Bad Mummy! (parenting 2/100)
Ok, so I'm changing my 100 things from the all rounder "parenting" to "100 Bad Parenting Things (that are actually good parenting)".
And HERE is #2...
Why making the near five year old scream for half an hour is a GOOD thing, especially for him.
Bit of backstory (because, hey, when DON'T my stories have back stories?
I have always believed that swimming lessons are vital for kids. Even when it stretched the budget beyond stretching, I have put the kids into swimming since they were six months old. That said, James had about twelve months without (from the ages of 2 1/2 to 3 1/2) while I had my horror year of near dying being pregnant with Michael.
I have, since enrolling him, been incredibly disatisfied with Michael's class. The teacher is... unqualified at best. She has us basically walking around in circles with a kick board for twenty minutes before stuffing some extra stuff with a hoop and a matt at the end. Any safety skills Michael has learnt (which I consider BASIC freakin' water safety skills, especially at this age), he has learnt because *I* have showed them to him in our free time. I have approached the teacher many times about this, and the answer was always "they're too young" (which, BULLSHIT, because I will show her wrong down below) and that they'll begin learning when they're older. Michael was recently put up into the older toddler class. And guess what? More circles. For most of the lesson. Which... also bullshit. Because i am paying for this and I expect results. So... my patience with this swimming school was wearing pretty thin.
Then... James.
Now, by the age of two he was doing excellently in his lessons. He would swim under water, hold his breath, swim independently by dog paddle and all the essential safety skills like safe entry/reaching for the edge/etc (which he learnt from the age of SIX MONTHS!) He didn't *like* putting his head underwater, but he did it. To the point where his teacher suggested that when he reached 2 1/2 they jump him to the 3 yr old classes, because he was ready for them.
Then the hiatus.
After which, he has regressed greatly, to the point where he refuses to put his head under or even his mouth or nose to blow bubbles. Whenever the teacher tries to get him to do anything, he ends up saying "I don't want to" and if she pushes, he cries. To which she backs off all "omg, crying child, run run away", which in turn validates his doing this. In the past few weeks it has gotten worse, to the point where his lesson was basically him screaming and crying for half an hour and doing absolutely nothing**.
This teacher is pretty young and I would imagine inexperienced. However, as a swim instructor, particularly one targeted to young kids/toddlers, I would expect her to be able to TEACH kids. They're not all going to be little fishes who take to the water straight away. Some ARE going to be difficult.
When I asked her last week what else I can be doing with James, she basically said "eh, you can try to get him to put his head in under the bath at home. Otherwise, there's nothing we can do. We don't have the time to deal with him in this class".
Me: WHAT THE...?!?!?
THIS IS YOUR FUCKING JOB, LADY. I mean, I realise he's a difficult child in the class, but... YOUR JOB DESCRIPTION IS TO GET HIM TO FEEL SAFE AND CAPABLE IN THE WATER. IT'S WHAT I'M PAYING YOU MY MUCH NEEDED MONEY FOR!!!
Also... I have been saying for about two months now, that what I really want to do is just take James and throw him in the deep end. Because I know he can do it, I've seen him do it. He just needs to remember to be able to do it. And, hell, myself and many generations before me I am sure learnt to swim by being thrown into the deep end. And swimming.
So, after the instructor basically said "eh, too much trouble to teach your kid", I said screw it and took them out of that school. That was the very last straw (of a great many straws). I enrolled them in a new school and their first lesson was today.
James' new teacher is male. And he takes no prisoners. Like...seriously. He dunked James... and dunked him a lot. And it was no dainty little dip, it was full depth pulling James under. And guess what? There was screaming, yes, quite loud screaming and some hysterics, but by the end of the lesson James put his own head under the water without help and SMILED AFTERWARDS.
THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.
Sure, at the start of the screaming/hysterics this guy looked at me all "Um... how far can I take this?" and I pretty much said "He can do it, was doing it at two. He's gotten this way because his old instructors let him get away with complaining for too long. You're doing great. Keep it up." and he looked at James and said "Riiiiiiiight". And when James put on his fake crying/tantrum/scream he just said "Stop it!".
And James stopped.
SO THERE. Yes, it was quite loud screaming. And very hard to watch as a mother. But it's cruelty with purpose. The teacher, Matthew, even said "He can do it, he knows what to do when he's under there. It won't take long, he'll be a pro in no time" after the class.
I am *so* encouraged. It's a good thing, painful for now, but good.
I fully expect more tears and crying next week, but we shall persevere. And James will learn to be safe in the water. And he will live.
Michael does well in his swimming, I am not worried about him at all. Even as a tiny baby, the water soothed him and made him giggle and laugh. He swims under water with no problems at all. He'll be the little fish.
** Also, when I say he spends his lesson crying and not participating, I don't do it as a weekly torture session. Truly and honestly, all week and even the morning of swimming, James gets very excited all "Swimming? Yaaaaaaaay! When can we go? Is it swimming yet?" and is the same straight after class, it's only when he actually gets in the water that he's like that. He loves it, there's just something holding him back in terms of putting his face under the water. I have no idea what it is.
