I go to sleep...
I want to talk about something of substance, but all can only think in a series of unattached loops and careening ideas plummeting toward...
Pretenders - I Go to Sleep
Uploaded by Ritchie_Sid
When I look up from my pillow
I dream you are there with me
Though you are far away
I know you'll always be near to me
I go to sleep, sleep,
and imagine that you're there with me.
Chrissie Hynde's vocals are mesmerizing me lately. I find myself incorporating this song into my nightly dreams. It's becoming a lullaby. Although, there is an underlying sense of creepiness to the song. But, then, to me, most of the Pretenders' songs have this sense. Perhaps it's because Chrissie Hynde's voice sounds so dark and smooth. She's like a siren leading me to the edge.
And yes, there is some edge near me. Either I am the edge or I am nearing the edge.
I can't sleep or I sleep to much.
I have yet to pay my tuition for this semester. Yet to hand out resumes and get a job. Yet to pay a couple evil bills. Yet to hand in my enrollment information to student loans. Yet to do so many things.
I avoid, avoid, avoid. I spend days in bed or days never going home except to sleep.
I wonder if this is bad...
I don't know.
Some edge is near me. Something is about to happen.
Is it even possible to be absolutely terrified of the future when you know where your future is going and it's something you've always wanted?
I guess I might be the edge. Maybe I just want to avoid who I am or who I am becoming or who I was.
Thing is: I actually like all three of those people.
So, what is this feeling of fear about?
I said before and I'll say again: I want to talk about something of substance, but all can only think in a series of unattached loops and careening ideas plummeting toward...what?
"I Go to Sleep" came on in Chapters while I sat with Mike, Andrea G., and Kelly chatting. Mark, you were already reading elsewhere. So, the Pretenders comes on and I feel like running away so fast and finding a corner of Chapters to listen and be alone. I felt like running home and holing up in my apartment again and listening to Chrissie Hynde again and again.
But I resisted that urge to run away and hide under my covers with my music (and if it's not Chrissie Hynde, it's the next thing I obsess over), finding endless images on the internet, and watching endless movies and tv shows.
It's like I have to consistently choose not to be inside myself, so wrapped up in there.
So, maybe the edge is a good thing? Because I feel like if I jump, I'm finally taking care of myself and doing what I should do. No more avoidance. No more sleeping away the day. No more staying up two days in a row because I can't sleep due to my obsessive thoughts.
Maybe the edge is reality and I just need to face it...
Pretenders - I Go to Sleep
Uploaded by Ritchie_Sid
When I look up from my pillow
I dream you are there with me
Though you are far away
I know you'll always be near to me
I go to sleep, sleep,
and imagine that you're there with me.
Chrissie Hynde's vocals are mesmerizing me lately. I find myself incorporating this song into my nightly dreams. It's becoming a lullaby. Although, there is an underlying sense of creepiness to the song. But, then, to me, most of the Pretenders' songs have this sense. Perhaps it's because Chrissie Hynde's voice sounds so dark and smooth. She's like a siren leading me to the edge.
And yes, there is some edge near me. Either I am the edge or I am nearing the edge.
I can't sleep or I sleep to much.
I have yet to pay my tuition for this semester. Yet to hand out resumes and get a job. Yet to pay a couple evil bills. Yet to hand in my enrollment information to student loans. Yet to do so many things.
I avoid, avoid, avoid. I spend days in bed or days never going home except to sleep.
I wonder if this is bad...
I don't know.
Some edge is near me. Something is about to happen.
Is it even possible to be absolutely terrified of the future when you know where your future is going and it's something you've always wanted?
I guess I might be the edge. Maybe I just want to avoid who I am or who I am becoming or who I was.
Thing is: I actually like all three of those people.
So, what is this feeling of fear about?
I said before and I'll say again: I want to talk about something of substance, but all can only think in a series of unattached loops and careening ideas plummeting toward...what?
"I Go to Sleep" came on in Chapters while I sat with Mike, Andrea G., and Kelly chatting. Mark, you were already reading elsewhere. So, the Pretenders comes on and I feel like running away so fast and finding a corner of Chapters to listen and be alone. I felt like running home and holing up in my apartment again and listening to Chrissie Hynde again and again.
But I resisted that urge to run away and hide under my covers with my music (and if it's not Chrissie Hynde, it's the next thing I obsess over), finding endless images on the internet, and watching endless movies and tv shows.
It's like I have to consistently choose not to be inside myself, so wrapped up in there.
So, maybe the edge is a good thing? Because I feel like if I jump, I'm finally taking care of myself and doing what I should do. No more avoidance. No more sleeping away the day. No more staying up two days in a row because I can't sleep due to my obsessive thoughts.
Maybe the edge is reality and I just need to face it...