How Quickly is Forever - Chapter Four
A/N: Just want to give a quick shout-out to my awesome (and quick) beta, Raindrop Soup!
Chapter Four
RPOV
Three days had passed and I hadn’t seen Jax since my birthday. I had calmed down a little since then, but I still felt stupid if I dwelled on it.
I didn’t know what had come over me that day. I had just wanted to touch him, to … I don’t know. He had been so close and felt so good, and the idea of kissing the hard muscles of his abs had just overwhelmed me. Then I saw the blood, and it seemed like killing two birds with one stone to lick off the blood, and press my lips against him, too. I hadn’t expected him to get so mad. I thought he might laugh and push me away, but I never thought he’d get angry.
“What are you over there looking so serious about, little girl?”
Auntie Rose had coaxed me into taking a walk with her and looking for a snack. My family usually went on a big hunt once a week or two, which meant a trek high up in the mountains for bigger game, like bear and mountain lion. But deer and the occasional bobcat were close enough to hold them over in between feedings. They usually took turns in groups of two or four. Sometimes I was allowed to go, but for the most part, it was just the adults. My mother was always afraid a bear would grab me when no one was looking. Right. Like that would happen.
I didn’t really like the thick, fatty taste of bear blood, anyway. Deer blood was less viscous, and sweeter.
“Nothing, really,” I lied.
She gave me a knowing smile, like she didn’t believe me. Auntie Rose had always been able to read me like a book. She may not have been able to read minds like my father, but she could always decipher the tone of my voice and the expression on my face. I was thankful when she didn’t push the subject.
“So, did you get everything you wanted for your birthday?”
I took that back - maybe she was pushing the subject in her own subtle way.
“Pretty much.” Instinctively, my fingers went to the castle charm, casually stringing it back and forth on its silver chain.
Auntie Rose glanced over and bent closer, slowing down. “Is that the necklace that Jacob gave you? Let me see.”
I stopped and let her take it from my hand. She studied it quickly, before letting it drop back against my chest. “Pretty. Nice little diamond, too.”
I smiled proudly. “It was from his mom’s wedding ring.”
“Hmm. One of these days he’ll be giving you a diamond ring of your own.”
I stumbled in surprise. She said it so casually, as if she knew it for a fact. “You think so?” I breathed.
“Of course, silly.” She squinted at me, and I couldn’t figure out if she was shocked or disgusted. “Hasn’t Jacob or your mother discussed any of this with you?”
“Any of what?” I thought my Auntie Alice was the one with the 411 on the future, not my mother or Jax. What was she saying?
“Haven’t they talked about the future with you? Or discussed your relationship with Jacob, now that you’re getting older?”
“No-oo. Why would Jax give me a diamond ring?” I was too embarrassed to tell her that he was mad at me, and I hadn’t even spoken to him in days. I didn’t know what she was thinking, but she was wrong. I wished she were right.
I hadn’t told anyone what my birthday wish was, but it hadn’t even come close to coming true. It wasn’t that big a wish. I had really, secretly hoped for more, but wouldn’t allow myself to get ridiculous with my wish. That would be jinxing it, so it would never come true.
I had watched an old movie last week. It was called Sixteen Candles, and the girl in the movie had red hair, just like me. It had been her birthday, her sixteenth birthday, which was older than me, but close enough. Not only that, the boy she liked, his name was Jake. At the very end, Jake celebrated her birthday with her, and after she blew out the candles, he kissed her. She admitted that was what she had wished for, and so it came true.
That was my real wish. My secret wish that I didn’t dare think when I blew out the candles the other day. I aimed smaller. Instead, I just wished that Jacob saw me as beautiful and would tell me so. But instead, I’d pissed him off. He’d pushed me away and I think he was avoiding me.
“What’s the matter, baby? You look like you’re about to cry. Did I say something wrong?”
“No.” I sniffed and forced the tears back. “Auntie Rose, why would Jax give me a ring?”
