vail-kagami: For Better or for Worse (Jack/Ten) (Jack/Ianto) [G]
Title: For Better or for Worse
Author:
vail_kagami
Challenge: Luck
Rating: G
Spoilers: Second series of Torchwood
Warnings: None
Summary: When the Doctor shows up at Jack's wedding marrying Ianto turns out to be a much bigger step than Jack thought it would be.
Notes: Dedicated to my beta, the wonderful
nightrider101.
After all the years he’s lived, after all the times he’s done this before, Jack Harkness is aware that he really has no reason, no excuse for feeling this nervous. He still does. He was nervous the last time, and the time before - a certain tension is necessary, natural and simply part of the fun. It is, after all, a big step to make, something that will shape the rest of two lives. Only it won’t, not for him. It will mark a part of his existence, be nothing more than an episode in his endless life. The last time it has been the same, but he’s still been exited, nervous, and so full of love that he has thought it would last forever. Somehow it would, if only in his heart.
But it hasn’t. He’s thought he’d always keep that love he felt then, and he loves her even now, so many years after she’s been buried, but the feeling has faded, has become a memory. She is a closed chapter now, and this time he knows from the beginning that one day the man standing beside him will be as well. There are no illusions. Just joy and happiness and the determination to make this time a good one while it lasts.
And yet it feels so important, so inevitable. It feels like something ending.
Jack has never been someone to be bound to only one person, but his partner understands. He won’t have to give up his way of life, the way of his time, his world, if only he always comes back home in the end. This is a much bigger step for the other man, who will give him the best part of his life, and Jack doesn’t understand why he feels like running.
It mixes with the excitement and he pushes everything else away and grins at Ianto like a boy who stole a cookie from the cookie jar. Ianto looks splendid today - of course he always does, but today there is something special about him in his new suit, and Jack thinks that it may be his own excitement, his own happiness that lets him shine.
Apart from that this kind of clothes are really what suit him best.
The priest is saying the final words and Jack turns to beam at the audience, at Gwen and Rhys, Owen, Toshiko and all the others that have come for their wedding. Gwen is grinning back at him, and he hasn’t seen Tosh smile like that in a long time. Owen does his best to seem bored and annoyed in his jeans and t-shirt but doesn’t quite succeed.
Martha hasn’t been able to make it but there are a lot of old friends Jack has invited, what remains of Ianto’s family and some friends Jack hasn’t even known his lover has. There are lots of things he still doesn’t know about Ianto, but he now has years to find out.
In the last row on Jack’s side sits a middle-aged woman with her husband and children. Jack has known her late father in a way her mother never learned about. The memory would have drawn a wistful smile on his lips on any other day, but right now it is lost in the grin that seems to eat his face.
They know him simply as a friend of the family.
In the row before them are two guys Jack has worked with before he became leader of Torchwood, a young woman he can’t put anywhere but wouldn’t mind getting to know better and a tall, skinny guy in a pinstriped suit.
Dark eyes watch him beneath ruffled hair and there is a soft, amused smile on his face while Jack’s own smile fades and he feels like falling. He quickly looks away but it still takes far too long. When he finally focuses his gaze on Ianto again he needs a moment to remember where he is and what is going on - it feels like reality has shifted, just a bit, and he is now in a different world than one moment before.
He notices his lover looking at the audience himself, but his expression never changes and Jack can’t tell if he knows and can’t bring himself to really care. Then Ianto looks back at him for a long moment with his unchanging eyes and Jack feels naked and helpless and wants to run for reasons that have nothing to do with guilt.
He looks down at their hands when Ianto wraps his fingers around Jack’s, an anchor to the things that are. When he looks up he is smiling again, and winks at the priest when he finishes his speech and asks the question.
And when Jack speaks the words “I do” it feels like a victory.
A bitter one.
-
“That’s quite a pleasant surprise,” Jack says later though he isn’t sure it is. “You’re about the last person I expected to come to my wedding.”
“I didn’t,” the Doctor admits. “I came looking for you because I need your help.”
“What’s wrong?” Jack has his mind set on business in a second. “Is this personal or do you need me to save the world?”
“The world,” the Doctor says with a smile. He doesn’t seem to be in a hurry. There is a threat to his adopted planet but instead of showing up to drag Jack from his wedding after a dramatic entrance he took the time to sit down in the audience and wait until it was over.
Afterwards he wandered outside and waited until Jack came to him. He seems calm, relaxed, if anything slightly amused by the situation he found when he came here. But even if it might not be imminent there is danger somewhere. He wouldn’t be here if there wasn’t.
“I’ll go get my team,” Jack says. Neither of them will be thrilled, but Torchwood never rests. The immortal almost rolls his eyes at the thought - when has his life become an advertising slogan?
He remembers Gwen’s wedding, so many years ago. Shapeshifters, fake pregnancies, mothers-in-law and a lot of retcon. Looking back it seems like more fun that it actually was.
Maybe one day one of his team will be able to marry without producing more adrenaline than the act in itself requires anyway.
He turns to go inside and a hand, long and fine-boned, wraps around his arm to hold him back.
“Just you,” the Doctor tells him. “You’d lose them.”
“That dangerous?” He feels the other’s fingers even after he’s withdrawn his hand. The Doctor makes a gesture that could mean anything.
“Not exactly. Well. Any human would die. Well, probably. Most likely, I’d say. Anyway, we won’t need them. I only need a second man and that would be you. There’s no need to endanger them. I mean, there’d be a critical risk of your marriage being a rather short one.”
