Prose Log 017: If I had a dog... I'd name it after you.
Who: Tyr McDohl (tyr_mcdohl) and Luc (wind_incarnate)
Where: bow of the old ship
When: September 23rd, daytime
What: The few decades of waiting might result to something;; But it's a secret.
Warnings: semi-violence.
Five days. Five whole days since Luc appropriated the Toran Tenkai's most precious belonging.
The majority of those days had been spent going after a certain brown-haired mage, although each of those attempts were foiled. Perhaps Tyr should've thrown in the towel given that each time he'd tried to get within range of the mage, the Tenkan would leave or teleport out of reach, however the man refused to give up. He didn't believe that Luc would do anything to the two-coloured piece of fabric, but this was certainly the first time that it stayed out of his sight for so many consecutive days.
Tyr knew he was being ridiculous. After all, he barely had any memories of his mother and a mere memento did little in the ways of keeping said memory fresh when it became an extension of him. But that was exactly why the former hero was so set on retrieving it from his friend's grasp.
He might not wear it on his head anymore, but he did feel rather exposed without it somewhere on his person.
It was unfortunate for the Tenkai but Luc had made himself more than aware of his surroundings since he had stolen the bandanna. Well… borrowed would be the appropriate word as he had no intention of keeping it… but anyway, the fact that both individuals had True Runes made it extremely easy. True Wind had already grown used to the sensation when Soul Eater was nearby; possibly due to the accumulated years Luc had spent as a soldier in both McDohl and Riou’s armies. A useless skill to have outside wartime… but helpful when terrorizing the other.
It was also unfortunate that Soul Eater’s chosen appears to be unaware that the wind mage had been in proximity of him lately, watching at a distance at whatever McDohl was doing. Luc almost felt bad. Almost. After all, it was the Tenkai who splashed him with old fountain water a few days ago. Still… all this hiding and running was starting to become tedious. It’s been hard enough to try and continue his studies with someone trailing after his steps every few minutes.
So at that, Luc finally settled on one spot, sitting on the bow of the old ship and waited for his old leader to take notice of his location.
Standing in the middle of the castle grounds and feeling rather self-conscious about his 'aimless' wandering, the older bearer concentrated on pinpointing the True Wind Rune's location. All this hide and seek was honing his abilities to the point that it didn't take very long to find what direction and possibly where Luc was to be found, but still required some concentration when Soul Eater was unwilling to cooperate.
Finally, he discovered the mage's location, somewhere behind him... but the only thing in that direction was the shored-up ship. He'd already checked that place earlier in the day too, knowing it was one of the younger man's usual hangouts.
Turning around and glaring up at the shipwreck where Luc was undoubtedly watching him, Tyr tried to find anything that would allow him to simply climb up into the wooden structure. However, there were no such things in the area and, cursing under his breath, the Tenkai hurried to the usual entrance.
A smirk grew on the mage’s face as his eyes caught the Toran Native and quickly grew to a quiet chuckle as he watched him rush off into the castle with probable intention to get to him. Again, it was already time to end the chase. The poor man had already been punished long enough.
So Luc continued to sit on the railings of the bow and waited a little longer.
Climbing the stairs two by two until he reached the the ship's bow, Tyr was relieved to see that Luc had actually stayed where he was and waited for him to arrive. Although that did not guarantee that the mage would remain where he was, it was still better than the times when the brunet decided to teleport while the Tenkai was in the process of reaching his vicinity.
"Can I please have my bandanna back now, Luc?" the Toran native asked, cutting to the chase.
Childish and rude perhaps, but he had been lead around in a wild goose chase for the past few days.
“Why?” came a similarly childish and rude question.
The equally childish reply would've been "It's mine, I want it back and I feel very naked without it," but Tyr hardly thought that was a suitable answer. So, taking a calming breath, he stepped closer to the mage.
"It's very important to me, you know that."
“…. Hmm…” the wind mage droned. “A very special memento… I think that’s what you said before. Or somewhere along the lines of it.”
To be honest, Luc could only make assumptions on what that line meant. It had been nine months and nine days to be more exact. And he never again pressed the Tenkai for answers as he deemed the topic as something that was none of his business.
But still… a special memento meant memories… and possibly a special person attached to it. Was it Gremio? Though… that other Tenkan was a more plausible person to be honest. It was quite a mystery.
….Wait.
Another mystery is the fact he actually could remember the amount of days so accurately. Especially for one who deemed the topic as something that was none of his business.
“…………..” Suddenly, the younger man felt a slight wave of irritation touch him. “Here.” He muttered as he pulled a familiar neatly folded bandanna from his pocket and offered it to the Tenkai.
The older bearer couldn't help the look of confusion that settled on his face when Luc offered his bandanna back, but that confusion was replaced by caution as he came to the mage's side.
"Thanks," he whispered, taking the prolifered item back from the other's hand with great reassurance in the return of his memento.
Tyr had expected his Tenkan to put up more of a fight, but he was quite grateful for the safe return of the bandanna. Already, his edginess was leaving him as the dearly missed item was back where it belonged.
'Well... not quite,' the Tenkai thought as he looked at his arm where the length of cloth should've been. He could attach it around his arm on his own, but it was always a bit tricky doing so and, with the gloves he had on at the moment, the man didn't trust himself to do a very good job at it.
"Can you help me with it, Luc?" he inquired of his friend.
Without a word, Luc shifted a bit closer to McDohl from his seat and already had both hands offered up to assist him. There was no point on continuing to put up a fight on a game he already decided to end.
