If... [private]
If I hadn't looked over at that moment, I wouldn't have seen them. Elizabeth and Jack, kissing, right there on the deck of the Black Pearl while the rest of us were getting in the longboat to escape the krakken. If I hadn't looked, I would never have known. I would never have felt that wrenching, blinding pain in my chest, like a thousand swords piercing my heart.
How could she? For that matter, how could he? I know that Jack's a pirate, and lives by a different set of moral codes than the rest of us, but I still believed he had enough respect for me and our friendship not to touch the woman I loved. Despite all of his other foul deeds, I thought he was a better man than that.
But Elizabeth! I never expected such a betrayal from her. She said she loved me, that she wanted to spend her life with me. If those words meant half as much to her as they did to me, she would never have done this. I know she's always harbored a sort of fascination for Jack, but not once did I suspect it was anything more than the most casual of friendships. How long has she felt this way for him? Since our first adventure together, or was it more recent? How can I even look at her now and not be choked with doubts? How can I help her and the others rescue Jack, when all I can do is worry that once he's safe, she'll leave me for him?
I wish I hadn't looked. More than anything in the world, I wish I had never seen them like that. Ignorance would be far better than the endless questions and fears I have now that I know what they've done.