Echo of Dusk - Chapter VIII (SECTION 1)
Title: Echo of Dusk
Author: wild_terrain (ie. fi_chan)
Banner:
Chapter: [8/20?]
Rating: PG-13
Genre: AU
Summary: Two men met one cold, winters day. One, a cook's assistant, the other a young lawyer. The year was 1950, when this instant attraction occured... However, the threat of civil war loomed and the two found themselves faced with the risk of seperation. Yunho swore he'd protect JaeJoong at all cost...but can he really?
A/N: This is Yunho’s chapter. JaeJoong’s started admitting the demons that haunt him …now it’s time for Yunho to deal with his. And erm, I don't normally do this but: Dedicated to my good friend G.M.D (it’s entirely HER fault that I cried when I wrote this chapter -_-;;)
OH and as you can see, it's in section1 and 2 again. Stupid LJ trying to make me write shorter chapters, PAHH! lol
OST for this chapter:
Lost Memory - My Sassy Girl OST (3.17 MB) - DOWNLOAD!!
Yunho's breakdown with JaeJoong
I woke up to a sight severely missed - JaeJoong lying peacefully in front of me. He was still resting on his side with his back to me, but even his back was a sight I appreciated seeing.
I remembered that a few hours earlier I had been lying close to him, my arms hugging his small body against mine. My soul craved peace above almost everything else and it seemed that holding JaeJoong was the only cure. But as I finally felt the signs of drowsiness I let go of him in case he woke up and was offended by my touch after expressing in the river how much he wished for me to avoid touching him. I didn’t want him to feel he couldn’t trust me anymore.
Viewing his sleeping figure nearby me was enough to captivate me entirely. To think that yesterday morning I had finally glimpsed him after a year! Had it already been 24 hours since I’d been with him? I felt like it was a significant anniversary of ours that was to be treasured as much as a wedding anniversary would be… It was the celebration of his beating heart close to my own.
The memories of last night still plagued me and I despised my hypocritical thoughts. When I had been separated from JaeJoong I had declared to myself that I’d do anything to make him happy. Avoiding the burden of our old relationship in this new context was something he needed to do in order to regain an identity. I understood the motive behind him breaking our relationship off and the importance of it for him. And yet…I was selfishly wishing things didn’t have to be this way. I wanted to be there to comfort him in ways other people may not be able to. I knew I could still help him in a friendly role, but knowing I couldn’t be his lover was tearing me up a little. I was being selfish. I’d just have to keep that promise I made to myself and hold his happiness higher than my own.
For this whole time I had assumed he was sleeping peacefully, but in the early morning rays I could now see the slight shudders shaking his shoulders and upper back. The tremors were not caused by sobs but by shivers.
As I leant on my elbow for a closer inspection I noticed he was miraculously still asleep. All he wore was still that doctor’s coat, plus he had spent all yesterday night in the river - it would hardly surprise me if he now was developing a cold. Either that or his fever was back from his infection.
He was clearly in poor form and with each shiver rippling through his shoulder a greater concern rose up within me.
“JaeJoongie,” I whispered, touching his shoulder gently. “Wake up, JaeJoongie.”
His eyes slowly spread open in disorientation as he tried to make sense of the landscape before his eyes.
“Sit up,” I softly urged, watching as he rolled onto his back, fighting the cloud of drowsiness muddling up his head. He was gazing up at me with those big, deep eyes of his. He looked just like a sleepy puppy.
His adorable confusion was also driving me absolutely crazy - how I wanted to embrace him and kiss him and bury myself against him! Heck, I even felt bizarre urges like tickling him until he was squirming under me and whining adorably. I wanted to remind him of the joys of the world even though both of us probably doubted even those now.
“Sit up,” I repeated, gently trying to pull him up. I could feel the muscles in my arms itching to embrace him again…trying to hold back was such a effort, like trying to stop an infuriated bull from escaping with only my bare hands as tools.
“Take that coat off for a second.”
