Lazy Days [2/?]
Title: Lazy Days [2/?]
Rating: pg-13
Genre: fluff, humour, catboy!AU
Pairing: seho, sukai, sekaiho
Summary: Sometimes Joonkitty writes things in his diary. Companion series to Lazy Saturday.
Warnings: some crossdressing, kim jongdae
I met another catboy today. His name was Jongdae and I had to stay at his house. He was kind of weird but we had fun. I think.
Jongin had been away for two days on a camp with his dance students and wasn’t due back until tomorrow. Sehun, on the other hand, had a double shift to cover at the café because Kris was at home nursing one of his sick catboys.
“But that means I’m going to be alone until tonight!” Joonmyun had cried.
Sehun paused at the door, hand on the knob. “I’ll bring home something nice for you,” he promised. “Salmon, okay? I’ll stop by the supermarket and we can have salmon tonight.”
The catboy didn’t look so sure, standing in the hallway with his tail around his leg and fiddling with his thumbs, eyes on the floor. “But…”
So that was how Joonmyun had ended up where he was now, curled up in an armchair in the house of one of Sehun’s friends while she was out for the day. Her catboy was perched in the armchair across from him with a curious look on his face; he’d been tasked with keeping Joonmyun occupied until Sehun picked him up that night, but all he was doing was giving Joonmyun the heebie-jeebies.
Jongdae was the kind of catboy picked for his sharp tongue and quick wit. It just so happened that his mop of caramel hair and cat-like mouth hid it all under the guise of a well-behaved companion, and unknowing strangers sometimes got a nasty surprise.
“You’re tiny,” is the first thing he says.
Joonmyun already wants to cry. “You’re mean,” he says back, bottom lip sticking out. Neither of them is all that substantially taller than the other but half of Jongdae’s personality is his gigantic, over-inflated ego.
“And you’re a doormat, Joonkitty. Everyone steps all over you.” Jongdae hops off the couch and grabs Joonmyun’s arm, his lips curled up into a mischievous grin. “Come on, let’s go do some stuff. I heard you like drawing?”
Jongdae’s room is not what Joonmyun was expecting at all. His bed is simple, with plain cream sheets and a pillow or two (Joonmyun has Pokemon ones and enough pillows to suffocate a football team in their sleep) and a teddy. Jongdae explains that he sleeps in his owner’s bed most of the time.
The walls, though, are covered with picture after picture of printed photos of his owner with moustaches, pimples, multiple noses and other various things drawn on her face. Joonmyun looks horrified and the other catboy busts his guts laughing at his expression.
Jongdae digs around in his drawers and pulls out more photos of her, along with felt pens and markers and pencils, and deposits them on the floor. Joonmyun joins the myriad of art equipment on the carpet in amazement. The adoption centre never had so many cool things.
“My owner’s an artist,” Jongdae says proudly, puffing his chest out. “I get all this stuff from her. Want to draw on her face?”
Joonmyun shakes his head. “Why do you draw on her face?” he asks. “That’s not a nice thing to do.”
Jongdae shrugs and slaps a blank piece of paper to the other catboy’s face. “Here, draw whatever you want, then.” He starts scribbling his own piece of artwork.
Joonmyun carefully unplasters the paper from his forehead. He can’t tell if he likes the unpredictable Jongdae. He seems a little strange but if Sehun thought it was okay to leave him here then Joonmyun thinks Jongdae will be okay too.
He peers over Jongdae’s shoulder to see what he’s drawing and his mouth drops open. It’s a portrait of Joonmyun’s face, accompanied by the most awful handlebar moustache he’s ever seen.
“Wait, that-that’s me!” Joonmyun protests. “Ewww!”
Jongdae bursts into laughter. “Don’t like it? I’ll draw you another one.” He does draw another one, and this time the face is covered in extra eyeballs. He gives it to the other catboy, who stares at it and remains silent for a long time.
Jongdae pokes him in the side. “Aw, it’s just a picture!” he says. “Sheesh, can’t you take a joke?”
Joonmyun’s shoulders sag. “The other catboys always did that to me at the adoption centre,” he confesses sadly. “They always made ugly drawings of me and spread them around for everyone to see… sometimes they stole my pictures and drew all over them too.”
“…Oh.” Jongdae laughs awkwardly. He pats Joonmyun on the head and the quiet hangs between them, the latter looking like he’s on the verge of tears. “Er, are you going to cry?”
Joonmyun’s bottom lip wobbles.
“Uh. Um, here.” Jongdae shoves some more paper towards him and a marker. “You can, uh, I guess you can draw my face too? I dunno, like give me buck teeth or a monobrow or whatever…” Good god, what kind of catboy was this sensitive? He and his owner constantly hurled insults at each other just for the fun of it.
“O-okay…” Joonmyun grips the marker so hard his knuckles turn white and attempts to replicate Jongdae’s face on paper. One of his ears fold over flat against his head while he thinks about what to draw, Jongdae notices. It’s cute.
Or maybe not so cute when he sees the addition being made to his face.
He is the recipient of what appears to be a super runny nose, trails of snot streaming down his face and chin. He facepalms. Gross.
Joonmyun giggles, waving the paper around. “I’m done!” he cheers. “Is this okay?”
“No.” Joonmyun’s face falls. “Uh, no, I meant you could do some more stuff, um, like…” Jongdae quickly colours in a waterfall of earwax pouring from his ears and Joonmyun laughs in delight.
He cannot believe he is doing this. He hopes his owner never finds out. She’d keep the pictures and photocopy them so many hundreds of times that he wouldn’t be able to destroy all the copies unless he burned the entire house down. Maybe he should stop before the situation got out of hand.
“I’m bored,” he declares. “Let’s go do something else.”
“But we just started!”
“I get bored easily. We can watch a movie.”
Joonmyun mumbles something.
“What now?” Jongdae groans.
“I… I forgot to write in my diary this morning,” the other catboy says in a tiny voice.
In a flash, Jongdae is right up in Joonmyun’s face and personal space and grinning from ear to ear. “A diary?” he repeats. “You have a diary? What do you write in it? Your secrets? Your favourite position? Your fav- ”
“No! Just… things.”
“Show me,” Jongdae demands. “Where is it? What’s it look like? I wanna see- ” He suddenly spies the satchel Joonmyun had left by the door. “It’s in your bag, isn’t it?”
“Don’t read it!” Joonmyun yells as Jongdae makes a lunge for it. They tumble and tussel on the floor for possession of the satchel, Jongdae screeching expletives as Joonmyun accidentally sticks his sock-clad foot into his mouth. In the end it’s Jongdae who comes out victorious, sitting on the other catboy’s stomach to render him immobile while he flips through the pages of the diary.
“Jongdaeeee!” Joonmyun shrieks, limbs flailing wildly in his struggle to dislodge the catboy on his tummy, “it’s private! Don’t look at it!”
“Today I had a banana split. I got chocolate on my shirt but Sehun helped me wash it out. Sehun is awesome,” Jongdae reads out. He snorts and looks down at the smaller catboy. “Are you for real?”
“Stop reading,” Joonmyun wails desperately. He beats his little fists on Jongdae’s waist but he doesn’t move an inch.
“I hate baths but Jongin made me take one with him. He said I was a good boy,” Jongdae continues. “Did you have sexy times in the bath?”
“No!” Joonmyun blushes furiously.
“Suuure. What about this one? Today Jongin and Sehun took me to a shop to buy- ” Another loud snort and then Jongdae is nearly peeing his pants, rolling off and clutching his sides as he howls with raucous laughter. “Oh my god, Joonkitty. Oh my god, you kinky little- ”
Joonmyun’s eyes widen in realization and he lets out a bloodcurdling scream.
It’s that entry.
He scrambles over Jongdae’s convulsing body on the floor to retrieve his fallen diary and snaps its covers shut. His face resembles that of a tomato as he covers his flushing kitty ears in embarrassment. “S-shut up! I told you not to look at it!”
Jongdae chokes on air. “You’re priceless,” he says, wiping a tear. “Have you used them all yet?”
Joonmyun goes even redder. “I’m not telling you.”
“I won’t tell anyone. Show me your secrets.”
