[Ficverse ~ Nonsensical Nuances] Volume I - Lower your expectations
Volume I
These are the first five fics in the Nonsensical Nuances ficverse. Keep in mind that I was just beginning to get back into Gundam Wing when these were written. Frankly, I cringe when I read these now.
[1]
Heero Yuy was not the kind of man who put his foot in his mouth. No, he was the kind of man who was prone to swallowing his entire leg without even flinching.
"He had his hand on your-"
"I know where his hand was!" scolded Relena. "Heero, I can handle myself without you whispering thinly veiled death threats in the ears of my dance partners."
"I only told him-"
"That you'd castrate him if he didn't get his hand off my ass?"
"I was only quoting-"
"An excerpt from Michel Foucault's Discipline and Punish?"
"Are you going to finish-"
"All your sentences for you? Why not? Heero, you owe that man an apology."
"No, I don't."
"Oh yes, you do."
"I'm not going to apologize for who I am."
"And who is that? Tell me exactly what you told him that you shouldn't have to apologize for. Tell me why I shouldn't ask you to take it back."
Heero seemed almost sheepish now. Seeing her overflowing with rage had him choking on the figurative foot she'd jammed down his throat.
"Well?"
"I told him to keep his hands off the girl of my dreams if he didn't want me to be his nightmare. Still want me to take it back?"
Dumbstruck, she found herself smiling for the first time that night. "On second thought, why don't you repeat that to that lech in the corner? He's been giving me dirty looks since the party started..."
[2]
He began counting the seconds as another lightning bolt flashed before his eyes.
One...
She wasn't home yet.
Two...
It wasn't unusual for her to run a few minutes late.
Three...
It would take more than a storm to keep her from coming home to him.
Four...
"You won't even notice I'm gone," she told him, giving him a light peck on the cheek before she left for the summit.
Five...
"I'll be home before you know it."
Six...
He cursed himself for not insisting on being put on her security detail for this meeting.
Seven...
Her absence left much to be desired.
Eight...
Who the hell needed time off anyway?
Nine...
A job like his was hardly a job.
Ten...
He simply did what he did best and got paid for it.
Eleven...
And on top of that, he had the best view of Vice Foreign Minister Darlian's legs in all of earth and space.
Twelve...
Paid mandatory leave was overrated.
Thirteen...
"To avoid stress," Une had told him. "Every Preventer has mandatory time off. No exceptions. I can't believe I even have to tell you this. Maxwell's already used all his leave time for the next five years."
Fourteen...
The doors burst open. She was soaking wet.
Fifteen...
He immediately ran to her side.
Sixteen...
She was in his arms before the thunder crashed. Forgetting all about calculating the distance of the storm from his location, he held tight onto the only force of nature he truly cared about.
[3]
"You dropped that on purpose, didn't you?" she accused, throwing him a death glare that would give a gorgon a run for its money.
"Perhaps," he smirked. "However, I'm not the one with the obsessive compulsive tendency toward neatness. I'm also not the one in a skirt short enough to qualify as a tool for the world's oldest profession."
Did he just call her a hooker?
"That book looks awfully out of place on the carpet, Relena. It belongs on a shelf."
She scowled. "You know I can't bend over, Heero."
There was that smirk again. "Yes, you can. You'll be putting on quite the show though."
She had to take a deep breath to keep a growl from escaping her lips. "Bet I can get you to pick it up for me."
"Go on."
Walking up to him, she whispered in his ear, things he would let him do with her if only he'd do her this one favor, things she'd normally never even consider doing.
The smug smile on his lips said it all as he retrieved the book and returned it to the shelf.
"You're not allowed to take it back, Relena."
"Of course. I'm a woman of my word, Heero. This weekend. Me on my hands and knees. Us getting down and dirty. Wouldn't miss it for the world."
"Good," he said as his smirk evolved into a maniacal grin. "It's been forever since I've checked on the recording equipment in your office air vents. You're the only person who fits that I can bully into coming with me. I really have to hand it to you for knowing what I want to do."
