconsiderate, old man in front of him so I had no choice but to slowly agree that we shouldn’t leave Heechul alone for too long.
We didn’t normally walk outside this late, finding the limited streetlights around us weren’t much help when it came to navigating our way through the dark streets. It was much too easy to trip over unknown ditches and scattered sticks without more lighting available to us. Yet tonight I felt I welcomed the thick coating of darkness - it allowed me to get close to JaeJoong without raising suspicions from any random townspeople.
It started with a simple arm flung around his shoulder; his hair trickling sensually through the gaps of my fingers as I occasionally grasped the ends of the soft strands playfully. By the time we’d reached the end of the second street I felt my persistent arm sliding away from his shoulder to travel smoothly down his back until my hand could grasp the side of his waist.
Slowing my walk to pull him in closer, I daringly leant sideways to place a soft kiss on his lips. It was the first time I had ever let my resistance fade away to show my love for him in a public environment.
“I-I thought you wanted to talk?” JaeJoong timidly expressed, a little surprised by my actions.
“I do,” I assured him. “But before I get into that, I’ve got a burning question that I was hoping you’d be able to answer for me.”
“Hmm?” he warily responded.
“Since when has your: ‘if Heechul so much as touches my stuff, I will kill you!’ turned into: ‘I’d feel bad if we left Heechul alone too long?’”
“Ahh…”
I waited for his explanation as patiently as I could.
“Well today we both found the nerve to speak seriously with each other. I suppose at first it would be more accurate to say it was more of a shouting competition than speaking, but…by the end I guess we figured it was easier being civil to each other than acting like bratty, elementary school students. So we just…got over our preconceived views of the other and accepted our similarities…” he shrugged.
“Such as?”
“Err…”
I wondered why it was taking him so long to come up with examples to his own explanation. I had asked such a question in curiosity to see if they had noticed the same similarities I had, but…it seemed my question was heavier than I thought it would be. It made the uneasiness come back to me in a rush.
“Such as, I suppose our friendship with you, our bluntness, our stubbornness…”
“Accepting you both shared mostly bad qualities made you like each other?” I questioned skeptically.
“Yes.”
Why did it seem like he was hiding something from me? His explanation seemed quite weak to me… I swallowed slowly as my hand around his waist tightened slightly in vulnerability.
“That was seriously enough to end the cold war between you two?”
“Why is it so hard to believe?”
“Because I know the both of you so well.”
“Look…” he sighed. “I wish I could explain our bond to you but I can’t…”
‘Our bond?’ What the hell was with ‘our bond?!’ Since when did they even have one? They had gained civility, sure. But a bond? That seemed so outrageous to me. I was almost too shocked to keep walking. After all, ‘bond’ was such a strong word - especially to describe the current state of those two! The more I thought about it, the more I could feel those prickles of irritation again.
I hated, no, loathed the fact that they were keeping something from me.
Oh, like how you’ve been keeping something important from JaeJoong? That nasty, inner voice shot back at me. Right… I guess I had absolutely no right to feel left out of their world whilst I still held my own secret from JaeJoong. Until I told that poor boy that I’d stupidly gone through with his idea to sleep with Heechul, I had to bear these horrible feelings as punishment.
I had one hectic week ahead of me at work which was already doing my head in, yet I had to go and stupidly multiply that stress by my foolish cheating. The horrendous waves of constant guilt I felt from my sneaky actions behind JaeJoong’s back was killing me!
“I’m sorry…” I heard JaeJoong mumble as my painful thoughts drained all my conversational skills.
“For what?” I responded in puzzlement.
“Not being able to properly explain it.”
“Oh…that’s fine. You would if you could…” I awkwardly replied.
“Mm,” he agreed with a small nod. “So what did you really want to talk to me about?”
“Never mind now. I guess I’d feel more comfortable having that conversation in private, at home.”
“Then what’s the point of this?” he replied in mild annoyance.
His response both shocked and hurt me.
“What do you mean?” I didn’t mean to start raising my voice at him but I found my anger was shooting up uncontrollably. “What is with you today?!”
“…Nice,” he growled.
“You’re the one acting rude!” I insisted. “Don’t try and make me out to be the bad guy!”
“Well aren’t you?” he threw back. “No… I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that. Sorry.”
It was hard to see his face in the dark but his tone was enough to perfectly paint an image of what his expression would have looked like. He was getting really upset. My throat grew dry.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” he continued to insist, breaking out of my grip around his waist to give himself more distance from me.
I stopped in my tracks in alarm.
“It’s just a little hard right now…” he explained, his voice undeniably wavering.
“What is?” I gently questioned, my own voice now barely a whisper.
“…Being near you.”
I stopped breathing.
He had started to slowly wander a few metres away from me, head bowed into his hands. I watched briefly before sinking down onto the side of the street.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he said again, muffled by his hands.
My own head dropped into the comfort of my hands as I tried in despair to block out the image of my beloved crying.
Thank goodness I had managed to sit down; I didn’t think my jelly legs could have been able to support me anymore. It hurt to even breathe.
He knew… I didn’t know how, but he knew…and it was killing me to see his reaction.
There was nothing I could say. Nothing at all. It was hard enough trying to breathe let alone find the strength to speak any words.
I hadn’t felt this helpless or this destroyed for a long time. The last time had been when I’d discovered the abuse JaeJoong was suffering - I had lain on the ground by the soldier’s boots and vomited my guts out. I almost felt the same reaction taking place right now. However, instead of vomit, all that was coming out was hyperventilated gasps.
A violent sob erupted from my chest and I almost bit down on the skin of my palm in front of my mouth.
I wasn’t the only one reduced to uncontrollable crying - across the road JaeJoong had collapsed onto the ground directly opposite me, adding to the sorrowful melody of my sobs.
It was a horrible moment, which would most likely stay imprinted in my mind forever - the moment we both cried our souls out, separated by a stretch of dirt road. Although he was only a few metres away from me, it felt like it was miles away. I felt I would forever onwards be separated from him like this in one way or another, as if I was no longer worthy to deserve even a simple thing like being next to him.
I wish I could think of something to say but there really were no words. Not a single thing could ever be said in such a situation. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to say anything - it was that I couldn’t.
