Echo of Dusk - Chapter XVII
Re-reading this chapter, I realised just how sensual it is. I’m sure you’ll all enjoy it.
mopizm, this Soul Kiss is for you~~ :P
OST:
Believe Again - Delta Goodrem (7.98MB) - DOWNLOAD!!
JaeJoong:
Have you ever screamed out into the dark, thinking no one else could hear
I was leaving footprints tainted by my past, on this winding road to you
I'd lost my faith in love, tonight I believe again…
Erotica - Madonna (7.30MB) - DOWNLOAD!!
Give it up and let me have my way
Let my mouth go where it wants to
I'm not gonna hurt you, just close your eyes
I'd like to put you in a trance, all over
I leant on my elbow, watching the one I loved as he slept.
I found it quite amusing how in ordinary circumstances, staring at someone-else’s sleeping face like this would have grown tiring quite quickly, but if you love that person…then you can’t quite pull yourself away and suddenly it’s the most interesting thing you could ever do. It was so nice to know that sex wasn’t what kept us interested in each other - we certainly hadn’t had any such thing for over eighteen months now!
But still…it didn’t stop the attraction I felt for him. I couldn’t stop smiling affectionately at his lips - those I could devour endlessly. Oh, and that adorable teeny mark above his upper lip…very delicious.
I couldn’t help but wonder though whether Changmin had ever been in my position - addicted to staring like that at a sleeping crush…at me.
I sighed, breaking the magical hypnosis that Yunho’s face had cast upon me and sunk backwards onto my back.
Changminnie…
He had come to me earlier today just wishing to confide in me a bit…about his unwavering feelings for me. He knew how attached I was to Yunho as Yunho was to me, but still he had needed to share his feelings again before he self combusted. He didn’t expect me to run to him, leaving Yunho behind but telling me he still loved me was that little bit of closure he had been desperate for.
We’d hugged for awhile…he had even kissed the side of my neck sadly for a little bit and then he finally smiled and assured me he was cured.
He had done all he could; laid all his cards out and lost the game. The rule of that game had been simple - if someone had a stronger hand than you, you’d lose. That opponent who had beaten him had been Yunho and he was fine with that now - he had good sportsmanship.
As much as it pained me to see Changmin so helpless once more, it made me realise how lucky I was to have found that soul mate who loved me back. Yunho and I had completely opposite personalities, we fought a lot and we clearly had completely different goals in life but still our hearts somehow fit together. Our lives seemed to completely intertwine; unable to function properly without the other, like the beauty contained only in a completed jigsaw puzzle.
It was quite amazing how comfortable we both felt around each other now. Several months had passed since that incident and although my upper chest still bore that hideous scar, my stitches had been taken out and I had felt emotionally lighter.
Every now and then if I caught Yunho in a compliant mood, he’d even give in to my desires and let us lie together naked for a little while - Yunho had always refused to let us fall asleep naked even when we had been having sexual relations. War was terribly unpredictable so he hadn’t wanted us to get caught in an ambush with our ‘pants down’. I remembered I used to try pointing out to him that whilst we had sex, an ambush could occur and yet that possibility hadn’t ever stopped us from making love! Of course he had never replied to that one…he knew I was right. But still, he had always gotten his way and we’d always redressed after sex.
So to this day, I had never experienced the joy of being woken up by the warm sunlight, the sheets hugging our naked bodies; like how a normal couple would have felt back home. But that was just one of the sacrifices we’d had to make during this war.
Even though I’d found my body no longer seemed to crave sex, I still loved feeling that sensation of my bare body on top of his...maybe it was because I secretly enjoyed that sense of our equal vulnerability for once. So sometimes before he fell asleep, he’d get undressed for me and we’d lie silently together like that. Or sometimes we’d have conversations lying like that…
I remember the second time I’d ever asked to lie with him had been barely a fortnight after my stitches had been taken out. I could still recall the conversation we’d had as I shivered under the touch of his fingers drawing invisible lines down my back.
I had slipped up and gone against the very policy that had kept my secrets from him - my policy to never scare him with details of my past. But the darn prick had caught me off guard with those gentle hands of his! And I’d distractedly given in, telling him some stories from my time in the POW camp.
I’d ended up telling him about the guy who’d been the most gentle with me. He’d only been gentle because somehow he’d gotten the crazy idea that he liked me. I’d been so disgusted by him and that ridiculous notion he’d had about us. Who in their right mind would freely go to rape an enemy prisoner and then think they had developed feelings for them?! He had come to me almost every day… Despite his gentleness I think perhaps the reason why he had made such a lasting impression for me was because that gentleness made me feel slimier than the roughest of the abusers.
By that stage of my memory I had begun shaking and Yunho had tried to make me stop retelling it. But I was remembering past guilt and had been adamant in telling him the complete truth - that the ridiculous man had been so refreshingly gentle that it had sometimes started feeling a little good… Good enough to provoke my occasional stimulation.
Yunho immediately rejected my apologies though. He’d assured me that that sex was sex - it was meant to feel enjoyable, that’s why it was done in the first place. I, the victim, couldn’t possibly have benefited from the satisfaction of having control like my rapists, so of course if it wasn’t disgust I felt, there would be no other emotion to feel but pleasure. His ‘I’m a lawyer so that means I am right’ attitude had been both irritating and relieving.