She laughed. "Is that all?"
"Well, I'd appreciate it if you wore that skirt again. It's a dull job."
It was her turn to smirk. "Not with me it isn't."
[4]
It seemed Zechs was getting close to his breaking point. His recent return from Mars with Noin was supposed to be a time for celebration, for him to enjoy more casual Preventer work, for his sister to finally give him the chance to dote on her. Instead, he was spending all his time wishing Heero Yuy would evaporate. Whenever his eyes met those of the perfect soldier, he heard various unseemly things. No doubt they were baseless assumptions but everything Heero did said something to him.
For example, as Zechs tried his damnedest to keep his attention on the bowl of oatmeal set before him, Heero suddenly became enraptured by Relena's hair. He could almost hear the former Gundam pilot's thoughts.
"I'm 100% sure she's a natural blonde, if that's what you're wondering. I've played with more than the hair on her head."
That smug silence said so much. Heero had most definitely seen his sister in her least modest state, and the boy was rubbing it in Zechs's face without saying a thing. If actions spoke louder than words, Heero was most definitely shouting at the top of his lungs, shouting with those nimble little fingers of his dexterously running through the golden mass on top of Relena's pretty little head. Where else could those fingers have gone without Zechs's knowledge? What else could they possibly have touched? Seeing Relena's lack of reaction to Heero's gesture suggested this was a usual thing. No need to jump the gun. She wasn't reciprocating or enjoying it or anything...
"Just don't react, Zechs," he scolded himself. "Right now, you're Milliardo. Cool, collected, calm, charismatic Milliardo... You're a good brother, and good brothers don't murder their little sister's obnoxious boyfriends."
Heero nuzzled Relena's ear and she giggled. "You know I'm ticklish," she told him off, gently shoving him away to attend to her cereal as a sly smile played upon her lips.
"I know other places where she's ticklish."
"If they can avoid it," amended Zechs.
Zechs cringed, balling his hands into fists under the table, as Heero's unending fascination with Relena's hair continued. Couldn't they eat breakfast like normal people? Why was his breakfast this foul oatmeal anyway? Couldn't he have a nice slice of meat? Something that required a knife so he could stab that bastard would make for an excellent meal. He sighed. Maybe he could settle for spooning Heero's eyes out, filling those sockets with oatmeal...
Relena looked befuddled as Heero popped a grape into her mouth.
"And I've stuck more in her mouth than that..."
Feeding her? Really now?
"This is uncharacteristically sweet of you," she noted, her tone colored by confusion. "What's the occasion?"
"Oh, nothing," he replied, poison coating every word. "Can't I be affectionate without any ulterior motives?"
She raised an eyebrow. "I suppose."
Heero's ulterior motive glared at her, his fingernails undoubtedly marking his palms from how tightly he'd clenched his hands.
"I've tapped that."
Heero's annoying voice practically boomed this statement into Zechs's head when Relena excused herself and rose from the table, her back now turned from her brother and her ass directly in her seated boyfriend's line of vision. As he was accustomed to doing, Heero followed her in the interest of protection and duty.
Right...
It was no secret that Heero was prone to grabbing her from behind when he perceived a threat, his arms encircling her waist, her posterior rubbing against his-
Bad mental image, Zechs. Very bad. And it seemed the ratio of threats Heero perceived increased in proportion to the number of days Zechs stayed on Earth...
Did he really want to be around his sister enough to endure this mental torture?
Well, he always did enjoy a challenge.
"Bring the pain. Zero One, I'm taking you down. I can dish out as much as I can take."
Unclenching his hands, he picked up his spoon and dug into his oatmeal.
[5]
"Actually, Heero enjoys being dominated," declared Relena, taking another vigorous swig of white wine to relieve the stresses of the day.
"Relena, I doubt your brother is interested in those details of our relationship," snapped Heero, trying to pry the wine glass from his girlfriend's grasp. "Someone's had too much chardonnay."