Jack is glad he has married a member of Torchwood, someone who understands. Or his marriage might indeed have been shortened by the simple fact that he will leave right after the marriage vows.
“Any chance of postponing this until tomorrow?” he asks. The Doctor grimaces.
“Jack, the planet is about to blow up. This is a little more important than giving you the time to consummate your marriage, as I believe you have done many times before.”
‘But you still gave me enough time to exchange rings with another man,’ Jack thinks, and says:
“You were patient enough earlier.”
The Doctor shrugs.
“I didn’t want to take this from you.” He speaks casually but he’s not looking at Jack and the human can’t help wondering if maybe the Time Lord has said more than he could hear.
Then the Doctor’s gaze focuses on something behind Jack and his face lights up.
“Hello, you must be Ianto!” he exclaims and reaches out to shake Ianto’s hand when he appears at Jack’s side. Two hands wrap around each other briefly and Jack finds himself fascinated by the Doctor’s fingernails. “I’ve heard a lot about you! Well,” the Doctor shrugs again, “most of it in the past twenty minutes, but anyway. Nice to meet you!”
“And you,” Ianto replies politely. “Anything wrong?” The question is meant for both of them. The Doctor answers before Jack can open his mouth.
“Oh, nothing, really. Just some death and destruction, but we’re working on averting that. I fear I have to borrow your husband for a moment, but you’ll get him back in no time.”
“I’m coming with you,” Ianto states. He doesn’t ask what’s going on, and Jack is aware that he also hasn’t asked who the Doctor is. Maybe he will do it tonight, when they are alone. Maybe he won’t.
“You can’t,” the Doctor says, turning serious in an instant. “You’d die.”
“And we can’t have that,” Jack adds quickly. He bends down to kiss his partner and it lasts longer than he planned. Long enough for the Doctor to clear his throat impatiently.
“I’ll be back soon,” Jack promises. “This is an emergency but we can handle it on our own. Tell the others.”
Ianto watches him with a frown. He doesn’t like this, but he doesn’t protest. Just nods.
Through the open doors Jack spots Gwen chatting to Toshiko. Even from here he can see the one white streak that runs through the Asian woman’s hair. She never bothered to dye it and Jack always thought that aging made her more attractive than ever. His team is still criminally good-looking but the number of wrinkles have increased in the faces of everyone save Owen who, just like him, will never change and still be around when all the others are gone.
Jack often joked that Ianto looks better with every passing year, and he does - still, watching him standing there in his new black suit and his neatly cut greying hair in front of the thin, ruffled appearance of the only Time Lord in existence Jack wonders if he’s waited too long.
He winks at his husband with a quick “Don’t start the wedding night without me” and turns to follow the Doctor who is already leaving.
-
The TARDIS is standing in the parking lot. It looks so ridiculous and yet so natural that Jack needs a moment to realise a phone box from the sixtieth is a little out of place here.
The TARDIS seems never out of place to him. No matter where they are.
To his surprise the Doctor ignores the blue box and walks over to the vehicle of the team, opening it from a distance by pointing his screwdriver at it. Jack hopes no one has seen that - it wouldn’t do for their reputation if everyone knew a car that has the word TORCHWOOD written on it in bold letters could be opened with such a simple looking tool.
“It’s not far then, I gather?” Jack cleverly deduces while taking his place at the passenger seat.
“Just around the corner. I’m surprised you and your friends haven’t stumbled over it yet.”
“What is it?”
“Wreck of a Trakarian war ship. Just the kind of thing you’d expect to end up in Cardiff, really. The core is unstable and will vaporise the planet if it explodes, which will happen in about two days, give or take.”
Jack looks at the Doctor, the window framing his dark outline in front of the bright sky. Watches him turn the wheel and change gear and look over his shoulder before driving round a corner.
“Give or take what?” he asks.
“One day?” The Doctor parks the car at the side of the street and opens his door. “One and a half? It’s a bit hard to tell. Hence the postponed celebration.”
“You should have told me the moment you found me.” Jack’s words are harsher than they have a right to be. The Doctor would never endanger the planet for his benefit, so if he’s let Jack get married first then there was enough time for it. The captain has no excuse for feeling betrayed.
“Here we are,” the Doctor tells him, as if Jack hadn’t spoken.
-
It seems the Trakarian ship has been here for quite a while, as the humans have built a city on top of it. The core has been damaged when it crashed but still it took a few centuries before it went critical. Jack has to admire the Trakarians and their work. Their ships have been famous for their duration and highly sought-after after the people who’ve build them have lost their war and became extinct in a matter of five generations.
There are no corpses in the empty vessel - time has removed them long ago. The systems aren’t working; it’s dark, the air smells stale. Only the strong electric torch Jack has taken from the car is providing some illumination, but the corridors are clear and the Doctor seems to know where to go.
They are alone here, cut off from the world. There is nothing to threaten them but the radiation surrounding the core that would kill any normal human being in a matter of seconds. For Jack it will be merely slightly unpleasant - he didn’t even have to change clothes to protect his good suit, which if fortunate since he hasn’t brought anything to change into. He’d have to run naked through the darkness at the Doctor side, and given the other events of this day the Time Lord would probably consider that slightly inappropriate.
Or he simply wouldn’t consider anything at all.
Jack doesn’t have to worry about his friend, knowing that he can take radiation even higher than this. He still worries, would like to let the Doctor stay behind while he takes care of the core himself, but they need two people for it. In his hand Jack feels the weight of the device the Doctor has given him, something that would have been a weapon had it been created by anyone else.
