Ron thinks I'm settling for him.
Ron is not the most physically attractive guy in the world, or even in our mutual social circle (all the Salsa Mob people), and he's very aware of it. I'm actually quite surprised at how decent-looking his two siblings are, and he's just ... the odd one out. I'm not exactly a beauty queen either, but I guess Ron thinks I'm out of his league. He actually said "I still don't know what you're doing dating me."
Now, I've finally come to accept that I'm considered quite a catch in our circle of friends, or even in general. I'm a fun girl, nowadays. I've lost some weight and in the past years taken better care of my body, my hair, my clothes, etc. I look good, and I know it, I feel it, so I probably exude it. My personality has also undergone something of a makeover, and I'm much more easygoing and fun to be around. I like to say, "Fake it 'til you make it - well, I've faked it for years, and now I've finally made it."
The problem is, Ron has serious self-confidence issues. He used to be teased as a young kid at school, had a hard time in junior-high, and once during high-school considered suicide (I don't know quite how serious that was, but it sounded serious. He said "I stood on the roof of my building and teetered on the edge, and I really didn't care which direction I would fall. A friend pulled me back from the edge.") He has little to no communication with his parents, and is generally very private about his life. He's also been badly burnt by several past girlfriends (cheated on and used). Somewhere around 18, he decided that he was going to change, not going to let anything get him down, not let anyone treat him badly, pity him, or tell him he couldn't do something. He's done everything on his own since then, worked hard and saved up, not depended on anyone.
So things have apparently gotten better than they once were - but he says he still has a dark side. He claims to have a Mr. Hyde in him which, if let out, could cause serious bodily damage to someone. He looks very calm and collected, but inside he's bottled up a lot. He claims to not be such a good person like I think he is.
We went out to see Crazy, Stupid, Love on Monday night, and Ryan Gosling's character really ate at him. He said he hates those guys, the insanely good-looking smug guys who always get the girls, who have girls practically lining up to be with them. He hates them because he knows he's exactly the opposite. He knows that no girl looks at him and thinks "Wow, he's hot, I wonder if he has a good personality too," but the opposite situation - girls get to know him, get to like him, and then maybe go out with him based on personality alone. I won't lie: it's how things happened with us.
Now we can pretend to be all PC about this and say "Oh outward appearances don't matter" or a little more realistically, outward appearance isn't all that matters" but let's cut the bullshit and be honest: outward appearances does matter. It's the first thing we see, after all (duh) and it's been drilled into us by society that it's what counts. It makes Ron feel like he has an automatic disadvantage, a handicap.
Specifically with me, Ron wonders if he's my second choice. He knows I was into Ofir before something just clicked inside my head and I suddenly became attracted to Ron. I had to put all my feelings into words for Ron on Monday, to explain to him how things turned out this way, how I fell for him. It was very hard for me, because these kinds of emotions develop intuitively and the feelings and thoughts inside my head are very, well, emotional, and not coherent. It was very hard to put them into words, and I did it with tears of frustration in my eyes, but I did it for him, and I hope it helped.
Things have been okay since then - no weird silences from him, no signs of depression or self-deprecation. We danced at Tuesday!Salsa and had ice-cream with Ofir and Inbal (who became a couple two weeks ago, it's kind of weird; they're a transient, rebound sort of couple but they really even each other out so it works) after that, and on Thursday we also danced and then had a double-date with Karen and her girlfriend (!!) and I slept at his place, then we spent all of Friday together as well, cooked pasta he brought from Italy for lunch, it was delicious. We spent 20 hours at each other's side and it was awesome: some of it lazy and casual and comfortable, some of it fun and sexy and passionate.
We didn't meet today, we're planning on meeting tomorrow. He seems fine, really, but I'm still worried he thinks I'm settling. I can't bust out the ILU because I don't think I'm there yet, and I don't want him to think I just felt obligated. I also can't sleep with him yet because the Pills have made my body go crazy and it's just not going to work yet, I'll need at least 2-3 more weeks before my body settles enough. But it's not like we're not getting any action - if anything, I'm not getting any action and he's still getting some. Lol.
So. The million-dollar-question of the post: How do I boost his self-confidence and prove to him that I'm happy with him and that I am not, in any way, settling for less by being with him?
(I did take things up a notch on Thursday night by practically stripping him of his clothes - I'm usually the one who gets ((nearly)) naked and he's insecure about his body, so I just sort of tore them off and went to town with kisses and licks and just tried to show appreciation for his body, to make him feel good about himself. I think it helped; he finally went to sleep in just his boxers, where usually he'd change into sweatpants and a T-shirt, even while I was sleeping in panties and no shirt! Improvement at last!)