"Stay out of it, Heero," sneered Dorothy.
The heiress was absentmindedly making her half-full crystal goblet sing as her fingers danced circles on the glass's rim. She was bored out of her mind, and sipping alcohol wasn't half as entertaining as watching how fast blood left the perfect soldier's face as opposed to how fast it flowed and reddened Milliardo's look of suppressed rage. Who said formal dinners had to be boring? There they were, seated at the round table of doom, trying to act like decent members of society when they were all anything but. She had suffered the entire meal in silence for her husband's sake but the wine was making her bold.
Heero ignored her, focusing and failing miserably at his mission to part Relena and her wine. He obviously didn't want to spill it on her or break the crystal. Her grip alone might very well have been enough to shatter the goblet. Where was his agility and dexterity? Grabbing something from a tipsy diplomat should have been effortless. By the time he's gotten a hold of the glass, she'd emptied it of its contents. Perhaps he would have had better luck if he wasn't constantly distracted by the damned scooping neckline on her devilish red dress.
"Finally, something to liven this meal up a bit," interjected Dorothy, trying to revive the conversation. "Heaven knows, Quatre's always sober and dull."
Quatre coughed something that sounded a lot like "wasn't what you were moaning last night," before he found his foot unceremoniously crushed beneath his wife's stiletto under the table.
"Miss Relena, do go on," she prodded, effectively masking her husband's yelp. "Nobody else is willing to take a stab at good conversation. Don't we want to end this meal on a happy note?"
"Where was I?" asked Relena, amazingly coherent despite her blood alcohol level. She could definitely hold her liquor. Keeping her mouth shut when wine had thoroughly loosened her lips was another matter entirely...
"Dominance?" chimed Dorothy.
"Oh yes. Dominance. You like it when I put you in your place, don't you, dear?"
Dear? She was definitely out of it. Nobody called Heero Yuy 'dear' and lived.
"Dear?" she repeated.
Except her.
"You love it when I tie you up. Don't you remember?"
Quatre choked on his sparkling cider. Zechs looked about ready to throttle Heero.
"We take turns," she went on nonchalantly. "He gives a good spanking. I give a good whipping. Nothing too kinky..."
Zechs's eyes were about ready to pop out of their sockets. She spoke as if she were discussing matters as inconsequential as the weather. How could Milliardo Peacecraft's little sister be so...crude was an understatement.
Noticing her brother's distress, Relena turned to him, grinning ever so slightly. "Not to worry, Milliardo. It's always my idea. And we have safe words... Heero's never in any danger."
Not knowing what else to do, Zechs rose from the table. Making a graceful exit was better than potentially striking a woman, his own sister at that.
"I think I need to go back to Mars to do some thinking," he choked out. "I'll be spending the rest of my time on Earth in Italy with Lucrezia. Relena, when I come back, and you're sober, we're going to have a serious talk about your- this-"
"Sexual deviance?" offered Dorothy.
"Whatever you call it!"
And with that, Milliardo Peacecraft stormed out.
"Think he bought it?" piped Relena, breaking the silence.
"Hook, line and sinker," grinned Heero. "Your skills for improvisation are..."
"Top-notch?"
"Scary."
"I scare you?" she laughed, enjoying the buzz from both the alcohol and a job well-done. "Maybe you do need to be tied up. He wasn't going to come after you, Heero. Not with me here. Besides, I took full responsibility for our kinks."
"Fictional kinks, I presume?" inquired Quatre.
"Wouldn't say that," smirked Heero.
Dorothy cleared her throat. "Well, while Quatre and I were happy to be willing accomplices, we need our compensation."
"The newly-renovated castle is being prepped for your next gala as we speak," smiled Relena. "Small price to pay for peace. I love Milliardo but he can get suffocating. Besides, Miss Noin misses him."
"To a mission accomplished?" asked Quatre, raising his glass to propose a toast.