“J-JaeJoong…” I finally choked out, only to be silenced once more by my heavily heaving chest.
When would this aching end? When would this knowledge that I was the sole cause behind JaeJoong’s tears stop slashing my heart apart?
I couldn’t stand this separation. Even if I didn’t deserve such a thing, I wanted so desperately to be next to him. Only, my legs were still paralysed by the despair numbing my muscles.
Reduced to crawling like an inexperienced, helpless toddler I prayed that no cars would suddenly shoot around the corner and hit my slowly moving body.
The twigs and pebbles lying scattered across the dirt road cut painfully into my knees, but still I slowly crawled forwards, welcoming the physical pain that was mildly counteracting the emotional turmoil I was currently feeling.
As I was almost a metre away from the other side, I felt rather than saw JaeJoong’s outstretched arms taking a hold of me and pulling me into the small cave of his warm chest and limbs. It felt like a worried mother pulling her tiny child into the safety of her arms. It felt like forgiveness.
My own arms wrapped themselves urgently around JaeJoong’s back. A stream of useless words tumbled out of my mouth over and over again. “Forgive me, forgive me, forgive me, forgive me, forgive me…”
“There’s nothing to forgive,” he sobbed against my hair.
“Liar!” I wept.
I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry!
I tried speaking it all out, but words left me again, leaving my mouth to move silently to pointlessly cry out the words that I needed JaeJoong to know but couldn’t hear. I tried so hard to get my voice working again to counteract the sobs but it was surprisingly difficult.
“I-It h-hurts s-so b-bad!” JaeJoong bawled in anguish, causing me to cry even louder.
“I-I’m so sorry. I love you. I’m so sorry…” I urgently choked out.
“S-Stop crying, Yunnie. It h-hurts!”
“I d-deserve this.”
“No you don’t,” he whispered. “You don’t.”
I could feel myself holding onto him so tightly I was concerned that soon he would have difficulty breathing.
“I know how you feel,” he continued to whisper in despair. “I still remember the first time they… Without you… The pain…”
I tried to stop my continuing hyperventilation so that I could hear his words better; incoherent though they may have been…
“It felt so terrible betraying you. Having another man inside my body…” he eventually managed to express. “So I know how much it hurts…”
That was forced upon you! I wanted to yell. You had no choice over the matter. I did have choices and I chose to betray you…
But all I could breathe out in a pathetic whisper was: “love you…”
“I love you too,” he insisted softly. “Please don’t leave me…”
His new sobs were hard to comprehend and just as heartbreaking as his first lot.
“Leave you?” I echoed in shock. “Why would I be the one leaving you?”
“He’s better for you. It hurts so much… I want to be with you like that too… Right now…”
I clutched his back tightly again, trying to slowly shake my head.
“Please…” he begged.
I shook my head even harder, panic somehow gurgling up through my sadness. “No my love, not here. Never here.”
“Please make love to me!” he started to whimper again.
“No!” I firmly shot back.
It was frustrating that JaeJoong was forcing himself to say crazy things like that. Under normal circumstances he would never have proposed such a thing; that’s how I knew my terrible acts were playing with his mind. I wouldn’t let him. He didn’t have to have sex with me to earn my love. God, I was so angry at myself for giving him the wrong messages with my unfaithful act with Heechul.
“I love you for who you are. Who you are. Do you hear me?”
“Y-Yes but…”
“Not now, love,” I whispered, finally releasing my grip around his back to pull myself higher until my face was inches away from his.
My hands gently cupped his jaw as I made him look at me in the thick darkness. “You are better than that. You know you are better than that. You deserve beautiful, smooth sheets and soft pillows. Not the hard, dirty ground. You don’t deserve that. …You never deserved that! Do you hear me?”
He nodded timidly and I could do nothing but scoop his tiny body back into a tight embrace, relieved that I had convinced such nonsense to leave his mind. It was saddening that even now I ached at the thought of North Koreans showing so little respect for my angel.
“You mean the world to me,” I insisted adamantly, slowing enunciating each word to emphasise how strongly I meant it.
He nodded again, kissing the top of my lowered head in return.
“I love you so much I’m half lying in dirt, bawling my eyes out.” I smiled as he let out a quiet laugh at my description. “And I just want you to know right now that it will never happen again. Please don’t ever forget that. I mean it. It almost broke me. I could never handle that again.”
I gently left a light, lingering kiss against the side of his neck before my voice started to waver again with my next confession. “What happened was so…wrong. And what makes this whole thing worse is that I broke two personal pacts. The first, that I’d never sink so low as to do things with someone else just because of a shallow libido problem. The second being the worst… Before I found you at…that camp…”
There it was again, that wavering voice that kept cracking in the middle. Was that my voice? It really didn’t sound like it at all.
“…I promised myself that I would do anything to make you happy. I’d have sacrificed anything. But in the end I couldn’t even sacrifice some stupid sexual release. I am so sorry JaeJoong.”
“…I know,” he sighed. “I know.”
As we eventually managed to pull ourselves up off the hard ground, we both started laughing at how weak our balance was as if the two of us were hopelessly intoxicated.
I grabbed a hold of him to avoid tumbling over onto my behind. The grab turned into a gentle hug as we laid our heads on each other’s shoulders.
“I don’t want to keep any more secrets from you,” I whispered into his hair. “If you have any questions at all then I would definitely answer them for you.”
I had meant every word of my proclamation but I really wasn’t ready to answer him when his simple, one-worded question echoed into the night air.
“When…?”
So the thing he most wanted to be kept hidden ended up being the thing he wanted to know about the most. Just like how the urges I had wanted to keep hidden had become the things I couldn’t control the most...
How on earth was I to answer him though? It was such a simple question but so direct. I knew I’d be hurting him with my answer, but I guess there really wasn’t any right answer for such a question in the first place.
“…It happened last night. After we fought…” I added, not wanting JaeJoong to think that me and my close friend had done it after he had gotten the courage to confide in me.
He didn’t answer me; not that I blamed him. I would have been too shocked to scrape up any voice either. It did however, take me by surprise when a few minutes later he did find his voice. What he breathed into my hair was his truest beliefs and thoughts. Even though it hurt me to hear him say it, I was grateful at the same time that he trusted me enough to confide in me still.