Jack watches the Doctor’s back as he walks through the darkness before him and thinks of Gallifrey. Of legends.
In the engine room there is light, shining from the walls in an orange glow. Jack doesn’t switch off the torch since the moment they’ll eliminate the core the light will be gone.
The core is surprisingly small - a globe of energy two metres in diameter, set half a metre deep into the ground and surrounded by a frame of black metal. They stand on either side of it, facing each other. Jack places the device following the Doctor’s instructions while the Time Lord is doing the same on his side. It clinks softly when it touches the ring around his finger.
They have to press the single button on it simultaneously and the entire globe will be transported into empty space where it can explode all it wants. In theory.
“You’re sure this is safe?” Jack asks, painfully aware that he is the only truly immortal one in this room.
“Don’t worry,” the Doctor answers, and his voice is quiet in the dead vessel. “You’ll be back with your friends in time for the first dance.”
Over the frame of the core their eyes meet and Jack finally realises what the Doctor already knew.
“You said the Master was your friend once,” he hears his own voice when he’s never decided to speak. “What changed that?”
“Push the button,” the Doctor orders. “On three. One, two - now!”
Jack pushed the button and it’s dark.
-
The core disappears and there is no explosion. Instead there is a wave of energy knocking Jack backwards so hard that he hits one of the pipes running through the room at a fatal angle and breaks his neck.
He draws his first breath, his lungs full of air that doesn’t seem to contain enough oxygen. The darkness makes him feel claustrophobic, confuses him. For one second he fights panic.
The floor is all dirty. Seems like he managed to ruin his suit after all.
“Doctor?”
In the all consuming darkness he notices for the first time how his voice is echoing ever so slightly.
“Doctor?”
There is no reply.
The fear makes him feels sick. His hands are trembling as are his legs when he pushes himself upright, feels for a way over to the other side of the room. He has no sense of direction in this blackness. His hands blindly search for anything to hold on to. When he nearly falls into the hole left where the core has been he knows at least that he’s found the right direction.
Jack feels his way around it, listening for any sound, anything at all. His heart is pounding in his throat, in his fingertips.
Eventually he drops to the ground, starts roaming over the floor with his hands. An eternity passes on his broken internal clock before his fingers make contact with cloth, wrap around the bony leg beneath it. There is no reaction from the Doctor when Jack’s hands travel up his body, noting every bone and angle. He has no voice to call out.
His hands are shaking too much to be as careful as they should be as he touches the Doctor’s neck to see if it is broken. It isn’t, and Jack’s hands are buried in that wonderful, thick hair one second later that slides softly through his fingers. His fingertips trail over the cool skin of his face, find high cheekbones, a narrow nose and finally lips that are slightly parted and the faint breath that escapes them. The Doctor stirs one second too late to witness Jack’s sob of relief.
“Are you hurt?” the human asks softly, and the Doctor moans.
“Just bumped my head,” he answers. Jack helps him when he struggles to his feet, and for a few seconds his slight frame rests against Jack’s strong body and Jack feels him tremble. Then the Time Lord pulls himself together and when the contact is lost Jack is left alone in the darkness.
“What about you?” the Doctor asks from where Jack’s can’t see him.
“I’m fine,” he assures. “But the shockwave killed the torch.”
They need to find a way out of here, in this blackness. Jack is stuck by the vision of losing the Doctor, of wandering through the vast ship forever. Of finding his way out after centuries and return to a world in which everyone he knew is long gone.
Cool fingers wrap around his without fumbling.
“Don’t worry.” The Doctor’s voice is quiet and calm. “I know the way.”
-
Jack can’t tell if the Doctor can see in the dark or if he merely remembers the way, every turn they made, the exact number of steps. The way out seems to bee much longer than the way in but the Doctor leads him by the hand and never falters in his steps. The sun is just beginning to set when they return to the surface.
Before they walk back to the car the Doctor seals the ship off, lets it return to its endless sleep. This place will never again see light of any kind, Jack suddenly realises, with an unexpected feeling of sadness. Something has ended here. The hatch closes with a soft click of finality.
Then they’re in the car again and the world passes by behind the windows.
“I ruined my suit,” Jack states when the silence becomes too thick. It’s not like he has nothing to say to the Doctor. It’s like he doesn’t have the right to.
“It’s black,“ the Doctor answers lightly. “No one will notice.”
Ianto will. He won’t complain, of course, but he’ll notice. Ianto always does.
“It says a lot about the life you’re leading that you wouldn’t give a ruined wedding suit any second thought,” Jack muses.
“It says a lot about the life you’ve chosen that you do.”
Jack turns his head - the Doctor is smiling.
Did I make a mistake? Jack wants to ask, the words already on his tongue. Can I go back?
But no. He’s made his decision because the decision had to be made. He’s won the battle and now he can’t fight the feeling that he’s lost more than he has gained.
For the better part of two centuries Jack has wandered this world as a stranger. Yet it wasn’t the fact that he is from another time that has kept him from finding a home here, it was the fact that all the years he’s been waiting for the Doctor. Even when he decided to abandon him for the sake of his team he knew his time for Torchwood was but an interlude.
“I’m trying to belong,” he says quietly and sees the Doctor nod out of the corner of his eye.
“I know.”
He’s already let go. And it has been so hard, but Jack hasn’t even realised it until much later. Only now does he know why he’s placed a ring around the finger of a man he loves and felt like he’d just placed his most prized possession into the river to watch it drift away.
They don’t speak another word until the Doctor stops the car and they leave it where they took it hours ago. Judging from the number of cars in the parking lot most of the guests seem to be still there.
