Christmas 2017
It was so good and so frustrating at the same time.
Christmas Eve was great. For the first time in a long time, we actually all enjoyed hanging out and had a fun time together. There was definitely something going on between Ty & Jen, but the rest of us were drinking and having a good time. Dave really bonded with Warren which made us both feel really good.
Being Warren’s first Christmas, the next day was kind of a big deal to us. For our family of 3, it was actually a nice morning. We woke up when we wanted to, opened presents, and watched movies. Normally we’re rushing to get out the door, making sure we’re all packed and everything so it was a welcomed change. But as usual things got complicated.
Mom stayed with Dave, who passed away Christmas afternoon. She missed Warrens first Christmas. I tried not to hold it against her and I didn’t, but it was still disappointing. From there all of the tiny little snowflakes of frustration rolled down the hill into an avalanche of anger that hit me when I got the phone call from poppop.
A few days before Christmas I had talked to Michael and he sounded like he was fine with coming at the proposed time of 2 pm. The next day I hear from my mom that he was considering not coming because it was too late. Annoying but sure, fine.
Then I talked to dad who was struggling with the schedule because they had to go clean the Poconos house because of renters. At first they were only going to stay for a short time to handle the cleaning. Oooohkay, I understand but....sigh. They were able to change things around.
Fast forward to Christmas Day, and poppop calls me asking to come over an hour earlier than planned because he hadn’t gone to mass yet and so he had to leave at 4 to get to church. I assured him that God would let this one slide, but it didn’t seem to matter much.
I spent the next hour after that call fuming, having to ignore Warren so I could rush to get things ready an hour early, all the while feeling guilty for “ruining” a special day for him. It was really feeling like everyone had somewhere more important to be than with their family, and on a particularly important Christmas. It certainly felt like no one cared much about the fact that it was Warrens first Christmas. Now of course I know that no one cares more than we do, but I think it’s reasonable to expect that it should be important to fucking somebody!
In the end, everyone except for mom made it and it was at least moderately successful. Poppop was acting a little weird but he just is like that to me now, and I’ve wasted enough energy worrying about it that I’m done being upset.
But all of the irritation aside, our first Christmas with our first baby was great. Sometimes I wish we could just be our immediate family on our own on these days. I know that I can’t depend on those outside of our mini circle to make me happy, but our tiny version of “us” is perfect right now.
Warren did get a lot of nice gifts and had a ton of fun, even just messing around with wrapping paper scraps. He’s just so happy and goofy and fun right now. Man I love him. And I loveJason for giving him to me, and letting me stay home. It’s so awful sometimes but the monotony is worth the good times.
I love my little family. Merry Xmas 2017 to us.
