too late to think...
Okay, I can´t sleep. Why? Cause I´m thinking too much like always. This time it´s because I made a huge mistake one week ago.
Not really something new, but I really could have done it right. But I was too afraid. That´s really hard to write down... and I have no idea where to start.
Maybe just at the beginning...
Yeah... Friday afternoon... the first sight. A good looking guy (in opinion) was standing in front of the hotel. Yep... the “Jax” guy. I just pointed at him and told it Becky and Kat.
I thought it was really cool. And next to him was a girl with red hair who looked like Anna (the cute angel who turns into a bitch at the end).
So, no further thinking about these two, I saw him again at the PhotoOps on Saturday morning.
He took the Julie photos. At this point I didn´t really recognized him as the guy from the hotel.
But I think around lunchtime, we looked for the finished photos or something. I saw Jenny the photographer. I wanted to ask her about a certain Mark photo she took at one of the other Asylums. She was really nice and told me that she would sell it to me. So went to her computer in the other room. And there he was. Sitting in front of the pc looking through pictures.
After we found the picture of Mark that I wanted, Jenny burned me a cd of the digital file.
While we were waiting, I talked to her and the guy. (I didn´t know his name at this point)
I told them that I´m also a photographer and that I love Jenny´s work. They asked me where I come from. I told them that I´m from Germany. Bremen to be precise. (cause no one knows the little town I´m from. And Bremen is just 45min away)
The guy smiled and said that his family is from Germany too. Hannover. What is not far away from my hometown. And stupid as I am. I told them what I told Becky and Kat the day before.
That the guy would look like Jax. Yeah I know... stupid brain.
They found it really amusing and wanted to google him. After the cd was ready, I thanked them and left the room.
When I came back from the autograph room or so, I met him again. He practically stumbled into me.
“My German friend from Bremen!” and a big smile was all I got. After a few words I introduced myself and he too. So his name is Anthony... good to know.
We saw each other again at the Jason Manns concert. Jep. Must have looked really funny.
Two people running around with their cameras taking pictures of Jason from several angles.
After the concert was the Monsters Ball. And I was already wearing my cosplay. I was going as Ruby. Yeah yeah.. I know... But it was fun.
He perambulates the crowed of people and took many pictures if them.
After a while he came to us and took a bunch of pictures of Becky as Gabriel and Jee as Lucifer.
And one of me, while I was taking a picture of him. Very funny... haha... but the pic looks cool.
He had the second flashlight on a long pole. I asked him why and that it´s a pretty good idea. He told me why and showed me some of the pics he took. I have to say, it´s really cool idea. The light is just awesome with that.
After a few more minutes he asked me if I wanted a drink and I said yes.
We went first to the PhotoOp room, so he could get rid of some of his stuff. That´s where we met Kat in the hallway. But after a while she left us alone. Thanks by the way.
We went back to the party and to the bar. He ordered us some drinks (cider. Pretty good I have to admit) and we talked about this and that. Photography, Germany, his family, music, concerts and when he´ll be in Germany again. And I took a few pictures of him with his camera. I felt quite good when we where talking. But I felt that he was somehow hitting on me. And that´s where all went wrong.
After two or three cider he had to leave for a bit. He was still there to do his job. “I´ll be right back.” So he left. I went back to the girls and danced with them. He came back and was searching for me. But instead of going to him, I kinda hide on the dance floor. I have no idea why. Maybe I was too afraid or something.
Yeah... uhm. We met him at 2 o´clock or so at the bar in the lobby.
He was talking to another girl. But still making faces and winking at me.
When we went to our room, I said good bye and I we would meet tomorrow again. He said sure and wished me a good night and sweet dreams.
Yeah, I saw him on Sunday. But just cause he was sitting at the pc when the Mark Sheppard picture was taken by Jenny. He waved and winked at me.
And that´s it.
Looks like I´m too stupid to go for a guy when he seems to be interested in me. I was in another country, nobody knew me there... I could have done whatever I want... but no... I´m too chicken and hide on the dance floor.
I really wish I could re-do that day again. Without being to afraid to be with a man.
Cause 25 years of being alone is enough... But I can´t really get along with a stranger I´ll never see again.
Such a loser Mü... really.
Sorry for being all whiny and stuff.. but I had to write that down. Maybe I can sleep now.