The Doctor fishes for his key, aiming for the TARDIS, but Jack holds him back, knowing it to be a mistake.
“You promised my husband I would be back in time,” he says with a lightness he doesn’t feel. “So make sure I really get there.”
The Doctor looks over to the main entrance of the building, the soft breeze playing with his hair.
“It’s fifty metres, Jack,” he states. “I have confidence in your ability to get there without help.”
“A lot can happen in fifty metres,” Jack reminds him, and the Doctor sighs and lets himself be dragged along.
-
There’s a lot of cheer when Jack enters, and he’s bribed into pulling Ianto along for the first dance right away, not that he’d mind. His partner doesn’t say anything but Jack can tell from his frown that he’s noticed the stains on his suit. Just like he knew he would. The captain smiles to himself, a little amused, a little fond. Gwen and Toshiko are cheering for them and clapping. Gwen is leaning against Rhys, already a bit drunk, and Tosh is standing too close to Owen to not look like a couple. Everyone in the crowd it standing in pairs or in groups. The Doctor is leaning against the bar between one group and the next, watching them with a smile. Jack knows him too well not to see how much he wishes to be elsewhere.
Jack wants to belong, because it hurts not to. Dragging the Doctor here was nothing short of cruel and he wonders why he’s done it. It’s not like he’ll never see him again. But the Time Lord let him do it, and Jack wonders if once again his old friend understands something he doesn’t.
The music ends and the rest of the team joins them after a final kiss that lingered and earned them even more applause. There are congratulations and hugs and Ianto is happily embarrassed in that cute way of his that earns him teasing from Owen. In short words Jack has to explain where he’d gone, what he’s been doing. He doesn’t mention his death, since it’s not really worth mentioning and dying on his wedding day could be interpreted as a sign of bad luck.
He dances with Gwen and is pleased to see that he doesn’t have to kick Owen into asking Tosh. Then Gwen dances with Ianto and Jack watches them with almost all the attention they deserve, thinking about how much he loves these people, how important they are to him. And he can’t bear leaving the Doctor on his own in this crowd of happy people any longer.
The Time Lord still owes him a dance after all.
Jack is leading, but he knows it’s only because the Doctor allows him to. He’s making all the decisions today and the Doctor lets himself be dragged along: It’s your life. Your choice. I don’t have any part in this.
They’re pressed together but it’s not intimate - the distance the Doctor never let him cross reminds Jack why his decision was the right one. He tries not to memorize the feeling of the Doctor’s hipbone moving beneath clothing and his palm.
Whenever he needs him to solve a problem, to save the world the Time Lord will come to him. They will work together in the future as they have in the past. The change is subtle. But Jack knows that he will never again be offered a trip in the TARDIS and the Doctor knows he’ll never come with him. This is his home now, his family, his first priority. And when they’re gone, Ianto and Gwen and all his friends, there will be others to devote his life to. Neither of them will have two hearts. And while he feels the Doctor’s soft breath on the side of his neck Jack’s single one breaks a little, without reason. He’s done the only right thing and should feel proud.
He’s losing a friend.
Consolation he seeks in the knowledge that his life is infinite and so nothing is forever. For him there will always be second chances. This isn’t final. It isn’t an end.
The thought doesn’t ease the feeling of loss since he knows it isn’t true. There will be no going back. He’s set fire to all his bridges and now they are burning on both ends. All he can do is watch the flames.
They burn his feet while he dances.
-
It seems too soon to let go when Ianto steps up to them but it will never get any easier and in the end this is what it’s all about. Jack suppresses any sign of his surprise when his lawfully wedded husband takes hold of the Doctor’s hand and pulls him close. The Doctor doesn’t.
“I know a lot of slightly toxic liquids have been consumed this day,” he states, “but I can’t believe your aim is that bad. Jack’s standing beside me.”
“I was aiming for you,” Ianto answers calmly, throwing a short look at Jack. “I thought I’d give him the chance to warn me about treating you right,” he says by way of explanation, making the Doctor snort.
“Jack can care for himself. And if you ever treat him wrong I wouldn’t want to be you. Seriously, he can be a pain.”
“I noticed,” Ianto smiles, and pushes the Doctor backwards, away from Jack who feels slightly lost and left behind. They talk quietly, their voices drowned out by the music, but Jack resists the urge to step closer, to listen. These words, as much as he wants to hear them, are not meant for him.
“They’d make a sweet couple too, don’t you think?” Gwen teases when she joins him but he doesn’t feel like joking. “Who is your friend?”
Jack watches them dance and Ianto sometimes glances at him from the distance but the Doctor never does.
“No one important,” he tells her. And nearly drops the glass she gave him when the dancers stop with the music and Ianto pulls the Doctor down to press a kiss to his lips that is almost chaste. He can’t see Ianto’s face from where he’s standing but the Doctor’s eyes widen before Ianto speaks and in the silence after the music Jack can hear his quiet “Thank you.”
The Doctor nods once.
“Good luck,” Jack hears him say before he turns to leave. For one second their eyes meet and the Doctor smiles at him, tips two fingers at his forehead in a mock salute.
Watching him go feels wrong - they will see each other again, many times, but still this is goodbye, and it is final. The Doctor has known before Jack did, but his eyes never told him anything and Jack can’t tell if he’s hurting him.
Behind him he hears laughter and doesn’t have to look to know it’s his team, his closest friends standing together to make fun of something or other, probably him. Jack smiles to himself and shakes his head. He turns to join them before the Doctor is out of sight.