Glad to have Luc's cooperation, the former hero handed the length of two-coloured cloth to the mage and watched as said mage securely tied the bandanna to his upper arm. It was both pleasure and agony to be close to the brunet, but that was a choice he'd made the moment he spoke his inquiry and allowed himself to be submitted to Luc's proximity.
However, staring at Luc was not part of what he promised the other he'd do.
"That was mother's," Tyr provided in ways of explanation to the Tenkan and distraction for himself. "Gremio put it together from remnants of her favourite dresses."
When he thought about it, he'd never told Luc where it had come from, having only settled for mentioning that it was a memento without further explanations. Besides the people of the McDohl household, no one really knew the origins of the cloth and Luc hadn't prompted him about it either, so he'd forgotten about it until now... but it didn't feel wrong to share that information with the mage even if he might mock him for it.
There was a pause in Luc’s actions at the mention of the identity of the mysterious source of the memento he was tying around his former Tenkai’s arm. Somehow, there was a sense of relief mixed with a lingering feeling of guilt crawling in his skin. It really wasn’t becoming of him to assume anything to begin with. And somehow such carelessness was triggered by McDohl. It was starting to become a real pain to deal with.
“…Hmm…” he droned quietly as he finally secured the bandanna with a knot. “…She passed away when you were younger, right?”
"Yeah..." Tyr nodded along with his answer. "I don't really have any clear memories of her now," not that he ever did even as a child, "but this is the easiest thing I can carry on me." A wry smile settled on his lips. "Father wouldn't let me take her portrait out of the house."
Luc found himself staring at McDohl as he spoke, watching every expression he made. The result was rather awkward for him to take and he couldn’t help but look away.
“…. You miss her.” He stated, “Even though you don’t have clear memories, don’t you?”
"Sometimes..." he agreed, watching Luc turn away with some regret. Moving to rest his arms against the railing, the Tenkai kept his eyes on the horizon as he shrugged carelessly. "Can't really miss what I don't remember though."
Did she use to sing and read to him or were those part of his many childhood daydreams? He really couldn't tell anymore the difference between the most vivid memories he had of her and the fantasies he had about his mother still being part of their lives. After all, there were no devices that could retain the ephemeral sound of people's voices and their actions that could help the Tenkai check the veracity of his recollections.
"The only thing I can honestly say I miss though is the perfume she had. There wasn't much left in her perfume bottle and father never bought another bottle to replace it."
“I suppose… that makes sense…” Luc muttered quietly.
Unlike McDohl, he didn’t even know where to begin what it felt like to miss a mother… or a father. He did however fully know how capable he was on how to hate a supposed blood relative at full force. Sarah… was a sort of sibling. Although at times it felt like she didn’t think of him similarly and even as awkward it felt, he approached it with his usual stoic self.
All he’s done was not care or cared only for the reason to kill… or at least those were the only times he was aware of the feelings. Anything in between or outside the usual was confusing.
“Does having a family… really affect what one becomes when they’re older?” he asked McDohl with some hesitation.
Presented with such a question, the Tenkai had to take a moment to consider it properly.
After all, Luc hadn't known what it was to have a family or a loving environment given his origins. Tyr didn't have any clue how life was on the Magician's Isle, but that sort of life seemed, from the point of view of an outsider, rather lonely and socially-bereft. Additionally, if Leknaat had been a proper mentor to Luc, then the older man couldn't really imagine the mage being accustomed to the type of familial warmth that the Tenkai had experienced throughout the first two decades of his life.
However, that only affected part of a person's existence. Events and outside circumstances could affect one's life at a smaller or larger scale depending on their severity. Certainly, Tyr hadn't expected to become the leader of the Liberation Army or the Tenkai of that specific star gathering. Nor did he think he would've fallen for someone that might have a hard time accepting to be included into his life.
Looking at the man that he became now, Soul Eater's bearer had no real answer for his friend.
"Partially..." he answered quietly. "I was prepared to follow after father's footsteps and carry on the name and honour of the McDohl clan, but we both know what happened of that. I think though that it will have an influence of your outlook of life, how you interact with others and how readily you'll accept them."
Well… that seemed a little different from what he expected. Luc was assuming he’d hear the same speech that was thrown at him in the old Cyndar ruins by the True Water Rune’s former bearer. There were no self righteous remarks… or words trying to pointlessly drill at his being when he already had decided to accept his fate of dying in the end… no matter what path he took. McDohl actually gave him an explanation he could understand. But still, this was rather funny now that he’s taken a moment to look back at it all again.
To think that no matter what he did… his life would have been a dead end.
“I guess…” he started with a sort of chuckle, “it would be impossible in my case then.”
That was a rather depressive statement and the Tenkai simply didn't believe it would've been impossible for Luc to have turned out differently than he did now.
"You don't know that..." came the negation to Luc's statement as Tyr turned to look at the mage. "If, for example, I had decided to stick around after the war to bother you or if you had tried to open up your mind to other possibilities, who knows what could've happened."
Even as he said that though, the Toran hero shrugged slightly as it was all possibilities that weren't going to happen now. However, his lips curled into a one-sided grin as a thought hit him.
"Granted, if I had stayed in Dunan to bother the life out of you, I think you would've taught me a lesson or two about annoying Leknaat's Number One Apprentice."
The brunet couldn’t help but chuckle wearily at the statement.
“You know nothing’s stopping me from doing that even now.” He said calmly. “But that’s not exactly what I meant.”
Luc shifted on his seat as his gaze trailed towards the stairs leading down to the empty lower deck of the ship. His eyes were already automatically focused on the first place he would spot anyone would come close to hearing proximity of their conversation. And he wasn’t quite sure he was willing to share any of this with just any random individual.