“I already said no!”
At this point Joonmyun looks like he’s about to fear for his life, hands trembling on his satchel and eyes all watery. Jongdae is ninety-nine percent convinced that he’s about cry.
“Why are you such a big baby?” his stupid mouth asks. And to his horror, the smaller catboy actually starts the waterworks, bawling loudly and fat tears rolling down his pale cheeks. Jongdae facepalms at least three times and with both hands before he remembers that his owner is going to yell at him forever (not that he listens to her anyway) if she finds out he hasn't been looking after Joonmyun. Jongdae decides he’s going to blow his nose in all her teddies for today’s dumping of Joonmyun on him without warning.
“Joonmyun,” he says, shaking the catboy’s shoulders. “Stop crying, okay? I didn’t mean it.”
“You’re-you’re just saying that.” Joonmyun hiccups. “You just w-want to read my diary.”
Jongdae rolls his eyes. “I don’t care about your diary! It’s kinda stupid anyway,” he adds, and then wishes he hadn’t because Joonmyun only cries harder.
“Fine, it’s not stupid- ”
Joonmyun tears himself away, snatches his journal and flees to the bathroom, where he locks the door securely behind him.
Jongdae repeatedly bangs his head on the wall and curses. He contemplates stealing Joonmyun’s stuff and holding it ransom until the latter comes out of the bathroom but after a quick snoop of the satchel’s contents he decides there’s nothing in there worth stealing. The mobile phone is so old it doesn’t even take pictures and the few coins floating around are hardly enough buy him a snack. He does, though, refrain from making snarky comments about the bottle of milk in there.
Well, if there’s anything Jongdae is good with, it’s words. He crouches outside the bathroom door, listening to the sniffling sounds coming from inside. “Joonkitty? Are you hungry?” he tries. “Do you want to get something to eat?”
No reply.
“Ramen? I can make ramen?” he tries again. “Or chocolate?”
The bathroom door slides open a crack. Bingo. Jongdae is somewhat disappointed; he’d thought he’d be out here for hours trying to get through to the other catboy and this is, quite frankly, anti-climactic.
One half of Joonmyun’s face and one kitty ear peek out, cheek dusted with pink. “I’m not hungry,” he mumbles at the ground, “but can I have my milk?”
Jongdae stares at him for an entire minute before he remembers he’s supposed to be fetching it for him and scampers off to get it. Joonmyun blinks in surprise when Jongdae actually comes back but he takes it and lets Jongdae grab his hand and lead him into the lounge.
“What are we watching?” he inquires, plopping down on the couch and sipping on his milk, a picture of pure, childish innocence. Jongdae puts a DVD in, builds a wall with cushions between him and Joonmyun on the couch and grins widely. “Just watch, Joonkitty.”
They end up watching Bruno. Joonmyun screams several times through it and covers his eyes from all the nudity while Jongdae falls off the couch laughing.
“Is… is it over?” Joonmyun asks tentatively. He peeps through the cracks in his fingers.
“Yes,” says Jongdae from the floor. He sits up and surveys the catboy on the couch with a . “For a catboy, Joonkitty, you’re such a prude.”
Joonmyun’s ears go red and he clutches his half-empty bottle of milk to his chest. “Jongin says I shouldn’t watch adult movies!” he stammers. “I’m-I’m not a prude…”
“Oh, really?” Jongdae zooms in on the blushing catboy, a devious smile gracing his cat-like lips. “How do you deal with your heat cycles?”
“Sehun and Jongin help me?” Joonmyun manages weakly. “T-that’s normal, isn’t it?”
“Is that all?” Jongdae pokes his cheek.
“Um, sometimes I use toys?” the smaller catboy adds. “When I’m by myself.” He instantly regrets it when Jongdae’s pupils light up like street lamps turning on at night.
“Oh, really? What’s your favourite toy, Joonkitty? You better not tell me you just like plain old dildos…”
“I-I’m not telling you!” Joonmyun tries to get as far away from Jongdae as possible (not very far at all) and slurps at his milk so he doesn’t have to answer.
Jongdae clamps a hand down on the other catboy’s tail before he attempts to flee again. “Nuh-uh. Come on, tell me,” he says in a sing-song voice. “Is it cock rings? Anal beads? Actually, I have a pretty awesome set of anal beads if you- ”
“No!” Joonmyun covers his ears so he doesn't have to listen to any more but he forgets he has a pair on the top of his head too. “Don’t tell me, I don’t want to know!”
Jongdae frowns. “Why not? They’re huge and I love it when they- ”
“No!” The other catboy slaps at him feebly. “I don’t want to listen! I don’t care if heat cycles are normal or your owner helps you or whatever toys you use or your-your- ”
“Anal beads,” Jongdae supplies dully. “And my owner doesn’t help me, thank you very much.”
“Your anus bead thingies, then! And I - what?” Joonmyun’s eyebrows knit together. “She doesn’t help you?”
Jongdae gives him an ‘of course not’ look. “My neighbour’s got a catboy,” he explains, shrugging. “Luhan’s a giant ball of fun when he’s in heat, trust me.”
Joonmyun blinks. “Luhan?” he repeats dumbly. “Luhan-who-works-with-Sehun-at-the-café Luhan? I didn’t know he lived next to you!”
“Small world, huh. Yep, that’s the one. Sometimes when his owner’s home we have a three - hey, don’t try and change the subject!” Jongdae corners the tiny catboy into the arm of the couch and jams his palms to either side of Joonmyun’s head. “Anyways... you must get up to all kinds of stuff with two owners… at least tell me the kinkiest thing you’ve done.”
Without nowhere else to go, Joonmyun reluctantly accepts defeat. His cheeks turn crimson as he peeps up at Jongdae, taking a deep breath. “…Promise you won’t tell anyone?”
Jongdae makes a lip-zipping motion.
“Well, um, I think it was that time when they both- ”
Joonmyun’s stomach growls loudly, and all his courage vanishes in the second it takes for the two of them to look at the source of the funny noise. “I-I um… oh, never mind…”
“What?” Jongdae rattles him by the shoulders. “Tell me now!”
Joonmyun shakes his head fervently. “I don’t want to. You’ll laugh at me!”
Jongdae’s lost count of how many times he’s facepalmed today. By the looks of Joonmyun’s wide eyes and wobbly lower lip he’s pretty sure further questioning is going to involve tears again so he sighs and jumps off the couch.
“You wanted to tell me a minute ago,” he mutters. “I don’t get you at all, you little weirdo. Do you want food now?”
Joonmyun nods meekly. “I’m hungry.”
“But you just had milk.”
“Milk’s not food…”
Jongdae heaves another sigh. “Ugh. Come on, let’s go get something to eat.”
Joonmyun obediently follows him into the kitchen, where he sits on the barstool while the other rummages around in the pantry and cupboards for flour and sugar and some other bits and bobs.
“What are you making?” he asks, puzzled.
Jongdae drops a bag of chocolate chips on the counter. “Cookies,” he announces.
Joonmyun gasps. “You can make cookies?”
“Duh. You’d have to be dumb to not know how to make something so easy,” Jongdae brags.
The other catboy’s ears droop. “But I don’t know how to make cookies….” he trails off.
Jongdae’s wrinkles his nose. “You don’t know how to do anything, Joonkitty,” he says. “If you want to help, just do what I say.”
Joonmyun’s face breaks out into a smile. “Yay!” he cheers, hopping off the stool and hovering around the kitchen bench instead, “what do you want me to do?”
Sadly, Jongda hasn’t actually got the faintest idea how to make cookies at all. He’s seen his owner do it enough times though, and if she can do it then he can too. He pulls out the recipe book and gives Joonmyun all the menial tasks but the latter is happy to zip around doing as he is told.
Also sadly, the kitchen is not that big and Joonmyun’s foot gets stepped on twice, the chocolate chips spilt all over the floor and when his tail gets accidentally gets jammed in one of the cutlery drawers he yowls and his carefully measured cup of flour meets Jongdae’s face.
“What-bleugh- ” Jongdae coughs and expels a cloud of white. “Oh, yuck.” At least he’d flattened his kitty ears in time so none got in. He scoops a handful from the pile on his head and shoves it in Joonmyun’s face, making sure to mush it into his nose and mouth.