March 15, 2008
Author:
vail_kagami
Challenge: Luck
Rating: G
Spoilers: Second series of Torchwood
Warnings: None
Summary: When the Doctor shows up at Jack's wedding marrying Ianto turns out to be a much bigger step than Jack thought it would be.
Notes: Dedicated to my beta, the wonderful
nightrider101.
After all the years he’s lived, after all the times he’s done this before, Jack Harkness is aware that he really has no reason, no excuse for feeling this nervous. He still does. He was nervous the last time, and the time before - a certain tension is necessary, natural and simply part of the fun. It is, after all, a big step to make, something that will shape the rest of two lives. Only it won’t, not for him. It will mark a part of his existence, be nothing more than an episode in his endless life. The last time it has been the same, but he’s still been exited, nervous, and so full of love that he has thought it would last forever. Somehow it would, if only in his heart.
But it hasn’t. He’s thought he’d always keep that love he felt then, and he loves her even now, so many years after she’s been buried, but the feeling has faded, has become a memory. She is a closed chapter now, and this time he knows from the beginning that one day the man standing beside him will be as well. There are no illusions. Just joy and happiness and the determination to make this time a good one while it lasts.
And yet it feels so important, so inevitable. It feels like something ending.
Jack has never been someone to be bound to only one person, but his partner understands. He won’t have to give up his way of life, the way of his time, his world, if only he always comes back home in the end. This is a much bigger step for the other man, who will give him the best part of his life, and Jack doesn’t understand why he feels like running.
It mixes with the excitement and he pushes everything else away and grins at Ianto like a boy who stole a cookie from the cookie jar. Ianto looks splendid today - of course he always does, but today there is something special about him in his new suit, and Jack thinks that it may be his own excitement, his own happiness that lets him shine.
Apart from that this kind of clothes are really what suit him best.
The priest is saying the final words and Jack turns to beam at the audience, at Gwen and Rhys, Owen, Toshiko and all the others that have come for their wedding. Gwen is grinning back at him, and he hasn’t seen Tosh smile like that in a long time. Owen does his best to seem bored and annoyed in his jeans and t-shirt but doesn’t quite succeed.
Martha hasn’t been able to make it but there are a lot of old friends Jack has invited, what remains of Ianto’s family and some friends Jack hasn’t even known his lover has. There are lots of things he still doesn’t know about Ianto, but he now has years to find out.
In the last row on Jack’s side sits a middle-aged woman with her husband and children. Jack has known her late father in a way her mother never learned about. The memory would have drawn a wistful smile on his lips on any other day, but right now it is lost in the grin that seems to eat his face.
They know him simply as a friend of the family.
In the row before them are two guys Jack has worked with before he became leader of Torchwood, a young woman he can’t put anywhere but wouldn’t mind getting to know better and a tall, skinny guy in a pinstriped suit.
Dark eyes watch him beneath ruffled hair and there is a soft, amused smile on his face while Jack’s own smile fades and he feels like falling. He quickly looks away but it still takes far too long. When he finally focuses his gaze on Ianto again he needs a moment to remember where he is and what is going on - it feels like reality has shifted, just a bit, and he is now in a different world than one moment before.
He notices his lover looking at the audience himself, but his expression never changes and Jack can’t tell if he knows and can’t bring himself to really care. Then Ianto looks back at him for a long moment with his unchanging eyes and Jack feels naked and helpless and wants to run for reasons that have nothing to do with guilt.
He looks down at their hands when Ianto wraps his fingers around Jack’s, an anchor to the things that are. When he looks up he is smiling again, and winks at the priest when he finishes his speech and asks the question.
And when Jack speaks the words “I do” it feels like a victory.
A bitter one.
-
“That’s quite a pleasant surprise,” Jack says later though he isn’t sure it is. “You’re about the last person I expected to come to my wedding.”
“I didn’t,” the Doctor admits. “I came looking for you because I need your help.”
“What’s wrong?” Jack has his mind set on business in a second. “Is this personal or do you need me to save the world?”
“The world,” the Doctor says with a smile. He doesn’t seem to be in a hurry. There is a threat to his adopted planet but instead of showing up to drag Jack from his wedding after a dramatic entrance he took the time to sit down in the audience and wait until it was over.
Afterwards he wandered outside and waited until Jack came to him. He seems calm, relaxed, if anything slightly amused by the situation he found when he came here. But even if it might not be imminent there is danger somewhere. He wouldn’t be here if there wasn’t.
“I’ll go get my team,” Jack says. Neither of them will be thrilled, but Torchwood never rests. The immortal almost rolls his eyes at the thought - when has his life become an advertising slogan?
He remembers Gwen’s wedding, so many years ago. Shapeshifters, fake pregnancies, mothers-in-law and a lot of retcon. Looking back it seems like more fun that it actually was.
Maybe one day one of his team will be able to marry without producing more adrenaline than the act in itself requires anyway.
He turns to go inside and a hand, long and fine-boned, wraps around his arm to hold him back.
“Just you,” the Doctor tells him. “You’d lose them.”
“That dangerous?” He feels the other’s fingers even after he’s withdrawn his hand. The Doctor makes a gesture that could mean anything.
“Not exactly. Well. Any human would die. Well, probably. Most likely, I’d say. Anyway, we won’t need them. I only need a second man and that would be you. There’s no need to endanger them. I mean, there’d be a critical risk of your marriage being a rather short one.”
Jack is glad he has married a member of Torchwood, someone who understands. Or his marriage might indeed have been shortened by the simple fact that he will leave right after the marriage vows.