“Having a family to influence me.” The wind mage finally stated soon as he was satisfied of their privacy. “I don’t have one to begin with, so I hardly think anything in this world would influence me in that sense. And I never longed for one. Since just like you said… you can’t miss what you don’t remember. In my case, it’s something I never had. And before you include Lady Leknaat or Sarah… Her Ladyship was a formality, Sarah…” he paused, falling silent as his eyes trailed to his hands. “She was a responsibility.”
And on that he failed to protect due to his selfishness.
“There’s no scenario for me to even begin imagining myself as someone normal when you’re someone who exists beyond what humanity considers normal anyway.” There were no what if in his life… “That’s why it had been impossible. It still is.”
It was saddening, really, the dark-haired one thought as he listened to the brunet's words. These set of circumstances might've made Luc into the person he'd come to know, but he did foolishly wish that there were something he could do to change them. The mage, despite what he might've done half a decade ago, deserved better than what life had thrown at him, better than what those old fools in Harmonia had done to him.
"You have friends," Tyr pointed out, regardless of the turmoil that lay behind amber eyes. "Two of us if I interpret Sheena's actions properly. We're nothing close to family, but it's already better than nothing if you'll accept us."
“…..” Luc glanced at him for a moment before turning to recite a sentence as if one was reading it right off a book. “Family will have an influence of your outlook of life, how you interact with others and how readily you'll accept them. Does that sound familiar? Besides, you know I’ve already accepted you. As for Sheena…”
He raised his hand and flicked McDohl hard on the forehead and turned his head away with a huff.
“The day I’ll let him influence me in any sort of way is the day it’s considered legal to bury him alive for being irritating.”
"Ow," Tyr winced at the flicking, finding himself immediately reaching up to rub his bruised forehead. Regardless of the treatment that Luc had submitted him to, the man smiled again. "Family might, but you're the one who decide what you'll do ultimately."
That aside, he did feel sorry for Sheena in that Luc seemed to be set quite against the youth's influence. The playboy wasn't a bad sort, if you got past the shameless flirting and womanizing ways.
"By the way, Sheena'd be hurt if he heard you say that kinda thing."
“I’ve said worse.” Luc retorted almost immediately. “In front of him.”
Though McDohl’s words were true about one’s actions. He never thought otherwise. Straying from Leknaat’s side and following his plan to avoid the nightmare the rune gave him all those years was his decision. Killing and sacrificing all of those in the grasslands were also part of that path he took. While he blamed his worthlessness to his creator and to the rune… he not once blamed anyone for his own actions.
“Even if I’ve accepted you… I don’t think it’ll go past this anymore.” He suddenly added. “I think this is the limit of my competence as an imitation of a person. Beyond that… I doubt I’d change. Even if I accept anyone else…”
Again he let out a weary laugh.
“Even if I told you that there’s a chance I might actually… tolerate you, more than just this friendship, I’m not going to be any different. If I move away from what I am now… I’m pretty sure I’ll lose myself and feel that who I really am is fading away.”
This time, it was the mage who became recipient of physical pain as the Tenkai slapped the side of his head smartly. As the action was meant to be more of a shock than painful as he had held his strength back, Tyr simply pushed the distress he felt at raising a hand against Luc away, eyes hard. How Luc could speak of himself that way was quite infuriating.
"Maybe you should stop thinking of yourself as an imitation," he suggested heavily, his tone harsh. "If you keep on thinking that, you won't be able to be human in your eyes." That said, the man's features softened as he went on. "Personally, I think you're plenty human and I'm sure Sheena and most of the castle can't tell the difference between you and themselves. You certainly have the same needs as we do. You bleed, you cry, you struggle with your existence like the rest of us and you feel a wide range of emotions. It doesn't matter that you might not have experienced everything that people normally do, since no one's life is the same as another's."
Here, the Tenkai briefly took to gazing at the castle grounds, looking at the people below carrying on with their lives. Really, there was essentially no difference in what Luc was and what constituted the individuals that were called 'humans'.
"Having said that, if you'll ever..." Although he knew that there were no one eavesdropping on them, the former leader still paused before he raised a hand and... awkwardly ran it through his hair, the words having a hard time getting past his throat. "reciprocate, I know I wouldn't have you any other way. I'll probably feel out of my depth if you were to act differently or become someone else."
The first reaction to getting that slap was indeed a slight shock to his system as he didn’t expect it. What was to follow was to shout at the other man in retaliation, but… the words that followed stopped him from voicing anything out.
“I never said I wanted to be seen as human either.” He muttered irritably.
In fact, he had a different question which had been answered upon his death in the ruins. Humanity had no part of it anymore, but he did confirm that a soul existed in that makeshift body.… Now aside that topic… It appears he had just proved how lacking he was when it came to being human. He couldn’t even put together words that would already confirm what he--… No… nevermind. Perhaps it wasn’t a good idea after all.
Luc moved off the railing with a quiet breath, slipping down to sit on the old wooden floor instead. He didn’t even know the first thing to do if ever he was placed in that situation. Placing himself in that situation even proved to be harder.
“You probably wouldn’t even be able to tell if I reciprocated anything at all.” He said wearily as he leaned back against the railing behind him. “And I sure as hell am not going to act like half of the idiots so far who have been openly practicing the many ways they can be so disgusting.”
"But you are," his companion retorted even as Luc re-stationed himself upon the wooden floor.
That aside, Tyr knew there was a possibility the mage did reciprocate part of his sentiment as he did remember what had been said when they'd both ended up in the lake. Yet, he did rather feel like the brunet was baiting him at times, leaving him tethering between disappointment and elation. This here discussion was doing the same trick to his insides, though...
