Why do they always come in twos, or none at all??
So I thought I was falling for Ofir?
Well.
I'm falling for Ron, too.
Ofir is... sort of shallow and conceited. I'm torn between thinking "he goes out of his way to call me and see me and make adorable physical contact with me - he must have feelings for me" and "he talks so very casually about us having a fling, and makes no real romantic move, and mentions other girls - he probably just thinks of me as a conquest."
I have discovered that underneath the goofy exterior, though, Ofir is actually a pretty decent guy. He gets worried about me if I'm ill (I've been having really bad problems with my sugar lately) and he's actually smart, he just doesn't choose to show it all the time. Together, the whole package - the nice guy who's a bit arrogant - kind of turns me on.
Ron, though... Ron is starting to look much more appealing. Not so much physically - physically, Ofir is more my type. But Ron is just so amazing. He's calm and controlled while somehow fun and wild at the same time. He's got a bit of ADHD but he's worked so very hard to get himself together, and now he's just a little easily distracted and has to always be in motion or do something with his hands. He's a great dancer and he leads Rueda (the group circle dance) which takes guts, knowledge and charisma to do well.
He's just a really great person. He works at a school, tutoring troubled kids who don't have friends and who have problems at home... He's very physical, he does breakdance, capoera, street-action... and of course he does photography, semi-professionally. He's always good for a laugh and he's very kind, and we have great chemistry.
I used to think that he had a crush on me, something like half a year ago. Then a while later it sort of died out and I thought he'd lost interest. I didn't know him well enough and I wasn't interested in him either, back then. Then about 2 months ago, probably ever since I started doing stuff with the Salsa Mob people, we've gotten closer. He started wanting to dance with me more often at the club and even mock-fought over me with other guys.
I think that, ever since Ofir and I started becoming physically affectionate at group events, Ron's decided he wants to show his affection too. It's much more subtle and I didn't catch on to it until this week - the same night at the pub that I was on Ofir's lap most of the time? I also spent a few minutes with my head in Ron's lap:
Now, at this point, I was sort-of-kind-of dating a friend of Ron's (the guy who asked me out on FB and we only managed to go on one date) and also I'd just tried to set Ron up with my best friend H. Neither of the above dates worked out well - Ron says that H is too slow-paced and shy for him, and he needs someone who can keep up with his hyperactivity. I said, "Someone like me, huh?" and he agreed, but at that point I didn't know he was into me. Awkward!
Anyway, after the double date with H (we invited another salsa guy so I would have someone to talk to, but somehow he ended up talking to Reut and I talked to Ron..... lol) all 4 of us went to Ron's place to watch X-Men: First Class (which is fucking awesome, I'm so glad I finally managed to see it!!) but we only got through the first half and I begged off because it was 2AM on Saturday (and Sunday is a normal workday in Israel).
So on Wednesday after Salsa (during which I danced a lot with Ofir, as I was still sort of crushing on him), Ron asked if I wanted to come back to his place and watch the second half of the movie. And I said yes. And now that we were alone together, rather than with other friends, we allowed ourselves to lie a little closer to each other on the bed. We even cuddled a bit but I was sort of too groggy to understand that it meant he was attracted to me. By then it was 2AM and I really had to go home... and on the way home, on the main street next to Ron's house, I spotted Ofir at the ice-cream place all the salsa people go to after dancing. I honked and waved at him, and he shouted at me to park my car and come sit with them, but I declined, thinking I'd make him wait ;)
On Thursday morning I was in my car, parked outside my work's office waiting for someone who was supposed to come pick me up and drop me off at a school in another city (part of our work now, as a book-lending project, is to deliver extra books to the studens in the schools, books that weren't delivered by mail during the summer vacation). I was feeling sick, nauseous, really horrible. I recognized the symptoms of hyperglicemia - high blood-sugar. I'd had the exact same feeling the day before, and my sugar had indeed been over 400 - very very high; a healthy person's blood sugar is supposed to be around 90-120. The previous day I hadn't thought of it much - I just took my insulin and eventually my sugar levels went down. But on Thursday morning it was clear that my insulin pump was malfunctioning - I was at 470 and feeling really, really sick.
I called my best friend H, just so she could help me calm down and help me decide what to do. She didn't pick up, so I called the next person on my recently-dialled numbers: Ron. He knows nothing about diabetes but I just told him I was sick and panicky and needed someone to talk me through a few minutes and help me calm down. Ron did wonderfully - he encouraged me to lie down and drink water and to just talk to him and explain things to him. It helped - he convinced me to skip work and go home immediately. I promised him I would and then I drove hom. That was actually pretty stupid - my parents were at home that day; I should have called them and had them come pick me up. But I was just so set on getting through this that I marshalled myself and drove home safely. I called my work and said I had a medical emergency and I couldn't work that day. They took it well. Then I walked back into my house and cried to my parents.