“Any chance of postponing this until tomorrow?” he asks. The Doctor grimaces.
“Jack, the planet is about to blow up. This is a little more important than giving you the time to consummate your marriage, as I believe you have done many times before.”
‘But you still gave me enough time to exchange rings with another man,’ Jack thinks, and says:
“You were patient enough earlier.”
The Doctor shrugs.
“I didn’t want to take this from you.” He speaks casually but he’s not looking at Jack and the human can’t help wondering if maybe the Time Lord has said more than he could hear.
Then the Doctor’s gaze focuses on something behind Jack and his face lights up.
“Hello, you must be Ianto!” he exclaims and reaches out to shake Ianto’s hand when he appears at Jack’s side. Two hands wrap around each other briefly and Jack finds himself fascinated by the Doctor’s fingernails. “I’ve heard a lot about you! Well,” the Doctor shrugs again, “most of it in the past twenty minutes, but anyway. Nice to meet you!”
“And you,” Ianto replies politely. “Anything wrong?” The question is meant for both of them. The Doctor answers before Jack can open his mouth.
“Oh, nothing, really. Just some death and destruction, but we’re working on averting that. I fear I have to borrow your husband for a moment, but you’ll get him back in no time.”
“I’m coming with you,” Ianto states. He doesn’t ask what’s going on, and Jack is aware that he also hasn’t asked who the Doctor is. Maybe he will do it tonight, when they are alone. Maybe he won’t.
“You can’t,” the Doctor says, turning serious in an instant. “You’d die.”
“And we can’t have that,” Jack adds quickly. He bends down to kiss his partner and it lasts longer than he planned. Long enough for the Doctor to clear his throat impatiently.
“I’ll be back soon,” Jack promises. “This is an emergency but we can handle it on our own. Tell the others.”
Ianto watches him with a frown. He doesn’t like this, but he doesn’t protest. Just nods.
Through the open doors Jack spots Gwen chatting to Toshiko. Even from here he can see the one white streak that runs through the Asian woman’s hair. She never bothered to dye it and Jack always thought that aging made her more attractive than ever. His team is still criminally good-looking but the number of wrinkles have increased in the faces of everyone save Owen who, just like him, will never change and still be around when all the others are gone.
Jack often joked that Ianto looks better with every passing year, and he does - still, watching him standing there in his new black suit and his neatly cut greying hair in front of the thin, ruffled appearance of the only Time Lord in existence Jack wonders if he’s waited too long.
He winks at his husband with a quick “Don’t start the wedding night without me” and turns to follow the Doctor who is already leaving.
-
The TARDIS is standing in the parking lot. It looks so ridiculous and yet so natural that Jack needs a moment to realise a phone box from the sixtieth is a little out of place here.
The TARDIS seems never out of place to him. No matter where they are.
To his surprise the Doctor ignores the blue box and walks over to the vehicle of the team, opening it from a distance by pointing his screwdriver at it. Jack hopes no one has seen that - it wouldn’t do for their reputation if everyone knew a car that has the word TORCHWOOD written on it in bold letters could be opened with such a simple looking tool.
“It’s not far then, I gather?” Jack cleverly deduces while taking his place at the passenger seat.
“Just around the corner. I’m surprised you and your friends haven’t stumbled over it yet.”
“What is it?”
“Wreck of a Trakarian war ship. Just the kind of thing you’d expect to end up in Cardiff, really. The core is unstable and will vaporise the planet if it explodes, which will happen in about two days, give or take.”
Jack looks at the Doctor, the window framing his dark outline in front of the bright sky. Watches him turn the wheel and change gear and look over his shoulder before driving round a corner.
“Give or take what?” he asks.
“One day?” The Doctor parks the car at the side of the street and opens his door. “One and a half? It’s a bit hard to tell. Hence the postponed celebration.”
“You should have told me the moment you found me.” Jack’s words are harsher than they have a right to be. The Doctor would never endanger the planet for his benefit, so if he’s let Jack get married first then there was enough time for it. The captain has no excuse for feeling betrayed.
“Here we are,” the Doctor tells him, as if Jack hadn’t spoken.
-
It seems the Trakarian ship has been here for quite a while, as the humans have built a city on top of it. The core has been damaged when it crashed but still it took a few centuries before it went critical. Jack has to admire the Trakarians and their work. Their ships have been famous for their duration and highly sought-after after the people who’ve build them have lost their war and became extinct in a matter of five generations.
There are no corpses in the empty vessel - time has removed them long ago. The systems aren’t working; it’s dark, the air smells stale. Only the strong electric torch Jack has taken from the car is providing some illumination, but the corridors are clear and the Doctor seems to know where to go.
They are alone here, cut off from the world. There is nothing to threaten them but the radiation surrounding the core that would kill any normal human being in a matter of seconds. For Jack it will be merely slightly unpleasant - he didn’t even have to change clothes to protect his good suit, which if fortunate since he hasn’t brought anything to change into. He’d have to run naked through the darkness at the Doctor side, and given the other events of this day the Time Lord would probably consider that slightly inappropriate.
Or he simply wouldn’t consider anything at all.
Jack doesn’t have to worry about his friend, knowing that he can take radiation even higher than this. He still worries, would like to let the Doctor stay behind while he takes care of the core himself, but they need two people for it. In his hand Jack feels the weight of the device the Doctor has given him, something that would have been a weapon had it been created by anyone else.
Jack watches the Doctor’s back as he walks through the darkness before him and thinks of Gallifrey. Of legends.