Of course, that hadn’t been all we’d talked about. Sometimes our conversations were sombre such as the time he had filled me in on what he’d done in my hiatus. Then again, sometimes the conversations were very light like when he had asked me to recite my favourite recipe to him because he was craving some exotic foods - even if he could only eat them mentally.
Sometimes Yunho even had me laughing as he melodramatically described the mischief he’d gotten into as a child when he’d ‘accidentally’ kicked a soccer ball into his neighbours yard and almost knocked her out cold when she was hanging up her washing. He assured me that the bushes had caught her fall and only mild scratching had occurred. He wanted to point out that his distance range had been deeply underestimated, his skill having improved without his realisation.
I had scolded him for being so blasé about it but he insisted that he really didn’t regret it because it had stopped her from hanging up some rather aesthetically displeasing panties the size of North Korea.
I had accused him of being a terrible child but he had exclaimed passionately in his defence about just how disturbing her underpants really had been and insisted he’d even had a nightmare once about them falling onto him and suffocating him.
“So all this justified you kicking her unconscious?”
“Yes.”
I had laughed despite myself at the absurdity of his melodramatic story and pointed out that when he was an old man, people would be snickering over his giant underpants.
“Who says I’d even want to continue wearing underwear after the war? Once the South is free, maybe the other south wants to be free!”
“You don’t want to hold your saggy bits in place?!” I’d demanded.
“What are you calling saggy?”
“Give it time, give it time,” I’d giggled uncontrollably as he’d tried to cover my mouth to stop me from insulting his goodies any further.
Then again, sometimes we didn’t even speak when I laid over him.
But now…we rarely lay naked together anymore. Once or twice he’d accidentally grown aroused by me and we’d had to end our nudity early as he’d disappeared towards the river. That’s why he’d started getting more reluctant to let me undress him - his problem was getting more frequent so he preferred to just avoid it altogether.
I exhaled deeply and rolled over onto my stomach. Yunho’s celibacy during my MIA period still astounded me. I had never felt I’d ever receive so much loyalty from a lover in any part of my lifetime. I had not expected his celibacy… I knew if he had had sex with someone else I would have felt jealous and possessive beyond belief but I wouldn’t have blamed him or scolded him for it - just as he refused to scold me for enjoying some of the sex in the POW camp.
I honestly felt so sorry for him now that I couldn’t relieve him in the ways he most needed it now. It was almost weird to think about him doing nothing with anyone whilst I had experienced it almost daily. It was like we’d always be destined to be polar opposites…
With a deeper sigh, I slipped my hand under his shirt and slid my thumb across his belly. His tanned skin was as soft as ever.
In all honesty, I’d decided long ago that Yunho was the most handsome man in Korea. I knew he wasn’t perfect but most of the time I couldn’t help but feel that he was. It was no secret that he was the person I most admired in my life. Thinking back on how he rescued me from the North Korean camp… He was my hero.
Trying not to get choked up, I moved his shirt further out of the way so I could have a little patch of skin all to myself to kiss.
I couldn’t deny it, I was a little sad that I didn’t feel aroused by anything anymore. It had been so long since I’d truly been with Yunho intimately that I was starting to feel nostalgic. We’d been so happy back then. Even though the war scared us, whenever we had been together everything had felt perfect. I was so thankful to be back here with him. Let’s face it; a year ago I thought I’d be lost forever, destined to never see him again, left decomposing into foreign soil.
But my eyes had opened that significant morning and despite the pain still being in me, his eyes were what I focused on, dispelling the darkness.
At first I hadn’t realised it was really him leaning over me, staring down in concern next to Hangeng.
So many times I had tried imagining him there saving me. I had needed him there to aid my loneliness and terror. But once my mind had finished playing tricks on me, he had never been there. So many times I had let myself believe that he had really been there, only to realise sooner or later that I had been alone all along.
But then the small things started to register in my unresponsive mind - mostly noticing the glitches in his physical appearance which hadn’t been in my previous day dreams. His face had been so gaunt compared to what I was used to…like he had stopped eating as I had. And he had had facial hair. I had seen him with facial hair before plenty of times, but never in my daydreams - in those, he had always been there with me looking so perfect, strong and handsome, not a crease in his ROKA uniform, not a hair our of pace, not a button missing. I wasn’t used to picturing this dishevelled version of Yunho in a North Korean uniform with an unclean, unshaved face. And he had looked weak. Very weak. Almost as if some horrible thing had sucked all his energy out until he was left completely helpless. I know now that I had actually done all that to him…my vulnerability had become his vulnerability.
It had felt so surreal, so impossible for him to really be in that horrendous place. I didn’t understand how angels like him would have had access to such a place in the first place.
But then I knew the impossible had occurred and my angel had been let in. I had thought my heart had completely burst in that first millisecond of realisation.
And now I was back here, in my home under the familiar canvas roof, kissing his honey-coloured stomach, feeling his hard abdominal muscles under my fingers. I tried hard to bring myself out of the memory but my heart rate had escalated extraordinarily and I was finding it hard to calm it down. I bent down to cover his whole belly in short kisses - a long delayed rush of thankfulness for him.
