Still Steps
Title: still steps
Pairing: Taemin/Sulli (Taemin/Krystal; Kai/Sulli, Kai/Krystal)
Genre: Romance/Angst
Rating: PG
Summary: It would have been better if I’ve learned from the beginning. But I didn’t, did I?
► Dedicated to aoza, who triggered the angst bunny.
Don’t worry falsefallacy, I’ll come up with your angst fic soon.
btw, the fic's syle kind of run backwards and I haven't particularly tried this kind of writing before. Past tense in between, present ones in Kai and Sulli, indicating that it's really the present.
There never is a rule, written or spoken anywhere as she knows, that happens to say you aren’t allowed to cry. Even as babies, humans cry, not because they want to, but because they can, out of the need of something. Crying, it’s probably the only thing she can think of right then and there when she knows she can’t fix things anymore. And that happens just about every time. Even when she tells herself, promises herself that she won’t cry anymore, she still does, and it gets worse too. She even thinks it’s already a problem, anxiety disorder or something -whatever the fuck it is, it isn’t like anybody cared. If other people sing or paint or write to express the woes of their everyday lives, Choi Jinri prefers crying over those things. It’s easy and doesn’t require much talent either.
Flaws, they are always there and day by day, people are starting to see them. Jinri tries to be the perfect daughter, the perfect best friend, the perfect everything--- and that she has been there one point in time --- but now everything seems to be wrong and falling apart. She looks up at the fair blue sky and wonders how exactly it starts to be this way.
“Eh, you all right?”
She smiles. “Yeah.”
He doesn’t. “Doesn’t look like it.”
Jinri sighs. “I am all right, Jongin.”
It isn’t particularly romantic, cloud-watching she thinks, but it’s actually worth passing the time by as Jongin likes to sleep under this weird looking tree just after every break and she finds it soothing, a dreamy kind of soothing and he usually likes to spend it with her (instead of the other boys in the company).
They both lie down, heads touching each other (almost but not quite because of a rock in between). For some reason she misses someone; as the hazy dragging cloud passes, Jinri reaches for the sky with her hand, and waits patiently until she falls asleep.
“Everything I’ve ever wanted.”
“You’re too young to be in love.”
“But that makes two of us, now doesn’t it?”
She missed him. Taemin was ahead of the two of them, Jinri and Jongin, because he got to debut now, in a group and he was the maknae, and they were raking in money so fast it made the other groups jealous, the sunbaes and trainees jealous. Who would have thought ‘Noona, you’re so pretty’ could be the biggest thing in a few weeks? Certainly not the boys, but Jinri was proud of him. She said so herself, when they’ve met one time in the staircase.
They were already awkward then when he debuted, in those blue skinny jeans and loose sleeveless top and some shoes that glimmer in the dark. She made fun of this fashion a day earlier and received a quiet frown.
“Congrats on your debut, Taemin-oppa.”
He smiled as both of them sat on the staircase, and not where they were supposed to be by that time of night. “Soon it’ll be your turn, right?”
Jinri nodded. “Right. The end of the salvage.”
Training always was referred to as salvage, only by the two of them, as anybody’s manager would scold them if they heard such kind of disgrace. And then as he was about to get up and turn back to the party, she had her hand gripping on his wrist.
“Hey, I thought you said nothing would change.”
“But they did,” he coldly replied, pulling slowly away, and hesitant to put his hand on her head like how they used to do it. Then again, this kind of gesture seemed already reserved for someone else. “We tried, Jinri.”
“I know.”
In fact, there wasn’t a day that they didn’t particularly try. Jinri was mostly the one doing all the harder work, always giving time for the other despite the treacherous pains of getting into stardom and basically the coming of age. It was that she was 13 while he was a year older, but that didn’t matter too much. They would have lunch together, Taemin walking Jinri home after practice. At school (since both went to the same Middle School and that time training got even more salvage-y) too, they would share bottles of water to drink if the other one ran out, and lend each other pencils or brushes for art class. A big brother thing the others always assumed, but Taemin and Jinri chose otherwise, they knew what it felt like already.
They wanted to do so many things for each other. Jinri made an endless list (Taemin always found it to be quite long) of all the things they were ought to do, and yet they never got to doing any of them ever at all. Which brought Jinri the first heartache and Taemin even saw her cry.
“Don’t... do that.”
“Do what?” She wouldn’t look up, her hands holding the crumpled list as the tears wound up in the brim.