In the engine room there is light, shining from the walls in an orange glow. Jack doesn’t switch off the torch since the moment they’ll eliminate the core the light will be gone.
The core is surprisingly small - a globe of energy two metres in diameter, set half a metre deep into the ground and surrounded by a frame of black metal. They stand on either side of it, facing each other. Jack places the device following the Doctor’s instructions while the Time Lord is doing the same on his side. It clinks softly when it touches the ring around his finger.
They have to press the single button on it simultaneously and the entire globe will be transported into empty space where it can explode all it wants. In theory.
“You’re sure this is safe?” Jack asks, painfully aware that he is the only truly immortal one in this room.
“Don’t worry,” the Doctor answers, and his voice is quiet in the dead vessel. “You’ll be back with your friends in time for the first dance.”
Over the frame of the core their eyes meet and Jack finally realises what the Doctor already knew.
“You said the Master was your friend once,” he hears his own voice when he’s never decided to speak. “What changed that?”
“Push the button,” the Doctor orders. “On three. One, two - now!”
Jack pushed the button and it’s dark.
-
The core disappears and there is no explosion. Instead there is a wave of energy knocking Jack backwards so hard that he hits one of the pipes running through the room at a fatal angle and breaks his neck.
He draws his first breath, his lungs full of air that doesn’t seem to contain enough oxygen. The darkness makes him feel claustrophobic, confuses him. For one second he fights panic.
The floor is all dirty. Seems like he managed to ruin his suit after all.
“Doctor?”
In the all consuming darkness he notices for the first time how his voice is echoing ever so slightly.
“Doctor?”
There is no reply.
The fear makes him feels sick. His hands are trembling as are his legs when he pushes himself upright, feels for a way over to the other side of the room. He has no sense of direction in this blackness. His hands blindly search for anything to hold on to. When he nearly falls into the hole left where the core has been he knows at least that he’s found the right direction.
Jack feels his way around it, listening for any sound, anything at all. His heart is pounding in his throat, in his fingertips.
Eventually he drops to the ground, starts roaming over the floor with his hands. An eternity passes on his broken internal clock before his fingers make contact with cloth, wrap around the bony leg beneath it. There is no reaction from the Doctor when Jack’s hands travel up his body, noting every bone and angle. He has no voice to call out.
His hands are shaking too much to be as careful as they should be as he touches the Doctor’s neck to see if it is broken. It isn’t, and Jack’s hands are buried in that wonderful, thick hair one second later that slides softly through his fingers. His fingertips trail over the cool skin of his face, find high cheekbones, a narrow nose and finally lips that are slightly parted and the faint breath that escapes them. The Doctor stirs one second too late to witness Jack’s sob of relief.
“Are you hurt?” the human asks softly, and the Doctor moans.
“Just bumped my head,” he answers. Jack helps him when he struggles to his feet, and for a few seconds his slight frame rests against Jack’s strong body and Jack feels him tremble. Then the Time Lord pulls himself together and when the contact is lost Jack is left alone in the darkness.
“What about you?” the Doctor asks from where Jack’s can’t see him.
“I’m fine,” he assures. “But the shockwave killed the torch.”
They need to find a way out of here, in this blackness. Jack is stuck by the vision of losing the Doctor, of wandering through the vast ship forever. Of finding his way out after centuries and return to a world in which everyone he knew is long gone.
Cool fingers wrap around his without fumbling.
“Don’t worry.” The Doctor’s voice is quiet and calm. “I know the way.”
-
Jack can’t tell if the Doctor can see in the dark or if he merely remembers the way, every turn they made, the exact number of steps. The way out seems to bee much longer than the way in but the Doctor leads him by the hand and never falters in his steps. The sun is just beginning to set when they return to the surface.
Before they walk back to the car the Doctor seals the ship off, lets it return to its endless sleep. This place will never again see light of any kind, Jack suddenly realises, with an unexpected feeling of sadness. Something has ended here. The hatch closes with a soft click of finality.
Then they’re in the car again and the world passes by behind the windows.
“I ruined my suit,” Jack states when the silence becomes too thick. It’s not like he has nothing to say to the Doctor. It’s like he doesn’t have the right to.
“It’s black,“ the Doctor answers lightly. “No one will notice.”
Ianto will. He won’t complain, of course, but he’ll notice. Ianto always does.
“It says a lot about the life you’re leading that you wouldn’t give a ruined wedding suit any second thought,” Jack muses.
“It says a lot about the life you’ve chosen that you do.”
Jack turns his head - the Doctor is smiling.
Did I make a mistake? Jack wants to ask, the words already on his tongue. Can I go back?
But no. He’s made his decision because the decision had to be made. He’s won the battle and now he can’t fight the feeling that he’s lost more than he has gained.
For the better part of two centuries Jack has wandered this world as a stranger. Yet it wasn’t the fact that he is from another time that has kept him from finding a home here, it was the fact that all the years he’s been waiting for the Doctor. Even when he decided to abandon him for the sake of his team he knew his time for Torchwood was but an interlude.
“I’m trying to belong,” he says quietly and sees the Doctor nod out of the corner of his eye.
“I know.”
He’s already let go. And it has been so hard, but Jack hasn’t even realised it until much later. Only now does he know why he’s placed a ring around the finger of a man he loves and felt like he’d just placed his most prized possession into the river to watch it drift away.
They don’t speak another word until the Doctor stops the car and they leave it where they took it hours ago. Judging from the number of cars in the parking lot most of the guests seem to be still there.
