five things meme, once again.
Football still, because I need some insanity to distract me. The more serious ones are being done as well.
For niche: Five people David Villa has played with or against whom he would sleep with if he were vaguely inclined that way.
1. Raúl.
2. Andriy Shevchenko. (There's a little bit of hero worship there.)
3. Joaquín Sánchez Rodríguez.
4. Iker Casillas.
5. Zidane. (Who wouldn't?)
(Villa/Joaquín would probably melt my brain. Just saying, you know.)
Which is he is not (to appease the lovely E <3). And five corresponding reasons why.
1. David is pretty much a sucker for girls, and not even the 5'9 blonde lingerie model types his teammates seem fond of bringing home. The smallest things about them absolutely kill him - the soft curve of their waists, how they tuck their hair behind their ears with deft fingers, the way they move their hands when they talk on the phone, the way their chins tilt up when they laugh.
2. Men's hands are too big, careless and rough and clumsy, shoulders too broad. Heavy. Skill is pretty much lost on most footballers nowadays.
3. His mother had always told him, never get involved with people you work with. It's good advice. Besides, he gets attached too easily.
4. Breasts, man. Breasts.
5. The idea of submitting to anyone doesn't carry much appeal. David prefers to be in control of most situations.
(I'm going to go and perform seppuku now, kthx.)
Five things Materazzi wanted to say to Zidane before he said what he did.
1. Why are you so fucking good?
2. I never could've imagined that someday I would be playing in the World Cup final against you of all people.
3. And, yeah, I actually kind of do want your shirt.
4. I might be able to forgive France winning if it was because of you.
5. But that doesn't mean that I'm not going to do my damned best to make sure that doesn't happen, whatever it takes.
Five reasons why Raul thinks Michel Salgado is the hottest man alive.
1. He is drunk.
2. Really, really pissed-out-of-your-mind-on-drinks-with-an-alcohol-content-of-over-80% drunk.
3. And quite possibly stoned.
4. After you know someone for that long, all objectivity and rationality goes out of the window.
5. He has a nice eye color.
Yeah, there was no possible way to do this one seriously.
Five things Pirlo said to Canna after they won the World Cup.
1. You are the best fucking captain ever, and I swear it isn't just the alcohol talking.
2. The base of your neck smells kind of like black pepper and olives and orange zest, did you know?
3. Where did you get those tattoos done?
4. Please don't go to Spain.
5. I'll miss playing against you, but I've always liked playing with you more anyway. There's still that.
For of_doom:
Five things Fernando will say to Raul the next time they meet.
1. Your hair's getting too long again.
2. Hi.
3. You didn't have to leave five messages on my voicemail in a row, you know.
4. Valencia's not that far from Madrid, really; closer than England, at least.
5. I missed this.
Five things Fernando won't say to Raul the next time they meet.
1. I was relieved when Benitez told me I could go. It was getting kind of embarrassing.
2. But, at the same time, I never, ever would've asked to leave.
3. It's harder than it should be, watching you play. There's at once too much and too little distance between us; maybe I went to England so I could get away from you, or maybe going there was only another, more fucked up way of coming back.
4. I wish you were more honest with yourself.
5. The happiest years of my life had a lot to do with you. Sometimes I really hate that fact, but most of the time, I wouldn't have it any other way.
Again, go ahead and ask for more, even if I haven't finished previous ones - I will do all of them, this is a hilariously fantastic exercise.
For niche: Five people David Villa has played with or against whom he would sleep with if he were vaguely inclined that way.
1. Raúl.
2. Andriy Shevchenko. (There's a little bit of hero worship there.)
3. Joaquín Sánchez Rodríguez.
4. Iker Casillas.
5. Zidane. (Who wouldn't?)
(Villa/Joaquín would probably melt my brain. Just saying, you know.)
Which is he is not (to appease the lovely E <3). And five corresponding reasons why.
1. David is pretty much a sucker for girls, and not even the 5'9 blonde lingerie model types his teammates seem fond of bringing home. The smallest things about them absolutely kill him - the soft curve of their waists, how they tuck their hair behind their ears with deft fingers, the way they move their hands when they talk on the phone, the way their chins tilt up when they laugh.
2. Men's hands are too big, careless and rough and clumsy, shoulders too broad. Heavy. Skill is pretty much lost on most footballers nowadays.
3. His mother had always told him, never get involved with people you work with. It's good advice. Besides, he gets attached too easily.
4. Breasts, man. Breasts.
5. The idea of submitting to anyone doesn't carry much appeal. David prefers to be in control of most situations.
(I'm going to go and perform seppuku now, kthx.)
Five things Materazzi wanted to say to Zidane before he said what he did.
1. Why are you so fucking good?
2. I never could've imagined that someday I would be playing in the World Cup final against you of all people.
3. And, yeah, I actually kind of do want your shirt.
4. I might be able to forgive France winning if it was because of you.
5. But that doesn't mean that I'm not going to do my damned best to make sure that doesn't happen, whatever it takes.
Five reasons why Raul thinks Michel Salgado is the hottest man alive.
1. He is drunk.
2. Really, really pissed-out-of-your-mind-on-drinks-with-an-alcohol-content-of-over-80% drunk.
3. And quite possibly stoned.
4. After you know someone for that long, all objectivity and rationality goes out of the window.
5. He has a nice eye color.
Yeah, there was no possible way to do this one seriously.
Five things Pirlo said to Canna after they won the World Cup.
1. You are the best fucking captain ever, and I swear it isn't just the alcohol talking.
2. The base of your neck smells kind of like black pepper and olives and orange zest, did you know?
3. Where did you get those tattoos done?
4. Please don't go to Spain.
5. I'll miss playing against you, but I've always liked playing with you more anyway. There's still that.
For of_doom:
Five things Fernando will say to Raul the next time they meet.
1. Your hair's getting too long again.
2. Hi.
3. You didn't have to leave five messages on my voicemail in a row, you know.
4. Valencia's not that far from Madrid, really; closer than England, at least.
5. I missed this.
Five things Fernando won't say to Raul the next time they meet.
1. I was relieved when Benitez told me I could go. It was getting kind of embarrassing.
2. But, at the same time, I never, ever would've asked to leave.
3. It's harder than it should be, watching you play. There's at once too much and too little distance between us; maybe I went to England so I could get away from you, or maybe going there was only another, more fucked up way of coming back.
4. I wish you were more honest with yourself.
5. The happiest years of my life had a lot to do with you. Sometimes I really hate that fact, but most of the time, I wouldn't have it any other way.
Again, go ahead and ask for more, even if I haven't finished previous ones - I will do all of them, this is a hilariously fantastic exercise.