I was being filled with the burning need to thank him with my whole soul, pleasure him with my whole soul, and kiss him with my whole soul.
My hands crept down past the top of his pants and journeyed until the coarse hair was curling over my fingers. As I started slowly massaging his testicles, my spare hand pulled his pants further down.
I could feel him stirring rapidly under my erotic touches so I sprung upwards to kiss him as his eyes fluttered open in bewilderment.
He was almost gasping into my mouth as my hand determinedly curled around his swelling member and began pumping it rigorously.
Occasionally I could feel his hand pressing against my chest, trying to tell me in the only way he could, to stop it, whilst my tongue kept his one captive. But I wasn’t willing to stop and Yunho knew it too.
Even as his body stiffened under me, my fingers bathing in his cum, I couldn’t stop kissing him. But he eventually started nudging me away again to catch his breath back.
I wasn’t finished though. I wanted him to be screaming for me, I wanted him to feel so good that he’d lose his vision and his hearing and I was fairly certain that another flimsy hand job wouldn’t be capable of creating such a sensation. I wasn’t physically capable yet of breaking his celibacy but I’d darn well do the next best thing.
Before he could register my next move, too preoccupied with gaining his breath back, I lifted myself off him to crawl backwards. As soon as my sticky fingers took a hold of his member once more, I could feel it hardening again.
Then I felt his body tensing as my breath, blazing hot from all the love I felt for him, covered the stiff organ. I kissed the top of it, slowly sliding my tongue up it. As I reached the top of his stiff skin, my hands grasped his inner thighs and spread them out further, stroking the velvety skin under my fingers as I bent over to start tasting the skin of his testes.
“J-Jae…” he was breathing, defencelessly.
I felt my mouth accidentally curving into a smirk at his helplessness. He was already mewling and I had barely started. He really did need this.
My tongue slipped off from his testes and back onto the begging member.
“N-NO!” he exclaimed but it was too late; my tongue was already moving down his frenulum. He needed to stop feeling guilty - I was the one initiating this, not him. I’d just have to deepen the sensation for him until he forgets…
My lips pressed softly over his upper shaft and locked it firmly into my mouth. He was moaning uncontrollably and I fuelled all my energy into devouring him possessively.
My hand slipped from where it had been resting on his inner thigh onto the throbbing member, aiding my doting mouth to stroke the parts of him left untouched.
His hand was pulling on my hair, his other one grasping the sheets next to us desperately. As my passionate tongue continued to torture him with a rain of pleasure, his hands pulled even harder at my hair, accidentally burning my scalp painfully but I didn’t make him stop it - he had waited much too long for this to happen and I would try and keep his pleasure undisturbed for as long as I possibly could.
I began tickling his belly with my energetic fingers, trying to tease the tiny hairs residing on his tanned skin to add to the sensation my playful tongue was having on him.
His intense groaning inspired both my confidence and determination to rise up further; my tongue increasing the pressure even more until his hips were thrusting upwards into me impulsively, melting into my own rhythm. His fervent thrusting was increasing my speed and for a few moments I also felt myself slipping into a trance, losing sense of who I was and where I was as all the sensations we were feeling drowned me.
He let out a sudden exclamation of what sounded vaguely like the syllables of my name and I prepared myself quickly; the taste of his cum swirling around my tastebuds just like old times. I swallowed it all in satisfaction of this long awaited deja vu - it felt indescribably fulfilling.
I released my captive, licking the remaining cum off the corner of my lips. Yunho was still lying flat on his back, panting heavily but his elbow had been thrown over his face so the beautiful, enchanting eyes that I loved looking into were completely hidden from me.
I frowned a little, pushing myself up carefully into a sitting position. From what I could see of his face he looked angry. How had I made him so angry?
Even after his chest flattened back down to a stable heart rate he remained lying in such a way so as to shield himself from me. I was left with no alternative but to sit rooted to the spot, staring warily at him.
I felt myself relaxing once more as his spare hand slowly moved off the sheets to curl around the one I had placed in my lap. I stared down at it thoughtfully, memorising each bump of his knuckles, every curving vein… And then I lifted it up to kiss it tenderly.
“Why did you do that?” he quietly demanded.
“You know how much I love your hands…”
“No, not that.”
“Ah.”
“Ah?”
“Yunho…” I sighed, playing distractedly with the hand still intertwined with my own. “It’s of no consequence to me.”
“You ambushed me!”
I couldn’t help but smile at his adorable whining.
“You wouldn’t have let me if you had been on your usual guard, now would you, Mother Theresa?”
“No…” he agreed.
I couldn’t stop myself from watching his lips moving as he spoke to me, his eyes still hidden by his elbow. I licked my own lips subconsciously.
“You’re so dangerous,” he softly complained. “I almost lost control of myself.”
“So?”
“So?!” he exclaimed before letting out that bitter laugh of his. “At least pull my pants back up!”
“Why?”
“You know why.”
I sighed and did as I was told. Fiddling with the worn material under my fingers I tried to swallow.
“Yunho, I’ve received so much from you lately in the patience department, affection department, emotional department…so I wanted to be the giver for once…” I explained slowly.