And HERE is #2...
Why making the near five year old scream for half an hour is a GOOD thing, especially for him.
Bit of backstory (because, hey, when DON'T my stories have back stories?
I have always believed that swimming lessons are vital for kids. Even when it stretched the budget beyond stretching, I have put the kids into swimming since they were six months old. That said, James had about twelve months without (from the ages of 2 1/2 to 3 1/2) while I had my horror year of near dying being pregnant with Michael.
I have, since enrolling him, been incredibly disatisfied with Michael's class. The teacher is... unqualified at best. She has us basically walking around in circles with a kick board for twenty minutes before stuffing some extra stuff with a hoop and a matt at the end. Any safety skills Michael has learnt (which I consider BASIC freakin' water safety skills, especially at this age), he has learnt because *I* have showed them to him in our free time. I have approached the teacher many times about this, and the answer was always "they're too young" (which, BULLSHIT, because I will show her wrong down below) and that they'll begin learning when they're older. Michael was recently put up into the older toddler class. And guess what? More circles. For most of the lesson. Which... also bullshit. Because i am paying for this and I expect results. So... my patience with this swimming school was wearing pretty thin.
Then... James.
Now, by the age of two he was doing excellently in his lessons. He would swim under water, hold his breath, swim independently by dog paddle and all the essential safety skills like safe entry/reaching for the edge/etc (which he learnt from the age of SIX MONTHS!) He didn't *like* putting his head underwater, but he did it. To the point where his teacher suggested that when he reached 2 1/2 they jump him to the 3 yr old classes, because he was ready for them.
Then the hiatus.
After which, he has regressed greatly, to the point where he refuses to put his head under or even his mouth or nose to blow bubbles. Whenever the teacher tries to get him to do anything, he ends up saying "I don't want to" and if she pushes, he cries. To which she backs off all "omg, crying child, run run away", which in turn validates his doing this. In the past few weeks it has gotten worse, to the point where his lesson was basically him screaming and crying for half an hour and doing absolutely nothing**.
This teacher is pretty young and I would imagine inexperienced. However, as a swim instructor, particularly one targeted to young kids/toddlers, I would expect her to be able to TEACH kids. They're not all going to be little fishes who take to the water straight away. Some ARE going to be difficult.
When I asked her last week what else I can be doing with James, she basically said "eh, you can try to get him to put his head in under the bath at home. Otherwise, there's nothing we can do. We don't have the time to deal with him in this class".
Me: WHAT THE...?!?!?
THIS IS YOUR FUCKING JOB, LADY. I mean, I realise he's a difficult child in the class, but... YOUR JOB DESCRIPTION IS TO GET HIM TO FEEL SAFE AND CAPABLE IN THE WATER. IT'S WHAT I'M PAYING YOU MY MUCH NEEDED MONEY FOR!!!
Also... I have been saying for about two months now, that what I really want to do is just take James and throw him in the deep end. Because I know he can do it, I've seen him do it. He just needs to remember to be able to do it. And, hell, myself and many generations before me I am sure learnt to swim by being thrown into the deep end. And swimming.
So, after the instructor basically said "eh, too much trouble to teach your kid", I said screw it and took them out of that school. That was the very last straw (of a great many straws). I enrolled them in a new school and their first lesson was today.
James' new teacher is male. And he takes no prisoners. Like...seriously. He dunked James... and dunked him a lot. And it was no dainty little dip, it was full depth pulling James under. And guess what? There was screaming, yes, quite loud screaming and some hysterics, but by the end of the lesson James put his own head under the water without help and SMILED AFTERWARDS.
THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.
Sure, at the start of the screaming/hysterics this guy looked at me all "Um... how far can I take this?" and I pretty much said "He can do it, was doing it at two. He's gotten this way because his old instructors let him get away with complaining for too long. You're doing great. Keep it up." and he looked at James and said "Riiiiiiiight". And when James put on his fake crying/tantrum/scream he just said "Stop it!".
And James stopped.
SO THERE. Yes, it was quite loud screaming. And very hard to watch as a mother. But it's cruelty with purpose. The teacher, Matthew, even said "He can do it, he knows what to do when he's under there. It won't take long, he'll be a pro in no time" after the class.
I am *so* encouraged. It's a good thing, painful for now, but good.
I fully expect more tears and crying next week, but we shall persevere. And James will learn to be safe in the water. And he will live.
Michael does well in his swimming, I am not worried about him at all. Even as a tiny baby, the water soothed him and made him giggle and laugh. He swims under water with no problems at all. He'll be the little fish.
** Also, when I say he spends his lesson crying and not participating, I don't do it as a weekly torture session. Truly and honestly, all week and even the morning of swimming, James gets very excited all "Swimming? Yaaaaaaaay! When can we go? Is it swimming yet?" and is the same straight after class, it's only when he actually gets in the water that he's like that. He loves it, there's just something holding him back in terms of putting his face under the water. I have no idea what it is.