Three other glasses immediately clinked against his. "Mission accomplished!"
These are the first five fics in the Nonsensical Nuances ficverse. Keep in mind that I was just beginning to get back into Gundam Wing when these were written. Frankly, I cringe when I read these now.
[1]
Heero Yuy was not the kind of man who put his foot in his mouth. No, he was the kind of man who was prone to swallowing his entire leg without even flinching.
"He had his hand on your-"
"I know where his hand was!" scolded Relena. "Heero, I can handle myself without you whispering thinly veiled death threats in the ears of my dance partners."
"I only told him-"
"That you'd castrate him if he didn't get his hand off my ass?"
"I was only quoting-"
"An excerpt from Michel Foucault's Discipline and Punish?"
"Are you going to finish-"
"All your sentences for you? Why not? Heero, you owe that man an apology."
"No, I don't."
"Oh yes, you do."
"I'm not going to apologize for who I am."
"And who is that? Tell me exactly what you told him that you shouldn't have to apologize for. Tell me why I shouldn't ask you to take it back."
Heero seemed almost sheepish now. Seeing her overflowing with rage had him choking on the figurative foot she'd jammed down his throat.
"Well?"
"I told him to keep his hands off the girl of my dreams if he didn't want me to be his nightmare. Still want me to take it back?"
Dumbstruck, she found herself smiling for the first time that night. "On second thought, why don't you repeat that to that lech in the corner? He's been giving me dirty looks since the party started..."
[2]
He began counting the seconds as another lightning bolt flashed before his eyes.
One...
She wasn't home yet.
Two...
It wasn't unusual for her to run a few minutes late.
Three...
It would take more than a storm to keep her from coming home to him.
Four...
"You won't even notice I'm gone," she told him, giving him a light peck on the cheek before she left for the summit.
Five...
"I'll be home before you know it."
Six...
He cursed himself for not insisting on being put on her security detail for this meeting.
Seven...
Her absence left much to be desired.
Eight...
Who the hell needed time off anyway?
Nine...
A job like his was hardly a job.
Ten...
He simply did what he did best and got paid for it.
Eleven...
And on top of that, he had the best view of Vice Foreign Minister Darlian's legs in all of earth and space.
Twelve...
Paid mandatory leave was overrated.
Thirteen...
"To avoid stress," Une had told him. "Every Preventer has mandatory time off. No exceptions. I can't believe I even have to tell you this. Maxwell's already used all his leave time for the next five years."
Fourteen...
The doors burst open. She was soaking wet.
Fifteen...
He immediately ran to her side.
Sixteen...
She was in his arms before the thunder crashed. Forgetting all about calculating the distance of the storm from his location, he held tight onto the only force of nature he truly cared about.
[3]
"You dropped that on purpose, didn't you?" she accused, throwing him a death glare that would give a gorgon a run for its money.
"Perhaps," he smirked. "However, I'm not the one with the obsessive compulsive tendency toward neatness. I'm also not the one in a skirt short enough to qualify as a tool for the world's oldest profession."
Did he just call her a hooker?
"That book looks awfully out of place on the carpet, Relena. It belongs on a shelf."
She scowled. "You know I can't bend over, Heero."
There was that smirk again. "Yes, you can. You'll be putting on quite the show though."
She had to take a deep breath to keep a growl from escaping her lips. "Bet I can get you to pick it up for me."
"Go on."
Walking up to him, she whispered in his ear, things he would let him do with her if only he'd do her this one favor, things she'd normally never even consider doing.
The smug smile on his lips said it all as he retrieved the book and returned it to the shelf.
"You're not allowed to take it back, Relena."
"Of course. I'm a woman of my word, Heero. This weekend. Me on my hands and knees. Us getting down and dirty. Wouldn't miss it for the world."
"Good," he said as his smirk evolved into a maniacal grin. "It's been forever since I've checked on the recording equipment in your office air vents. You're the only person who fits that I can bully into coming with me. I really have to hand it to you for knowing what I want to do."
