Re: Thank heavens, it isn't worse...winters_edgeJune 16 2006, 20:47:36 UTC
You gotta roll with Life. I'm not saying you let your kids play with knives, but when they use the safety scissors to give themselves a haircut, you move on.
Well said!
You can even learn to roll when they blame you for the bad haircut they gave themselves with the safety scissors because you gave them to them in the first place. ;)
I don't empathize well at all, but logically...pretty much, if you aren't dead, it COULD be worse. I've learned not to say that, though. I limit myself to, "I'm sorry that happened, I'm sorry you're upset. Oh gods, do not keep fishing for additional sympathy over your OMG TRAUMA, or I will tell you it could be worse..." ::flee::.
I drama queen, I know when I'm drama queening, and mostly I just want someone to pet me and tell me it'll be all right. And yes, when people have gone over the top telling me what an OMG awful tragedy I've had, I really have reacted with, "Well, it could be worse, you know."
I'm coming to see that I'm not really normal in that regard, though. (Then again, in which regards AM I normal?)
Hmm, maybe I want someone to pet me and I don't realize it. I do realize I'm a drama magnet and that some of it is me turning on the power to the poles, so to speak.
In the past, I've mostly just wanted to brain dump and exorcise, sort a like a mental exfoliation, if you dig my contribution?
I fully agree. I think it is possible to tilt a child, so to speak , toward optimism or pessimism.
Fully commiserating with a child in every minor upset makes them think that they shouldn't experience any upsets; it creates a self-absorbed adult who feels as though they are entitled to a life free from upsets or disappointments and hurts.
Their expectations then color their perceptions- and consequently, their lives never meet their expectations. They always feel as though they deserve lots more than they get.
We've all known at least one person who always complains; who always thinks they are sicker, poorer,more mistreated and undervalued, who cannot be content with what they have
( ... )
Agreed, because there are adults with chaotic lives that can only be controlled so much, and while they get down about it, they do not become miserable or bitter. They have bouts, I'm certain, but they don't stick there.
I'm not happy 100% of the time, but that's where I aim to be 100% of the time. Maybe I could get there, too, if I realized that 75% of the time is a good thing?
I'd call 75% good! Sometimes, a bout is perfectly appropriate behavior, and therapeutic; conversely, a constant happy face would make one a grinning idiot. I think that balance is key, in this and all things. I have seen you possess grace under fire many times, and respond in an effective manner. Don't worry, you are strong!
Hmmmm...interesting post. I think it's all in the timing. Start with empathy and let them know you hear them. When they really feel heard then help them put it in perspective. I think this is what you're saying, but it's hard to tell about the timing pieces. If you offer the latter parts too soon then people feel discounted.
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Well said!
You can even learn to roll when they blame you for the bad haircut they gave themselves with the safety scissors because you gave them to them in the first place. ;)
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I drama queen, I know when I'm drama queening, and mostly I just want someone to pet me and tell me it'll be all right. And yes, when people have gone over the top telling me what an OMG awful tragedy I've had, I really have reacted with, "Well, it could be worse, you know."
I'm coming to see that I'm not really normal in that regard, though. (Then again, in which regards AM I normal?)
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In the past, I've mostly just wanted to brain dump and exorcise, sort a like a mental exfoliation, if you dig my contribution?
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Fully commiserating with a child in every minor upset makes them think that they shouldn't experience any upsets; it creates a self-absorbed adult who feels as though they are entitled to a life free from upsets or disappointments and hurts.
Their expectations then color their perceptions- and consequently, their lives never meet their expectations. They always feel as though they deserve lots more than they get.
We've all known at least one person who always complains; who always thinks they are sicker, poorer,more mistreated and undervalued, who cannot be content with what they have ( ... )
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I'm not happy 100% of the time, but that's where I aim to be 100% of the time. Maybe I could get there, too, if I realized that 75% of the time is a good thing?
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I think that balance is key, in this and all things.
I have seen you possess grace under fire many times, and respond in an effective manner.
Don't worry, you are strong!
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(To anyone who isn't CH and reads that, it's probably not what you're thinking.)
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