It was nothing compared to that argument.
"..." The man frowned as he discreetly rubbed his neck, trying to rid himself of the tightness that wound itself there at the memory of that day. He wouldn't even look down at the mage when he spoke again. "I know I would rather not go through public displays of affection. I don't need outsiders to know what goes on with my life when just them thinking they know who I am from history book entries is disturbing enough. They'll probably believe they know what my private life like is when they'd invent 99% of it."
Which was to say, his private life was very dull and painfully nonexistent... and Tyr suddenly needed to know if it would stay that way, if he should just give up and settle to being friends with the man whose existence meant so much to him.
Deflated, the Tenkai slumped onto the floor himself, although his own body was still facing the railing. There were only so many small pleasures he could derive from proximity to the mage when each came with a stabbing doubt that he wouldn't have anything more than the occasional kindness.
"Luc," he asked the loaded question, his voice empty. "Do you or should I forget about it?"
Eyes focused towards what remains of the old ship’s yard, Luc remained silent. Answering that bluntly probably won’t do… He knew he lacked the skills to be more discreet about such issues. But he was also aware he had to keep McDohl’s feelings in mind. Also, his own… Those did exist. The problem was just finding a way to express them.
“…... Would you be able to even if I told you to?” the wind mage finally spoke in a quiet voice.
This was just making the tightness worse and Tyr had to resist the urge to curl himself into a ball.
"......I don't know." He certainly wouldn't be able to do it right away when part of the past two decades had already been spent trying to forget in the first place and failing utterly.
“….” Luc finally glanced at the Tenkai after he heard his response. “I have no wish to be cruel to you by telling you how you should feel. But…”
He paused and bowed his head forward for a moment.
“I know I have every right to tell you when to stop or when your actions are too fast for me to follow.” Again he looked at him, the usual stoic expression present on his face. “I’m aware though… that I haven’t been fair about this. And I’ve made it hard on you by making you wait so much… ”
Much as Tyr didn't want to look at Luc or to block out what might be coming, the Tenkai slowly turned his head toward his Tenkan, the action seemingly fearful when his muscles wouldn't cooperate as well as they should in producing the movement.
He couldn't bring himself to say anything though.
"....." and seeing such a reaction didn't exactly encourage the wind mage either. "Don't look at me like that… What I'm saying is… As long as there are no expectations for me to miraculously change all of a sudden and that no one will have any dreams of me turning to an ideal man of society or something completely retarded like that…"
He paused again as he felt his stomach turning from his own words. It wasn't about being disgusted or shamed… It was more associated to the fact that this was indeed unfamiliar grounds to him.
"... I'll accept the situation… er.. or… you, I guess... would be the right word." He stumbled over his words, awkwardly looking away from the tenkai. "But if what happens in the future doesn't meet your expectations, you're free to break it off just as well."
Whereas he wouldn't let himself curl into a ball earlier, the older man suddenly needed, very much, to do so and hide his astonishment, his happiness and the whole flood of emotion that suddenly hit him at Luc's words. Yet, that course of action could potentially offend the mage and the second best thing Tyr could do was place a hand over the lower half of his face to try and control the urge to smile.
He was failing though given the shape that his lips were taking and the tremors that ran through him when he couldn't suppress it so well.
"A-alright," the Tenkai answered from behind his hand, his voice just as shaky and overwhelmed as he felt. He had to swallow before he could say anything else though, even in jest. "I don't think I'd like seeing you become an ideal man of society. You'd become eligible for young women to marry."
“……..” Luc merely exhaled in annoyance for that thought ever coming true. Getting Sierra’s interest on his blood was painful enough. And the other women he’s ever encountered were either dull or just over-eager for the weirdest things.
…. Actually… doesn’t that just mean he’s a horrible match for normal women…?
“…ergh…” he grumbled. “… I don’t think I have to ask you to keep this quiet, right? I really don’t want anyone prodding into this… or having little children declare their curiosity to certain things and be used as an example.”
As already mentioned before, the older bearer didn't wish for anyone uninvolved in the situation to even know of its existence. Their business was their own and nothing would change in the eyes of the castle inhabitants, especially with young men with wild imaginations.
"My lips are sealed," Tyr said even as he did the gesture. The only thing that ruined it was that his other hand was still covering the lower part of his face.
“………………….” The wind mage couldn’t help but frown otherwise. “And you can wipe that smirk off your face before you give anything away.”
"Trying," the man replied right away. "You wouldn't believe how much I am."
He did think the left corner of his lips was starting to uncurl... but that wouldn't be enough to leave the ship's bow undetected.
“Idiot.” Luc snorted as he finally stood up from the floor. “I’m going back to work…”
Even being called an idiot by Luc wasn't doing much to wipe the good humour that was pervading his whole being. Although he'd held onto the faint hope that the mage would accept him in such a fashion someday, Tyr hadn't actually thought that it would happen so quickly. Today of all days.
Honestly, all he'd wanted was to get his bandanna back and spend a quiet moment with Luc.
"Want me to accompany you?" he offered even though he knew he wouldn't be a very good and discreet escort at the moment.
"No." Luc replied curtly and pointed at him. "You. Stay."
It was obvious to him that McDohl wasn't going to be able to take that stupid look on his face for awhile… and it would be bothersome if someone asked why and the man accidentally slips up on this.
At that, the wind mage turned and headed down the stairs to the lower decks before the Tenkai could have a chance to say anything else.
Now that he'd expected at least! ...but it did nothing to help him with his current dilemma.
Still smiling like a fool, the Tenkai rested his arms around his knees as he tried to come up with the most unpleasant thoughts possible, starting with a certain purple prose novel. Maybe that would get him calm long to get off the shipwreck and back into the safety of his room.