Joonmyun shrieks and tries to wipe it off with his hands while Jongdae’s ensuing laughter fills the air. “Eww! I’m all floury!” He grabs the bag of flour and his dumping of its contents on Jongdae is the first step in turning the kitchen into a war zone.
Eventually when the two of them are caked with enough flour to look like culinary ghosts they manage to mix up the ingredients to make the cookie dough.
“It’s yummy!” Joonmyun exclaims after eating a pinch of it. He grabs more and squishes blobs of it into circular cookie shapes, lining them up carefully on the baking tray. He rolls two wee balls of dough and stacks them on top of each other to make a snowman (which Jongdae insists won’t cook properly but leaves it anyway because Joonmyun is having fun and not crying. Jongdae's going to make him eat it anyway).
“Stop eating all of it or I’ll sprinkle sugar in your ears!” Jongdae threatens him after he eats several more cookies’ worth of dough. Joonmyun looks horrified and clamps his hands over his head, his mouth dropping open to reveal his half-chewed cookie dough.
Jongdae makes a face and just leaves him alone after that. As long as he doesn’t have to look at any more half-eaten dough he’s A-okay.
They’re about to put their trays of cookies in the oven when Jongdae realizes he’s forgotten to pre-heat it so they have another flour fight while they wait for it to heat up. Once it’s ready they pop their trays in and track flour all the way to the lounge to watch some TV.
“I smell something weird,” Joonmyun pipes up worriedly half an hour later. Jongdae spits swear words and charges into the kitchen to save their cookies, coughing and spluttering and fanning black smoke away from his face. Luckily only half of them are burnt and they eat the rest, stuffing their faces and dunking the extra-chocolatey ones in glasses of milk.
“I’m sleepy,” Joonmyun says afterwards, rubbing his full tummy.
“Don’t be lazy, we have to wash up!” Jongdae drags him over to the sink and picks up the dishwashing liquid. “Pass me the mixing bowls.”
Their attempt to ‘clean’ results in a waterfight and a nearly-flooded kitchen and by the end of it all none of the dishes get washed and both of them are left fishing clumps of flour out of their tails.
“I want a shower!” Joonmyun whines. He picks half-melted chocolate chips out of his hair and shakes his head vigorously to dislodge the rest. Jongdae takes him to the bathroom (because quite frankly, he looks like crap too and he’s pretty sure there’s cookie dough wedged between his buttcheeks) and starts filling up the bath. He glances around to find the smaller catboy backed up against the wall and hugging the towel rail, tail wrapped around his thigh.
“Don’t tell me you’re afraid of water,” Jongdae groans. He waves his arms at the mass of foam rising from the bathtub. “I even put in extra bubble bath for you.”
Joonmyun shakes his head from side to side so fast some flour comes out. “I like water. Just not baths… I’m scared of baths,” he confesses. “I couldn’t swim when I was a little kitty.”
Jongdae shrugs and flings off his clothes. His shorts land on Joonmyun’s face as he climbs into the bath and sinks under the water until only his ears poke out among all the bubbles. “Suit yourself. Shower’s over there.”
Normally he’d make relentless fun of catboys who didn’t like water but Joonmyun would probably cry (again). It was like looking after a baby.
Jongdae manages to have a fairly decent bath, scrubbing all the food out of his ears and tail and washing his hair until he spots Joonmyun valiantly struggling to wash his back in the shower, arms flailing in all directions. The bath is warm and comfy and Jongdae would offer a hand but he really can’t be bothered because he needs to put conditioner in his hair and-
“Jongdae, can you please help me wash my back?”
Jongdae scowls as Joonmyun pleads through the glass of the shower with big googly eyes and wet ears plastered down pathetically against his head. “Get in the bath, then.”
“But I don’t like baths! Please? I can’t reach!”
Jongdae ignores him and squirts conditioner into his palm. “I ain’t getting over there.”
Joonmyun sniffs and rubs water out of his eyes, torn between the shower, the bath and a clean back. Slowly, the shower door creaks open and he steps out. He pads over to the bath and looks apprehensively at the bubbly water.
Jongdae raises an eyebrow. “I didn’t think you’d actually do it,” he says. “C’mon, get in.”
Joonmyun swallows and gingerly sticks his leg in, then the other one, and squeezes his eyes shut and sits down on the bottom of the tub. He doesn’t move an inch, hunched over and trembling uncontrollably.
Jongdae finishes putting conditioner in his hair and scoots forward to start washing Joonmyun’s back for him. “You’re small, Joonkitty,” he snickers. “Like, really small. Everywhere.”
Joonmyun’s too frozen in the water to turn around to reply but Jongdae doesn’t miss the way his ears go bright red. “Shut up! Sehun said it was okay and he didn’t mind,” he huffs.
“He doesn’t care because it’s not your cock up his ass.”
“Th-that’s mean! I’m telling him you said that!”
“Go ahead. I bet he likes being told he’s got a python in his pants. What’s it like when he bones you?”
Joonmyun makes a gurgling noise.
Jongdae pats him on the head with the bath sponge. “I’m assuming it’s fucking awesome being plowed by a dick the size of a tractor pipe?”
This time the tiny catboy does turn around. The water sloshes about slightly and he looks momentarily terrified until it becomes calm again. “Why do you want to know?” he asks nervously, voice pitched high, “and why do you keep asking me these creepy questions about Sehun?”
Jongdae lets out a snort of laughter. “Because it’s so easy to make fun of you,” he replies. “I dunno why I didn’t meet you sooner… imagine all the fun I could have had by now.” He wrings out the sponge on Joonmyun’s soapy back to rinse him off. “There, done, now get back in the shower. Ugh, I can’t believe I just did that…”
Joonmyun can’t get out of the bath quickly enough. “Thank you,” he squeaks, before jumping in the shower again.
After they’re both clean and good as new and drying off in Jongdae’s room, Joonmyun realizes his clothes are dirty and still covered in flour, and kind of wet now that they’ve been on the bathroom floor. He huddles in a giant, fluffy spare towel and reaches out to tug on the other catboy’s shirt to get his attention.
“I don’t have anything to wear,” he says awkwardly.
Jongdae pulls a new pair of pants from his drawer and shoves his feet through them, tail poking out of the waistband. Straightening, he whips around with a predatory smile on his face.
“I have something for you to wear,” he says simply, and the skin on the back of Joonmyun’s neck prickles uncomfortably.
Jongdae marches over to the wardrobe and flings it open. It looks like any old wardrobe with shoes at the bottom and clothes on hangers until he pushes them over to one side and Joonmyun’s jaw drops to the floor.
“Why do you have girly clothes in there?” he shrieks, scrambling away.
"Choose one, Joonkitty."
“I’m not a girl!”
“But you act like one,” Jongdae comments snidely, “so how much girlier can you possibly get if you wear a dress?” He pulls out two outfits and holds them up for inspection. One is a run-of-the-mill black and white French maid uniform and the other is a Japanese seifuku, both of which Joonmyun really, really does not want to wear.
“I don’t want to choose,” he pouts. He self-consciously wraps his towel tighter around himself.
“If you don’t choose, I’ll choose for you,” Jongdae sings.
“But you have lots of other clothes! Can’t I wear something else?”
…That is a good point. “My clothes are too cool for you.”
“Jongdae!” Joonmyun stamps his foot on the floor.
Jongdae decides now is a nice time to pull his trump card. “You know what, Joonkitty, I bet your owners would totally think you were the cutest kitty if you wore one of these.” He brandishes both outfits in Joonmyun’s face and struggles to hold back his laughter as the smaller catboy actually stops throwing a tantrum to consider his words.
“But they say I’m already cute all the time,” Joonmyun says slowly. “So how much cuter can I possibly get if I wear a dress?”
Jongdae gapes at his own words being thrown back at him. He recovers in split seconds and leans right into the other catboy’s personal space. “But what if they like it when you wear a dress?”
“They don’t,” Joonmyun argues. “They never make me wear girly clothes!”
“How do you know? What if they like it when you dress up, but never ask you to, because they know you don’t like it?”