“I know it was my idea, but… I really don’t like you having sex with other people…”
Oh god…the way his soft voice had almost broken on the word ‘sex’ sent thousands of bayonets and daggers flying into my already punctured heart.
But plural now? Other people?!
“JaeJoong! What do you mean ‘other people’?! I told you it’ll never happen again. It wasn’t a cure; it was a curse. Sex is sex…there’s not much point to it when my soul is over here, tied with yours. It wasn’t even supposed to happen last night! I was angry at you and hurt and confused… I completely snapped and it should never have happened. I didn’t enjoy it and before it was even over I knew I was regretting it. You never left my mind once. I know that by any means does not even come close to justifying what happened. I’m not trying to justify it; I’m trying to beg you for forgiveness.”
“You didn’t enjoy it?”
“No.”
“…What a waste…” he bitterly laughed.
“Your sacrifice wasn’t a waste, JaeJoong,” I murmured sadly. “It taught me a valuable lesson. …That I could never be good enough for you.”
I felt him shaking his head in disagreement, but both of us were far too exhausted to debate that fact.
“Even with that being the case… Even with all that you know about me… If you choose to keep loving me then that is much more than I could ever deserve.”
“I do…” he mumbled, faintly.
I let out the sigh that had been building up in my throat. Thank god. My angel hadn’t cut off my wings and sent me plunging back into hell. My hell was not the place that everybody feared where fires burned souls alive, but rather, my hell was a place - any place, where JaeJoong was not present.
“Thank you…” was all I could utter.
I rested my arm possessively around his waist again as we wandered down the short distance back to our house. “Is that why you were so desperate to return back to Heechul? Because you were too upset to spend time alone with me?”
“No…” he admitted. “I was trying not to think about that… It took me by surprise too. It really was because I was worried about Heechul.”
“Oh?”
“He’s never quite said anything about it, but it’s so easy to sense his loneliness.”
I remained silent as we walked on, arms around each other. I felt a little embarrassed that for once in my life I hadn’t actually picked it. I had been too caught up in my own woes… I felt truly ashamed at my apparent selfishness.
Once we returned home the living room was empty - which was just as well because the two of us looked like such a mess. Dirt from the road was coating our clothes and faces, painting our cheeks an unattractive yellowy-brown colour from where the bits of dirt had stuck onto our wet cheeks. JaeJoong looked even worse - a lot of my dirt had transferred onto him when he had been hugging me. If I could only have captured an image of the expression on his face when he first glimpsed himself in the mirror!
“I think you need a shower,” I couldn’t help but start laughing at him, patting his shoulders sympathetically as he continued to stare at his reflection in disgust.
“I think I’d need more than just a shower!” he threw back, seemingly still traumatized by his current image.
In habit, I moved to affectionately kiss his cheek but stopped myself in time, not wishing to eat dirt for dessert…
As the shower turned on I carefully washed my face and hands in the kitchen sink and threw off my dirty clothes. Opting for a blue t-shirt and beige shorts, I found my feet stopping outside Heechul’s room.
I stood there for a few seconds in awkward contemplation. I hadn’t spoken properly to him since last night… It made my guilt rise terribly - it wasn’t fair to ignore him when it was just as much my fault that we’d had sex together when JaeJoong was sleeping. I had been quite a terrible person lately and I intended to put a stop to it before I could feel any more ashamed.
I held my breath as my knuckles tentatively knocked against the closed door. When there was a muffled acknowledgment from within I carefully pulled the door handle down and slipped inside.
Heechul was reading magazines on his bed again. My heart jumped a little when I viewed his glum face. So this was the loneliness that JaeJoong had noticed…
“Hey Heech, can we talk for a sec?” I propositioned quietly.
“Sure…”
I sat next to my friend on the bed once he made space for me.
“I owe you quite a few apologies, I think. I’m sorry I’ve been acting odd since last night. It wasn’t your fault I was so weak. I should really be thanking you instead for helping me out that night and always patiently listening to my paranoia rants.”
“It’s okay,” he smiled.
“The second thing I need to apologise for is wasting your time here. I know it can’t be helped that you’re leaving in two days and that I’m away a lot at work, but I should have been more appreciative of our time together instead of talking about JaeJoong all the time. I didn’t realise I was doing it so much…”
“That’s okay too,” he chuckled. “He’s a pretty cool guy; I can see why you’d be thinking about him a lot. Don’t be so hard on yourself, Yun-yun; you’re only human. You keep forgetting that you’re not perfect.”
“Oh shush,” I laughed at his teasing.
I felt my laugh fading away as I sobered up at the thought of my last apology. “And finally… I feel incredibly guilty that I never noticed your loneliness earlier.”
“Loneliness…? I don’t feel lonely…” he awkwardly insisted.
“Are you sure about that? I finally saw it when I walked into the room just then. I’m so sorry. JaeJoong was sort of lecturing me about it before. I can’t tell you how guilty and ashamed I felt when I realised JaeJoong had figured you out better than I did - your own best friend!”
“JaeJoong?” he questioned in surprise.
“Yeh. He spent one day with you and picked it up, whilst after knowing you for five years I couldn’t even pick it up. He’s great like that…JaeJoong. He’s always thinking of other people, unlike me. I’m trying to learn to be more like him…” I laughed in my embarrassment.
“You’re not that bad, Yunho,” he softly assured me.
“Thanks…” I rested my arm on his shoulder. “After JaeJoong finishes his shower did you want to join us for a card game? It’s especially fun with a bit of alcohol mixed in.”
We both started laughing; Heechul uncontrollably so.
“What?” I chuckled. “What’s so funny?”
“I was just remembering something,” he explained amidst his giggling. “That time we drank too much at karaoke so you didn’t realise you were peeing in the ladies bathroom. I remember for like two weeks everyone in our tutorial would call you: ‘noona!’”
I joined in his escalated laughter at the bizarre memory. “At least I didn’t throw up afterwards on someone’s apartment doorstep and then ran away!”
“Oh please, I had more class than that.”
“No you didn’t!” I almost lost my balance on the bed from too much laughter.
“What’s so funny?” I heard JaeJoong inquire from the doorway.
“We’re trading stories from our long lost drunken past,” Heechul answered for me with a grin.