Where: bow of the old ship
When: September 23rd, daytime
What: The few decades of waiting might result to something;; But it's a secret.
Warnings: semi-violence.
Five days. Five whole days since Luc appropriated the Toran Tenkai's most precious belonging.
The majority of those days had been spent going after a certain brown-haired mage, although each of those attempts were foiled. Perhaps Tyr should've thrown in the towel given that each time he'd tried to get within range of the mage, the Tenkan would leave or teleport out of reach, however the man refused to give up. He didn't believe that Luc would do anything to the two-coloured piece of fabric, but this was certainly the first time that it stayed out of his sight for so many consecutive days.
Tyr knew he was being ridiculous. After all, he barely had any memories of his mother and a mere memento did little in the ways of keeping said memory fresh when it became an extension of him. But that was exactly why the former hero was so set on retrieving it from his friend's grasp.
He might not wear it on his head anymore, but he did feel rather exposed without it somewhere on his person.
It was unfortunate for the Tenkai but Luc had made himself more than aware of his surroundings since he had stolen the bandanna. Well… borrowed would be the appropriate word as he had no intention of keeping it… but anyway, the fact that both individuals had True Runes made it extremely easy. True Wind had already grown used to the sensation when Soul Eater was nearby; possibly due to the accumulated years Luc had spent as a soldier in both McDohl and Riou’s armies. A useless skill to have outside wartime… but helpful when terrorizing the other.
It was also unfortunate that Soul Eater’s chosen appears to be unaware that the wind mage had been in proximity of him lately, watching at a distance at whatever McDohl was doing. Luc almost felt bad. Almost. After all, it was the Tenkai who splashed him with old fountain water a few days ago. Still… all this hiding and running was starting to become tedious. It’s been hard enough to try and continue his studies with someone trailing after his steps every few minutes.
So at that, Luc finally settled on one spot, sitting on the bow of the old ship and waited for his old leader to take notice of his location.
Standing in the middle of the castle grounds and feeling rather self-conscious about his 'aimless' wandering, the older bearer concentrated on pinpointing the True Wind Rune's location. All this hide and seek was honing his abilities to the point that it didn't take very long to find what direction and possibly where Luc was to be found, but still required some concentration when Soul Eater was unwilling to cooperate.
Finally, he discovered the mage's location, somewhere behind him... but the only thing in that direction was the shored-up ship. He'd already checked that place earlier in the day too, knowing it was one of the younger man's usual hangouts.
Turning around and glaring up at the shipwreck where Luc was undoubtedly watching him, Tyr tried to find anything that would allow him to simply climb up into the wooden structure. However, there were no such things in the area and, cursing under his breath, the Tenkai hurried to the usual entrance.
A smirk grew on the mage’s face as his eyes caught the Toran Native and quickly grew to a quiet chuckle as he watched him rush off into the castle with probable intention to get to him. Again, it was already time to end the chase. The poor man had already been punished long enough.
So Luc continued to sit on the railings of the bow and waited a little longer.
Climbing the stairs two by two until he reached the the ship's bow, Tyr was relieved to see that Luc had actually stayed where he was and waited for him to arrive. Although that did not guarantee that the mage would remain where he was, it was still better than the times when the brunet decided to teleport while the Tenkai was in the process of reaching his vicinity.
"Can I please have my bandanna back now, Luc?" the Toran native asked, cutting to the chase.
Childish and rude perhaps, but he had been lead around in a wild goose chase for the past few days.
“Why?” came a similarly childish and rude question.
The equally childish reply would've been "It's mine, I want it back and I feel very naked without it," but Tyr hardly thought that was a suitable answer. So, taking a calming breath, he stepped closer to the mage.
"It's very important to me, you know that."
“…. Hmm…” the wind mage droned. “A very special memento… I think that’s what you said before. Or somewhere along the lines of it.”
To be honest, Luc could only make assumptions on what that line meant. It had been nine months and nine days to be more exact. And he never again pressed the Tenkai for answers as he deemed the topic as something that was none of his business.
But still… a special memento meant memories… and possibly a special person attached to it. Was it Gremio? Though… that other Tenkan was a more plausible person to be honest. It was quite a mystery.
….Wait.
Another mystery is the fact he actually could remember the amount of days so accurately. Especially for one who deemed the topic as something that was none of his business.
“…………..” Suddenly, the younger man felt a slight wave of irritation touch him. “Here.” He muttered as he pulled a familiar neatly folded bandanna from his pocket and offered it to the Tenkai.
The older bearer couldn't help the look of confusion that settled on his face when Luc offered his bandanna back, but that confusion was replaced by caution as he came to the mage's side.
"Thanks," he whispered, taking the prolifered item back from the other's hand with great reassurance in the return of his memento.
Tyr had expected his Tenkan to put up more of a fight, but he was quite grateful for the safe return of the bandanna. Already, his edginess was leaving him as the dearly missed item was back where it belonged.
'Well... not quite,' the Tenkai thought as he looked at his arm where the length of cloth should've been. He could attach it around his arm on his own, but it was always a bit tricky doing so and, with the gloves he had on at the moment, the man didn't trust himself to do a very good job at it.
"Can you help me with it, Luc?" he inquired of his friend.
Without a word, Luc shifted a bit closer to McDohl from his seat and already had both hands offered up to assist him. There was no point on continuing to put up a fight on a game he already decided to end.
Glad to have Luc's cooperation, the former hero handed the length of two-coloured cloth to the mage and watched as said mage securely tied the bandanna to his upper arm. It was both pleasure and agony to be close to the brunet, but that was a choice he'd made the moment he spoke his inquiry and allowed himself to be submitted to Luc's proximity.