Joonmyun’s expression is stricken. “Do you mean they want me to wear girly clothes and I’m making them sad because I don’t want to?” he gasps.
Jongdae claps. “Well done, cockblock,” he cackles. “Think of all the times Sehun touches his cucumber at night to a fantasy of you dressing up.”
Joonmyun peers up at him. “If I wear it, will Sehun and Jongin like me more?” he asks, hope shining in his eyes.
Jongdae tosses both outfits at him. “Pick one and they’ll be fighting to do you all night long.”
Lace panties are really itchy, Joonmyun discovers ten minutes later. He pulls the back of them to the side a little but they revert back to their original position of sitting between his buttcheeks - not that he’s averse to things going there - but they don’t feel like any undies he’s ever worn before. “Jongdae, my bum is cold.”
“Now you know how I feel when I wear the French maid costume,” Jongdae says. He snaps some more pictures of Joonmyun with the polaroid camera. He’s got ones of the brave face Joonmyun’s trying to put on to please his owners, ones of Joonmyun cleaning the windows with a feather duster (“I’m not going to put it up my butt!” he’d screamed when Jongdae suggested the lewd but fabulous idea), ones of Joonmyun posing cutely on the bed and a bunch of sneaky panty shots.
“What are you going to do with all of them?” Joonmyun stares at the mountain of polaroids Jongdae’s taken. “Are you going to keep them?”
“You’ll see,” he replies mysteriously.
The doorbell rings. Joonmyun perks up, ears twitching in delight. “Sehun!” he cries, zipping out of the bedroom and down the hall to get the door.
Jongdae wrinkles his brow in confusion and checks his watch. It’s nearly half past four, but Joonmyun’s owner isn’t due to get him until at least five o’clock. He runs down the hallway in time to catch Joonmyun opening the door.
“Hi there, I’m from the World Wildlife Foundation and we’re raising money in order to save… oh.”
Joonmyun screams and tries to cover his spindly legs at the same time Jongdae’s polaroid goes off with a flash.
“No thanks lady have a nice day goodbye,” Jongdae trills, slamming the door shut in her face. He takes one look at the photo and bursts into laughter, leaving Joonmyun to sniff and cover his kitty ears in embarrassment.
“She saw me!” he wails in despair. “She saw me wearing girly clothes!”
Jongdae pokes his forehead. “Serves you right for thinking it was Sehun,” he chortles. “He’ll be back soon, you big baby, just wear it for a little longer.” He suddenly makes a face at his camera.
“What’s wrong?” Joonmyun asks, trying to subtly readjust his itchy panties again.
“I’m out of film,” Jongdae mutters, shaking the camera. Oh, well. He yawns and stretches lazily. “Ahh, today has been a good day anyway.”
“You made today weird,” the smaller catboy says, bottom lip sticking out. “Sehun said you were going to look after me.”
“I am looking after you,” Jongdae points out. “Even if I didn’t want to look after a weirdo like you in the first place. You should be making me food like a slave instead.” He scratches himself behind an ear and starts making his way back to his bedroom, Joonmyun trailing after him like a puppy. “I think I need a three-week nap.”
“Me too!” Joonmyun adds, sticking his hand (and the feather duster) up in the air. “I always nap at this time of the day and wake up when Sehun or Jongin come home and then we make dinner.”
“Wonderful,” Jongdae says dryly, peeling back the sheets. “Do you actually help out or do you sit on the kitchen counter and be cute?” They crawl onto his bed and Joonmyun snuggles under the blankets.
“I help! I get to peel potatoes,” he insists proudly. “But sometimes Jongin lets me sit on the counter and be cute.”
“Uh, okay…” Jongdae fluffs up his pillow. “I don’t suppose you need a bedtime story too?”
Joonmyun declines. “Nope!”
“Good, because I wasn’t planning on - wait.” Jongdae smiles widely, dashes out the door and comes back with his owner’s laptop. He opens it up and turns it on. “I changed my mind, I’ll read you something.” He types in the password, logs on and goes straight to the browser to access a list of saved bookmarks.
“What are you going to read?” Joonmyun slides further under the sheets until only his eyes peep out.
“You’ll love it, I promise. Go to sleep.”
Joonmyun obediently closes his eyes and starts drifting off, happy to be babied. Jongdae’s so cool! he thinks, as said catboy starts reading from the laptop.
He’s nearly off in dreamland, listening to Jongdae’s story of how two friends became best friends and then lovers and then-
“-hand between his legs, fisting his cock with quick, firm strokes while the other was three fingers deep in his ass- ”
“Eewww!” Joonmyun yells at the top of his lungs before yanking the blankets completely over his head. “Jongdae!”
Jongdae laughs so hard he rolls off the bed and hits his head on the bedside table and needs a full five minutes to recover.
“He’s probably missing me,” Sehun sighs, picking up dirty coffee cups. Closing time is a minute away and he’s ready to go home, stuff his face with dinner and pass out on the couch with a warm Joonmyun curled up in his arms.
Luhan sprays the table and wipes it down with a cloth. “Your kitty?” he asks.
"My poor baby."
“Yeah, well, I would miss you too, if you left me at home by myself all day.”
“No, I didn’t leave him at home,” Sehun corrects him. “I left him with Jongdae and said I’d pick him up after work.”
Luhan stops in mid-wipe and stares at him incredulously. “Jongdae,” he repeats dimly. “I thought you meant you left him with someone responsible. Of all catboys, you left your precious jailbait with Jongdae.”
“I thought it’d be nice for Joonmyun to know more people!” Sehun says defensively. He moves further down the row of tables to gather up some plates. “He’s always so shy.”
Luhan points the spray bottle at his retreating back. “Your kitty is doomed,” he calls after him. “Doomed.”
Jongdae opens the front door before Sehun can even press the button for the doorbell.
Joonmyun had fallen asleep under the blankets and then stuck his arms and legs out everywhere and eventually Jongdae had been reduced to napping on the couch until the noise of Sehun’s car pulling up in the driveway woke him up.
“Hi, Jongdae.” Sehun smiles oddly. “Is Joonmyun okay?”
Jongdae narrows his eyes. “Luhan, you asshole,” he mutters. He fixes Sehun with a withering look. “Please never leave your catbaby with me again,” he deadpans. “I have done more manual labour today than I have done in an entire month.”
Sehun scratches the back of his head. “I’m sorry,” he says sheepishly. “He just gets lonely by himself. Where is he?”
“In my bed,” Jongdae replies flatly, leading the way. “Hiding from gay fanfiction.”
Sehun raises an eyebrow at the lump in the bed. “Is he sleeping? Wait, what do you mean, gay fanfiction?” he asks.
“Maybe if you ask nicely he’ll tell you,” Jongdae shrugs innocently, eyes twinkling.
“Uh, okay then.” The blond moves to lift the blankets off. “I hope you weren’t reading him - oh god - what is - why is he dressed like- ” Sehun makes a strangled noise and points fingers between Joonmyun and the catboy responsible for his French maid get-up.
Jongdae pats Sehun’s butt as he saunters out the door to resume his nap in the lounge. “You can do him on my bed if you like,” he says, “but you have to promise to buy me new sheets.”
“Good morning,” the courier man greets Sehun a few days later, “parcel for Kim Jongin.”
Sehun takes it and thanks him, carrying it into the kitchen where Jongin is feeding their sleepy catboy breakfast and hands him the thick, square-shaped package.
“What is it?” Jongin asks, puzzled. "There’s no sender name.” He spreads jam thickly over a piece of toast and pops the corner of it in Joonmyun’s mouth.
“You probably bought something online and forgot about it,” Sehun shrugs, sliding into a chair and making for the cereal.
“But I haven’t bought anything at all.” Jongin tears at the packaging and tape until a solid object falls out. “Huh? A photo album?”
Because you missed it, says the little note stuck to the front cover, this is for you. Say hi to Joonkitty for me. Jongdae <3
Jongin flips to a random page and his eyes bug out of their sockets. “Wow, so many polaroids of - oh my god.”
Joonmyun’s toast falls out of his mouth and lands with a splat on his lap.