She stroked my hair, and I saw her guard go up, as sure as my mother’s shield. The conversation was over. “That’s something you should discuss with your mother, baby. Forget I even said anything.”
Before I could protest, she flew toward the brush with dizzying speed and swiped a doe right off its feet, onto the ground. It looked almost like a dance move--the way she flew, lunged, and gracefully swept the deer to the forest floor.
We shared the spoils before disposing of the body. Then we hiked back to the big house, while my aunt was careful to keep the conversation focused on mundane things. I tried to steer it back to our previous discussion, but she managed to dodge the fray.
My aunt had opened up a Pandora’s Box of questions that afternoon, and I would be hard-pressed to forget them soon.
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RPOV continued…
After the talk with my aunt, I went back to the big house with her. We came up the stairs, and I could see someone was in the kitchen with the refrigerator door wide open. Seeing as how only one other person in this crazy family ate food, it had to be Jax.
Auntie Rose continued up the second flight of stairs to her and Uncle Emmett’s room as I decided to say hello to Jacob. He turned around, a plate of fried chicken in his hand, and nudged the fridge door shut with his foot.
“Hey, Ness.” He smiled tightly. He was wearing a pair of dark denim jeans, and I couldn’t help but notice he went immediately for the t-shirt he’d discarded on the counter, pulling it on over his head as soon as I came in.
“Chicken?” he asked me, holding out a drumstick he’d taken a bite out of already.
“No. You?” I asked facetiously, hoping he caught the innuendo in my question. I could tell from the way he gulped that he understood exactly what I meant.
The air in the room was charged with tension, as if he wanted to bolt. But he forced himself into a seat at the kitchen table and continued to eat the cold fried chicken.
“So, I’m glad you’re here. I’ve been meaning to talk to you,” he told me.
Leaning against the refrigerator door, I waited for him to go on.
“About the other day …” There was a long silence. He obviously didn’t know how to proceed.
“Yes?” I prompted him.
“I hope you know I’m not mad at you. I know it seemed like I was angry, but I really wasn’t, angel.”
“You could have fooled me.” I grabbed a strand of my hair and began twirling it around my finger. It was a nervous habit. “What did I do?” I whispered.
“You didn’t do anything,” he said adamantly. “I want you to know -- sit down, Ness.” He gestured to the chair next to him. I warily shuffled over and sat beside him. He took my hand earnestly. “You know I adore you, don’t you? You have always been one of the most amazing things to happen in my life. You will always be important to me, and I hope that I’m important to you.”
“You’re my favorite person in the world!” I effused.
“Well …” He smiled. “I hope I’m one of the most important adults in your life.”
His eyes burned into mine as he emphasized the word “adults.” He was putting me in my place. How had I ever thought he might see me that way? And why had Auntie Rose gotten my hopes all up with her talk of me and Jax?
“You are,” I agreed. “And next year, I’ll be an adult, too.” There. I’d gotten the ball back in my court.
He knit his brow. “You will. But you’ll always be my sweet little Nessie. You have to understand … it’s very hard for me to see you as anything other than a little girl, angel. And I -“
“But I’m not.” I cut him off. “I’m not a little girl anymore. In a couple of years, I’ll be as old as you. Full adulthood - as old as I’ll ever get - according to Grandpa.”
The furrow in his brow got deeper. “Yes, and no matter how old you get, you’ll always be a little girl to me.”
“You said that already.” I scowled. “And that’s ridiculous. I’m not a little girl!”
“Well, sometimes when someone has been around since another person was an infant, it’s very hard for them to see the other as anything but a child. Even when they’re old and gray.”
“No one in this house will ever be old and gray.”
He looked like he wanted to argue with me, but he didn’t.
“I know what this is really about. This is about the other day, on my birthday. You didn’t like it when I … when I licked the blood off you.” My last words were so quiet, I hoped he heard me.
He had that look on his face again, like he wanted to bolt from the room.