She laughed. "Is that all?"
"Well, I'd appreciate it if you wore that skirt again. It's a dull job."
It was her turn to smirk. "Not with me it isn't."
[4]
It seemed Zechs was getting close to his breaking point. His recent return from Mars with Noin was supposed to be a time for celebration, for him to enjoy more casual Preventer work, for his sister to finally give him the chance to dote on her. Instead, he was spending all his time wishing Heero Yuy would evaporate. Whenever his eyes met those of the perfect soldier, he heard various unseemly things. No doubt they were baseless assumptions but everything Heero did said something to him.
For example, as Zechs tried his damnedest to keep his attention on the bowl of oatmeal set before him, Heero suddenly became enraptured by Relena's hair. He could almost hear the former Gundam pilot's thoughts.
"I'm 100% sure she's a natural blonde, if that's what you're wondering. I've played with more than the hair on her head."
That smug silence said so much. Heero had most definitely seen his sister in her least modest state, and the boy was rubbing it in Zechs's face without saying a thing. If actions spoke louder than words, Heero was most definitely shouting at the top of his lungs, shouting with those nimble little fingers of his dexterously running through the golden mass on top of Relena's pretty little head. Where else could those fingers have gone without Zechs's knowledge? What else could they possibly have touched? Seeing Relena's lack of reaction to Heero's gesture suggested this was a usual thing. No need to jump the gun. She wasn't reciprocating or enjoying it or anything...
"Just don't react, Zechs," he scolded himself. "Right now, you're Milliardo. Cool, collected, calm, charismatic Milliardo... You're a good brother, and good brothers don't murder their little sister's obnoxious boyfriends."
Heero nuzzled Relena's ear and she giggled. "You know I'm ticklish," she told him off, gently shoving him away to attend to her cereal as a sly smile played upon her lips.
"I know other places where she's ticklish."
"If they can avoid it," amended Zechs.
Zechs cringed, balling his hands into fists under the table, as Heero's unending fascination with Relena's hair continued. Couldn't they eat breakfast like normal people? Why was his breakfast this foul oatmeal anyway? Couldn't he have a nice slice of meat? Something that required a knife so he could stab that bastard would make for an excellent meal. He sighed. Maybe he could settle for spooning Heero's eyes out, filling those sockets with oatmeal...
Relena looked befuddled as Heero popped a grape into her mouth.
"And I've stuck more in her mouth than that..."
Feeding her? Really now?
"This is uncharacteristically sweet of you," she noted, her tone colored by confusion. "What's the occasion?"
"Oh, nothing," he replied, poison coating every word. "Can't I be affectionate without any ulterior motives?"
She raised an eyebrow. "I suppose."
Heero's ulterior motive glared at her, his fingernails undoubtedly marking his palms from how tightly he'd clenched his hands.
"I've tapped that."
Heero's annoying voice practically boomed this statement into Zechs's head when Relena excused herself and rose from the table, her back now turned from her brother and her ass directly in her seated boyfriend's line of vision. As he was accustomed to doing, Heero followed her in the interest of protection and duty.
Right...
It was no secret that Heero was prone to grabbing her from behind when he perceived a threat, his arms encircling her waist, her posterior rubbing against his-
Bad mental image, Zechs. Very bad. And it seemed the ratio of threats Heero perceived increased in proportion to the number of days Zechs stayed on Earth...
Did he really want to be around his sister enough to endure this mental torture?
Well, he always did enjoy a challenge.
"Bring the pain. Zero One, I'm taking you down. I can dish out as much as I can take."
Unclenching his hands, he picked up his spoon and dug into his oatmeal.
[5]
"Actually, Heero enjoys being dominated," declared Relena, taking another vigorous swig of white wine to relieve the stresses of the day.
"Relena, I doubt your brother is interested in those details of our relationship," snapped Heero, trying to pry the wine glass from his girlfriend's grasp. "Someone's had too much chardonnay."
