Kat's Introspections Episode 2
Hello and welcome to the second edition of Kat's Introspections, where I ramble about something, normally in respect to myself.
It has come to my attention that I don't really work through things in my head much anymore. I don't really write my thoughts out like I used to, thus I don't slow them down enough to be rationally and consciously reviewed and analyzed. As a result, I end up with a slew of different trains of thought running at semi-conscious speed, leaving me with the choice of either watching them fly and feeling sleepy from the effort, or pushing it all to the back of my mind where it keeps running but I don't think about it. There are plus and down sides to both, I guess, but it isn't necessarily very good for me.
Many times I push a thought back for weeks on end, letting it stew to a significant matter before addressing it. If this is something that annoys or aggravates me, that can be really really bad, since as it stews I feel tired and more likely to be depressive. Once it finally comes time to deal with it, it's so big and overwhelming that I get emotional and moody as I address it.
Due to this I don't necessarily want to address things even when I need to or should, and thus I let them keep running, joining others until I have an endless field of trains all running parallel to each other, continuously speeding along at the rate of a bullet train or faster. The effect it has on me when I start to pay attention to it is similar to taking a sleep aid; I just can't deal with it all and to cope I turn to a favorite coping mechanism: sleep.
Then people wonder why I have a love-hate relationship with sleep.
The only thing I can think of to try to change all this is to go back to typing and writing things out. I can't really talk things out anymore without feeling incredibly self-centered, and I don't really do much writing anymore anyway. I probably should pick it back up.
It has come to my attention that I don't really work through things in my head much anymore. I don't really write my thoughts out like I used to, thus I don't slow them down enough to be rationally and consciously reviewed and analyzed. As a result, I end up with a slew of different trains of thought running at semi-conscious speed, leaving me with the choice of either watching them fly and feeling sleepy from the effort, or pushing it all to the back of my mind where it keeps running but I don't think about it. There are plus and down sides to both, I guess, but it isn't necessarily very good for me.
Many times I push a thought back for weeks on end, letting it stew to a significant matter before addressing it. If this is something that annoys or aggravates me, that can be really really bad, since as it stews I feel tired and more likely to be depressive. Once it finally comes time to deal with it, it's so big and overwhelming that I get emotional and moody as I address it.
Due to this I don't necessarily want to address things even when I need to or should, and thus I let them keep running, joining others until I have an endless field of trains all running parallel to each other, continuously speeding along at the rate of a bullet train or faster. The effect it has on me when I start to pay attention to it is similar to taking a sleep aid; I just can't deal with it all and to cope I turn to a favorite coping mechanism: sleep.
Then people wonder why I have a love-hate relationship with sleep.
The only thing I can think of to try to change all this is to go back to typing and writing things out. I can't really talk things out anymore without feeling incredibly self-centered, and I don't really do much writing anymore anyway. I probably should pick it back up.