However, staring at Luc was not part of what he promised the other he'd do.
"That was mother's," Tyr provided in ways of explanation to the Tenkan and distraction for himself. "Gremio put it together from remnants of her favourite dresses."
When he thought about it, he'd never told Luc where it had come from, having only settled for mentioning that it was a memento without further explanations. Besides the people of the McDohl household, no one really knew the origins of the cloth and Luc hadn't prompted him about it either, so he'd forgotten about it until now... but it didn't feel wrong to share that information with the mage even if he might mock him for it.
There was a pause in Luc’s actions at the mention of the identity of the mysterious source of the memento he was tying around his former Tenkai’s arm. Somehow, there was a sense of relief mixed with a lingering feeling of guilt crawling in his skin. It really wasn’t becoming of him to assume anything to begin with. And somehow such carelessness was triggered by McDohl. It was starting to become a real pain to deal with.
“…Hmm…” he droned quietly as he finally secured the bandanna with a knot. “…She passed away when you were younger, right?”
"Yeah..." Tyr nodded along with his answer. "I don't really have any clear memories of her now," not that he ever did even as a child, "but this is the easiest thing I can carry on me." A wry smile settled on his lips. "Father wouldn't let me take her portrait out of the house."
Luc found himself staring at McDohl as he spoke, watching every expression he made. The result was rather awkward for him to take and he couldn’t help but look away.
“…. You miss her.” He stated, “Even though you don’t have clear memories, don’t you?”
"Sometimes..." he agreed, watching Luc turn away with some regret. Moving to rest his arms against the railing, the Tenkai kept his eyes on the horizon as he shrugged carelessly. "Can't really miss what I don't remember though."
Did she use to sing and read to him or were those part of his many childhood daydreams? He really couldn't tell anymore the difference between the most vivid memories he had of her and the fantasies he had about his mother still being part of their lives. After all, there were no devices that could retain the ephemeral sound of people's voices and their actions that could help the Tenkai check the veracity of his recollections.
"The only thing I can honestly say I miss though is the perfume she had. There wasn't much left in her perfume bottle and father never bought another bottle to replace it."
“I suppose… that makes sense…” Luc muttered quietly.
Unlike McDohl, he didn’t even know where to begin what it felt like to miss a mother… or a father. He did however fully know how capable he was on how to hate a supposed blood relative at full force. Sarah… was a sort of sibling. Although at times it felt like she didn’t think of him similarly and even as awkward it felt, he approached it with his usual stoic self.
All he’s done was not care or cared only for the reason to kill… or at least those were the only times he was aware of the feelings. Anything in between or outside the usual was confusing.
“Does having a family… really affect what one becomes when they’re older?” he asked McDohl with some hesitation.
Presented with such a question, the Tenkai had to take a moment to consider it properly.
After all, Luc hadn't known what it was to have a family or a loving environment given his origins. Tyr didn't have any clue how life was on the Magician's Isle, but that sort of life seemed, from the point of view of an outsider, rather lonely and socially-bereft. Additionally, if Leknaat had been a proper mentor to Luc, then the older man couldn't really imagine the mage being accustomed to the type of familial warmth that the Tenkai had experienced throughout the first two decades of his life.
However, that only affected part of a person's existence. Events and outside circumstances could affect one's life at a smaller or larger scale depending on their severity. Certainly, Tyr hadn't expected to become the leader of the Liberation Army or the Tenkai of that specific star gathering. Nor did he think he would've fallen for someone that might have a hard time accepting to be included into his life.
Looking at the man that he became now, Soul Eater's bearer had no real answer for his friend.
"Partially..." he answered quietly. "I was prepared to follow after father's footsteps and carry on the name and honour of the McDohl clan, but we both know what happened of that. I think though that it will have an influence of your outlook of life, how you interact with others and how readily you'll accept them."
Well… that seemed a little different from what he expected. Luc was assuming he’d hear the same speech that was thrown at him in the old Cyndar ruins by the True Water Rune’s former bearer. There were no self righteous remarks… or words trying to pointlessly drill at his being when he already had decided to accept his fate of dying in the end… no matter what path he took. McDohl actually gave him an explanation he could understand. But still, this was rather funny now that he’s taken a moment to look back at it all again.
To think that no matter what he did… his life would have been a dead end.
“I guess…” he started with a sort of chuckle, “it would be impossible in my case then.”
That was a rather depressive statement and the Tenkai simply didn't believe it would've been impossible for Luc to have turned out differently than he did now.
"You don't know that..." came the negation to Luc's statement as Tyr turned to look at the mage. "If, for example, I had decided to stick around after the war to bother you or if you had tried to open up your mind to other possibilities, who knows what could've happened."
Even as he said that though, the Toran hero shrugged slightly as it was all possibilities that weren't going to happen now. However, his lips curled into a one-sided grin as a thought hit him.
"Granted, if I had stayed in Dunan to bother the life out of you, I think you would've taught me a lesson or two about annoying Leknaat's Number One Apprentice."
The brunet couldn’t help but chuckle wearily at the statement.
“You know nothing’s stopping me from doing that even now.” He said calmly. “But that’s not exactly what I meant.”
Luc shifted on his seat as his gaze trailed towards the stairs leading down to the empty lower deck of the ship. His eyes were already automatically focused on the first place he would spot anyone would come close to hearing proximity of their conversation. And he wasn’t quite sure he was willing to share any of this with just any random individual.