“Huh?!” He stared at me in both horror and anger.
“You need to accumulate more heat for your body,” I calmly explained, already starting to slide my jacket off. Although I was completely bare underneath, my old tank top striped from me when I was caught, I knew I could easily handle a little chill. JaeJoong could not afford to, however.
“This’ll keep you warmer,” I promised, handing the slightly dirty jacket over to him. JaeJoong stared warily at my offered gift but then eventually accepted the warm material. He started to pull the doctor’s coat off him, making sure to turn his back to me first. As his bare shoulders and back were stripped of warmth and confronted by the chilly morning air, he groaned in discomfort.
I couldn’t help but selfishly stare at JaeJoong’s every move. I could not tear my eyes off his shoulder blades, watching them move elegantly behind his pale skin as he fiddled with the sleeves of my jacket.
His long hair had been unkempt in the camp, now falling over his shoulders and contrasting significantly against his milky back. Just from seeing this angle of him I could see how easily he could be mistaken for a young woman. Those bastards…trying to create their own ideal illusion.
I clenched my teeth violently.
If this was indeed the intent of those scums, to only view this aspect of him, then at least this way JaeJoong would have been spared the horror of seeing the disgusting faces of his attackers.
By the time Hangeng woke and came over to us, it became clear that JaeJoong certainly had a fever. We had no medical supplies or food though… We needed to make our way back down South Korea even if it was by foot.
JaeJoong was in no condition to walk though. His infection which had retriggered his fever was also causing him too much physical pain even by just sitting. The only solution we could think of was to carry him on our backs. Both Hangeng and I offered, so I could barely contain my delight when it was beside me that JaeJoong ended up standing next to.
Although we weren’t really together anymore, it gave me great happiness to be able to help him. Whether we were lovers or not, I’d always lend him my strength in any way he needed it.
I tried to be extra gentle with him as my hands grasped the underside of his thighs steadily, to keep him supported against my back. At first I could hear the hiss of pain of such a position and stood like a statue until he was no longer digging his nails into my shoulders.
As Hangeng and I started walking alongside the river, I let myself concentrate on the sensation of having JaeJoong against my back. The bareness of my back was causing every movement of JaeJoong’s to be felt more vividly than normal. His fingers remained clutching my shoulders and his forehead had dropped to rest against my shoulder blade. The fever-provoked warmth radiating off his forehead was scorching my back!
The fatigue he must be feeling seemed to outrun any curiosity he might have had at our surroundings, for sleep claimed him quite early on in our trek.
I remembered all those nights I had spent feeling nothing but the icy cold sheets strangling me. And now I was surrounded by indescribable warmth - it was like my world had shifted back into balance from one extreme to the other.
I was amazed at how sensitive I was to the feel of him. I could vividly feel his hands holding onto my shoulders and loosening gradually as he fell into a deeper sleep. His hair was tickling my upper back as his forehead remained resting against my shoulder blade like I was his favourite pillow. I could even identify his lower regions near my hips and feel his soft thighs with my own fingers. I was feeling every ounce of him, every cell. And it somehow made my soul just that little bit lighter.
After a few hours of trudging through the threes I could feel my arms aching a little bit. Not to mention my dry throat singing out for the feel of water running through it like a plentiful waterfall.
“Hangeng,” I panted. “Can we stop for a little bit?”
“Of course,” he replied, lowering the stick he had been swinging for the past half hour.
“JaeJoong, do you want a drink?” I asked over my shoulders.
“Shh,” Hangeng quickly hissed. “He’s still asleep. I’ll help you with him.”
I slowly knelt downwards and helped Hangeng slide JaeJoong off my back as best as I could. He slowly gained consciousness at the change of position and I couldn’t help but smile at his half-conscious musings.
“You’re heavy,” I teased him.
“Well you’re too bony,” he huffed back.
“Oi. I’m your escort service, not your mattress.”