All through this, Ron was texting me and calling me to make sure I was all right. He was so sweet. We talked all day, on-and off, and in the evening the Salsa Mob group planned to get together and get their shirts, which we had made for group events. I told Ron I wouldn't be able to come and asked him to save me a shirt. He said he would, and asked if I would like to meet up on Friday morning. He needed clothes for a cousin's wedding and I offered my styling services.
I'd talked to Ofir too, on Thursday, and he said that if he hadn't just put his motorcycle in the shop for repainting, he'd have come over to my place to keep me company. And I really had wanted to call him and ask him to come - I really needed someone to lie in bed with me and hold me. Like, emotional and physical support. But I'd been too embarrassed to ask, and in the end it was too late. Still, the fact that Ofir thought of it himself.... means he thinks of me..... ack, confusing!!! :(
In the end, by Friday morning my sugar-levels were all right and I went to meet Ron at the mall close to his place. We looked at a few shirts, and then we walked into a store and he pointed out a pair of trousers, saying "These are the ones I have at home." I said great, try them on and we'll find a shirt to go with them. Then I offered him several shirts, and I liked a particular dark-blue one and he suddenly said, "I have this one at home. I thought of wearing it."
So basically - he'd had nice clothes at home. He didn't really need new ones. He didn't really need me. But apparently he'd wanted me :) We did a little random shopping - I exchanged a scarf I'd received on Monday (a very belated birthday gift :P ) and Ron helped me choose a scarf. And I also bought a new navel ring - which prompted Ron to tell me that body art, when done with taste, really turns him on. Uhh, whoa. He asked me about my tattoo and said he wants one of his own, too. We watched a little live show at the mall and then had brunch at a cafe. He opened up to me and shared a lot of personal things about himself. I shared some of mine with him as well. He refused to let me pay for my half the bagle we'd eaten :)
And then we went back to his place and watched another movie. It wasn't very interesting, and frankly I was trying to wrap my head around what was going on with Ron, while he was wrapping his arms around me! I was cold because of the AC and I was wearing shorts and a tank top, and even with the blanket on his bed, I was still cold. So he basically nudged up behind me and hugged me really close and warmed me up. And he kept playing with my hair and massaging my neck and lacing our fingers together...
The movie was on the computer, and Ron had the mouse on the bed with us. He turned the movie off when it was finished, and the mouse didn't work on the bed so he tried it on my stomach! He's done that before, but only on my leg. Now he went for a more intimate area... and now that he knew I had a navel-piercing, he just flipped my shirt up off my stomach and started playing with it!!! It was so funny, but also so... intimate. By then it was 7PM and really time to leave...... Ron has this thing he does, at salsa, where I get up to leave and he just yanks me back by my arm or my bag-strap, or in this case even by my waist! He just tugged me back onto the bed 4-5 times, and on the last time I really tumbled down onto the bed and right on top of him. It could have been the perfect moment for a kiss.... but we were both too unsure of each other's feelings. Ron also doesn't know what's going on with me and Ofir, so he's probably playing it safe for now.
The minute I got home, Ron called and said his mother was sure I was his new girlfriend and that I was staying for dinner! XDDDD How awkward for him - he said she was practically planning the wedding :P It seems she's not the only one, though: Gil, a mutual salsa friend of mine and Ron's, has caught on to our slowly blooming romance. He claims that I got a very sweet look on my face when I was with him at the pub on Monday. He's sure we'll make a fabulous couple and that we'd make each other very happy. Since he was already inside my head (this boy is uncanny, he's very perceptive) I admitted that the chemistry was getting more intense with Ron, even while I was hanging out with Ofir too. Gil is rooting for Ron because he doesn't like Ofir and the way he talks about having flings. He says he talks to Ron and today he very subtly steered him towards thinking of me...
Basically, Gil is 100% sure Ron and I will be a couple. And he's starting to convince me......
So what do I do now. Tomorrow Ron and I are maybe going wall-climbing with some friends (I'd wanted to go with them last Sunday but my mother was ill so I was looking after her) or possibly just another movie at his place. On Monday Ofir has offered to teach me some salsa moves at his place. He's invited me to his house several times already. And I can't deny: I'm still sort of attracted to him.
I think the best thing to do now is wait. Meet with both boys, preferably in private each time, and see what they do. Not push either of them. At the salsa festival on Thursday-Friday-Saturday, I might sleep with one of them...? I made the mistake of revealing to Ron that I was actually a virgin. Now if I sleep with Ofir.... who I haven't told...... most likely, if it comes to it, I will tell Ofir before we do anything. I wonder how he'll take it.
I don't think Ron will initiate anything on his own. He still has low self-esteem, despite the outward appearance of calm. I think I'll have to give him some pretty thik hints if I want him to make a move.
But who do I want to make a move? Ron or Ofir?
What do I dooooooooooooooo :(