“Ohh, this would be interesting,” he teased, smiling as I pulled him down onto my lap.
“We’ve already had me vomiting on a stranger’s doorstep and Yunho becoming a woman for a night.”
“Hmm, but Yunho is always a woman.”
“Hey!” I exclaimed in playful offence, tickling his sides until he yelled in remorse.
“Have you got any stories for us?” Heechul asked him in curiosity.
“…Nope. I’ve never been drunk.”
“What?!” Heechul exploded.
I didn’t know how to explain to him about the lack of wealth in his family, which as consequence, had led to a scarcity of friends due to his absence of higher tertiary education opportunities.
“Geez Yunho, we’ve got our work cut out for us tonight!” Heechul continued to exclaim in eagerness.
“Oh no you don’t,” I scolded, cuddling my lover into me. “This one is too pure to go down that dark path.”
“I don’t know about that. It sounds fun.”
“It’s only fun being sober and watching everybody else act like animals,” I insisted, combing my fingers through his wet hair.
“That does make sense,” he murmured.
“Besides, no one is drowning themselves in alcohol,” I demanded. “I have work tomorrow.”
“Yeah, you do, but we don’t,” Heechul shot back smugly.
“Stop being such a bad influence,” I scolded. “Getting drunk for fun is for unworldly youth.”
“I never had the chance…” JaeJoong replied remorsefully.
“You didn’t miss anything!” I insisted.
Of course that bubbly bag of energy known as Heechul used JaeJoong to gang up against me. I don’t know why that was enough to convince me to bring the beer out… Perhaps my guilt for neglecting Heechul these past few days disrupted my sanity…
After a while, I confiscated the remaining bottles of beer when I noticed the two giggling girls had flown firmly into the tipsy range.
I had tried to remain stern but JaeJoong’s adorable giggling always weakened me into my own set of laughter.
I tried my best to calm them down once it reached midnight, hoping to at least give myself a satisfactory amount of sleep before another stressful day of work was thrust upon me. Lord knows I wouldn’t get very far with my slumber plans if those two giggling girls kept up the amount of volume they were currently throwing out.
“G’night, Yun-yun,” Heechul grinned, leaning forward for our usual goodnight peck on the lips - albeit slightly lingering this time.
I shouldn’t have been shocked that he would do the same with JaeJoong, but I was. Perhaps it was because I was the viewer this time instead of just the receiver. It would have unsettled anyone to watch their lover’s lips be gently kissed by their best friend - especially if that friend had his eyes closed. I tried to ignore the idiotic prickles of disdain in my stomach.
“Break it up,” I teased, worried that perhaps I had misjudged their level of tipsiness.
Waving a final goodbye to my impish friend, I steered the occasionally giggling older man whom I was in love with into our bedroom.
“There you go,” I informed JaeJoong as he undressed lazily for bed. “You’ve got a semi-drunken story too now. You let another man kiss you with your boyfriend watching. Whoo.”
I don’t know why I was letting such innocent fun annoy me so much. I guess I was just sensitive after all the drama that had happened in the past few days.
After turning the lamp off, I let JaeJoong snuggle close to me under the blankets. I had really wanted to discuss some more things with JaeJoong tonight but I suppose it would have to wait until tomorrow night when my cheeky lover wasn’t giggling at everything I said.
“You shouldn’t go to bed with wet hair,” I scolded tiredly.
“It’s not that wet,” he assured me, slightly annoyed by my nit picking.
“Okay…” I sighed, presenting him with my own sensual style of a goodnight kiss.
///TBC///
A/N: Ergh, I’m not happy with this chapter, but I suppose it’s too late to do anything about that. ^^;;
The important confrontation is over now I guess. That’s one good thing! Haha~
Feed my tired brain with commentary please~ I love you~ <3
A/N2: For once in my life I have absolutely nothing to say. O_O *the world freezes in shock* XD
I was stuck in an alternate universe. I didn’t even know how I managed to get stuck in one in the first place. All I knew was that I was in one, for what else could explain the changed dynamics at my home that evening?
When I had gone to work this morning I had left behind two surly men who fit together about as well as communism and capitalism. So how on earth had those contrasting personalities suddenly combined into good friendship? Alternate reality, that’s what…
To be honest, I didn’t know how I felt about Heechul suddenly approving of JaeJoong and wanting to spend meaningful time with him. I didn’t even know why their attitudes had both changed.
When I came back from work on Monday they weren’t even home. I opened the door and there they had been; holding hands after returning from a picnic. None of it made sense so all I could do was numbly go with the flow of this strange, alternate reality.
As we all sat down for dinner later that night it had been the first dinner that felt normal and comfortable…for them at least. I still felt a little tense, waiting for this seemingly nice dynamic to suddenly crash back to the normal, hostile relationship my two friends had shared. It never happened though - throughout dinner they were still happy to chat with each other.
JaeJoong even asked me if I was enjoying the meal. As always it tasted pretty appealing to my taste buds so I had assured him that it was delicious. To my astonishment, JaeJoong had giggled and high-fived Heechul. Apparently, Heechul had made most of the meal under JaeJoong’s strict instructions and guidance. JaeJoong had looked at Heechul with so much pride it had surprised me.
Since when had Heechul even wanted cooking lessons? And from JaeJoong of all people! It was like they had created their own world, only I was slightly shut out of it.
When Heechul had first arrived I had been the only thing him and JaeJoong had had in common. Now, they seemed to have discovered many things in common. I had always known they had similarities laced throughout their personalities and behaviour, but I had never anticipated they’d finally click together so well.
It was crazy; Heechul was my best friend and ex-lover, the man I had known for almost six years and JaeJoong was my best friend and current lover, the man I had been devoted to for almost three years…so why did I suddenly feel like a third wheel? It made no sense for me to be feeling left out. That was the second reason why I knew I’d somehow fallen into an alternate reality.
I didn’t like this alternate reality though. It seemed to thoroughly confuse and irk me.
I shouldn’t have to fight for my boyfriend’s attention and yet that was exactly what I had found myself doing.
After dinner, I had helped stack the dirty dishes knowing Heechul generally avoided chores - especially ones of the cleaning dishes variety. However, to my escalating surprise, he came up to the sink as well to pass JaeJoong the dirty plates to make the task of cleaning easier for him.