He folded his arms, trying to keep himself warmer now that the shelter of my bare back was gone. The fever was draining all his natural warmth despite his burning forehead. It really frustrated me that I couldn’t do anything more for him. I’d tried insisting he wore my pants as well earlier, but he had adamantly refused, claiming there was no point in me freezing my ass off as well. Maybe he was concerned that my ego wouldn’t be able to handle walking around completely naked…maybe he was right. I’d never know though so I guess it didn’t really matter anyway.
We all helped ourselves to the water in the river, drinking hungrily from our cupped hands. JaeJoong even tried washing his face with it, feeling unclean by the lack of proper baths he’d had since he had left our camp. But finding his hands were insufficient in providing enough refreshment for his face, he knelt down with a steady balance and dunked his whole head in before I could stop him.
“Oi oi oi!” I exclaimed in disdain. “Your clothes just dried! What are you doing wetting them again!”
He glanced at me and shrugged uncaringly, pulling the wet clumps of hair back off his face.
I sighed and stuck my hand into the river. Playing thoughtfully with the slippery water, I tried listening to the noises it made as my fingers disturbed its peace.
“You know this is part of our river,” I quietly spoke to no-one in particular. “Parts of us are in here…”
I lifted my hand back up, watching closely as the water poured out of my palm and back to where it belonged. I couldn’t tear my eyes away. I was losing myself back to the past, to a memory I had often drowned myself in… The memory of a moonlit night when JaeJoong had lured me into the river and then used his slippery, warm, naked body to hypnotize me into following his every will. For an inexperienced kid he sure had figured out the right method of seduction pretty quickly. I had been so helpless that night. I had been his rag doll and he had pulled my strings.*
The water we had drunken had contained bits of our love. My body had been replenished by remains of our love making. When I cried or sweated, it would now be essences of our love oozing out of my pores and ducts.
I let my hand splash the water again. I wondered if it really was possible…that the essence of us was still instilled in the water somehow. Or had the rain washed us out into the banks already?
When I next looked up, I was astonished to catch his gaze on me. He had been watching me unwaveringly. And by the solemn expression on his face now I wondered if he had known what I had been remembering.
“If I am not wrong, that old place was one of the catchments of this main river,” I explained shyly. Did he think I was a melancholy fool for living in the past?
“Sorry Yunho…” he softly spoke. “It’s just not possible to do anything like that.”
I gazed at him in confusion.
“There’s a communist in the bush,” he explained, the hint of a smile on his shining face.
I glanced behind me to where Hangeng was bent over, surrounded by bush, being prodded to death by branches as he looked for berries for us to eat.
I looked back at JaeJoong and burst out laughing. If felt for a long moment like nothing had ever happened, as if we really would have made a re-enactment of that night if Hangeng hadn’t been there. That last time we had loved each other I had been so paranoid that our communist enemies would be spying on us from the bushes. I couldn’t believe JaeJoong had remembered that.
“I thought you said that the communists could join in,” I teased him.
“I changed my mind,” he smirked, sending a torrential wave in my direction with his hand.
I stared in shock and betrayal at him as I tried to blink the water out of my eyelashes. Gritting my teeth I childishly sent an even bigger wave at him. But he had hurriedly blocked his face with his arms, already preempting my attack.
I scowled at his cheating but resisted trying to splash him again. My resistance however, lasted for a very short time and I struck again just as JaeJoong had begun to assume he was safe, our battle already over. He of course copped a whole face full and bent over to cough the water out of his mouth. Concerned that my playfulness had gone too far, I moved over to where he sat to check up on him.
I gasped as I felt his hands aggressively trying to force me backwards into the river. But I found my balance at the last second, holding tightly onto his arms like a railing. “A mere mortal thinks he could actually push a Major into the river?” I teased.
“Yes. Because the mortal knows how stupid the Major can be at times.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I demanded sulkily.
“Hmmm,” was all he said.
“Hmm, what?!” I growled, shaking his arms.
“Back off you baby, or I’ll bite,” he teased, arching his eyebrow provokingly.