“Having a family to influence me.” The wind mage finally stated soon as he was satisfied of their privacy. “I don’t have one to begin with, so I hardly think anything in this world would influence me in that sense. And I never longed for one. Since just like you said… you can’t miss what you don’t remember. In my case, it’s something I never had. And before you include Lady Leknaat or Sarah… Her Ladyship was a formality, Sarah…” he paused, falling silent as his eyes trailed to his hands. “She was a responsibility.”
And on that he failed to protect due to his selfishness.
“There’s no scenario for me to even begin imagining myself as someone normal when you’re someone who exists beyond what humanity considers normal anyway.” There were no what if in his life… “That’s why it had been impossible. It still is.”
It was saddening, really, the dark-haired one thought as he listened to the brunet's words. These set of circumstances might've made Luc into the person he'd come to know, but he did foolishly wish that there were something he could do to change them. The mage, despite what he might've done half a decade ago, deserved better than what life had thrown at him, better than what those old fools in Harmonia had done to him.
"You have friends," Tyr pointed out, regardless of the turmoil that lay behind amber eyes. "Two of us if I interpret Sheena's actions properly. We're nothing close to family, but it's already better than nothing if you'll accept us."
“…..” Luc glanced at him for a moment before turning to recite a sentence as if one was reading it right off a book. “Family will have an influence of your outlook of life, how you interact with others and how readily you'll accept them. Does that sound familiar? Besides, you know I’ve already accepted you. As for Sheena…”
He raised his hand and flicked McDohl hard on the forehead and turned his head away with a huff.
“The day I’ll let him influence me in any sort of way is the day it’s considered legal to bury him alive for being irritating.”
"Ow," Tyr winced at the flicking, finding himself immediately reaching up to rub his bruised forehead. Regardless of the treatment that Luc had submitted him to, the man smiled again. "Family might, but you're the one who decide what you'll do ultimately."
That aside, he did feel sorry for Sheena in that Luc seemed to be set quite against the youth's influence. The playboy wasn't a bad sort, if you got past the shameless flirting and womanizing ways.
"By the way, Sheena'd be hurt if he heard you say that kinda thing."
“I’ve said worse.” Luc retorted almost immediately. “In front of him.”
Though McDohl’s words were true about one’s actions. He never thought otherwise. Straying from Leknaat’s side and following his plan to avoid the nightmare the rune gave him all those years was his decision. Killing and sacrificing all of those in the grasslands were also part of that path he took. While he blamed his worthlessness to his creator and to the rune… he not once blamed anyone for his own actions.
“Even if I’ve accepted you… I don’t think it’ll go past this anymore.” He suddenly added. “I think this is the limit of my competence as an imitation of a person. Beyond that… I doubt I’d change. Even if I accept anyone else…”
Again he let out a weary laugh.
“Even if I told you that there’s a chance I might actually… tolerate you, more than just this friendship, I’m not going to be any different. If I move away from what I am now… I’m pretty sure I’ll lose myself and feel that who I really am is fading away.”
This time, it was the mage who became recipient of physical pain as the Tenkai slapped the side of his head smartly. As the action was meant to be more of a shock than painful as he had held his strength back, Tyr simply pushed the distress he felt at raising a hand against Luc away, eyes hard. How Luc could speak of himself that way was quite infuriating.
"Maybe you should stop thinking of yourself as an imitation," he suggested heavily, his tone harsh. "If you keep on thinking that, you won't be able to be human in your eyes." That said, the man's features softened as he went on. "Personally, I think you're plenty human and I'm sure Sheena and most of the castle can't tell the difference between you and themselves. You certainly have the same needs as we do. You bleed, you cry, you struggle with your existence like the rest of us and you feel a wide range of emotions. It doesn't matter that you might not have experienced everything that people normally do, since no one's life is the same as another's."
Here, the Tenkai briefly took to gazing at the castle grounds, looking at the people below carrying on with their lives. Really, there was essentially no difference in what Luc was and what constituted the individuals that were called 'humans'.
"Having said that, if you'll ever..." Although he knew that there were no one eavesdropping on them, the former leader still paused before he raised a hand and... awkwardly ran it through his hair, the words having a hard time getting past his throat. "reciprocate, I know I wouldn't have you any other way. I'll probably feel out of my depth if you were to act differently or become someone else."
The first reaction to getting that slap was indeed a slight shock to his system as he didn’t expect it. What was to follow was to shout at the other man in retaliation, but… the words that followed stopped him from voicing anything out.
“I never said I wanted to be seen as human either.” He muttered irritably.
In fact, he had a different question which had been answered upon his death in the ruins. Humanity had no part of it anymore, but he did confirm that a soul existed in that makeshift body.… Now aside that topic… It appears he had just proved how lacking he was when it came to being human. He couldn’t even put together words that would already confirm what he--… No… nevermind. Perhaps it wasn’t a good idea after all.
Luc moved off the railing with a quiet breath, slipping down to sit on the old wooden floor instead. He didn’t even know the first thing to do if ever he was placed in that situation. Placing himself in that situation even proved to be harder.
“You probably wouldn’t even be able to tell if I reciprocated anything at all.” He said wearily as he leaned back against the railing behind him. “And I sure as hell am not going to act like half of the idiots so far who have been openly practicing the many ways they can be so disgusting.”
"But you are," his companion retorted even as Luc re-stationed himself upon the wooden floor.
That aside, Tyr knew there was a possibility the mage did reciprocate part of his sentiment as he did remember what had been said when they'd both ended up in the lake. Yet, he did rather feel like the brunet was baiting him at times, leaving him tethering between disappointment and elation. This here discussion was doing the same trick to his insides, though...
It was nothing compared to that argument.