The last time Heechul had come out to help with the dishes it had been out of guilt for not helping us out more with chores. Back then he had put the dishes away next to me, far from JaeJoong. Now, he was comfortably working hard next to JaeJoong?
Their behaviour was really starting to unnerve me a bit. I wanted to leave this alternate reality as soon as possible!
“JaeJoong, you know this town well,” Heechul begun as I dried the stack of plates in front of me, listening with a small frown. “Where can I go? Any good clubs to recommend?”
“Clubs?” he exclaimed in amusement. “Here? You’ve got to be joking. This is a tiny town, not some extravagant suburb of Seoul!”
“No clubs? What?! Then what do you do for fun around here?”
“Um… Clean up cow poop from the paddocks?” he giggled in response.
“Disgusting!”
“You are most definitely a proudly bred city man, aren’t ya, hyung…”
“Apparently, that is exactly right. But you’re in the minority here - Yun-yun is part of the city men alliance.”
I chuckled awkwardly.
“Give it time, give it time,” JaeJoong grinned, gazing mischievously at me.
I couldn’t help but slip into a smile at the sight of his expression.
“There are some places you could go to here for fun, but…don’t,” JaeJoong continued to suggest to my friend. “Stay here. There’s no need to go out. You can hang out with me and Yunho.”
“Ah…”
Was Heechul embarrassed? Thankful? Touched? Well of course JaeJoong was an extremely thoughtful, warm-hearted man. Why else would I be so ‘obsessed’ with him? It took him that long to realise why JaeJoong was amazing? Aish.
“Hey, JaeJoongie…” I slowly began to murmur after the silence had taken over the three of us. “After this cleaning is done can we go out for a walk? I want to talk to you about some stuff…”
“Oh…sure,” he accepted, emptying the dirty water from the sink as Heechul drifted towards the bathroom. “It won’t take long, right?”
“Why does the duration matter?” I asked, feeling unknown, dark emotions gurgling inside.
“Err… I’d feel bad for Heechul-hyung,” he admitted. “I got him to stay home to spend more time with us before he leaves on Wednesday. It would look so rude if after all that we just left him all by himself in the house, right?”
Why so much consideration for Heechul all of a sudden? Normally JaeJoong would be looking out for any excuse to avoid the man at all costs! I couldn’t believe how annoyed this change made me…
However, I didn’t want to sound like an inconsiderate, old man in front of him so I had no choice but to slowly agree that we shouldn’t leave Heechul alone for too long.
We didn’t normally walk outside this late, finding the limited streetlights around us weren’t much help when it came to navigating our way through the dark streets. It was much too easy to trip over unknown ditches and scattered sticks without more lighting available to us. Yet tonight I felt I welcomed the thick coating of darkness - it allowed me to get close to JaeJoong without raising suspicions from any random townspeople.
It started with a simple arm flung around his shoulder; his hair trickling sensually through the gaps of my fingers as I occasionally grasped the ends of the soft strands playfully. By the time we’d reached the end of the second street I felt my persistent arm sliding away from his shoulder to travel smoothly down his back until my hand could grasp the side of his waist.
Slowing my walk to pull him in closer, I daringly leant sideways to place a soft kiss on his lips. It was the first time I had ever let my resistance fade away to show my love for him in a public environment.
“I-I thought you wanted to talk?” JaeJoong timidly expressed, a little surprised by my actions.
“I do,” I assured him. “But before I get into that, I’ve got a burning question that I was hoping you’d be able to answer for me.”
“Hmm?” he warily responded.
“Since when has your: ‘if Heechul so much as touches my stuff, I will kill you!’ turned into: ‘I’d feel bad if we left Heechul alone too long?’”
“Ahh…”
I waited for his explanation as patiently as I could.
“Well today we both found the nerve to speak seriously with each other. I suppose at first it would be more accurate to say it was more of a shouting competition than speaking, but…by the end I guess we figured it was easier being civil to each other than acting like bratty, elementary school students. So we just…got over our preconceived views of the other and accepted our similarities…” he shrugged.
“Such as?”
“Err…”
I wondered why it was taking him so long to come up with examples to his own explanation. I had asked such a question in curiosity to see if they had noticed the same similarities I had, but…it seemed my question was heavier than I thought it would be. It made the uneasiness come back to me in a rush.
“Such as, I suppose our friendship with you, our bluntness, our stubbornness…”
“Accepting you both shared mostly bad qualities made you like each other?” I questioned skeptically.
“Yes.”
Why did it seem like he was hiding something from me? His explanation seemed quite weak to me… I swallowed slowly as my hand around his waist tightened slightly in vulnerability.
“That was seriously enough to end the cold war between you two?”
“Why is it so hard to believe?”
“Because I know the both of you so well.”
“Look…” he sighed. “I wish I could explain our bond to you but I can’t…”
‘Our bond?’ What the hell was with ‘our bond?!’ Since when did they even have one? They had gained civility, sure. But a bond? That seemed so outrageous to me. I was almost too shocked to keep walking. After all, ‘bond’ was such a strong word - especially to describe the current state of those two! The more I thought about it, the more I could feel those prickles of irritation again.
I hated, no, loathed the fact that they were keeping something from me.
Oh, like how you’ve been keeping something important from JaeJoong? That nasty, inner voice shot back at me. Right… I guess I had absolutely no right to feel left out of their world whilst I still held my own secret from JaeJoong. Until I told that poor boy that I’d stupidly gone through with his idea to sleep with Heechul, I had to bear these horrible feelings as punishment.
I had one hectic week ahead of me at work which was already doing my head in, yet I had to go and stupidly multiply that stress by my foolish cheating. The horrendous waves of constant guilt I felt from my sneaky actions behind JaeJoong’s back was killing me!
“I’m sorry…” I heard JaeJoong mumble as my painful thoughts drained all my conversational skills.
“For what?” I responded in puzzlement.
“Not being able to properly explain it.”
“Oh…that’s fine. You would if you could…” I awkwardly replied.
“Mm,” he agreed with a small nod. “So what did you really want to talk to me about?”
“Never mind now. I guess I’d feel more comfortable having that conversation in private, at home.”