I sat back in a daze, all the fun suddenly sucked out of me. My hands remained protectively curled over his arms.
Bite…
I had been reminded as vividly as a slap to the face about the nickname JaeJoong had earned at the camp. Thorn… because he bit people, his defense maneuver when people got too close…
He was looking at me strangely now. He was trying to figure out what had upset me. But I couldn’t open my mouth…my heart was being cruelly squeezed much too roughly for me to concentrate on anything else.
I couldn’t look at him anymore. I didn’t want to have to glimpse those beautiful eyes of his.
I coldly pulled away from him and stood up. Walking far away from him I pulled my hair in frustration.
Hangeng had walked back over to him, weary from his berry expedition. Good. I could be by myself and not have to worry.
I was getting much too angry again. I really didn’t want him to see me like this. I didn’t want him to be afraid of me.
I let out a yell of anger and slammed my foot against a nearby tree trunk. The harsh contact sent a wave of pain up my whole leg but I welcomed the distraction. It felt so good to feel something else other than mental hatred. Like an addiction, I kicked the truck again even harder to feel the resulting ache.
People touching my ex-lover… People entering my ex-lover… People ejaculating into my ex-lover, filling him with disgusting substances.
Why did this happen to us? What had we done? What sin had we committed? Why were we being punished this hard? Was it because we were gay? I’d had one other gay lover before JaeJoong…why hadn’t I been punished then? Was it because I hadn’t been as serious as this? Did God know I’d kill anyone who got too near to him, like a mother protecting her precious young? Was this intensity too decadent for God? Had He let us escape from that hell hole because He knew I’d feel this extreme punishment afterwards?
I cocooned my face inside my arms, desperate to hide my angry tears from Him. He had made me completely vulnerable now. Was this enough for Him? There was no way I could feel any worse…so was my punishment fulfilled yet? Could He take all the pain away from us now that I had sacrificed my tough demeanor?
But despite my personal peril, an angry voice pierced through my cocoon.
“Get yourself together.”
SECTION 2!!! GO FLY LIKE THE WIND!
Author: wild_terrain (ie. fi_chan)
Banner:
Chapter: [8/20?]
Rating: PG-13
Genre: AU
Summary: Two men met one cold, winters day. One, a cook's assistant, the other a young lawyer. The year was 1950, when this instant attraction occured... However, the threat of civil war loomed and the two found themselves faced with the risk of seperation. Yunho swore he'd protect JaeJoong at all cost...but can he really?
A/N: This is Yunho’s chapter. JaeJoong’s started admitting the demons that haunt him …now it’s time for Yunho to deal with his. And erm, I don't normally do this but: Dedicated to my good friend G.M.D (it’s entirely HER fault that I cried when I wrote this chapter -_-;;)
OH and as you can see, it's in section1 and 2 again. Stupid LJ trying to make me write shorter chapters, PAHH! lol
OST for this chapter:
Lost Memory - My Sassy Girl OST (3.17 MB) - DOWNLOAD!!
Yunho's breakdown with JaeJoong
I woke up to a sight severely missed - JaeJoong lying peacefully in front of me. He was still resting on his side with his back to me, but even his back was a sight I appreciated seeing.
I remembered that a few hours earlier I had been lying close to him, my arms hugging his small body against mine. My soul craved peace above almost everything else and it seemed that holding JaeJoong was the only cure. But as I finally felt the signs of drowsiness I let go of him in case he woke up and was offended by my touch after expressing in the river how much he wished for me to avoid touching him. I didn’t want him to feel he couldn’t trust me anymore.
Viewing his sleeping figure nearby me was enough to captivate me entirely. To think that yesterday morning I had finally glimpsed him after a year! Had it already been 24 hours since I’d been with him? I felt like it was a significant anniversary of ours that was to be treasured as much as a wedding anniversary would be… It was the celebration of his beating heart close to my own.
