(What's the Story) Morning Glory?
When I returned to Auckland on Wednesday evening, I was beyond exhausted. I had been in NZ for a few days, but I'd been going to bed early and getting up between 6:00 and 6:15, so 11:30 PM was well past my bedtime. I was really drowsy and considered pulling off right on the outskirts of town, but I didn't want to get stuck in the morning rush, so I pushed on to downtown.
NZTV is on Victoria Street, and my ideal parking spot would have been close enough to the Gloria Jean's to pick up the wi-fi signal, but as soon as I hit downtown I could tell that the entire area was much too busy. I probably would have found parking, but I expected to be spotted and bothered by drunken revelers. I drove away from where I saw most people, and my next problem were the hills. I had not noticed this during all my earlier driving, but there are quite a few hills in central Auckland, and I needed to find a relatively flat street; otherwise sleeping would be even more uncomfortable.
I finally ended up on South St, a side street off a side street off Karangahape Rd, not far from my 10K store. The street dead-ended, and I did not expect anybody to walk past, so I felt confident I would not be bothered. Wrong.
Not long after I settled in I was startled out of my half-sleep by a LOUD WAIL!!! WHAT... THE... FUCK!!! I quickly figure out it was a cat, probably the orange one I had spotted next to the car while I kiwied (heh, I finally use the euphimism "kiwi" in the land of Kiwis). As loud as the sound was, the cat must have been right under, or next to my car, and there was no way I was going to sleep with that degree of caterwauling. I had to move down the street to get away, and as I did so I noticed a black cat--presumably the howling had to do with the interaction between the two.
The rest of the night was uneventful, and when I awoke around 6:00 PM feeling a bit chilly I quickly threw on my jeans and my long sleeved shirt so I could fall back asleep and be up by 7:20. Next thing I knew a knocking on my window startled me out of sleep, and my first was that it couldn't possibly be the police. I hadn't seen any foot patrols, and based on what I'd seen of the cops in three days, I wouldn't have expected any to drive down that dead-end street.
Turns out it was a hooker, a reasonably attractive young tanned, or perhaps Polynesian/Caucasian mixed, woman who asked me if I wanted "business". Half-asleep, I pointed to the fact that I was sleeping in the car, but she did not leave. She asked again, if I wanted a blowjob, and motioned for me to lower the window. I wasn't about to do that, and although after nearly a week without sexual release I definitely had the morning glory, a blowjob was far down the list of the things I wanted, for a whole slew of reasons.
1) Though I had been washing my privatges even while living out of the car, one day of running around, or a night of sleeping in those briefs I'd been wearing for a week, was all it took to render my crotch mighty funky--pugent even. Besides being cruel to the fellator, nobody ever got a good blowjob from a person who was choking and gagging and struggling to breath.
2) It was daylight, and getting busy in a residential/business area in daylight is not only stupid but inconsiderate to those who live/work there, kind of like having sex in a dorm room can be inconsiderate to a sexiled roommate.
3) I was in a foreign country, where I didn't know the laws or the lay of the land--being deported before visiting all the Starbucks would be a horrible blow to my project.
4) I hadn't Googled the area to find out what the risks were.
5) I wanted to save my tantric energy for a quality release--I did not want to "go out like a sucka" (slang for a bad blowjob)
6) I wanted coffee, food, and a shower more than I wanted a blowjob.
7) There was something offputting about the way in which she had just woken me up--frankly, I was a bit miffed.
Still, I was curious how much they charged in NZ, and I asked, through the window, "how much". She said or mouthed "fifty" and held up five fingers. I declined, and she lowered the price to forty, then thirty, then twenty in quick succession. Well, I gotta tell you, on top of all the reasons I just listed, her obvious desperation was a heckuvah turn off. She must have been jonesing, and that upped the risk that she might try something shifty, like trying to steal something from my car.
I kept saying no, and she soon moved off and went around the corner, and a few minutes later things got really interesting. I was in the process of waking up and eating the banana I had bought the night before when I saw the hooker come back around the corner. A second later a van pulled around the corner. The van belonged to a heating company, Central Heating or something like that, and it stopped and parked next to the curb. I saw the driver brandishing some cash, and a few seconds later the hooker got into. I wasn't was enough to copy down the URL on the van, but I did get the #, 0800 444 HEAT, in case you feel like calling the offices and embarassing some worker foolish enough to cruise for hookers in his employer's van. But you know what's really embarassing? The van pulled down to the end of the street and into a drive (stupid, because at that hour anybody could have caught him and jotted down the info), and I made a note of the time--6:30. Presumably the hooker was just eating the driver's banana, and when the van pulled out again, it was 6:32!!! TWO MINUTES!!! That dude lasted just two minutes. That is a sad, sad thing.
I was still in the process of making notes when the driver dropped the hooker off, and she proceeded to "freshen up", then pick something up off the ground, maybe stumblin a bit, something I hadn't noticed earlier. She waved when she passed my car, and I waved back, with the thought of getting some interesting video. She wanted me to let her into the car, but I still wasn't going to do that. Instead I threw on my shoes, hopped out, and asked how much time $20 get me, for a video interview. She first said 20 minutes, and then she changed it to 10. I was still in the process of deciding whether this was even a good idea when a man drove past on the intersecting street... on a bicycle! I'm not sure what she expected to happen, but she called out something like "bicycle man" and rushed off in his direction. Yeah, she was definitely not in her right mind, and while the video might have been amusing, it might have been more trouble than it was worth.