Various.
Yeah, it's nice having friends and such online but when you really have none offline, after a while the online ones bring no joy. LJ buddies have a good day, I can't hug them. They have a bad day, my shoulder's a few states if not a nation away. Same way with the roleplaying. Fantasy isn't as appealing when it makes up a significant portion of your reality. It gets to the point of "Ho hum, get online or sleep?" and having to debate yourself into doing one or the other. Or end up turning on the brainrot box and watching the steady decline on cartoons. All the shows of any quality are gone so there's no use even doing that any more. Listen at me bitching! I'm a whiny little bitch! I should get off my tuckus, go out and find people. I should learn to talk about things I've up to this point despised. Learn some meaningless celebrity or sports trivia. All I've got to talk about at this point is myself and lets face it, nobody wants to hear that. Well, not when I whine on and on. Maybe I should just shut my trap and look pretty. Oh wait, I don't know what's considered eye candy any more. What hair style is popular? What clothes are 'cool'? And don't tell me it's what inside that counts. Nobody cares about the inside until they've decided to approach you or not based on the outside. Everyone has an outward appearance that's their 'sign', advertising themselves. Mine basically says "I'm clueless and a dork." Yes, I'm being harsh on myself, but that's what I do. Been doing it since I was a kid. Trained to do it by others. It's set in my mind that that's how I'm supposed to be treated so I treat myself that way. But this is all just psychobabble bullshit. Don't like myself the way I am but have no clue what to change to. You know what I need? A CLUE! Some popular type person to show me the way, teach me the ins and outs of being hip and trendy. Problem is those type of folks don't hang out with folks like me. They hang out with other hip and trendy people. I'm done for now. More later.