The memories of last night still plagued me and I despised my hypocritical thoughts. When I had been separated from JaeJoong I had declared to myself that I’d do anything to make him happy. Avoiding the burden of our old relationship in this new context was something he needed to do in order to regain an identity. I understood the motive behind him breaking our relationship off and the importance of it for him. And yet…I was selfishly wishing things didn’t have to be this way. I wanted to be there to comfort him in ways other people may not be able to. I knew I could still help him in a friendly role, but knowing I couldn’t be his lover was tearing me up a little. I was being selfish. I’d just have to keep that promise I made to myself and hold his happiness higher than my own.
For this whole time I had assumed he was sleeping peacefully, but in the early morning rays I could now see the slight shudders shaking his shoulders and upper back. The tremors were not caused by sobs but by shivers.
As I leant on my elbow for a closer inspection I noticed he was miraculously still asleep. All he wore was still that doctor’s coat, plus he had spent all yesterday night in the river - it would hardly surprise me if he now was developing a cold. Either that or his fever was back from his infection.
He was clearly in poor form and with each shiver rippling through his shoulder a greater concern rose up within me.
“JaeJoongie,” I whispered, touching his shoulder gently. “Wake up, JaeJoongie.”
His eyes slowly spread open in disorientation as he tried to make sense of the landscape before his eyes.
“Sit up,” I softly urged, watching as he rolled onto his back, fighting the cloud of drowsiness muddling up his head. He was gazing up at me with those big, deep eyes of his. He looked just like a sleepy puppy.
His adorable confusion was also driving me absolutely crazy - how I wanted to embrace him and kiss him and bury myself against him! Heck, I even felt bizarre urges like tickling him until he was squirming under me and whining adorably. I wanted to remind him of the joys of the world even though both of us probably doubted even those now.
“Sit up,” I repeated, gently trying to pull him up. I could feel the muscles in my arms itching to embrace him again…trying to hold back was such a effort, like trying to stop an infuriated bull from escaping with only my bare hands as tools.
“Take that coat off for a second.”
“Huh?!” He stared at me in both horror and anger.
“You need to accumulate more heat for your body,” I calmly explained, already starting to slide my jacket off. Although I was completely bare underneath, my old tank top striped from me when I was caught, I knew I could easily handle a little chill. JaeJoong could not afford to, however.
“This’ll keep you warmer,” I promised, handing the slightly dirty jacket over to him. JaeJoong stared warily at my offered gift but then eventually accepted the warm material. He started to pull the doctor’s coat off him, making sure to turn his back to me first. As his bare shoulders and back were stripped of warmth and confronted by the chilly morning air, he groaned in discomfort.
I couldn’t help but selfishly stare at JaeJoong’s every move. I could not tear my eyes off his shoulder blades, watching them move elegantly behind his pale skin as he fiddled with the sleeves of my jacket.
His long hair had been unkempt in the camp, now falling over his shoulders and contrasting significantly against his milky back. Just from seeing this angle of him I could see how easily he could be mistaken for a young woman. Those bastards…trying to create their own ideal illusion.
I clenched my teeth violently.
If this was indeed the intent of those scums, to only view this aspect of him, then at least this way JaeJoong would have been spared the horror of seeing the disgusting faces of his attackers.
By the time Hangeng woke and came over to us, it became clear that JaeJoong certainly had a fever. We had no medical supplies or food though… We needed to make our way back down South Korea even if it was by foot.
JaeJoong was in no condition to walk though. His infection which had retriggered his fever was also causing him too much physical pain even by just sitting. The only solution we could think of was to carry him on our backs. Both Hangeng and I offered, so I could barely contain my delight when it was beside me that JaeJoong ended up standing next to.
Although we weren’t really together anymore, it gave me great happiness to be able to help him. Whether we were lovers or not, I’d always lend him my strength in any way he needed it.
I tried to be extra gentle with him as my hands grasped the underside of his thighs steadily, to keep him supported against my back. At first I could hear the hiss of pain of such a position and stood like a statue until he was no longer digging his nails into my shoulders.