“Then what’s the point of this?” he replied in mild annoyance.
His response both shocked and hurt me.
“What do you mean?” I didn’t mean to start raising my voice at him but I found my anger was shooting up uncontrollably. “What is with you today?!”
“…Nice,” he growled.
“You’re the one acting rude!” I insisted. “Don’t try and make me out to be the bad guy!”
“Well aren’t you?” he threw back. “No… I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that. Sorry.”
It was hard to see his face in the dark but his tone was enough to perfectly paint an image of what his expression would have looked like. He was getting really upset. My throat grew dry.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” he continued to insist, breaking out of my grip around his waist to give himself more distance from me.
I stopped in my tracks in alarm.
“It’s just a little hard right now…” he explained, his voice undeniably wavering.
“What is?” I gently questioned, my own voice now barely a whisper.
“…Being near you.”
I stopped breathing.
He had started to slowly wander a few metres away from me, head bowed into his hands. I watched briefly before sinking down onto the side of the street.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he said again, muffled by his hands.
My own head dropped into the comfort of my hands as I tried in despair to block out the image of my beloved crying.
Thank goodness I had managed to sit down; I didn’t think my jelly legs could have been able to support me anymore. It hurt to even breathe.
He knew… I didn’t know how, but he knew…and it was killing me to see his reaction.
There was nothing I could say. Nothing at all. It was hard enough trying to breathe let alone find the strength to speak any words.
I hadn’t felt this helpless or this destroyed for a long time. The last time had been when I’d discovered the abuse JaeJoong was suffering - I had lain on the ground by the soldier’s boots and vomited my guts out. I almost felt the same reaction taking place right now. However, instead of vomit, all that was coming out was hyperventilated gasps.
A violent sob erupted from my chest and I almost bit down on the skin of my palm in front of my mouth.
I wasn’t the only one reduced to uncontrollable crying - across the road JaeJoong had collapsed onto the ground directly opposite me, adding to the sorrowful melody of my sobs.
It was a horrible moment, which would most likely stay imprinted in my mind forever - the moment we both cried our souls out, separated by a stretch of dirt road. Although he was only a few metres away from me, it felt like it was miles away. I felt I would forever onwards be separated from him like this in one way or another, as if I was no longer worthy to deserve even a simple thing like being next to him.
I wish I could think of something to say but there really were no words. Not a single thing could ever be said in such a situation. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to say anything - it was that I couldn’t.
“J-JaeJoong…” I finally choked out, only to be silenced once more by my heavily heaving chest.
When would this aching end? When would this knowledge that I was the sole cause behind JaeJoong’s tears stop slashing my heart apart?
I couldn’t stand this separation. Even if I didn’t deserve such a thing, I wanted so desperately to be next to him. Only, my legs were still paralysed by the despair numbing my muscles.
Reduced to crawling like an inexperienced, helpless toddler I prayed that no cars would suddenly shoot around the corner and hit my slowly moving body.
The twigs and pebbles lying scattered across the dirt road cut painfully into my knees, but still I slowly crawled forwards, welcoming the physical pain that was mildly counteracting the emotional turmoil I was currently feeling.
As I was almost a metre away from the other side, I felt rather than saw JaeJoong’s outstretched arms taking a hold of me and pulling me into the small cave of his warm chest and limbs. It felt like a worried mother pulling her tiny child into the safety of her arms. It felt like forgiveness.
My own arms wrapped themselves urgently around JaeJoong’s back. A stream of useless words tumbled out of my mouth over and over again. “Forgive me, forgive me, forgive me, forgive me, forgive me…”
“There’s nothing to forgive,” he sobbed against my hair.
“Liar!” I wept.
I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry!
I tried speaking it all out, but words left me again, leaving my mouth to move silently to pointlessly cry out the words that I needed JaeJoong to know but couldn’t hear. I tried so hard to get my voice working again to counteract the sobs but it was surprisingly difficult.
“I-It h-hurts s-so b-bad!” JaeJoong bawled in anguish, causing me to cry even louder.
“I-I’m so sorry. I love you. I’m so sorry…” I urgently choked out.
“S-Stop crying, Yunnie. It h-hurts!”
“I d-deserve this.”
“No you don’t,” he whispered. “You don’t.”
I could feel myself holding onto him so tightly I was concerned that soon he would have difficulty breathing.
“I know how you feel,” he continued to whisper in despair. “I still remember the first time they… Without you… The pain…”
I tried to stop my continuing hyperventilation so that I could hear his words better; incoherent though they may have been…
“It felt so terrible betraying you. Having another man inside my body…” he eventually managed to express. “So I know how much it hurts…”
That was forced upon you! I wanted to yell. You had no choice over the matter. I did have choices and I chose to betray you…
But all I could breathe out in a pathetic whisper was: “love you…”
“I love you too,” he insisted softly. “Please don’t leave me…”
His new sobs were hard to comprehend and just as heartbreaking as his first lot.
“Leave you?” I echoed in shock. “Why would I be the one leaving you?”
“He’s better for you. It hurts so much… I want to be with you like that too… Right now…”
I clutched his back tightly again, trying to slowly shake my head.
“Please…” he begged.
I shook my head even harder, panic somehow gurgling up through my sadness. “No my love, not here. Never here.”
“Please make love to me!” he started to whimper again.
“No!” I firmly shot back.
It was frustrating that JaeJoong was forcing himself to say crazy things like that. Under normal circumstances he would never have proposed such a thing; that’s how I knew my terrible acts were playing with his mind. I wouldn’t let him. He didn’t have to have sex with me to earn my love. God, I was so angry at myself for giving him the wrong messages with my unfaithful act with Heechul.
“I love you for who you are. Who you are. Do you hear me?”
“Y-Yes but…”
“Not now, love,” I whispered, finally releasing my grip around his back to pull myself higher until my face was inches away from his.
My hands gently cupped his jaw as I made him look at me in the thick darkness. “You are better than that. You know you are better than that. You deserve beautiful, smooth sheets and soft pillows. Not the hard, dirty ground. You don’t deserve that. …You never deserved that! Do you hear me?”
