I'm upset and sad.
So,
One of the older, vaguely sketch-looking people in my apartment complex talked to me when I was outside smoking, and said I should stop by his apartment later if I wanted, and I was like, ummm maybe I have to go. Not unusual in my Land of the Living Sketch. When I was gone, he came by and dropped off two Bud Lights for me to show some love. Today, I had people over and I left the door open and he came by again to see if I wanted to get high with him, except for the first few minutes of the conversation he said he had a present for me and wouldn't tell me what it was and I couldn't hear him, but I got him to go away.
All of which is pretty much par for the course around here, but I'm moving to a better complex soon, so yaysies for that! I have also had the same problem with other people around here, who think that if you are polite and don't just walk away while they are talking then you probably want to come into their apartment. And I'm not super outgoing or anything, just base-level polite, on a good day. So I'm trying to be less friendly.
In a similar way, I just had another super awkward conversation with my "friend" Walker, who asked me out as a way to get over my roomie, but then I told him that wasn't happening. And we seemed chill and it seemed harsh to judge him entirely on that since his head was majorly fucked with. So we grabbed a drink and he told me about the girl he had a crush on and I told him about Tom AND THEN on the way home he demanded to know whether I was just inventing guys to let him down easy and if there was a chance and blah blah blah.
On a related note, remember that guy who keeps bugging me because we talked about Aerosmith at a party? He still bugs me. Also this weird guy who got caught beating off in our office building? He also constantly bugs to me because we talked about Elizabeth Bishop (actually he really knows his E.B.).
I think I'm pretty hardened to sketch. Like that guy who grabbed me at a concert and was like "This one's mine!" I am ok with. The drunk guy with face tattoos outside of Albertson's who said he liked my bosom and wanted to buy me food and who then glared at my friend Bobby and told me to keep my clothes on? I have no problem with him. I don't mind honking or whistling or the obscene things people yell at you here, even if you're wearing jeans and a winter coat. It sucks but this is Las Vegas and I guess it is part of life in every city. (Also, this is totally shameful and sick, but if I wear a short skirt or a strappy top and I have to walk somewhere I feel like I AM asking for obscene yells. This place gets to you.)
But today I just feel 100% demoralized. This whole thing with the people in my complex and the people in my office is upsetting me more than getting my handbag stolen or my laptop stolen or having to fight a guy off with keys. Because I have no idea how to deal with it. I'm not blowing hot and cold here. There's no asking out or direct propositions, just a literally six individual men who make me really uncomfortable where I live and work because I was polite to them.
OH, and, in case I sound like kind of an ice bitch, all my friend agree that this shit is uncalled for. They are all in relationships (yes, literally all) and don't go places alone as much as I do. But they agree that I am completely within my rights to be pissed off.
Julia pointed out that this happens to me a lot because I do things on my own and also because weirdos are not used to being tolerated cordially. (Bobby's claim: "Dude, it's your boobs." See previous LJ posts for my thoughts on that steaming pile of decaying beetle-infested feces.)
I'm really upset. It's like this guy (beers guy) was frustrated with me because I had had more than one conversation with him, both of which he initiated. It's like Walker (the one obsessed, apparently, with me and my roomie) doesn't think there's any reason I'd talk to him if I didn't secretly want his MA bod. (And duh he's an MA.) This directly thwarts my two fundamental life beliefs: that people should be able to walk places and people should be able to have conversations.
Alex once said I was the least flirty girl he'd ever met, and while he may just know a lot of really flirty girls, I don't think I'm beyond-reason friendly. I don't know what to do about this and I think it kind of sucks. Also, Tom doesn't want to hang out this weekend, so it's like there's some kind of dark force at work which renders me irresistible to creepers and only to creepers.
Perhaps I can nourish my vague emoness over Tom into a full-blown armor of complete bitchiness. The next time someone says hello to me I will just think, "emotionally unavailable musical genius" and make my "you annoy me" face.
Thank God for beer. It's like facing emotions, except you don't and it has calories. Awesome. But cigarettes don't! My diet is balancey.