A/N: istg this is just a giant age kink fic dump
Rating: pg-13
Genre: fluff, humour, catboy!AU
Pairing: seho, sukai, sekaiho
Summary: Sometimes Joonkitty writes things in his diary. Companion series to Lazy Saturday.
Warnings: some crossdressing, kim jongdae
I met another catboy today. His name was Jongdae and I had to stay at his house. He was kind of weird but we had fun. I think.
Jongin had been away for two days on a camp with his dance students and wasn’t due back until tomorrow. Sehun, on the other hand, had a double shift to cover at the café because Kris was at home nursing one of his sick catboys.
“But that means I’m going to be alone until tonight!” Joonmyun had cried.
Sehun paused at the door, hand on the knob. “I’ll bring home something nice for you,” he promised. “Salmon, okay? I’ll stop by the supermarket and we can have salmon tonight.”
The catboy didn’t look so sure, standing in the hallway with his tail around his leg and fiddling with his thumbs, eyes on the floor. “But…”
So that was how Joonmyun had ended up where he was now, curled up in an armchair in the house of one of Sehun’s friends while she was out for the day. Her catboy was perched in the armchair across from him with a curious look on his face; he’d been tasked with keeping Joonmyun occupied until Sehun picked him up that night, but all he was doing was giving Joonmyun the heebie-jeebies.
Jongdae was the kind of catboy picked for his sharp tongue and quick wit. It just so happened that his mop of caramel hair and cat-like mouth hid it all under the guise of a well-behaved companion, and unknowing strangers sometimes got a nasty surprise.
“You’re tiny,” is the first thing he says.
Joonmyun already wants to cry. “You’re mean,” he says back, bottom lip sticking out. Neither of them is all that substantially taller than the other but half of Jongdae’s personality is his gigantic, over-inflated ego.
“And you’re a doormat, Joonkitty. Everyone steps all over you.” Jongdae hops off the couch and grabs Joonmyun’s arm, his lips curled up into a mischievous grin. “Come on, let’s go do some stuff. I heard you like drawing?”
Jongdae’s room is not what Joonmyun was expecting at all. His bed is simple, with plain cream sheets and a pillow or two (Joonmyun has Pokemon ones and enough pillows to suffocate a football team in their sleep) and a teddy. Jongdae explains that he sleeps in his owner’s bed most of the time.
The walls, though, are covered with picture after picture of printed photos of his owner with moustaches, pimples, multiple noses and other various things drawn on her face. Joonmyun looks horrified and the other catboy busts his guts laughing at his expression.
Jongdae digs around in his drawers and pulls out more photos of her, along with felt pens and markers and pencils, and deposits them on the floor. Joonmyun joins the myriad of art equipment on the carpet in amazement. The adoption centre never had so many cool things.
“My owner’s an artist,” Jongdae says proudly, puffing his chest out. “I get all this stuff from her. Want to draw on her face?”
Joonmyun shakes his head. “Why do you draw on her face?” he asks. “That’s not a nice thing to do.”
Jongdae shrugs and slaps a blank piece of paper to the other catboy’s face. “Here, draw whatever you want, then.” He starts scribbling his own piece of artwork.
Joonmyun carefully unplasters the paper from his forehead. He can’t tell if he likes the unpredictable Jongdae. He seems a little strange but if Sehun thought it was okay to leave him here then Joonmyun thinks Jongdae will be okay too.
He peers over Jongdae’s shoulder to see what he’s drawing and his mouth drops open. It’s a portrait of Joonmyun’s face, accompanied by the most awful handlebar moustache he’s ever seen.
“Wait, that-that’s me!” Joonmyun protests. “Ewww!”
Jongdae bursts into laughter. “Don’t like it? I’ll draw you another one.” He does draw another one, and this time the face is covered in extra eyeballs. He gives it to the other catboy, who stares at it and remains silent for a long time.
Jongdae pokes him in the side. “Aw, it’s just a picture!” he says. “Sheesh, can’t you take a joke?”
Joonmyun’s shoulders sag. “The other catboys always did that to me at the adoption centre,” he confesses sadly. “They always made ugly drawings of me and spread them around for everyone to see… sometimes they stole my pictures and drew all over them too.”
“…Oh.” Jongdae laughs awkwardly. He pats Joonmyun on the head and the quiet hangs between them, the latter looking like he’s on the verge of tears. “Er, are you going to cry?”
Joonmyun’s bottom lip wobbles.
“Uh. Um, here.” Jongdae shoves some more paper towards him and a marker. “You can, uh, I guess you can draw my face too? I dunno, like give me buck teeth or a monobrow or whatever…” Good god, what kind of catboy was this sensitive? He and his owner constantly hurled insults at each other just for the fun of it.
“O-okay…” Joonmyun grips the marker so hard his knuckles turn white and attempts to replicate Jongdae’s face on paper. One of his ears fold over flat against his head while he thinks about what to draw, Jongdae notices. It’s cute.
Or maybe not so cute when he sees the addition being made to his face.
He is the recipient of what appears to be a super runny nose, trails of snot streaming down his face and chin. He facepalms. Gross.
Joonmyun giggles, waving the paper around. “I’m done!” he cheers. “Is this okay?”
“No.” Joonmyun’s face falls. “Uh, no, I meant you could do some more stuff, um, like…” Jongdae quickly colours in a waterfall of earwax pouring from his ears and Joonmyun laughs in delight.
He cannot believe he is doing this. He hopes his owner never finds out. She’d keep the pictures and photocopy them so many hundreds of times that he wouldn’t be able to destroy all the copies unless he burned the entire house down. Maybe he should stop before the situation got out of hand.
“I’m bored,” he declares. “Let’s go do something else.”
“But we just started!”
“I get bored easily. We can watch a movie.”
Joonmyun mumbles something.
“What now?” Jongdae groans.
“I… I forgot to write in my diary this morning,” the other catboy says in a tiny voice.
In a flash, Jongdae is right up in Joonmyun’s face and personal space and grinning from ear to ear. “A diary?” he repeats. “You have a diary? What do you write in it? Your secrets? Your favourite position? Your fav- ”
“No! Just… things.”
“Show me,” Jongdae demands. “Where is it? What’s it look like? I wanna see- ” He suddenly spies the satchel Joonmyun had left by the door. “It’s in your bag, isn’t it?”
“Don’t read it!” Joonmyun yells as Jongdae makes a lunge for it. They tumble and tussel on the floor for possession of the satchel, Jongdae screeching expletives as Joonmyun accidentally sticks his sock-clad foot into his mouth. In the end it’s Jongdae who comes out victorious, sitting on the other catboy’s stomach to render him immobile while he flips through the pages of the diary.
“Jongdaeeee!” Joonmyun shrieks, limbs flailing wildly in his struggle to dislodge the catboy on his tummy, “it’s private! Don’t look at it!”
“Today I had a banana split. I got chocolate on my shirt but Sehun helped me wash it out. Sehun is awesome,” Jongdae reads out. He snorts and looks down at the smaller catboy. “Are you for real?”
“Stop reading,” Joonmyun wails desperately. He beats his little fists on Jongdae’s waist but he doesn’t move an inch.
“I hate baths but Jongin made me take one with him. He said I was a good boy,” Jongdae continues. “Did you have sexy times in the bath?”
“No!” Joonmyun blushes furiously.
“Suuure. What about this one? Today Jongin and Sehun took me to a shop to buy- ” Another loud snort and then Jongdae is nearly peeing his pants, rolling off and clutching his sides as he howls with raucous laughter. “Oh my god, Joonkitty. Oh my god, you kinky little- ”
Joonmyun’s eyes widen in realization and he lets out a bloodcurdling scream.
It’s that entry.
He scrambles over Jongdae’s convulsing body on the floor to retrieve his fallen diary and snaps its covers shut. His face resembles that of a tomato as he covers his flushing kitty ears in embarrassment. “S-shut up! I told you not to look at it!”
Jongdae chokes on air. “You’re priceless,” he says, wiping a tear. “Have you used them all yet?”
Joonmyun goes even redder. “I’m not telling you.”
“I won’t tell anyone. Show me your secrets.”
“I already said no!”