“Cry. It’s... really pathetic.”
She shook her head, gazing at him. “Yes, and you know what else is? This!” She threw the paper away. “You promised me we’ll try to finish them. We’ll try even when we’re tired. Because we love each other. And doing one was enough. But it’s been almost a year since we’ve started going out and not one. Not one of those pathetic things was ever done.”
He puffed his cheeks, getting up from the coach. “I’m going back to the boys’ dormitory.”
“You always run away,” she said right after, and Taemin before leaving turned around, sighing and planting a small kiss on her head.
“Sorry. I really am sorry. We’ll do it tomorrow,” he told her, arm over her shoulder. “It’s just that we’re both tired and we’re always busy. It’s not going all too well for us. I’ll be debuting soon and you know... But we’ll try. And we won’t let anything change.”
He lied to her. Jinri’s eyes couldn’t stop themselves from actually tearing up every now and then, but never when she was around him so that Taemin would always know nothing was wrong with her at all.
Then again, Taemin always knew that there were a bunch of wrong things in the world. He knew going out with Jinri would harm a piece of him he just was too afraid to admit it. That tiny feeling of guilt, seeing Jung Soojung the sweetest princess of their company and not going out with her instead, was completely ignored. Jinri was the one closest to him though and he always treasured every piece of memory and time he spent with her. He loved her, or as what he might have portrayed, because he always took care of her and he didn’t want her hurt or crying or anything for that matter. It wasn’t pity that brought them together, or at least that was what he liked to hear from himself. He found that --- at one point in time --- he had geniune feelings for her too.
It was a pride thing for Taemin, he knew, that he had to be with Jinri or else it was nothing. Or else perhaps, Soojung wouldn’t even give a single glance in his direction. He wouldn’t get noticed that fast, and since the two girls actually were the best of friends, he had most of the time looking cute during dates and he would sometimes request Jinri to call up Soojung to spend the afternoons with them (when practice was still loose).
Jinri liked to watch, how Taemin always moved in between her and her dearest friend, watching the fireworks together and watching the other sunbaes perform live in their concerts. It was fun really, at least for Taemin and Soojung and they let each other laugh out loud and have fun. At 12 Jinri hardly knew why she felt a little out of place, like another third wheel, so her grip on Taemin’s arm as they went outside was stronger than before, almost like a precaution. They were dating for a month, and still insecurity strike like a bad name when Taemin agreed to walk Soojung home (Jinri was asked to go with her Heechul-oppa after their concert).
Jinri didn’t mind. It wasn’t like her best friend would steal Taemin. Unless of course she went by the name of Jung Soojung.
Kim Jongin had this thing for Soojung in ages and everybody in the company knew that. Jinri knew that too, so she kept Soojung on the run about this new kid that got in recently. He was a new installment and he was just as great of a dancer as Taemin. Everybody knew that. When SHINee debuted, Jinri and Taemin were no longer together, and the lines went even more blurry when she cried by the staircase on one of the buildings in SM, and he already left for home without even walking her home like how they used to, Jongin comes out of the practice rooms, looking rather exhausted but more or less fine.
She was crying again, and nobody said she couldn’t. That was when he sat across her, just staring at her like the friend he was supposed to be (they weren’t close at all, Jinri even thought) until he cleared his throat.
“I’ll make you ice cream if you stop crying.”
Jinri looked up at curiousity and somewhat, in the dark and in her hazy vision she saw Taemin again. She bit her lips as she closed her eyes again, and saw none other than Jongin, his backpack by his shoulder. He handed his handkerchief to her in which she declined at first but accepted anyway.
“Thanks Jongin.”
“Come on, you look tired. Let’s get you home.”
“I don’t believe in love.”
“But you like Soojung nonetheless, don’t you?”
“I like you more now.”
It is at the top of the list, cloud-watching or star-gazing whichever is preferrable and more applicable. It may have appeared like a dream now, but as she opens her eyes someone else’s hands is over hers and they feel somewhat safer, secure and for once days are brighter and they can’t help but know and accept that this will have to do now. This little romance they entertain themselves, even when as they do touch Jinri thinks of Taemin and Jongin thinks of Soojung, and it’s a love thing they both know of each other yet never really cared too much to change it.
She learns that it's okay to cry since Jongin says that she can do it when he's around. It's better this way, keeping each other company even when the strings are just loosely attached.