The Doctor fishes for his key, aiming for the TARDIS, but Jack holds him back, knowing it to be a mistake.
“You promised my husband I would be back in time,” he says with a lightness he doesn’t feel. “So make sure I really get there.”
The Doctor looks over to the main entrance of the building, the soft breeze playing with his hair.
“It’s fifty metres, Jack,” he states. “I have confidence in your ability to get there without help.”
“A lot can happen in fifty metres,” Jack reminds him, and the Doctor sighs and lets himself be dragged along.
-
There’s a lot of cheer when Jack enters, and he’s bribed into pulling Ianto along for the first dance right away, not that he’d mind. His partner doesn’t say anything but Jack can tell from his frown that he’s noticed the stains on his suit. Just like he knew he would. The captain smiles to himself, a little amused, a little fond. Gwen and Toshiko are cheering for them and clapping. Gwen is leaning against Rhys, already a bit drunk, and Tosh is standing too close to Owen to not look like a couple. Everyone in the crowd it standing in pairs or in groups. The Doctor is leaning against the bar between one group and the next, watching them with a smile. Jack knows him too well not to see how much he wishes to be elsewhere.
Jack wants to belong, because it hurts not to. Dragging the Doctor here was nothing short of cruel and he wonders why he’s done it. It’s not like he’ll never see him again. But the Time Lord let him do it, and Jack wonders if once again his old friend understands something he doesn’t.
The music ends and the rest of the team joins them after a final kiss that lingered and earned them even more applause. There are congratulations and hugs and Ianto is happily embarrassed in that cute way of his that earns him teasing from Owen. In short words Jack has to explain where he’d gone, what he’s been doing. He doesn’t mention his death, since it’s not really worth mentioning and dying on his wedding day could be interpreted as a sign of bad luck.
He dances with Gwen and is pleased to see that he doesn’t have to kick Owen into asking Tosh. Then Gwen dances with Ianto and Jack watches them with almost all the attention they deserve, thinking about how much he loves these people, how important they are to him. And he can’t bear leaving the Doctor on his own in this crowd of happy people any longer.
The Time Lord still owes him a dance after all.
Jack is leading, but he knows it’s only because the Doctor allows him to. He’s making all the decisions today and the Doctor lets himself be dragged along: It’s your life. Your choice. I don’t have any part in this.
They’re pressed together but it’s not intimate - the distance the Doctor never let him cross reminds Jack why his decision was the right one. He tries not to memorize the feeling of the Doctor’s hipbone moving beneath clothing and his palm.
Whenever he needs him to solve a problem, to save the world the Time Lord will come to him. They will work together in the future as they have in the past. The change is subtle. But Jack knows that he will never again be offered a trip in the TARDIS and the Doctor knows he’ll never come with him. This is his home now, his family, his first priority. And when they’re gone, Ianto and Gwen and all his friends, there will be others to devote his life to. Neither of them will have two hearts. And while he feels the Doctor’s soft breath on the side of his neck Jack’s single one breaks a little, without reason. He’s done the only right thing and should feel proud.
He’s losing a friend.
Consolation he seeks in the knowledge that his life is infinite and so nothing is forever. For him there will always be second chances. This isn’t final. It isn’t an end.
The thought doesn’t ease the feeling of loss since he knows it isn’t true. There will be no going back. He’s set fire to all his bridges and now they are burning on both ends. All he can do is watch the flames.
They burn his feet while he dances.
-
It seems too soon to let go when Ianto steps up to them but it will never get any easier and in the end this is what it’s all about. Jack suppresses any sign of his surprise when his lawfully wedded husband takes hold of the Doctor’s hand and pulls him close. The Doctor doesn’t.
“I know a lot of slightly toxic liquids have been consumed this day,” he states, “but I can’t believe your aim is that bad. Jack’s standing beside me.”
“I was aiming for you,” Ianto answers calmly, throwing a short look at Jack. “I thought I’d give him the chance to warn me about treating you right,” he says by way of explanation, making the Doctor snort.
“Jack can care for himself. And if you ever treat him wrong I wouldn’t want to be you. Seriously, he can be a pain.”
“I noticed,” Ianto smiles, and pushes the Doctor backwards, away from Jack who feels slightly lost and left behind. They talk quietly, their voices drowned out by the music, but Jack resists the urge to step closer, to listen. These words, as much as he wants to hear them, are not meant for him.
“They’d make a sweet couple too, don’t you think?” Gwen teases when she joins him but he doesn’t feel like joking. “Who is your friend?”
Jack watches them dance and Ianto sometimes glances at him from the distance but the Doctor never does.
“No one important,” he tells her. And nearly drops the glass she gave him when the dancers stop with the music and Ianto pulls the Doctor down to press a kiss to his lips that is almost chaste. He can’t see Ianto’s face from where he’s standing but the Doctor’s eyes widen before Ianto speaks and in the silence after the music Jack can hear his quiet “Thank you.”
The Doctor nods once.
“Good luck,” Jack hears him say before he turns to leave. For one second their eyes meet and the Doctor smiles at him, tips two fingers at his forehead in a mock salute.
Watching him go feels wrong - they will see each other again, many times, but still this is goodbye, and it is final. The Doctor has known before Jack did, but his eyes never told him anything and Jack can’t tell if he’s hurting him.
Behind him he hears laughter and doesn’t have to look to know it’s his team, his closest friends standing together to make fun of something or other, probably him. Jack smiles to himself and shakes his head. He turns to join them before the Doctor is out of sight.
March 15, 2008