At this point Joonmyun looks like he’s about to fear for his life, hands trembling on his satchel and eyes all watery. Jongdae is ninety-nine percent convinced that he’s about cry.
“Why are you such a big baby?” his stupid mouth asks. And to his horror, the smaller catboy actually starts the waterworks, bawling loudly and fat tears rolling down his pale cheeks. Jongdae facepalms at least three times and with both hands before he remembers that his owner is going to yell at him forever (not that he listens to her anyway) if she finds out he hasn't been looking after Joonmyun. Jongdae decides he’s going to blow his nose in all her teddies for today’s dumping of Joonmyun on him without warning.
“Joonmyun,” he says, shaking the catboy’s shoulders. “Stop crying, okay? I didn’t mean it.”
“You’re-you’re just saying that.” Joonmyun hiccups. “You just w-want to read my diary.”
Jongdae rolls his eyes. “I don’t care about your diary! It’s kinda stupid anyway,” he adds, and then wishes he hadn’t because Joonmyun only cries harder.
“Fine, it’s not stupid- ”
Joonmyun tears himself away, snatches his journal and flees to the bathroom, where he locks the door securely behind him.
Jongdae repeatedly bangs his head on the wall and curses. He contemplates stealing Joonmyun’s stuff and holding it ransom until the latter comes out of the bathroom but after a quick snoop of the satchel’s contents he decides there’s nothing in there worth stealing. The mobile phone is so old it doesn’t even take pictures and the few coins floating around are hardly enough buy him a snack. He does, though, refrain from making snarky comments about the bottle of milk in there.
Well, if there’s anything Jongdae is good with, it’s words. He crouches outside the bathroom door, listening to the sniffling sounds coming from inside. “Joonkitty? Are you hungry?” he tries. “Do you want to get something to eat?”
No reply.
“Ramen? I can make ramen?” he tries again. “Or chocolate?”
The bathroom door slides open a crack. Bingo. Jongdae is somewhat disappointed; he’d thought he’d be out here for hours trying to get through to the other catboy and this is, quite frankly, anti-climactic.
One half of Joonmyun’s face and one kitty ear peek out, cheek dusted with pink. “I’m not hungry,” he mumbles at the ground, “but can I have my milk?”
Jongdae stares at him for an entire minute before he remembers he’s supposed to be fetching it for him and scampers off to get it. Joonmyun blinks in surprise when Jongdae actually comes back but he takes it and lets Jongdae grab his hand and lead him into the lounge.
“What are we watching?” he inquires, plopping down on the couch and sipping on his milk, a picture of pure, childish innocence. Jongdae puts a DVD in, builds a wall with cushions between him and Joonmyun on the couch and grins widely. “Just watch, Joonkitty.”
They end up watching Bruno. Joonmyun screams several times through it and covers his eyes from all the nudity while Jongdae falls off the couch laughing.
“Is… is it over?” Joonmyun asks tentatively. He peeps through the cracks in his fingers.
“Yes,” says Jongdae from the floor. He sits up and surveys the catboy on the couch with a . “For a catboy, Joonkitty, you’re such a prude.”
Joonmyun’s ears go red and he clutches his half-empty bottle of milk to his chest. “Jongin says I shouldn’t watch adult movies!” he stammers. “I’m-I’m not a prude…”
“Oh, really?” Jongdae zooms in on the blushing catboy, a devious smile gracing his cat-like lips. “How do you deal with your heat cycles?”
“Sehun and Jongin help me?” Joonmyun manages weakly. “T-that’s normal, isn’t it?”
“Is that all?” Jongdae pokes his cheek.
“Um, sometimes I use toys?” the smaller catboy adds. “When I’m by myself.” He instantly regrets it when Jongdae’s pupils light up like street lamps turning on at night.
“Oh, really? What’s your favourite toy, Joonkitty? You better not tell me you just like plain old dildos…”
“I-I’m not telling you!” Joonmyun tries to get as far away from Jongdae as possible (not very far at all) and slurps at his milk so he doesn’t have to answer.
Jongdae clamps a hand down on the other catboy’s tail before he attempts to flee again. “Nuh-uh. Come on, tell me,” he says in a sing-song voice. “Is it cock rings? Anal beads? Actually, I have a pretty awesome set of anal beads if you- ”
“No!” Joonmyun covers his ears so he doesn't have to listen to any more but he forgets he has a pair on the top of his head too. “Don’t tell me, I don’t want to know!”
Jongdae frowns. “Why not? They’re huge and I love it when they- ”
“No!” The other catboy slaps at him feebly. “I don’t want to listen! I don’t care if heat cycles are normal or your owner helps you or whatever toys you use or your-your- ”
“Anal beads,” Jongdae supplies dully. “And my owner doesn’t help me, thank you very much.”
“Your anus bead thingies, then! And I - what?” Joonmyun’s eyebrows knit together. “She doesn’t help you?”
Jongdae gives him an ‘of course not’ look. “My neighbour’s got a catboy,” he explains, shrugging. “Luhan’s a giant ball of fun when he’s in heat, trust me.”
Joonmyun blinks. “Luhan?” he repeats dumbly. “Luhan-who-works-with-Sehun-at-the-café Luhan? I didn’t know he lived next to you!”
“Small world, huh. Yep, that’s the one. Sometimes when his owner’s home we have a three - hey, don’t try and change the subject!” Jongdae corners the tiny catboy into the arm of the couch and jams his palms to either side of Joonmyun’s head. “Anyways... you must get up to all kinds of stuff with two owners… at least tell me the kinkiest thing you’ve done.”
Without nowhere else to go, Joonmyun reluctantly accepts defeat. His cheeks turn crimson as he peeps up at Jongdae, taking a deep breath. “…Promise you won’t tell anyone?”
Jongdae makes a lip-zipping motion.
“Well, um, I think it was that time when they both- ”
Joonmyun’s stomach growls loudly, and all his courage vanishes in the second it takes for the two of them to look at the source of the funny noise. “I-I um… oh, never mind…”
“What?” Jongdae rattles him by the shoulders. “Tell me now!”
Joonmyun shakes his head fervently. “I don’t want to. You’ll laugh at me!”
Jongdae’s lost count of how many times he’s facepalmed today. By the looks of Joonmyun’s wide eyes and wobbly lower lip he’s pretty sure further questioning is going to involve tears again so he sighs and jumps off the couch.
“You wanted to tell me a minute ago,” he mutters. “I don’t get you at all, you little weirdo. Do you want food now?”
Joonmyun nods meekly. “I’m hungry.”
“But you just had milk.”
“Milk’s not food…”
Jongdae heaves another sigh. “Ugh. Come on, let’s go get something to eat.”
Joonmyun obediently follows him into the kitchen, where he sits on the barstool while the other rummages around in the pantry and cupboards for flour and sugar and some other bits and bobs.
“What are you making?” he asks, puzzled.
Jongdae drops a bag of chocolate chips on the counter. “Cookies,” he announces.
Joonmyun gasps. “You can make cookies?”
“Duh. You’d have to be dumb to not know how to make something so easy,” Jongdae brags.
The other catboy’s ears droop. “But I don’t know how to make cookies….” he trails off.
Jongdae’s wrinkles his nose. “You don’t know how to do anything, Joonkitty,” he says. “If you want to help, just do what I say.”
Joonmyun’s face breaks out into a smile. “Yay!” he cheers, hopping off the stool and hovering around the kitchen bench instead, “what do you want me to do?”
Sadly, Jongda hasn’t actually got the faintest idea how to make cookies at all. He’s seen his owner do it enough times though, and if she can do it then he can too. He pulls out the recipe book and gives Joonmyun all the menial tasks but the latter is happy to zip around doing as he is told.
Also sadly, the kitchen is not that big and Joonmyun’s foot gets stepped on twice, the chocolate chips spilt all over the floor and when his tail gets accidentally gets jammed in one of the cutlery drawers he yowls and his carefully measured cup of flour meets Jongdae’s face.
“What-bleugh- ” Jongdae coughs and expels a cloud of white. “Oh, yuck.” At least he’d flattened his kitty ears in time so none got in. He scoops a handful from the pile on his head and shoves it in Joonmyun’s face, making sure to mush it into his nose and mouth.