I heard him sighing before he finally let his elbow fall from his face to glance at me. “C’mere.”
I smiled again and crawled back over to him, falling back onto his chest and he reached up to play with my long locks.
“Naughty boy.”
“Don’t you know it,” I smirked, closing my eyes. “Geez Yunnie, how much do you want to sweat from just two ejaculations?!”
“It’s not that bad! What are you on about?!” he defended.
“Oh it’s pretty bad,” I smirked, reopening my eyes and gazing down at his shining collar bone. “Let me fix you up.”
He tried to weakly fight my hands away as I started unbuttoning the rest of his shirt but then gave up, allowing me to strip him of his garment. Whilst I was sitting, I quickly fiddled with my own until I was able to fling it off, aiming for my lover’s face.
“Mmm, essence of Joongie,” I heard him pervertedly exclaim, his voice muffled from under the fabric.
I shook my head in amusement, ripping his pants off again whilst he was distracted by my smelly shirt. As my hands reached his feet I slyly took the opportunity to run my nails over the undersides.
He yelled in panic, knowing my ‘never say quit’ attitude much too well as the tickling torture tactic continued on. His bare legs tried to kick me away but I hit them back like I was a human baseball bat.
Pegging my shirt back at me to temporarily blind me, he leapt away from me and pushed me backwards. His hands clamped around the button of my pants, trying to pull the material down mercilessly.
“Ahh ah! Crotch burn!” I yelled in pain, trying to unzip it properly.
He grinned in satisfaction as my milky legs were properly revealed to him and I heard my pants landing somewhere on the floor with a whmff.
He crawled over me and then lay down onto my stomach, bending to lick down the length of my collar bone.
“You love this, don’t you?” he teased.
“Yes I do!” I laughed.
“Now is it just me being terribly deprived and possibly therefore forgetting what a blowjob feels like, or did you improve on that?”
“Why Yunho, you know I’ve always mastered the art of sucking from a young age.”
“My genitals are slightly different to a baby’s pacifier,” he drawled, tickling my sides.
“How so?”
“For starters, one is perceivably larger than the other.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. As far as I know, my mother always bought me the regular-sized kind.”
“Oi!” he growled, unable to keep the grin off his face. “Your pacifiers were not what I had in mind when I said ‘large.’”
“You sure?”
“My naughty one, you cannot insult the goods.”
“Oh I dunno, I’ve had bigger.”
Both of us froze as the words accidentally tumbled out of my mouth. What the hell was I supposed to do now?! I hadn’t meant to ruin the moment by bringing up my assaults. Fuck, fuckity, fuck.
“…They made you…do…that…too?” he breathed out, painfully slowly.
“Occasionally,” I admitted, equally as quiet.
“I see…”
“You’d be pretty proud of me though!” I declared, trying desperately to lighten up the mood.
“Would I? And why is that?” he questioned tiredly, stroking my shoulder lovingly.
“I got one of them back, immaculately. You can call me the camel of the camp.”
“Camel?!” he exclaimed in amused shock.
“Mmmhmm. The guy was trying to make me…er…swallow, but of course I refused to. So I pretended to but really was waiting for the perfect time to spit it back out onto his disgusting face.”
“Oh no you didn’t!” he groaned.
“Oh yes.”
“Wouldn’t that have made him go ballistic?”
“Indeed.”
“Babe!” he groaned at my cockiness. “Did he hurt you?”
“Maybe.”
“Maybe, how?”
“Maybe, hit.”
“He hit you?! How hard?!”
“Perhaps to unconscious levels…”
“Oh Jae!” he groaned again, nuzzling his head into the crook of my neck.
He was doing a really good job of acting nonchalant at my story; I shuddered to think of what he was really feeling inside.
“Arrrgh, you tough, stubborn cookie.”
“Yeh. And knowing him he probably tried assaulting me again whilst I was unconscious.”
“Why did you do that…”
“Well even though he got the last laugh, at least I got the satisfaction of doing that to him. Bet he’d never experienced that before,” I couldn’t help but evilly chuckle.
“You’re unbelievable.”
“I know, I know. It’s one of my charms.”
“Whatever,” he sighed, his breath tickling my neck.
I tickled the top of his head affectionately at his worry to try and distract him from his thoughts. “Gimme a cuddle,” I urged cutely.
Yunho gave in to my whining and rolled off me so that he could pull me into him protectively.
“You know, sometimes I feel really guilty,” he admitted.
“Why?”
“I look around everyday and see how lonely all my men are. It worsens with every new day, whilst I, after a hard day, can come back in here and snuggle with my beloved.”
“You’ve earned that right, Yunnie,” I breathed.
“Yeah I know. I mean, every day I was so paranoid about your safety…at least the guys never had that worry of whether their loved ones were injured or dying, like I had…”
“Very true.”
We remained tangled in each other, thinking silently to ourselves the various thoughts troubling our minds.
Eventually Yunho kissed my shoulder and then moved away from me to locate our fallen uniforms, briefly leaving me alone under the covers.
///TBC///
A/N: Hope Changmin wasn’t on guard duty again that night for obvious reasons XD.