He nodded timidly and I could do nothing but scoop his tiny body back into a tight embrace, relieved that I had convinced such nonsense to leave his mind. It was saddening that even now I ached at the thought of North Koreans showing so little respect for my angel.
“You mean the world to me,” I insisted adamantly, slowing enunciating each word to emphasise how strongly I meant it.
He nodded again, kissing the top of my lowered head in return.
“I love you so much I’m half lying in dirt, bawling my eyes out.” I smiled as he let out a quiet laugh at my description. “And I just want you to know right now that it will never happen again. Please don’t ever forget that. I mean it. It almost broke me. I could never handle that again.”
I gently left a light, lingering kiss against the side of his neck before my voice started to waver again with my next confession. “What happened was so…wrong. And what makes this whole thing worse is that I broke two personal pacts. The first, that I’d never sink so low as to do things with someone else just because of a shallow libido problem. The second being the worst… Before I found you at…that camp…”
There it was again, that wavering voice that kept cracking in the middle. Was that my voice? It really didn’t sound like it at all.
“…I promised myself that I would do anything to make you happy. I’d have sacrificed anything. But in the end I couldn’t even sacrifice some stupid sexual release. I am so sorry JaeJoong.”
“…I know,” he sighed. “I know.”
As we eventually managed to pull ourselves up off the hard ground, we both started laughing at how weak our balance was as if the two of us were hopelessly intoxicated.
I grabbed a hold of him to avoid tumbling over onto my behind. The grab turned into a gentle hug as we laid our heads on each other’s shoulders.
“I don’t want to keep any more secrets from you,” I whispered into his hair. “If you have any questions at all then I would definitely answer them for you.”
I had meant every word of my proclamation but I really wasn’t ready to answer him when his simple, one-worded question echoed into the night air.
“When…?”
So the thing he most wanted to be kept hidden ended up being the thing he wanted to know about the most. Just like how the urges I had wanted to keep hidden had become the things I couldn’t control the most...
How on earth was I to answer him though? It was such a simple question but so direct. I knew I’d be hurting him with my answer, but I guess there really wasn’t any right answer for such a question in the first place.
“…It happened last night. After we fought…” I added, not wanting JaeJoong to think that me and my close friend had done it after he had gotten the courage to confide in me.
He didn’t answer me; not that I blamed him. I would have been too shocked to scrape up any voice either. It did however, take me by surprise when a few minutes later he did find his voice. What he breathed into my hair was his truest beliefs and thoughts. Even though it hurt me to hear him say it, I was grateful at the same time that he trusted me enough to confide in me still.
“I know it was my idea, but… I really don’t like you having sex with other people…”
Oh god…the way his soft voice had almost broken on the word ‘sex’ sent thousands of bayonets and daggers flying into my already punctured heart.
But plural now? Other people?!
“JaeJoong! What do you mean ‘other people’?! I told you it’ll never happen again. It wasn’t a cure; it was a curse. Sex is sex…there’s not much point to it when my soul is over here, tied with yours. It wasn’t even supposed to happen last night! I was angry at you and hurt and confused… I completely snapped and it should never have happened. I didn’t enjoy it and before it was even over I knew I was regretting it. You never left my mind once. I know that by any means does not even come close to justifying what happened. I’m not trying to justify it; I’m trying to beg you for forgiveness.”
“You didn’t enjoy it?”
“No.”
“…What a waste…” he bitterly laughed.
“Your sacrifice wasn’t a waste, JaeJoong,” I murmured sadly. “It taught me a valuable lesson. …That I could never be good enough for you.”
I felt him shaking his head in disagreement, but both of us were far too exhausted to debate that fact.
“Even with that being the case… Even with all that you know about me… If you choose to keep loving me then that is much more than I could ever deserve.”
“I do…” he mumbled, faintly.
I let out the sigh that had been building up in my throat. Thank god. My angel hadn’t cut off my wings and sent me plunging back into hell. My hell was not the place that everybody feared where fires burned souls alive, but rather, my hell was a place - any place, where JaeJoong was not present.
“Thank you…” was all I could utter.
I rested my arm possessively around his waist again as we wandered down the short distance back to our house. “Is that why you were so desperate to return back to Heechul? Because you were too upset to spend time alone with me?”
“No…” he admitted. “I was trying not to think about that… It took me by surprise too. It really was because I was worried about Heechul.”
“Oh?”
“He’s never quite said anything about it, but it’s so easy to sense his loneliness.”
I remained silent as we walked on, arms around each other. I felt a little embarrassed that for once in my life I hadn’t actually picked it. I had been too caught up in my own woes… I felt truly ashamed at my apparent selfishness.
Once we returned home the living room was empty - which was just as well because the two of us looked like such a mess. Dirt from the road was coating our clothes and faces, painting our cheeks an unattractive yellowy-brown colour from where the bits of dirt had stuck onto our wet cheeks. JaeJoong looked even worse - a lot of my dirt had transferred onto him when he had been hugging me. If I could only have captured an image of the expression on his face when he first glimpsed himself in the mirror!
“I think you need a shower,” I couldn’t help but start laughing at him, patting his shoulders sympathetically as he continued to stare at his reflection in disgust.
“I think I’d need more than just a shower!” he threw back, seemingly still traumatized by his current image.
In habit, I moved to affectionately kiss his cheek but stopped myself in time, not wishing to eat dirt for dessert…
As the shower turned on I carefully washed my face and hands in the kitchen sink and threw off my dirty clothes. Opting for a blue t-shirt and beige shorts, I found my feet stopping outside Heechul’s room.
I stood there for a few seconds in awkward contemplation. I hadn’t spoken properly to him since last night… It made my guilt rise terribly - it wasn’t fair to ignore him when it was just as much my fault that we’d had sex together when JaeJoong was sleeping. I had been quite a terrible person lately and I intended to put a stop to it before I could feel any more ashamed.
I held my breath as my knuckles tentatively knocked against the closed door. When there was a muffled acknowledgment from within I carefully pulled the door handle down and slipped inside.
Heechul was reading magazines on his bed again. My heart jumped a little when I viewed his glum face. So this was the loneliness that JaeJoong had noticed…
“Hey Heech, can we talk for a sec?” I propositioned quietly.
“Sure…”
I sat next to my friend on the bed once he made space for me.