Joonmyun shrieks and tries to wipe it off with his hands while Jongdae’s ensuing laughter fills the air. “Eww! I’m all floury!” He grabs the bag of flour and his dumping of its contents on Jongdae is the first step in turning the kitchen into a war zone.
Eventually when the two of them are caked with enough flour to look like culinary ghosts they manage to mix up the ingredients to make the cookie dough.
“It’s yummy!” Joonmyun exclaims after eating a pinch of it. He grabs more and squishes blobs of it into circular cookie shapes, lining them up carefully on the baking tray. He rolls two wee balls of dough and stacks them on top of each other to make a snowman (which Jongdae insists won’t cook properly but leaves it anyway because Joonmyun is having fun and not crying. Jongdae's going to make him eat it anyway).
“Stop eating all of it or I’ll sprinkle sugar in your ears!” Jongdae threatens him after he eats several more cookies’ worth of dough. Joonmyun looks horrified and clamps his hands over his head, his mouth dropping open to reveal his half-chewed cookie dough.
Jongdae makes a face and just leaves him alone after that. As long as he doesn’t have to look at any more half-eaten dough he’s A-okay.
They’re about to put their trays of cookies in the oven when Jongdae realizes he’s forgotten to pre-heat it so they have another flour fight while they wait for it to heat up. Once it’s ready they pop their trays in and track flour all the way to the lounge to watch some TV.
“I smell something weird,” Joonmyun pipes up worriedly half an hour later. Jongdae spits swear words and charges into the kitchen to save their cookies, coughing and spluttering and fanning black smoke away from his face. Luckily only half of them are burnt and they eat the rest, stuffing their faces and dunking the extra-chocolatey ones in glasses of milk.
“I’m sleepy,” Joonmyun says afterwards, rubbing his full tummy.
“Don’t be lazy, we have to wash up!” Jongdae drags him over to the sink and picks up the dishwashing liquid. “Pass me the mixing bowls.”
Their attempt to ‘clean’ results in a waterfight and a nearly-flooded kitchen and by the end of it all none of the dishes get washed and both of them are left fishing clumps of flour out of their tails.
“I want a shower!” Joonmyun whines. He picks half-melted chocolate chips out of his hair and shakes his head vigorously to dislodge the rest. Jongdae takes him to the bathroom (because quite frankly, he looks like crap too and he’s pretty sure there’s cookie dough wedged between his buttcheeks) and starts filling up the bath. He glances around to find the smaller catboy backed up against the wall and hugging the towel rail, tail wrapped around his thigh.
“Don’t tell me you’re afraid of water,” Jongdae groans. He waves his arms at the mass of foam rising from the bathtub. “I even put in extra bubble bath for you.”
Joonmyun shakes his head from side to side so fast some flour comes out. “I like water. Just not baths… I’m scared of baths,” he confesses. “I couldn’t swim when I was a little kitty.”
Jongdae shrugs and flings off his clothes. His shorts land on Joonmyun’s face as he climbs into the bath and sinks under the water until only his ears poke out among all the bubbles. “Suit yourself. Shower’s over there.”
Normally he’d make relentless fun of catboys who didn’t like water but Joonmyun would probably cry (again). It was like looking after a baby.
Jongdae manages to have a fairly decent bath, scrubbing all the food out of his ears and tail and washing his hair until he spots Joonmyun valiantly struggling to wash his back in the shower, arms flailing in all directions. The bath is warm and comfy and Jongdae would offer a hand but he really can’t be bothered because he needs to put conditioner in his hair and-
“Jongdae, can you please help me wash my back?”
Jongdae scowls as Joonmyun pleads through the glass of the shower with big googly eyes and wet ears plastered down pathetically against his head. “Get in the bath, then.”
“But I don’t like baths! Please? I can’t reach!”
Jongdae ignores him and squirts conditioner into his palm. “I ain’t getting over there.”
Joonmyun sniffs and rubs water out of his eyes, torn between the shower, the bath and a clean back. Slowly, the shower door creaks open and he steps out. He pads over to the bath and looks apprehensively at the bubbly water.
Jongdae raises an eyebrow. “I didn’t think you’d actually do it,” he says. “C’mon, get in.”
Joonmyun swallows and gingerly sticks his leg in, then the other one, and squeezes his eyes shut and sits down on the bottom of the tub. He doesn’t move an inch, hunched over and trembling uncontrollably.
Jongdae finishes putting conditioner in his hair and scoots forward to start washing Joonmyun’s back for him. “You’re small, Joonkitty,” he snickers. “Like, really small. Everywhere.”
Joonmyun’s too frozen in the water to turn around to reply but Jongdae doesn’t miss the way his ears go bright red. “Shut up! Sehun said it was okay and he didn’t mind,” he huffs.
“He doesn’t care because it’s not your cock up his ass.”
“Th-that’s mean! I’m telling him you said that!”
“Go ahead. I bet he likes being told he’s got a python in his pants. What’s it like when he bones you?”
Joonmyun makes a gurgling noise.
Jongdae pats him on the head with the bath sponge. “I’m assuming it’s fucking awesome being plowed by a dick the size of a tractor pipe?”
This time the tiny catboy does turn around. The water sloshes about slightly and he looks momentarily terrified until it becomes calm again. “Why do you want to know?” he asks nervously, voice pitched high, “and why do you keep asking me these creepy questions about Sehun?”
Jongdae lets out a snort of laughter. “Because it’s so easy to make fun of you,” he replies. “I dunno why I didn’t meet you sooner… imagine all the fun I could have had by now.” He wrings out the sponge on Joonmyun’s soapy back to rinse him off. “There, done, now get back in the shower. Ugh, I can’t believe I just did that…”
Joonmyun can’t get out of the bath quickly enough. “Thank you,” he squeaks, before jumping in the shower again.
After they’re both clean and good as new and drying off in Jongdae’s room, Joonmyun realizes his clothes are dirty and still covered in flour, and kind of wet now that they’ve been on the bathroom floor. He huddles in a giant, fluffy spare towel and reaches out to tug on the other catboy’s shirt to get his attention.
“I don’t have anything to wear,” he says awkwardly.
Jongdae pulls a new pair of pants from his drawer and shoves his feet through them, tail poking out of the waistband. Straightening, he whips around with a predatory smile on his face.
“I have something for you to wear,” he says simply, and the skin on the back of Joonmyun’s neck prickles uncomfortably.
Jongdae marches over to the wardrobe and flings it open. It looks like any old wardrobe with shoes at the bottom and clothes on hangers until he pushes them over to one side and Joonmyun’s jaw drops to the floor.
“Why do you have girly clothes in there?” he shrieks, scrambling away.
"Choose one, Joonkitty."
“I’m not a girl!”
“But you act like one,” Jongdae comments snidely, “so how much girlier can you possibly get if you wear a dress?” He pulls out two outfits and holds them up for inspection. One is a run-of-the-mill black and white French maid uniform and the other is a Japanese seifuku, both of which Joonmyun really, really does not want to wear.
“I don’t want to choose,” he pouts. He self-consciously wraps his towel tighter around himself.
“If you don’t choose, I’ll choose for you,” Jongdae sings.
“But you have lots of other clothes! Can’t I wear something else?”
…That is a good point. “My clothes are too cool for you.”
“Jongdae!” Joonmyun stamps his foot on the floor.
Jongdae decides now is a nice time to pull his trump card. “You know what, Joonkitty, I bet your owners would totally think you were the cutest kitty if you wore one of these.” He brandishes both outfits in Joonmyun’s face and struggles to hold back his laughter as the smaller catboy actually stops throwing a tantrum to consider his words.
“But they say I’m already cute all the time,” Joonmyun says slowly. “So how much cuter can I possibly get if I wear a dress?”
Jongdae gapes at his own words being thrown back at him. He recovers in split seconds and leans right into the other catboy’s personal space. “But what if they like it when you wear a dress?”
“They don’t,” Joonmyun argues. “They never make me wear girly clothes!”
“How do you know? What if they like it when you dress up, but never ask you to, because they know you don’t like it?”