Wow…one more chapter to go in this section. We’ve come so far… *tries not to get emotional*
You know what to do now ^_~
mopizm, this Soul Kiss is for you~~ :P
OST:
Believe Again - Delta Goodrem (7.98MB) - DOWNLOAD!!
JaeJoong:
Have you ever screamed out into the dark, thinking no one else could hear
I was leaving footprints tainted by my past, on this winding road to you
I'd lost my faith in love, tonight I believe again…
Erotica - Madonna (7.30MB) - DOWNLOAD!!
Give it up and let me have my way
Let my mouth go where it wants to
I'm not gonna hurt you, just close your eyes
I'd like to put you in a trance, all over
I leant on my elbow, watching the one I loved as he slept.
I found it quite amusing how in ordinary circumstances, staring at someone-else’s sleeping face like this would have grown tiring quite quickly, but if you love that person…then you can’t quite pull yourself away and suddenly it’s the most interesting thing you could ever do. It was so nice to know that sex wasn’t what kept us interested in each other - we certainly hadn’t had any such thing for over eighteen months now!
But still…it didn’t stop the attraction I felt for him. I couldn’t stop smiling affectionately at his lips - those I could devour endlessly. Oh, and that adorable teeny mark above his upper lip…very delicious.
I couldn’t help but wonder though whether Changmin had ever been in my position - addicted to staring like that at a sleeping crush…at me.
I sighed, breaking the magical hypnosis that Yunho’s face had cast upon me and sunk backwards onto my back.
Changminnie…
He had come to me earlier today just wishing to confide in me a bit…about his unwavering feelings for me. He knew how attached I was to Yunho as Yunho was to me, but still he had needed to share his feelings again before he self combusted. He didn’t expect me to run to him, leaving Yunho behind but telling me he still loved me was that little bit of closure he had been desperate for.
We’d hugged for awhile…he had even kissed the side of my neck sadly for a little bit and then he finally smiled and assured me he was cured.
He had done all he could; laid all his cards out and lost the game. The rule of that game had been simple - if someone had a stronger hand than you, you’d lose. That opponent who had beaten him had been Yunho and he was fine with that now - he had good sportsmanship.
As much as it pained me to see Changmin so helpless once more, it made me realise how lucky I was to have found that soul mate who loved me back. Yunho and I had completely opposite personalities, we fought a lot and we clearly had completely different goals in life but still our hearts somehow fit together. Our lives seemed to completely intertwine; unable to function properly without the other, like the beauty contained only in a completed jigsaw puzzle.
It was quite amazing how comfortable we both felt around each other now. Several months had passed since that incident and although my upper chest still bore that hideous scar, my stitches had been taken out and I had felt emotionally lighter.
Every now and then if I caught Yunho in a compliant mood, he’d even give in to my desires and let us lie together naked for a little while - Yunho had always refused to let us fall asleep naked even when we had been having sexual relations. War was terribly unpredictable so he hadn’t wanted us to get caught in an ambush with our ‘pants down’. I remembered I used to try pointing out to him that whilst we had sex, an ambush could occur and yet that possibility hadn’t ever stopped us from making love! Of course he had never replied to that one…he knew I was right. But still, he had always gotten his way and we’d always redressed after sex.
So to this day, I had never experienced the joy of being woken up by the warm sunlight, the sheets hugging our naked bodies; like how a normal couple would have felt back home. But that was just one of the sacrifices we’d had to make during this war.
Even though I’d found my body no longer seemed to crave sex, I still loved feeling that sensation of my bare body on top of his...maybe it was because I secretly enjoyed that sense of our equal vulnerability for once. So sometimes before he fell asleep, he’d get undressed for me and we’d lie silently together like that. Or sometimes we’d have conversations lying like that…
I remember the second time I’d ever asked to lie with him had been barely a fortnight after my stitches had been taken out. I could still recall the conversation we’d had as I shivered under the touch of his fingers drawing invisible lines down my back.
I had slipped up and gone against the very policy that had kept my secrets from him - my policy to never scare him with details of my past. But the darn prick had caught me off guard with those gentle hands of his! And I’d distractedly given in, telling him some stories from my time in the POW camp.
I’d ended up telling him about the guy who’d been the most gentle with me. He’d only been gentle because somehow he’d gotten the crazy idea that he liked me. I’d been so disgusted by him and that ridiculous notion he’d had about us. Who in their right mind would freely go to rape an enemy prisoner and then think they had developed feelings for them?! He had come to me almost every day… Despite his gentleness I think perhaps the reason why he had made such a lasting impression for me was because that gentleness made me feel slimier than the roughest of the abusers.
By that stage of my memory I had begun shaking and Yunho had tried to make me stop retelling it. But I was remembering past guilt and had been adamant in telling him the complete truth - that the ridiculous man had been so refreshingly gentle that it had sometimes started feeling a little good… Good enough to provoke my occasional stimulation.
Yunho immediately rejected my apologies though. He’d assured me that that sex was sex - it was meant to feel enjoyable, that’s why it was done in the first place. I, the victim, couldn’t possibly have benefited from the satisfaction of having control like my rapists, so of course if it wasn’t disgust I felt, there would be no other emotion to feel but pleasure. His ‘I’m a lawyer so that means I am right’ attitude had been both irritating and relieving.