Pairing: Taemin/Sulli (Taemin/Krystal; Kai/Sulli, Kai/Krystal)
Genre: Romance/Angst
Rating: PG
Summary: It would have been better if I’ve learned from the beginning. But I didn’t, did I?
► Dedicated to aoza, who triggered the angst bunny.
Don’t worry falsefallacy, I’ll come up with your angst fic soon.
btw, the fic's syle kind of run backwards and I haven't particularly tried this kind of writing before. Past tense in between, present ones in Kai and Sulli, indicating that it's really the present.
There never is a rule, written or spoken anywhere as she knows, that happens to say you aren’t allowed to cry. Even as babies, humans cry, not because they want to, but because they can, out of the need of something. Crying, it’s probably the only thing she can think of right then and there when she knows she can’t fix things anymore. And that happens just about every time. Even when she tells herself, promises herself that she won’t cry anymore, she still does, and it gets worse too. She even thinks it’s already a problem, anxiety disorder or something -whatever the fuck it is, it isn’t like anybody cared. If other people sing or paint or write to express the woes of their everyday lives, Choi Jinri prefers crying over those things. It’s easy and doesn’t require much talent either.
Flaws, they are always there and day by day, people are starting to see them. Jinri tries to be the perfect daughter, the perfect best friend, the perfect everything--- and that she has been there one point in time --- but now everything seems to be wrong and falling apart. She looks up at the fair blue sky and wonders how exactly it starts to be this way.
“Eh, you all right?”
She smiles. “Yeah.”
He doesn’t. “Doesn’t look like it.”
Jinri sighs. “I am all right, Jongin.”
It isn’t particularly romantic, cloud-watching she thinks, but it’s actually worth passing the time by as Jongin likes to sleep under this weird looking tree just after every break and she finds it soothing, a dreamy kind of soothing and he usually likes to spend it with her (instead of the other boys in the company).
They both lie down, heads touching each other (almost but not quite because of a rock in between). For some reason she misses someone; as the hazy dragging cloud passes, Jinri reaches for the sky with her hand, and waits patiently until she falls asleep.
“Everything I’ve ever wanted.”
“You’re too young to be in love.”
“But that makes two of us, now doesn’t it?”
She missed him. Taemin was ahead of the two of them, Jinri and Jongin, because he got to debut now, in a group and he was the maknae, and they were raking in money so fast it made the other groups jealous, the sunbaes and trainees jealous. Who would have thought ‘Noona, you’re so pretty’ could be the biggest thing in a few weeks? Certainly not the boys, but Jinri was proud of him. She said so herself, when they’ve met one time in the staircase.
They were already awkward then when he debuted, in those blue skinny jeans and loose sleeveless top and some shoes that glimmer in the dark. She made fun of this fashion a day earlier and received a quiet frown.
“Congrats on your debut, Taemin-oppa.”
He smiled as both of them sat on the staircase, and not where they were supposed to be by that time of night. “Soon it’ll be your turn, right?”
Jinri nodded. “Right. The end of the salvage.”
Training always was referred to as salvage, only by the two of them, as anybody’s manager would scold them if they heard such kind of disgrace. And then as he was about to get up and turn back to the party, she had her hand gripping on his wrist.
“Hey, I thought you said nothing would change.”
“But they did,” he coldly replied, pulling slowly away, and hesitant to put his hand on her head like how they used to do it. Then again, this kind of gesture seemed already reserved for someone else. “We tried, Jinri.”
“I know.”
In fact, there wasn’t a day that they didn’t particularly try. Jinri was mostly the one doing all the harder work, always giving time for the other despite the treacherous pains of getting into stardom and basically the coming of age. It was that she was 13 while he was a year older, but that didn’t matter too much. They would have lunch together, Taemin walking Jinri home after practice. At school (since both went to the same Middle School and that time training got even more salvage-y) too, they would share bottles of water to drink if the other one ran out, and lend each other pencils or brushes for art class. A big brother thing the others always assumed, but Taemin and Jinri chose otherwise, they knew what it felt like already.
They wanted to do so many things for each other. Jinri made an endless list (Taemin always found it to be quite long) of all the things they were ought to do, and yet they never got to doing any of them ever at all. Which brought Jinri the first heartache and Taemin even saw her cry.
“Don’t... do that.”
“Do what?” She wouldn’t look up, her hands holding the crumpled list as the tears wound up in the brim.