Joonmyun’s expression is stricken. “Do you mean they want me to wear girly clothes and I’m making them sad because I don’t want to?” he gasps.
Jongdae claps. “Well done, cockblock,” he cackles. “Think of all the times Sehun touches his cucumber at night to a fantasy of you dressing up.”
Joonmyun peers up at him. “If I wear it, will Sehun and Jongin like me more?” he asks, hope shining in his eyes.
Jongdae tosses both outfits at him. “Pick one and they’ll be fighting to do you all night long.”
Lace panties are really itchy, Joonmyun discovers ten minutes later. He pulls the back of them to the side a little but they revert back to their original position of sitting between his buttcheeks - not that he’s averse to things going there - but they don’t feel like any undies he’s ever worn before. “Jongdae, my bum is cold.”
“Now you know how I feel when I wear the French maid costume,” Jongdae says. He snaps some more pictures of Joonmyun with the polaroid camera. He’s got ones of the brave face Joonmyun’s trying to put on to please his owners, ones of Joonmyun cleaning the windows with a feather duster (“I’m not going to put it up my butt!” he’d screamed when Jongdae suggested the lewd but fabulous idea), ones of Joonmyun posing cutely on the bed and a bunch of sneaky panty shots.
“What are you going to do with all of them?” Joonmyun stares at the mountain of polaroids Jongdae’s taken. “Are you going to keep them?”
“You’ll see,” he replies mysteriously.
The doorbell rings. Joonmyun perks up, ears twitching in delight. “Sehun!” he cries, zipping out of the bedroom and down the hall to get the door.
Jongdae wrinkles his brow in confusion and checks his watch. It’s nearly half past four, but Joonmyun’s owner isn’t due to get him until at least five o’clock. He runs down the hallway in time to catch Joonmyun opening the door.
“Hi there, I’m from the World Wildlife Foundation and we’re raising money in order to save… oh.”
Joonmyun screams and tries to cover his spindly legs at the same time Jongdae’s polaroid goes off with a flash.
“No thanks lady have a nice day goodbye,” Jongdae trills, slamming the door shut in her face. He takes one look at the photo and bursts into laughter, leaving Joonmyun to sniff and cover his kitty ears in embarrassment.
“She saw me!” he wails in despair. “She saw me wearing girly clothes!”
Jongdae pokes his forehead. “Serves you right for thinking it was Sehun,” he chortles. “He’ll be back soon, you big baby, just wear it for a little longer.” He suddenly makes a face at his camera.
“What’s wrong?” Joonmyun asks, trying to subtly readjust his itchy panties again.
“I’m out of film,” Jongdae mutters, shaking the camera. Oh, well. He yawns and stretches lazily. “Ahh, today has been a good day anyway.”
“You made today weird,” the smaller catboy says, bottom lip sticking out. “Sehun said you were going to look after me.”
“I am looking after you,” Jongdae points out. “Even if I didn’t want to look after a weirdo like you in the first place. You should be making me food like a slave instead.” He scratches himself behind an ear and starts making his way back to his bedroom, Joonmyun trailing after him like a puppy. “I think I need a three-week nap.”
“Me too!” Joonmyun adds, sticking his hand (and the feather duster) up in the air. “I always nap at this time of the day and wake up when Sehun or Jongin come home and then we make dinner.”
“Wonderful,” Jongdae says dryly, peeling back the sheets. “Do you actually help out or do you sit on the kitchen counter and be cute?” They crawl onto his bed and Joonmyun snuggles under the blankets.
“I help! I get to peel potatoes,” he insists proudly. “But sometimes Jongin lets me sit on the counter and be cute.”
“Uh, okay…” Jongdae fluffs up his pillow. “I don’t suppose you need a bedtime story too?”
Joonmyun declines. “Nope!”
“Good, because I wasn’t planning on - wait.” Jongdae smiles widely, dashes out the door and comes back with his owner’s laptop. He opens it up and turns it on. “I changed my mind, I’ll read you something.” He types in the password, logs on and goes straight to the browser to access a list of saved bookmarks.
“What are you going to read?” Joonmyun slides further under the sheets until only his eyes peep out.
“You’ll love it, I promise. Go to sleep.”
Joonmyun obediently closes his eyes and starts drifting off, happy to be babied. Jongdae’s so cool! he thinks, as said catboy starts reading from the laptop.
He’s nearly off in dreamland, listening to Jongdae’s story of how two friends became best friends and then lovers and then-
“-hand between his legs, fisting his cock with quick, firm strokes while the other was three fingers deep in his ass- ”
“Eewww!” Joonmyun yells at the top of his lungs before yanking the blankets completely over his head. “Jongdae!”
Jongdae laughs so hard he rolls off the bed and hits his head on the bedside table and needs a full five minutes to recover.
“He’s probably missing me,” Sehun sighs, picking up dirty coffee cups. Closing time is a minute away and he’s ready to go home, stuff his face with dinner and pass out on the couch with a warm Joonmyun curled up in his arms.
Luhan sprays the table and wipes it down with a cloth. “Your kitty?” he asks.
"My poor baby."
“Yeah, well, I would miss you too, if you left me at home by myself all day.”
“No, I didn’t leave him at home,” Sehun corrects him. “I left him with Jongdae and said I’d pick him up after work.”
Luhan stops in mid-wipe and stares at him incredulously. “Jongdae,” he repeats dimly. “I thought you meant you left him with someone responsible. Of all catboys, you left your precious jailbait with Jongdae.”
“I thought it’d be nice for Joonmyun to know more people!” Sehun says defensively. He moves further down the row of tables to gather up some plates. “He’s always so shy.”
Luhan points the spray bottle at his retreating back. “Your kitty is doomed,” he calls after him. “Doomed.”
Jongdae opens the front door before Sehun can even press the button for the doorbell.
Joonmyun had fallen asleep under the blankets and then stuck his arms and legs out everywhere and eventually Jongdae had been reduced to napping on the couch until the noise of Sehun’s car pulling up in the driveway woke him up.
“Hi, Jongdae.” Sehun smiles oddly. “Is Joonmyun okay?”
Jongdae narrows his eyes. “Luhan, you asshole,” he mutters. He fixes Sehun with a withering look. “Please never leave your catbaby with me again,” he deadpans. “I have done more manual labour today than I have done in an entire month.”
Sehun scratches the back of his head. “I’m sorry,” he says sheepishly. “He just gets lonely by himself. Where is he?”
“In my bed,” Jongdae replies flatly, leading the way. “Hiding from gay fanfiction.”
Sehun raises an eyebrow at the lump in the bed. “Is he sleeping? Wait, what do you mean, gay fanfiction?” he asks.
“Maybe if you ask nicely he’ll tell you,” Jongdae shrugs innocently, eyes twinkling.
“Uh, okay then.” The blond moves to lift the blankets off. “I hope you weren’t reading him - oh god - what is - why is he dressed like- ” Sehun makes a strangled noise and points fingers between Joonmyun and the catboy responsible for his French maid get-up.
Jongdae pats Sehun’s butt as he saunters out the door to resume his nap in the lounge. “You can do him on my bed if you like,” he says, “but you have to promise to buy me new sheets.”
“Good morning,” the courier man greets Sehun a few days later, “parcel for Kim Jongin.”
Sehun takes it and thanks him, carrying it into the kitchen where Jongin is feeding their sleepy catboy breakfast and hands him the thick, square-shaped package.
“What is it?” Jongin asks, puzzled. "There’s no sender name.” He spreads jam thickly over a piece of toast and pops the corner of it in Joonmyun’s mouth.
“You probably bought something online and forgot about it,” Sehun shrugs, sliding into a chair and making for the cereal.
“But I haven’t bought anything at all.” Jongin tears at the packaging and tape until a solid object falls out. “Huh? A photo album?”
Because you missed it, says the little note stuck to the front cover, this is for you. Say hi to Joonkitty for me. Jongdae <3
Jongin flips to a random page and his eyes bug out of their sockets. “Wow, so many polaroids of - oh my god.”
Joonmyun’s toast falls out of his mouth and lands with a splat on his lap.
A/N: istg this is just a giant age kink fic dump