"..." The man frowned as he discreetly rubbed his neck, trying to rid himself of the tightness that wound itself there at the memory of that day. He wouldn't even look down at the mage when he spoke again. "I know I would rather not go through public displays of affection. I don't need outsiders to know what goes on with my life when just them thinking they know who I am from history book entries is disturbing enough. They'll probably believe they know what my private life like is when they'd invent 99% of it."
Which was to say, his private life was very dull and painfully nonexistent... and Tyr suddenly needed to know if it would stay that way, if he should just give up and settle to being friends with the man whose existence meant so much to him.
Deflated, the Tenkai slumped onto the floor himself, although his own body was still facing the railing. There were only so many small pleasures he could derive from proximity to the mage when each came with a stabbing doubt that he wouldn't have anything more than the occasional kindness.
"Luc," he asked the loaded question, his voice empty. "Do you or should I forget about it?"
Eyes focused towards what remains of the old ship’s yard, Luc remained silent. Answering that bluntly probably won’t do… He knew he lacked the skills to be more discreet about such issues. But he was also aware he had to keep McDohl’s feelings in mind. Also, his own… Those did exist. The problem was just finding a way to express them.
“…... Would you be able to even if I told you to?” the wind mage finally spoke in a quiet voice.
This was just making the tightness worse and Tyr had to resist the urge to curl himself into a ball.
"......I don't know." He certainly wouldn't be able to do it right away when part of the past two decades had already been spent trying to forget in the first place and failing utterly.
“….” Luc finally glanced at the Tenkai after he heard his response. “I have no wish to be cruel to you by telling you how you should feel. But…”
He paused and bowed his head forward for a moment.
“I know I have every right to tell you when to stop or when your actions are too fast for me to follow.” Again he looked at him, the usual stoic expression present on his face. “I’m aware though… that I haven’t been fair about this. And I’ve made it hard on you by making you wait so much… ”
Much as Tyr didn't want to look at Luc or to block out what might be coming, the Tenkai slowly turned his head toward his Tenkan, the action seemingly fearful when his muscles wouldn't cooperate as well as they should in producing the movement.
He couldn't bring himself to say anything though.
"....." and seeing such a reaction didn't exactly encourage the wind mage either. "Don't look at me like that… What I'm saying is… As long as there are no expectations for me to miraculously change all of a sudden and that no one will have any dreams of me turning to an ideal man of society or something completely retarded like that…"
He paused again as he felt his stomach turning from his own words. It wasn't about being disgusted or shamed… It was more associated to the fact that this was indeed unfamiliar grounds to him.
"... I'll accept the situation… er.. or… you, I guess... would be the right word." He stumbled over his words, awkwardly looking away from the tenkai. "But if what happens in the future doesn't meet your expectations, you're free to break it off just as well."
Whereas he wouldn't let himself curl into a ball earlier, the older man suddenly needed, very much, to do so and hide his astonishment, his happiness and the whole flood of emotion that suddenly hit him at Luc's words. Yet, that course of action could potentially offend the mage and the second best thing Tyr could do was place a hand over the lower half of his face to try and control the urge to smile.
He was failing though given the shape that his lips were taking and the tremors that ran through him when he couldn't suppress it so well.
"A-alright," the Tenkai answered from behind his hand, his voice just as shaky and overwhelmed as he felt. He had to swallow before he could say anything else though, even in jest. "I don't think I'd like seeing you become an ideal man of society. You'd become eligible for young women to marry."
“……..” Luc merely exhaled in annoyance for that thought ever coming true. Getting Sierra’s interest on his blood was painful enough. And the other women he’s ever encountered were either dull or just over-eager for the weirdest things.
…. Actually… doesn’t that just mean he’s a horrible match for normal women…?
“…ergh…” he grumbled. “… I don’t think I have to ask you to keep this quiet, right? I really don’t want anyone prodding into this… or having little children declare their curiosity to certain things and be used as an example.”
As already mentioned before, the older bearer didn't wish for anyone uninvolved in the situation to even know of its existence. Their business was their own and nothing would change in the eyes of the castle inhabitants, especially with young men with wild imaginations.
"My lips are sealed," Tyr said even as he did the gesture. The only thing that ruined it was that his other hand was still covering the lower part of his face.
“………………….” The wind mage couldn’t help but frown otherwise. “And you can wipe that smirk off your face before you give anything away.”
"Trying," the man replied right away. "You wouldn't believe how much I am."
He did think the left corner of his lips was starting to uncurl... but that wouldn't be enough to leave the ship's bow undetected.
“Idiot.” Luc snorted as he finally stood up from the floor. “I’m going back to work…”
Even being called an idiot by Luc wasn't doing much to wipe the good humour that was pervading his whole being. Although he'd held onto the faint hope that the mage would accept him in such a fashion someday, Tyr hadn't actually thought that it would happen so quickly. Today of all days.
Honestly, all he'd wanted was to get his bandanna back and spend a quiet moment with Luc.
"Want me to accompany you?" he offered even though he knew he wouldn't be a very good and discreet escort at the moment.
"No." Luc replied curtly and pointed at him. "You. Stay."
It was obvious to him that McDohl wasn't going to be able to take that stupid look on his face for awhile… and it would be bothersome if someone asked why and the man accidentally slips up on this.
At that, the wind mage turned and headed down the stairs to the lower decks before the Tenkai could have a chance to say anything else.
Now that he'd expected at least! ...but it did nothing to help him with his current dilemma.
Still smiling like a fool, the Tenkai rested his arms around his knees as he tried to come up with the most unpleasant thoughts possible, starting with a certain purple prose novel. Maybe that would get him calm long to get off the shipwreck and back into the safety of his room.