“Angel.” He took my hand. “That was inappropriate. I’m a grown man, and that could be … misconstrued. I know you meant no harm by it, but if anyone else had seen, it wouldn’t … well, it wouldn’t look right. There are boundaries that need to be kept. You are getting bigger, and what was acceptable when you were a little girl, isn’t anymore.”
“Why?”
“Well, because …” He growled under his breath in frustration. “What you did could be mistaken for something sexual, and that’s not the kind of relationship that we have.”
My cheeks grew hot and I looked down at the floor. “Why not?”
“Well, because…”
“Why not?” I asked him again, louder this time.
“Because -“
“Why not?” I hollered.
“Because I don’t feel that way about you!” he yelled back. He dropped my hand and stood up abruptly from the table, leaving the room quickly.
My heart was hammering fast and hard, and my fists were clenched at my sides. I closed my eyes and tried to pretend I hadn’t heard him say that.
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BPOV
Edward, Jasper, and Emmett left earlier in the day and would be gone for two nights. Emmett had been a bit of an outdoorsman before his deadly run-in with a bear and still enjoyed camping, fishing, and hiking. Not to mention hunting. Especially bear.
Rosalie had spent the afternoon with Renesmee, and I was bored at the cottage by myself, so I headed up to visit the females in my family.
I was coming up the path to the driveway, which led down and around to the front walkway, when I heard a door slamming, immediately followed by Jacob’s scent. As much as I’d always hated my family trading insults with the pack on individual odors, there was truth to the wet dog smell. I didn’t find it as offensive as they implied, but there was a definite correlation between the two scents.
Jacob had his head down, heading away from the house with a strong, determined gait. When he looked up from the ground, I gave him a warm smile that he didn’t return. His eyes were flashing, and there was a strong electric current crackling all around him.
I blinked in surprise at the intensity coming off him in waves, but his gaze held mine. Just before he reached me, I said his name tentatively.
“Jacob? What’s the matter?”
He didn’t slow down, and he didn’t answer. He grabbed both my arms in his hands, his heat searing right through the thin fabric of my blouse. He pulled me roughly against him and bent his head down, pressing his lips against mine. The softness and the heat of his mouth instantly ignited a blazing fire that shot through me.
He removed his hands from my upper arms and grasped the back of my head, holding my face in place roughly. It lasted only a moment, and just as quickly and without a word, he let go of me and continued toward the trees beyond the drive.
My hand flew to my mouth, and as I metaphorically caught my breath, I turned to see him head on into the woods.
“Jacob!” I called. He ignored me, and I started after him, picking up speed so I wouldn’t lose him. “Jake!”
As I caught up to him, he began a slow jog. Then with a loud pop, he exploded, making a run for it on all fours into the woods.
“Jacob!” I ran after him, but he managed to evade me, twisting and turning in his tracks, dodging through the brush, trying to lose me.
I was fast. But he was faster.
I got a flash of him just as he tore through a clearing and leaped into the underbrush. I jumped and cleared a mass of bushes and came around a huge pine tree. I stopped in my tracks immediately, skidding on the pine needles at the jet propulsion of my abruptness.
He stood naked before me, only an arm’s length distance away. I would have barreled through him if my reflexes weren’t so acute.
“Jake?” My voice came out weak and shaky. “What’s wrong?” I reached out to touch his shoulder, but hesitated, stopping before my hand made contact.
I could see his chest rapidly rising and falling with every breath he took. I knew he wasn’t that exerted from running - he’d once run ten miles up the side of a mountain while carrying me in his arms, never breaking a sweat, or breathing heavily at all.
His eyes still shone brightly, as if a fire was lit behind the dark irises.
“I can’t do this anymore.”
I shook my head, unsure of what he meant.
“Do you hear me?” He started toward me, and I backed up a few steps. “I can’t do it anymore.”
I felt my back hit the rough bark of a sturdy pine. “Then don’t,” I whispered.