One of the older, vaguely sketch-looking people in my apartment complex talked to me when I was outside smoking, and said I should stop by his apartment later if I wanted, and I was like, ummm maybe I have to go. Not unusual in my Land of the Living Sketch. When I was gone, he came by and dropped off two Bud Lights for me to show some love. Today, I had people over and I left the door open and he came by again to see if I wanted to get high with him, except for the first few minutes of the conversation he said he had a present for me and wouldn't tell me what it was and I couldn't hear him, but I got him to go away.
All of which is pretty much par for the course around here, but I'm moving to a better complex soon, so yaysies for that! I have also had the same problem with other people around here, who think that if you are polite and don't just walk away while they are talking then you probably want to come into their apartment. And I'm not super outgoing or anything, just base-level polite, on a good day. So I'm trying to be less friendly.
In a similar way, I just had another super awkward conversation with my "friend" Walker, who asked me out as a way to get over my roomie, but then I told him that wasn't happening. And we seemed chill and it seemed harsh to judge him entirely on that since his head was majorly fucked with. So we grabbed a drink and he told me about the girl he had a crush on and I told him about Tom AND THEN on the way home he demanded to know whether I was just inventing guys to let him down easy and if there was a chance and blah blah blah.
On a related note, remember that guy who keeps bugging me because we talked about Aerosmith at a party? He still bugs me. Also this weird guy who got caught beating off in our office building? He also constantly bugs to me because we talked about Elizabeth Bishop (actually he really knows his E.B.).
I think I'm pretty hardened to sketch. Like that guy who grabbed me at a concert and was like "This one's mine!" I am ok with. The drunk guy with face tattoos outside of Albertson's who said he liked my bosom and wanted to buy me food and who then glared at my friend Bobby and told me to keep my clothes on? I have no problem with him. I don't mind honking or whistling or the obscene things people yell at you here, even if you're wearing jeans and a winter coat. It sucks but this is Las Vegas and I guess it is part of life in every city. (Also, this is totally shameful and sick, but if I wear a short skirt or a strappy top and I have to walk somewhere I feel like I AM asking for obscene yells. This place gets to you.)
But today I just feel 100% demoralized. This whole thing with the people in my complex and the people in my office is upsetting me more than getting my handbag stolen or my laptop stolen or having to fight a guy off with keys. Because I have no idea how to deal with it. I'm not blowing hot and cold here. There's no asking out or direct propositions, just a literally six individual men who make me really uncomfortable where I live and work because I was polite to them.
OH, and, in case I sound like kind of an ice bitch, all my friend agree that this shit is uncalled for. They are all in relationships (yes, literally all) and don't go places alone as much as I do. But they agree that I am completely within my rights to be pissed off.
Julia pointed out that this happens to me a lot because I do things on my own and also because weirdos are not used to being tolerated cordially. (Bobby's claim: "Dude, it's your boobs." See previous LJ posts for my thoughts on that steaming pile of decaying beetle-infested feces.)
I'm really upset. It's like this guy (beers guy) was frustrated with me because I had had more than one conversation with him, both of which he initiated. It's like Walker (the one obsessed, apparently, with me and my roomie) doesn't think there's any reason I'd talk to him if I didn't secretly want his MA bod. (And duh he's an MA.) This directly thwarts my two fundamental life beliefs: that people should be able to walk places and people should be able to have conversations.
Alex once said I was the least flirty girl he'd ever met, and while he may just know a lot of really flirty girls, I don't think I'm beyond-reason friendly. I don't know what to do about this and I think it kind of sucks. Also, Tom doesn't want to hang out this weekend, so it's like there's some kind of dark force at work which renders me irresistible to creepers and only to creepers.
Perhaps I can nourish my vague emoness over Tom into a full-blown armor of complete bitchiness. The next time someone says hello to me I will just think, "emotionally unavailable musical genius" and make my "you annoy me" face.
Thank God for beer. It's like facing emotions, except you don't and it has calories. Awesome. But cigarettes don't! My diet is balancey.