"Stay out of it, Heero," sneered Dorothy.
The heiress was absentmindedly making her half-full crystal goblet sing as her fingers danced circles on the glass's rim. She was bored out of her mind, and sipping alcohol wasn't half as entertaining as watching how fast blood left the perfect soldier's face as opposed to how fast it flowed and reddened Milliardo's look of suppressed rage. Who said formal dinners had to be boring? There they were, seated at the round table of doom, trying to act like decent members of society when they were all anything but. She had suffered the entire meal in silence for her husband's sake but the wine was making her bold.
Heero ignored her, focusing and failing miserably at his mission to part Relena and her wine. He obviously didn't want to spill it on her or break the crystal. Her grip alone might very well have been enough to shatter the goblet. Where was his agility and dexterity? Grabbing something from a tipsy diplomat should have been effortless. By the time he's gotten a hold of the glass, she'd emptied it of its contents. Perhaps he would have had better luck if he wasn't constantly distracted by the damned scooping neckline on her devilish red dress.
"Finally, something to liven this meal up a bit," interjected Dorothy, trying to revive the conversation. "Heaven knows, Quatre's always sober and dull."
Quatre coughed something that sounded a lot like "wasn't what you were moaning last night," before he found his foot unceremoniously crushed beneath his wife's stiletto under the table.
"Miss Relena, do go on," she prodded, effectively masking her husband's yelp. "Nobody else is willing to take a stab at good conversation. Don't we want to end this meal on a happy note?"
"Where was I?" asked Relena, amazingly coherent despite her blood alcohol level. She could definitely hold her liquor. Keeping her mouth shut when wine had thoroughly loosened her lips was another matter entirely...
"Dominance?" chimed Dorothy.
"Oh yes. Dominance. You like it when I put you in your place, don't you, dear?"
Dear? She was definitely out of it. Nobody called Heero Yuy 'dear' and lived.
"Dear?" she repeated.
Except her.
"You love it when I tie you up. Don't you remember?"
Quatre choked on his sparkling cider. Zechs looked about ready to throttle Heero.
"We take turns," she went on nonchalantly. "He gives a good spanking. I give a good whipping. Nothing too kinky..."
Zechs's eyes were about ready to pop out of their sockets. She spoke as if she were discussing matters as inconsequential as the weather. How could Milliardo Peacecraft's little sister be so...crude was an understatement.
Noticing her brother's distress, Relena turned to him, grinning ever so slightly. "Not to worry, Milliardo. It's always my idea. And we have safe words... Heero's never in any danger."
Not knowing what else to do, Zechs rose from the table. Making a graceful exit was better than potentially striking a woman, his own sister at that.
"I think I need to go back to Mars to do some thinking," he choked out. "I'll be spending the rest of my time on Earth in Italy with Lucrezia. Relena, when I come back, and you're sober, we're going to have a serious talk about your- this-"
"Sexual deviance?" offered Dorothy.
"Whatever you call it!"
And with that, Milliardo Peacecraft stormed out.
"Think he bought it?" piped Relena, breaking the silence.
"Hook, line and sinker," grinned Heero. "Your skills for improvisation are..."
"Top-notch?"
"Scary."
"I scare you?" she laughed, enjoying the buzz from both the alcohol and a job well-done. "Maybe you do need to be tied up. He wasn't going to come after you, Heero. Not with me here. Besides, I took full responsibility for our kinks."
"Fictional kinks, I presume?" inquired Quatre.
"Wouldn't say that," smirked Heero.
Dorothy cleared her throat. "Well, while Quatre and I were happy to be willing accomplices, we need our compensation."
"The newly-renovated castle is being prepped for your next gala as we speak," smiled Relena. "Small price to pay for peace. I love Milliardo but he can get suffocating. Besides, Miss Noin misses him."
"To a mission accomplished?" asked Quatre, raising his glass to propose a toast.
Three other glasses immediately clinked against his. "Mission accomplished!"