Now, I've finally come to accept that I'm considered quite a catch in our circle of friends, or even in general. I'm a fun girl, nowadays. I've lost some weight and in the past years taken better care of my body, my hair, my clothes, etc. I look good, and I know it, I feel it, so I probably exude it. My personality has also undergone something of a makeover, and I'm much more easygoing and fun to be around. I like to say, "Fake it 'til you make it - well, I've faked it for years, and now I've finally made it."
The problem is, Ron has serious self-confidence issues. He used to be teased as a young kid at school, had a hard time in junior-high, and once during high-school considered suicide (I don't know quite how serious that was, but it sounded serious. He said "I stood on the roof of my building and teetered on the edge, and I really didn't care which direction I would fall. A friend pulled me back from the edge.") He has little to no communication with his parents, and is generally very private about his life. He's also been badly burnt by several past girlfriends (cheated on and used). Somewhere around 18, he decided that he was going to change, not going to let anything get him down, not let anyone treat him badly, pity him, or tell him he couldn't do something. He's done everything on his own since then, worked hard and saved up, not depended on anyone.
So things have apparently gotten better than they once were - but he says he still has a dark side. He claims to have a Mr. Hyde in him which, if let out, could cause serious bodily damage to someone. He looks very calm and collected, but inside he's bottled up a lot. He claims to not be such a good person like I think he is.
We went out to see Crazy, Stupid, Love on Monday night, and Ryan Gosling's character really ate at him. He said he hates those guys, the insanely good-looking smug guys who always get the girls, who have girls practically lining up to be with them. He hates them because he knows he's exactly the opposite. He knows that no girl looks at him and thinks "Wow, he's hot, I wonder if he has a good personality too," but the opposite situation - girls get to know him, get to like him, and then maybe go out with him based on personality alone. I won't lie: it's how things happened with us.
Now we can pretend to be all PC about this and say "Oh outward appearances don't matter" or a little more realistically, outward appearance isn't all that matters" but let's cut the bullshit and be honest: outward appearances does matter. It's the first thing we see, after all (duh) and it's been drilled into us by society that it's what counts. It makes Ron feel like he has an automatic disadvantage, a handicap.
Specifically with me, Ron wonders if he's my second choice. He knows I was into Ofir before something just clicked inside my head and I suddenly became attracted to Ron. I had to put all my feelings into words for Ron on Monday, to explain to him how things turned out this way, how I fell for him. It was very hard for me, because these kinds of emotions develop intuitively and the feelings and thoughts inside my head are very, well, emotional, and not coherent. It was very hard to put them into words, and I did it with tears of frustration in my eyes, but I did it for him, and I hope it helped.
Things have been okay since then - no weird silences from him, no signs of depression or self-deprecation. We danced at Tuesday!Salsa and had ice-cream with Ofir and Inbal (who became a couple two weeks ago, it's kind of weird; they're a transient, rebound sort of couple but they really even each other out so it works) after that, and on Thursday we also danced and then had a double-date with Karen and her girlfriend (!!) and I slept at his place, then we spent all of Friday together as well, cooked pasta he brought from Italy for lunch, it was delicious. We spent 20 hours at each other's side and it was awesome: some of it lazy and casual and comfortable, some of it fun and sexy and passionate.
We didn't meet today, we're planning on meeting tomorrow. He seems fine, really, but I'm still worried he thinks I'm settling. I can't bust out the ILU because I don't think I'm there yet, and I don't want him to think I just felt obligated. I also can't sleep with him yet because the Pills have made my body go crazy and it's just not going to work yet, I'll need at least 2-3 more weeks before my body settles enough. But it's not like we're not getting any action - if anything, I'm not getting any action and he's still getting some. Lol.
So. The million-dollar-question of the post: How do I boost his self-confidence and prove to him that I'm happy with him and that I am not, in any way, settling for less by being with him?
(I did take things up a notch on Thursday night by practically stripping him of his clothes - I'm usually the one who gets ((nearly)) naked and he's insecure about his body, so I just sort of tore them off and went to town with kisses and licks and just tried to show appreciation for his body, to make him feel good about himself. I think it helped; he finally went to sleep in just his boxers, where usually he'd change into sweatpants and a T-shirt, even while I was sleeping in panties and no shirt! Improvement at last!)