“Cry. It’s... really pathetic.”
She shook her head, gazing at him. “Yes, and you know what else is? This!” She threw the paper away. “You promised me we’ll try to finish them. We’ll try even when we’re tired. Because we love each other. And doing one was enough. But it’s been almost a year since we’ve started going out and not one. Not one of those pathetic things was ever done.”
He puffed his cheeks, getting up from the coach. “I’m going back to the boys’ dormitory.”
“You always run away,” she said right after, and Taemin before leaving turned around, sighing and planting a small kiss on her head.
“Sorry. I really am sorry. We’ll do it tomorrow,” he told her, arm over her shoulder. “It’s just that we’re both tired and we’re always busy. It’s not going all too well for us. I’ll be debuting soon and you know... But we’ll try. And we won’t let anything change.”
He lied to her. Jinri’s eyes couldn’t stop themselves from actually tearing up every now and then, but never when she was around him so that Taemin would always know nothing was wrong with her at all.
Then again, Taemin always knew that there were a bunch of wrong things in the world. He knew going out with Jinri would harm a piece of him he just was too afraid to admit it. That tiny feeling of guilt, seeing Jung Soojung the sweetest princess of their company and not going out with her instead, was completely ignored. Jinri was the one closest to him though and he always treasured every piece of memory and time he spent with her. He loved her, or as what he might have portrayed, because he always took care of her and he didn’t want her hurt or crying or anything for that matter. It wasn’t pity that brought them together, or at least that was what he liked to hear from himself. He found that --- at one point in time --- he had geniune feelings for her too.
It was a pride thing for Taemin, he knew, that he had to be with Jinri or else it was nothing. Or else perhaps, Soojung wouldn’t even give a single glance in his direction. He wouldn’t get noticed that fast, and since the two girls actually were the best of friends, he had most of the time looking cute during dates and he would sometimes request Jinri to call up Soojung to spend the afternoons with them (when practice was still loose).
Jinri liked to watch, how Taemin always moved in between her and her dearest friend, watching the fireworks together and watching the other sunbaes perform live in their concerts. It was fun really, at least for Taemin and Soojung and they let each other laugh out loud and have fun. At 12 Jinri hardly knew why she felt a little out of place, like another third wheel, so her grip on Taemin’s arm as they went outside was stronger than before, almost like a precaution. They were dating for a month, and still insecurity strike like a bad name when Taemin agreed to walk Soojung home (Jinri was asked to go with her Heechul-oppa after their concert).
Jinri didn’t mind. It wasn’t like her best friend would steal Taemin. Unless of course she went by the name of Jung Soojung.
Kim Jongin had this thing for Soojung in ages and everybody in the company knew that. Jinri knew that too, so she kept Soojung on the run about this new kid that got in recently. He was a new installment and he was just as great of a dancer as Taemin. Everybody knew that. When SHINee debuted, Jinri and Taemin were no longer together, and the lines went even more blurry when she cried by the staircase on one of the buildings in SM, and he already left for home without even walking her home like how they used to, Jongin comes out of the practice rooms, looking rather exhausted but more or less fine.
She was crying again, and nobody said she couldn’t. That was when he sat across her, just staring at her like the friend he was supposed to be (they weren’t close at all, Jinri even thought) until he cleared his throat.
“I’ll make you ice cream if you stop crying.”
Jinri looked up at curiousity and somewhat, in the dark and in her hazy vision she saw Taemin again. She bit her lips as she closed her eyes again, and saw none other than Jongin, his backpack by his shoulder. He handed his handkerchief to her in which she declined at first but accepted anyway.
“Thanks Jongin.”
“Come on, you look tired. Let’s get you home.”
“I don’t believe in love.”
“But you like Soojung nonetheless, don’t you?”
“I like you more now.”
It is at the top of the list, cloud-watching or star-gazing whichever is preferrable and more applicable. It may have appeared like a dream now, but as she opens her eyes someone else’s hands is over hers and they feel somewhat safer, secure and for once days are brighter and they can’t help but know and accept that this will have to do now. This little romance they entertain themselves, even when as they do touch Jinri thinks of Taemin and Jongin thinks of Soojung, and it’s a love thing they both know of each other yet never really cared too much to change it.
She learns that it's okay to cry since Jongin says that she can do it when he's around. It's better this way, keeping each other company even when the strings are just loosely attached.