On resolutions
It’s actually 2025… and I’m still posting here… very wild.
I’m not really one for new year’s resolutions. I have a really tough time focusing (the joys of ADHD), so most years I kind of just… fizzle out a bit, haha. I’m sure it’s not a unique experience. The past few years have also been rough for me in a lot of ways, so life tends to make any new goals I have take a backseat to whatever shit I end up dealing with instead.
But this year… I don’t know. I really do want to start opening up again, even if it’s just a little bit. My bluesky account is public (not by choice, but still), and it’s been… an experience, I guess? I feel like people want to talk to me?? And I want to actually talk to them???? It’s kind of crazy to think about.
This is probably going to sound weird. But, like. I’ve actually made friends?? With people?? Because I started talking to them?? I made friends with someone on AO3 that I basically talk to every day, and I’ve actually given people my discord username so I can talk to them. It’s pretty nuts???? And like I actually started talking to Mars again after like ten million years because I sent him an email???? WHO EVEN AM I??????????
It’s still very scary for me to be perceived, I guess. The whole “being trans” thing mixed with all the PTSD stuff has been a real doozy to handle. But I want to connect. I want to reconnect. Even if it is scary.
I guess my first real “public” step was crossposting my Enzai stuff to AO3. The tag is… very small there, so I figured folks might check it for that little nostalgia moment and maybe be like “oh shit I remember this person.” I already had someone comment to say they remembered my old works (holy shit??) so maybe I was right??
I… don’t know if I want to try to contact Teira again. I tried… a lot, pretty recently. It’s probably super overwhelming for them to deal with if they saw. I messaged a lot a different places. I think FB would be… bordering on too crazy? I don’t know. But I would love to be able to talk with them again, even if it was just for a little while.
I kind of made a vague post about all this stuff on bluesky earlier. Which… I don’t normally do that kind of thing. Honestly, I don’t really talk about Enzai in public, since I know it’s kind of… unpopular and memed on these days. But at this point I don’t really care? I actually just bought the OVAs on dvd, lol. I want to write more Evan/Lusca fics, even if it’s just me (and probably Mars) who will read them.
I want to hang out with my online friends when I can. I bumped into a few mutuals at conventions before and that was all it took to instantly become actual friends. I’m actually going to two cons this year and have been trying to make plans to see people when we’re there. I’ll be hosting a N+C meetup at my “regular” con, which is really me stepping out of my comfort zone. I’m also going to Otakon for the first time ever - let me know if you’ll be there too and maybe we can say hi?
Anyway. I guess I just miss being a person? Idk. Time has been weird for me. I just want to be friends with people again.