Of course, that hadn’t been all we’d talked about. Sometimes our conversations were sombre such as the time he had filled me in on what he’d done in my hiatus. Then again, sometimes the conversations were very light like when he had asked me to recite my favourite recipe to him because he was craving some exotic foods - even if he could only eat them mentally.
Sometimes Yunho even had me laughing as he melodramatically described the mischief he’d gotten into as a child when he’d ‘accidentally’ kicked a soccer ball into his neighbours yard and almost knocked her out cold when she was hanging up her washing. He assured me that the bushes had caught her fall and only mild scratching had occurred. He wanted to point out that his distance range had been deeply underestimated, his skill having improved without his realisation.
I had scolded him for being so blasé about it but he insisted that he really didn’t regret it because it had stopped her from hanging up some rather aesthetically displeasing panties the size of North Korea.
I had accused him of being a terrible child but he had exclaimed passionately in his defence about just how disturbing her underpants really had been and insisted he’d even had a nightmare once about them falling onto him and suffocating him.
“So all this justified you kicking her unconscious?”
“Yes.”
I had laughed despite myself at the absurdity of his melodramatic story and pointed out that when he was an old man, people would be snickering over his giant underpants.
“Who says I’d even want to continue wearing underwear after the war? Once the South is free, maybe the other south wants to be free!”
“You don’t want to hold your saggy bits in place?!” I’d demanded.
“What are you calling saggy?”
“Give it time, give it time,” I’d giggled uncontrollably as he’d tried to cover my mouth to stop me from insulting his goodies any further.
Then again, sometimes we didn’t even speak when I laid over him.
But now…we rarely lay naked together anymore. Once or twice he’d accidentally grown aroused by me and we’d had to end our nudity early as he’d disappeared towards the river. That’s why he’d started getting more reluctant to let me undress him - his problem was getting more frequent so he preferred to just avoid it altogether.
I exhaled deeply and rolled over onto my stomach. Yunho’s celibacy during my MIA period still astounded me. I had never felt I’d ever receive so much loyalty from a lover in any part of my lifetime. I had not expected his celibacy… I knew if he had had sex with someone else I would have felt jealous and possessive beyond belief but I wouldn’t have blamed him or scolded him for it - just as he refused to scold me for enjoying some of the sex in the POW camp.
I honestly felt so sorry for him now that I couldn’t relieve him in the ways he most needed it now. It was almost weird to think about him doing nothing with anyone whilst I had experienced it almost daily. It was like we’d always be destined to be polar opposites…
With a deeper sigh, I slipped my hand under his shirt and slid my thumb across his belly. His tanned skin was as soft as ever.
In all honesty, I’d decided long ago that Yunho was the most handsome man in Korea. I knew he wasn’t perfect but most of the time I couldn’t help but feel that he was. It was no secret that he was the person I most admired in my life. Thinking back on how he rescued me from the North Korean camp… He was my hero.
Trying not to get choked up, I moved his shirt further out of the way so I could have a little patch of skin all to myself to kiss.
I couldn’t deny it, I was a little sad that I didn’t feel aroused by anything anymore. It had been so long since I’d truly been with Yunho intimately that I was starting to feel nostalgic. We’d been so happy back then. Even though the war scared us, whenever we had been together everything had felt perfect. I was so thankful to be back here with him. Let’s face it; a year ago I thought I’d be lost forever, destined to never see him again, left decomposing into foreign soil.
But my eyes had opened that significant morning and despite the pain still being in me, his eyes were what I focused on, dispelling the darkness.
At first I hadn’t realised it was really him leaning over me, staring down in concern next to Hangeng.
So many times I had tried imagining him there saving me. I had needed him there to aid my loneliness and terror. But once my mind had finished playing tricks on me, he had never been there. So many times I had let myself believe that he had really been there, only to realise sooner or later that I had been alone all along.
But then the small things started to register in my unresponsive mind - mostly noticing the glitches in his physical appearance which hadn’t been in my previous day dreams. His face had been so gaunt compared to what I was used to…like he had stopped eating as I had. And he had had facial hair. I had seen him with facial hair before plenty of times, but never in my daydreams - in those, he had always been there with me looking so perfect, strong and handsome, not a crease in his ROKA uniform, not a hair our of pace, not a button missing. I wasn’t used to picturing this dishevelled version of Yunho in a North Korean uniform with an unclean, unshaved face. And he had looked weak. Very weak. Almost as if some horrible thing had sucked all his energy out until he was left completely helpless. I know now that I had actually done all that to him…my vulnerability had become his vulnerability.
It had felt so surreal, so impossible for him to really be in that horrendous place. I didn’t understand how angels like him would have had access to such a place in the first place.
But then I knew the impossible had occurred and my angel had been let in. I had thought my heart had completely burst in that first millisecond of realisation.
And now I was back here, in my home under the familiar canvas roof, kissing his honey-coloured stomach, feeling his hard abdominal muscles under my fingers. I tried hard to bring myself out of the memory but my heart rate had escalated extraordinarily and I was finding it hard to calm it down. I bent down to cover his whole belly in short kisses - a long delayed rush of thankfulness for him.