What he said made no sense, but staring into his eyes, I saw the garbled message behind his words. I recognized his heated look, and I could see the long-held frustration behind them.
“Bella.”
I was afraid to say anything. I didn’t want to admit aloud the mistakes that I’d made and the choices I wished I could change. If I held it in and said nothing, but allowed him to do what he wanted, would it be admitting defeat? I just wanted to stay silent and let him have his way with me, satisfying us both, somehow keeping the blame off me. Not that I would hold it against him, but my conscience would be clearer if I didn’t admit to myself that I was praying it was lust radiating off him.
“God help me,” he murmured.
He pressed himself against me, shoving my back against the tree. I felt him shiver at the touch of my cool skin against him before he crashed his mouth against mine. He was taken aback at the sturdiness of my lips, and he pulled his face away slightly, fitting his lips around mine more gently.
I wanted to dip my tongue in his mouth and taste him, like I had on a mountaintop long, long ago. So many of my human memories had faded, but that kiss and the consequent vision was one thing I would never forget. Nothing I’d ever experienced could rival the emotions and longing his kisses evoked in me that day. I was not proud to admit it was something I had thought of and re-lived many times over the past year. I would never experience anything like it again, and I was grateful to have at least that one memory of a human kiss.
There was always a heated passion about Jacob that went beyond his werewolf temperature. It was so fitting, because it matched his personality and ardor.
His kisses were getting more determined, until he finally snarled in frustration, diving for my neck, kissing me there, and running his tongue over the exposed skin. I knew exactly how he felt -- I longed to taste him as well -- but my razor-sharp, venom-soaked teeth made it impossible. I was pulling at his hair, trying to be careful with him, as he nipped at my throat.
My head was thrown back, the bark rough beneath my scalp. His mouth was peppering kisses across my collarbone and the exposed skin of my chest above my blouse. He was moaning softly, and I was taking shallow breaths, instinctually panting with excitement. I had no need for air, but instead a primitive need to exhibit and release the tension his kisses were eliciting.
His fingers tugged at the bottom of my shirt, pulling it lower, exposing more of my chest to his lips.
“Take it off,” he commanded.
I didn’t bother to unbutton it -- just yanked it over my head and let it drop to the ground. He pulled me away from the tree, his hand reaching behind my back and unclasping my bra, pulling it off before throwing it. Then he shoved me roughly back again, and ground his erection against me with a growl.
His hands were at my pants, not even bothering to unbutton them, instead ripping the fabric open, and pushing them over my hips.
“Can we do this?” he asked, briefly raising his head from my breasts. “Will it work?”
“I don’t know.” I panted truthfully. “I think so.”
According to Tanya and Kate Denali, it was not only possible but also quite pleasurable.
Jacob guided me down, laying me flat on the forest floor where my clothes were strewn.
I was grateful he didn’t ask my permission before he eased his way inside of me. It would have forced me to admit aloud that this was what I wanted.
His heat inside me was indescribable, like submerging yourself into a hot tub on a cold winter’s night, or the luxurious relief of scratching an itch.
I clung to him, matching his rhythm, needing him like sustenance.
It was quick and hard and rough. I cried out as I felt myself spasm exquisitely around him, and his moan echoed through the forest when he released inside me.
Was it wrong -- the pleasure I took in knowing that I was his first and he had no prior lovers or experiences to compare me with unfavorably? I knew he’d found satisfaction in me, and that made me happy and a little smug. But it was short-lived when he got to his feet immediately afterward.
I scrambled to grab my blouse and held it over me protectively, standing up uncertainly.
“I’m sorry.” His voice sounded weary, and he touched his hand to his forehead, shutting his eyes.
Before I could reassure him that it was okay, that I had wanted him too, he phased and ran deeper into the forest.
I sat there for hours before I finally gathered my clothes and put them back on, heading to the cottage, careful not to be seen by anyone.
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A/N: Reviews are nice - just FYI!