The memories exist in the chaos like bright flickers of a screen in an otherwise dark room. Matt knows it all happened even though it seems impossible to believe given the circumstances of the here and now. The only thing worse would be to believe none of it happened. The memories give him solace, a way of accepting that he did not do anything ( Read more... )

"You feeling lonely there, or are you meeting people / just don't care ( Read more... )

Tonight was the night. Everything is in motion now, and my desire for action is held in check only by an even greater desire to make everything go perfectly. I have my own agenda and thus far I think I've done a good job being myself while keeping enough of that guy down so as to be welcomed here ( Read more... )

Controlled chaos, disjointed serenity, unfulfilled happiness, precarious balance ( Read more... )

If I had to work almost every day of my life for the last 17 years so that I could have the last seven days, so be it. The experience was so profound that it changed my outlook on life. It reinvigorated feelings and aspirations deep in hibernation ( Read more... )

I've learned over time that one cannot force himself to change, but rather must allow himself to change as his understanding of life grows. One can gain knowledge through reading or listening, but the best wisdom seems to arrive through moments of pleasure or pain. So here I am, 33 years in, and I have about a week left to live within the ( Read more... )

I started the "get rid of it all" phase three days ago. The more stuff I donate, sell or trash, the more it feels like something is stirring. A tickle in my stomach, like something within just rolled over in its sleep. Then my mind starts pumping out thoughts and my head fills up like a balloon. Small wonder I haven't been sleeping well. I've ( Read more... )

"Only one month to go. What's a good night for you to go out and have a drink? I would like to say goodbye ( Read more... )

Last week I had an encounter that I've subconsciously wanted to have for awhile now, but never expected to have. It was a typical summer Monday at Ciao's, so my patio tables kept me running back and forth between the bar and the kitchen. This constant circuit kept me from seeing everyone who walks in the door, but while running a tray of food I ( Read more... )

Yesterday sucked until I finally got a text from my girlfriend saying she was sleeping, but fine, and that she'd call me later. I cannot express the amount of relief I felt. When I woke up in the middle of the night between Sunday and Monday and saw that she didn't come over, I was not concerned about my headache, my friendship with Tom, or my ( Read more... )