Comments | winchester_3: English story - tell me what you think.

winchester_3

English story - tell me what you think.

Dec 02, 2009 21:26

Hey, i just finished writing my story for english. Could you tell me if there's anything you think I should fix up?

PLEASE, be kind, but i want your advice and i will take it seriously. : )

btw. im also a bit unsure of the title.

( Justice (that's the name of my story) )

Comments 4

impossibledream December 2 2009, 10:45:24 UTC

THANIYA, THIS IS SERIOUSLY BRIlLIANT.

winchester_3 December 2 2009, 10:50:33 UTC

lol thanks louisa!
did you get the idea of the story? cos my last "draft" or watevs, it was a bit unclear.

miss_aztec57 December 2 2009, 11:02:54 UTC

Well arent you a depressing little thing. ;D I loved it! I never thought you had it in you Thaniya! xD It reminds me a bit of Ari's story though....

The only thing I could find to fix was this.

“Peace?” he wanted to laugh, “She was killed. How is that peaceful?” he had hissed.

It just doesn't roll that well. I think its the 'he had hissed' part but im not too sure.

Anyways, that was a really good little story! I want to see more of your writing now! :D

winchester_3 December 2 2009, 11:08:39 UTC

actually that's the first depressing story i've written in ages lol.

Thankyou very much! i didnt know i had it in me either, but i think it's a one off.

I was thinking that too, except the last time I read ari's story was when it wasn't finished yet so I DIDN'T COPY HER!!

yeh, i was thinking that too, i think I will change that.

more of my writing... you will be waiting a LOOOONG time. :D