As Hangeng and I started walking alongside the river, I let myself concentrate on the sensation of having JaeJoong against my back. The bareness of my back was causing every movement of JaeJoong’s to be felt more vividly than normal. His fingers remained clutching my shoulders and his forehead had dropped to rest against my shoulder blade. The fever-provoked warmth radiating off his forehead was scorching my back!
The fatigue he must be feeling seemed to outrun any curiosity he might have had at our surroundings, for sleep claimed him quite early on in our trek.
I remembered all those nights I had spent feeling nothing but the icy cold sheets strangling me. And now I was surrounded by indescribable warmth - it was like my world had shifted back into balance from one extreme to the other.
I was amazed at how sensitive I was to the feel of him. I could vividly feel his hands holding onto my shoulders and loosening gradually as he fell into a deeper sleep. His hair was tickling my upper back as his forehead remained resting against my shoulder blade like I was his favourite pillow. I could even identify his lower regions near my hips and feel his soft thighs with my own fingers. I was feeling every ounce of him, every cell. And it somehow made my soul just that little bit lighter.
After a few hours of trudging through the threes I could feel my arms aching a little bit. Not to mention my dry throat singing out for the feel of water running through it like a plentiful waterfall.
“Hangeng,” I panted. “Can we stop for a little bit?”
“Of course,” he replied, lowering the stick he had been swinging for the past half hour.
“JaeJoong, do you want a drink?” I asked over my shoulders.
“Shh,” Hangeng quickly hissed. “He’s still asleep. I’ll help you with him.”
I slowly knelt downwards and helped Hangeng slide JaeJoong off my back as best as I could. He slowly gained consciousness at the change of position and I couldn’t help but smile at his half-conscious musings.
“You’re heavy,” I teased him.
“Well you’re too bony,” he huffed back.
“Oi. I’m your escort service, not your mattress.”
He folded his arms, trying to keep himself warmer now that the shelter of my bare back was gone. The fever was draining all his natural warmth despite his burning forehead. It really frustrated me that I couldn’t do anything more for him. I’d tried insisting he wore my pants as well earlier, but he had adamantly refused, claiming there was no point in me freezing my ass off as well. Maybe he was concerned that my ego wouldn’t be able to handle walking around completely naked…maybe he was right. I’d never know though so I guess it didn’t really matter anyway.
We all helped ourselves to the water in the river, drinking hungrily from our cupped hands. JaeJoong even tried washing his face with it, feeling unclean by the lack of proper baths he’d had since he had left our camp. But finding his hands were insufficient in providing enough refreshment for his face, he knelt down with a steady balance and dunked his whole head in before I could stop him.
“Oi oi oi!” I exclaimed in disdain. “Your clothes just dried! What are you doing wetting them again!”
He glanced at me and shrugged uncaringly, pulling the wet clumps of hair back off his face.
I sighed and stuck my hand into the river. Playing thoughtfully with the slippery water, I tried listening to the noises it made as my fingers disturbed its peace.
“You know this is part of our river,” I quietly spoke to no-one in particular. “Parts of us are in here…”
I lifted my hand back up, watching closely as the water poured out of my palm and back to where it belonged. I couldn’t tear my eyes away. I was losing myself back to the past, to a memory I had often drowned myself in… The memory of a moonlit night when JaeJoong had lured me into the river and then used his slippery, warm, naked body to hypnotize me into following his every will. For an inexperienced kid he sure had figured out the right method of seduction pretty quickly. I had been so helpless that night. I had been his rag doll and he had pulled my strings.*
The water we had drunken had contained bits of our love. My body had been replenished by remains of our love making. When I cried or sweated, it would now be essences of our love oozing out of my pores and ducts.
I let my hand splash the water again. I wondered if it really was possible…that the essence of us was still instilled in the water somehow. Or had the rain washed us out into the banks already?
When I next looked up, I was astonished to catch his gaze on me. He had been watching me unwaveringly. And by the solemn expression on his face now I wondered if he had known what I had been remembering.
