Note
Okay, this has been bugging me for a while now to the point where the bugging me is bugging me. I'm finding myself in bed, waiting for sleep, mulling over everything like a broken record when I don't even know why I'm mulling in the first place since I didn't plan to be mulling. I know I barely talk to you much, and I don't know what you think of me, really. So I'm dumping this all to get it said and out of my head.
I fear I have lost a chance at having a good friend, maybe more. I wouldn't know, I can't read minds. I'm scared I've come across as someone untrustworthy looking for sexual kicks and lacking in morals. For all I know you'd rather not associate with me because it brings up memories of things that may (or may not) be unpleasant.
I wish I could hang out and talk with you more often because talking and hugs are the two best things in the world. Even better than making out. I'll spare you a sappy list of all the stuff I wish and hope and love, I'm not that tired as to subject you to that.
I got another chance to try to talk in person to mention all this and instead I let it go straight to things that apparently made both you and me uncomfortable.
I'd figured, hey, I screwed up - things should just be left alone and it should all be done and over with. I'd thought I'd already decided to try to forget about any feelings for you and that everything was over with and past. And that's why I'm being bugged: because I it keeps bugging me when I thought it was all done. Thus the bugging me is bugging me, thus I need to get it down somewhere and out in hopes of killing the stupid broken record so I can stop driving myself and my friends crazy. I figure if you feel like touching on any of this with me in discussion that's your prerogative: I've said my piece - I hope I've made it clear by now that I don't want to be annoying or bring up anything that you'd rather not have brought up. I hate being annoying, and I hate not knowing if I'm being annoying.
EDIT TO SELF: Never sent this.