I was being filled with the burning need to thank him with my whole soul, pleasure him with my whole soul, and kiss him with my whole soul.
My hands crept down past the top of his pants and journeyed until the coarse hair was curling over my fingers. As I started slowly massaging his testicles, my spare hand pulled his pants further down.
I could feel him stirring rapidly under my erotic touches so I sprung upwards to kiss him as his eyes fluttered open in bewilderment.
He was almost gasping into my mouth as my hand determinedly curled around his swelling member and began pumping it rigorously.
Occasionally I could feel his hand pressing against my chest, trying to tell me in the only way he could, to stop it, whilst my tongue kept his one captive. But I wasn’t willing to stop and Yunho knew it too.
Even as his body stiffened under me, my fingers bathing in his cum, I couldn’t stop kissing him. But he eventually started nudging me away again to catch his breath back.
I wasn’t finished though. I wanted him to be screaming for me, I wanted him to feel so good that he’d lose his vision and his hearing and I was fairly certain that another flimsy hand job wouldn’t be capable of creating such a sensation. I wasn’t physically capable yet of breaking his celibacy but I’d darn well do the next best thing.
Before he could register my next move, too preoccupied with gaining his breath back, I lifted myself off him to crawl backwards. As soon as my sticky fingers took a hold of his member once more, I could feel it hardening again.
Then I felt his body tensing as my breath, blazing hot from all the love I felt for him, covered the stiff organ. I kissed the top of it, slowly sliding my tongue up it. As I reached the top of his stiff skin, my hands grasped his inner thighs and spread them out further, stroking the velvety skin under my fingers as I bent over to start tasting the skin of his testes.
“J-Jae…” he was breathing, defencelessly.
I felt my mouth accidentally curving into a smirk at his helplessness. He was already mewling and I had barely started. He really did need this.
My tongue slipped off from his testes and back onto the begging member.
“N-NO!” he exclaimed but it was too late; my tongue was already moving down his frenulum. He needed to stop feeling guilty - I was the one initiating this, not him. I’d just have to deepen the sensation for him until he forgets…
My lips pressed softly over his upper shaft and locked it firmly into my mouth. He was moaning uncontrollably and I fuelled all my energy into devouring him possessively.
My hand slipped from where it had been resting on his inner thigh onto the throbbing member, aiding my doting mouth to stroke the parts of him left untouched.
His hand was pulling on my hair, his other one grasping the sheets next to us desperately. As my passionate tongue continued to torture him with a rain of pleasure, his hands pulled even harder at my hair, accidentally burning my scalp painfully but I didn’t make him stop it - he had waited much too long for this to happen and I would try and keep his pleasure undisturbed for as long as I possibly could.
I began tickling his belly with my energetic fingers, trying to tease the tiny hairs residing on his tanned skin to add to the sensation my playful tongue was having on him.
His intense groaning inspired both my confidence and determination to rise up further; my tongue increasing the pressure even more until his hips were thrusting upwards into me impulsively, melting into my own rhythm. His fervent thrusting was increasing my speed and for a few moments I also felt myself slipping into a trance, losing sense of who I was and where I was as all the sensations we were feeling drowned me.
He let out a sudden exclamation of what sounded vaguely like the syllables of my name and I prepared myself quickly; the taste of his cum swirling around my tastebuds just like old times. I swallowed it all in satisfaction of this long awaited deja vu - it felt indescribably fulfilling.
I released my captive, licking the remaining cum off the corner of my lips. Yunho was still lying flat on his back, panting heavily but his elbow had been thrown over his face so the beautiful, enchanting eyes that I loved looking into were completely hidden from me.
I frowned a little, pushing myself up carefully into a sitting position. From what I could see of his face he looked angry. How had I made him so angry?
Even after his chest flattened back down to a stable heart rate he remained lying in such a way so as to shield himself from me. I was left with no alternative but to sit rooted to the spot, staring warily at him.
I felt myself relaxing once more as his spare hand slowly moved off the sheets to curl around the one I had placed in my lap. I stared down at it thoughtfully, memorising each bump of his knuckles, every curving vein… And then I lifted it up to kiss it tenderly.
“Why did you do that?” he quietly demanded.
“You know how much I love your hands…”
“No, not that.”
“Ah.”
“Ah?”
“Yunho…” I sighed, playing distractedly with the hand still intertwined with my own. “It’s of no consequence to me.”
“You ambushed me!”
I couldn’t help but smile at his adorable whining.
“You wouldn’t have let me if you had been on your usual guard, now would you, Mother Theresa?”
“No…” he agreed.
I couldn’t stop myself from watching his lips moving as he spoke to me, his eyes still hidden by his elbow. I licked my own lips subconsciously.
“You’re so dangerous,” he softly complained. “I almost lost control of myself.”
“So?”
“So?!” he exclaimed before letting out that bitter laugh of his. “At least pull my pants back up!”
“Why?”
“You know why.”
I sighed and did as I was told. Fiddling with the worn material under my fingers I tried to swallow.
“Yunho, I’ve received so much from you lately in the patience department, affection department, emotional department…so I wanted to be the giver for once…” I explained slowly.
