watch the eyes on your walls, watch the eyes on the head in your palms. let your mind wander, meander, ponder ( Read more... )

i haven't showered in nearly three days. does that really make your hair grow longer?

i missed the meteor shower. fell asleep.
been walking around in a daze all day, feeling cynical and broken and chewing stiff gum that's lost its flavor.

oh, i've decided i think i want to become a park ranger.

last night i had a dream i was being raped ( Read more... )

it hurts when my mind and my body don't want the same thing,
and my mind revolts by silently screaming and my body revolts by violently heaving.

once again, flesh becomes a thing of the imagination.

went to sleep at 4 am, strange feeling in my guttiwuts.

belmar's going to be big tonight, i always have a lot of anxiety the day of the night of the belmar.
it doesn't go away until i fall asleep that night.

mostly i want to be alone. i don't know why. i need time to collect my thoughts on my own.

the other day i talked to joe.
apparently he knew ( Read more... )

part of me wants a cigarette so badly right now but i think it's just the joy of seeing something extinguish between my fingers because honestly, if i had one puff of a ciggy i'd be afraid i'd swallow it whole from the amount of amphetamines swimming in my bloodstream.

christ! this is great

oh god, pierogies and pasta and vomit-in-your-toilet phenomena and leaves and things and FUCK SHIT DAMN. i don't feel like writing this.
but the weekend was lovely, lovely, lovely and i ate it all up and made both my head and stomach spin.

i need to start up a band with singing saws and kazoos, run away with someone i love,
publish that damn book already that's floating somewhere in my head, and do it all on a tight budget and honest heart.

in other words,
get the hell out of binghamton.

hey hey hey
stop fighting, neurons!

i want to feel normal again, whatever that means

i don't think i'll ever feel safe without a hat.