“If I am not wrong, that old place was one of the catchments of this main river,” I explained shyly. Did he think I was a melancholy fool for living in the past?
“Sorry Yunho…” he softly spoke. “It’s just not possible to do anything like that.”
I gazed at him in confusion.
“There’s a communist in the bush,” he explained, the hint of a smile on his shining face.
I glanced behind me to where Hangeng was bent over, surrounded by bush, being prodded to death by branches as he looked for berries for us to eat.
I looked back at JaeJoong and burst out laughing. If felt for a long moment like nothing had ever happened, as if we really would have made a re-enactment of that night if Hangeng hadn’t been there. That last time we had loved each other I had been so paranoid that our communist enemies would be spying on us from the bushes. I couldn’t believe JaeJoong had remembered that.
“I thought you said that the communists could join in,” I teased him.
“I changed my mind,” he smirked, sending a torrential wave in my direction with his hand.
I stared in shock and betrayal at him as I tried to blink the water out of my eyelashes. Gritting my teeth I childishly sent an even bigger wave at him. But he had hurriedly blocked his face with his arms, already preempting my attack.
I scowled at his cheating but resisted trying to splash him again. My resistance however, lasted for a very short time and I struck again just as JaeJoong had begun to assume he was safe, our battle already over. He of course copped a whole face full and bent over to cough the water out of his mouth. Concerned that my playfulness had gone too far, I moved over to where he sat to check up on him.
I gasped as I felt his hands aggressively trying to force me backwards into the river. But I found my balance at the last second, holding tightly onto his arms like a railing. “A mere mortal thinks he could actually push a Major into the river?” I teased.
“Yes. Because the mortal knows how stupid the Major can be at times.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I demanded sulkily.
“Hmmm,” was all he said.
“Hmm, what?!” I growled, shaking his arms.
“Back off you baby, or I’ll bite,” he teased, arching his eyebrow provokingly.
I sat back in a daze, all the fun suddenly sucked out of me. My hands remained protectively curled over his arms.
Bite…
I had been reminded as vividly as a slap to the face about the nickname JaeJoong had earned at the camp. Thorn… because he bit people, his defense maneuver when people got too close…
He was looking at me strangely now. He was trying to figure out what had upset me. But I couldn’t open my mouth…my heart was being cruelly squeezed much too roughly for me to concentrate on anything else.
I couldn’t look at him anymore. I didn’t want to have to glimpse those beautiful eyes of his.
I coldly pulled away from him and stood up. Walking far away from him I pulled my hair in frustration.
Hangeng had walked back over to him, weary from his berry expedition. Good. I could be by myself and not have to worry.
I was getting much too angry again. I really didn’t want him to see me like this. I didn’t want him to be afraid of me.
I let out a yell of anger and slammed my foot against a nearby tree trunk. The harsh contact sent a wave of pain up my whole leg but I welcomed the distraction. It felt so good to feel something else other than mental hatred. Like an addiction, I kicked the truck again even harder to feel the resulting ache.
People touching my ex-lover… People entering my ex-lover… People ejaculating into my ex-lover, filling him with disgusting substances.
Why did this happen to us? What had we done? What sin had we committed? Why were we being punished this hard? Was it because we were gay? I’d had one other gay lover before JaeJoong…why hadn’t I been punished then? Was it because I hadn’t been as serious as this? Did God know I’d kill anyone who got too near to him, like a mother protecting her precious young? Was this intensity too decadent for God? Had He let us escape from that hell hole because He knew I’d feel this extreme punishment afterwards?
I cocooned my face inside my arms, desperate to hide my angry tears from Him. He had made me completely vulnerable now. Was this enough for Him? There was no way I could feel any worse…so was my punishment fulfilled yet? Could He take all the pain away from us now that I had sacrificed my tough demeanor?
But despite my personal peril, an angry voice pierced through my cocoon.
“Get yourself together.”
SECTION 2!!! GO FLY LIKE THE WIND!