I heard him sighing before he finally let his elbow fall from his face to glance at me. “C’mere.”
I smiled again and crawled back over to him, falling back onto his chest and he reached up to play with my long locks.
“Naughty boy.”
“Don’t you know it,” I smirked, closing my eyes. “Geez Yunnie, how much do you want to sweat from just two ejaculations?!”
“It’s not that bad! What are you on about?!” he defended.
“Oh it’s pretty bad,” I smirked, reopening my eyes and gazing down at his shining collar bone. “Let me fix you up.”
He tried to weakly fight my hands away as I started unbuttoning the rest of his shirt but then gave up, allowing me to strip him of his garment. Whilst I was sitting, I quickly fiddled with my own until I was able to fling it off, aiming for my lover’s face.
“Mmm, essence of Joongie,” I heard him pervertedly exclaim, his voice muffled from under the fabric.
I shook my head in amusement, ripping his pants off again whilst he was distracted by my smelly shirt. As my hands reached his feet I slyly took the opportunity to run my nails over the undersides.
He yelled in panic, knowing my ‘never say quit’ attitude much too well as the tickling torture tactic continued on. His bare legs tried to kick me away but I hit them back like I was a human baseball bat.
Pegging my shirt back at me to temporarily blind me, he leapt away from me and pushed me backwards. His hands clamped around the button of my pants, trying to pull the material down mercilessly.
“Ahh ah! Crotch burn!” I yelled in pain, trying to unzip it properly.
He grinned in satisfaction as my milky legs were properly revealed to him and I heard my pants landing somewhere on the floor with a whmff.
He crawled over me and then lay down onto my stomach, bending to lick down the length of my collar bone.
“You love this, don’t you?” he teased.
“Yes I do!” I laughed.
“Now is it just me being terribly deprived and possibly therefore forgetting what a blowjob feels like, or did you improve on that?”
“Why Yunho, you know I’ve always mastered the art of sucking from a young age.”
“My genitals are slightly different to a baby’s pacifier,” he drawled, tickling my sides.
“How so?”
“For starters, one is perceivably larger than the other.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. As far as I know, my mother always bought me the regular-sized kind.”
“Oi!” he growled, unable to keep the grin off his face. “Your pacifiers were not what I had in mind when I said ‘large.’”
“You sure?”
“My naughty one, you cannot insult the goods.”
“Oh I dunno, I’ve had bigger.”
Both of us froze as the words accidentally tumbled out of my mouth. What the hell was I supposed to do now?! I hadn’t meant to ruin the moment by bringing up my assaults. Fuck, fuckity, fuck.
“…They made you…do…that…too?” he breathed out, painfully slowly.
“Occasionally,” I admitted, equally as quiet.
“I see…”
“You’d be pretty proud of me though!” I declared, trying desperately to lighten up the mood.
“Would I? And why is that?” he questioned tiredly, stroking my shoulder lovingly.
“I got one of them back, immaculately. You can call me the camel of the camp.”
“Camel?!” he exclaimed in amused shock.
“Mmmhmm. The guy was trying to make me…er…swallow, but of course I refused to. So I pretended to but really was waiting for the perfect time to spit it back out onto his disgusting face.”
“Oh no you didn’t!” he groaned.
“Oh yes.”
“Wouldn’t that have made him go ballistic?”
“Indeed.”
“Babe!” he groaned at my cockiness. “Did he hurt you?”
“Maybe.”
“Maybe, how?”
“Maybe, hit.”
“He hit you?! How hard?!”
“Perhaps to unconscious levels…”
“Oh Jae!” he groaned again, nuzzling his head into the crook of my neck.
He was doing a really good job of acting nonchalant at my story; I shuddered to think of what he was really feeling inside.
“Arrrgh, you tough, stubborn cookie.”
“Yeh. And knowing him he probably tried assaulting me again whilst I was unconscious.”
“Why did you do that…”
“Well even though he got the last laugh, at least I got the satisfaction of doing that to him. Bet he’d never experienced that before,” I couldn’t help but evilly chuckle.
“You’re unbelievable.”
“I know, I know. It’s one of my charms.”
“Whatever,” he sighed, his breath tickling my neck.
I tickled the top of his head affectionately at his worry to try and distract him from his thoughts. “Gimme a cuddle,” I urged cutely.
Yunho gave in to my whining and rolled off me so that he could pull me into him protectively.
“You know, sometimes I feel really guilty,” he admitted.
“Why?”
“I look around everyday and see how lonely all my men are. It worsens with every new day, whilst I, after a hard day, can come back in here and snuggle with my beloved.”
“You’ve earned that right, Yunnie,” I breathed.
“Yeah I know. I mean, every day I was so paranoid about your safety…at least the guys never had that worry of whether their loved ones were injured or dying, like I had…”
“Very true.”
We remained tangled in each other, thinking silently to ourselves the various thoughts troubling our minds.
Eventually Yunho kissed my shoulder and then moved away from me to locate our fallen uniforms, briefly leaving me alone under the covers.
///TBC///
A/N: Hope Changmin wasn’t on guard duty again that night for obvious reasons XD.
Wow…one more chapter to go in this section. We’ve come so far… *tries not to get emotional*
You know what to do now ^_~