“I owe you quite a few apologies, I think. I’m sorry I’ve been acting odd since last night. It wasn’t your fault I was so weak. I should really be thanking you instead for helping me out that night and always patiently listening to my paranoia rants.”
“It’s okay,” he smiled.
“The second thing I need to apologise for is wasting your time here. I know it can’t be helped that you’re leaving in two days and that I’m away a lot at work, but I should have been more appreciative of our time together instead of talking about JaeJoong all the time. I didn’t realise I was doing it so much…”
“That’s okay too,” he chuckled. “He’s a pretty cool guy; I can see why you’d be thinking about him a lot. Don’t be so hard on yourself, Yun-yun; you’re only human. You keep forgetting that you’re not perfect.”
“Oh shush,” I laughed at his teasing.
I felt my laugh fading away as I sobered up at the thought of my last apology. “And finally… I feel incredibly guilty that I never noticed your loneliness earlier.”
“Loneliness…? I don’t feel lonely…” he awkwardly insisted.
“Are you sure about that? I finally saw it when I walked into the room just then. I’m so sorry. JaeJoong was sort of lecturing me about it before. I can’t tell you how guilty and ashamed I felt when I realised JaeJoong had figured you out better than I did - your own best friend!”
“JaeJoong?” he questioned in surprise.
“Yeh. He spent one day with you and picked it up, whilst after knowing you for five years I couldn’t even pick it up. He’s great like that…JaeJoong. He’s always thinking of other people, unlike me. I’m trying to learn to be more like him…” I laughed in my embarrassment.
“You’re not that bad, Yunho,” he softly assured me.
“Thanks…” I rested my arm on his shoulder. “After JaeJoong finishes his shower did you want to join us for a card game? It’s especially fun with a bit of alcohol mixed in.”
We both started laughing; Heechul uncontrollably so.
“What?” I chuckled. “What’s so funny?”
“I was just remembering something,” he explained amidst his giggling. “That time we drank too much at karaoke so you didn’t realise you were peeing in the ladies bathroom. I remember for like two weeks everyone in our tutorial would call you: ‘noona!’”
I joined in his escalated laughter at the bizarre memory. “At least I didn’t throw up afterwards on someone’s apartment doorstep and then ran away!”
“Oh please, I had more class than that.”
“No you didn’t!” I almost lost my balance on the bed from too much laughter.
“What’s so funny?” I heard JaeJoong inquire from the doorway.
“We’re trading stories from our long lost drunken past,” Heechul answered for me with a grin.
“Ohh, this would be interesting,” he teased, smiling as I pulled him down onto my lap.
“We’ve already had me vomiting on a stranger’s doorstep and Yunho becoming a woman for a night.”
“Hmm, but Yunho is always a woman.”
“Hey!” I exclaimed in playful offence, tickling his sides until he yelled in remorse.
“Have you got any stories for us?” Heechul asked him in curiosity.
“…Nope. I’ve never been drunk.”
“What?!” Heechul exploded.
I didn’t know how to explain to him about the lack of wealth in his family, which as consequence, had led to a scarcity of friends due to his absence of higher tertiary education opportunities.
“Geez Yunho, we’ve got our work cut out for us tonight!” Heechul continued to exclaim in eagerness.
“Oh no you don’t,” I scolded, cuddling my lover into me. “This one is too pure to go down that dark path.”
“I don’t know about that. It sounds fun.”
“It’s only fun being sober and watching everybody else act like animals,” I insisted, combing my fingers through his wet hair.
“That does make sense,” he murmured.
“Besides, no one is drowning themselves in alcohol,” I demanded. “I have work tomorrow.”
“Yeah, you do, but we don’t,” Heechul shot back smugly.
“Stop being such a bad influence,” I scolded. “Getting drunk for fun is for unworldly youth.”
“I never had the chance…” JaeJoong replied remorsefully.
“You didn’t miss anything!” I insisted.
Of course that bubbly bag of energy known as Heechul used JaeJoong to gang up against me. I don’t know why that was enough to convince me to bring the beer out… Perhaps my guilt for neglecting Heechul these past few days disrupted my sanity…
After a while, I confiscated the remaining bottles of beer when I noticed the two giggling girls had flown firmly into the tipsy range.
I had tried to remain stern but JaeJoong’s adorable giggling always weakened me into my own set of laughter.
I tried my best to calm them down once it reached midnight, hoping to at least give myself a satisfactory amount of sleep before another stressful day of work was thrust upon me. Lord knows I wouldn’t get very far with my slumber plans if those two giggling girls kept up the amount of volume they were currently throwing out.
“G’night, Yun-yun,” Heechul grinned, leaning forward for our usual goodnight peck on the lips - albeit slightly lingering this time.
I shouldn’t have been shocked that he would do the same with JaeJoong, but I was. Perhaps it was because I was the viewer this time instead of just the receiver. It would have unsettled anyone to watch their lover’s lips be gently kissed by their best friend - especially if that friend had his eyes closed. I tried to ignore the idiotic prickles of disdain in my stomach.
“Break it up,” I teased, worried that perhaps I had misjudged their level of tipsiness.
Waving a final goodbye to my impish friend, I steered the occasionally giggling older man whom I was in love with into our bedroom.
“There you go,” I informed JaeJoong as he undressed lazily for bed. “You’ve got a semi-drunken story too now. You let another man kiss you with your boyfriend watching. Whoo.”
I don’t know why I was letting such innocent fun annoy me so much. I guess I was just sensitive after all the drama that had happened in the past few days.
After turning the lamp off, I let JaeJoong snuggle close to me under the blankets. I had really wanted to discuss some more things with JaeJoong tonight but I suppose it would have to wait until tomorrow night when my cheeky lover wasn’t giggling at everything I said.
“You shouldn’t go to bed with wet hair,” I scolded tiredly.
“It’s not that wet,” he assured me, slightly annoyed by my nit picking.
“Okay…” I sighed, presenting him with my own sensual style of a goodnight kiss.
///TBC///
A/N: Ergh, I’m not happy with this chapter, but I suppose it’s too late to do anything about that. ^^;;
The important confrontation is over now I guess. That’s one good thing! Haha~
Feed my tired brain with commentary please~ I love you~ <3