The Other Woman (WaT)
That's the first old fic I pulled out from my dusty hard drive.
It's a Sam/Jack angsty story, set in season 5 just after Anne left. I cut the ending short. It was really not worth any trouble to make it better. It's not betaed (at least not this last version), every error is only mine.
Enjoy! And if someone is reading, let me know what you think. ;)
This is set after “Tail Spin”. When Jack went to his office and he left a stunned Samantha in the corridor.
The Other Woman
“Anne lost the baby.”
I was frozen in the office corridor. It took a long moment to realize the meaning of those words. A weird sense of relief spread through my body. I didn’t even know something was worrying me. Walking slowly down the corridor toward the bullpen, I wondered how I should feel.
Anne lost the baby. Those had been Jack’s words. He had just said them as if he had to buy a new car. It was so like Jack. Never showing any emotion. But I knew better. He hadn’t looked at me and that meant he didn’t want to show his pain. Why did Anne go away? Was Jack not happy with the pregnancy? Had he not been supportive enough?
Why was I wondering about that? It had nothing to do with me. Jack’s personal life was no concern of mine. I speeded up toward my desk. I had to write my report.
A few minutes later I had written just a few lines. I couldn’t keep my eyes from Jack’s office. To anyone who did not know him, he would appear to be buried in his work. Just the day before Jack had said to me I was the person he would confide in… I was unsure about what to do. Should I go after him and ask him out for lunch? Or should I leave him alone? I didn’t know how I should feel. Could I leave him alone after his declaration of confidence? Definitely. He knew where I was. If he really wanted to talk to me, he could just ask for that.
Before lunch I handed my report to Jack. He did not even lift his head from the document he was reading; he only murmured a thank you. I was going to walk out his office and go back to my desk, but suddenly I heard my voice saying his name. I could read surprise on him. Our eyes locked for a moment. I told him to go home and try to sleep, or at least go out for lunch. I did not wait for an answer. I had to go away or I would regret my actions. I desperately needed some fresh air.
In the afternoon there were no new cases, so I kept busy working on one of the old cases that were still unsolved. There were no new leads, but I was used to revise our past investigations from time to time. Someone had messed with the old files and it took me almost all afternoon to set everything in order again. It was quite boring and also frustrating, but it helped me to keep my mind occupied.
Little by little, thanks to the slow afternoon, everyone went home earlier than usual, leaving only Vivian and me in the office. I was still working at the conference table, when Vivian called it a day.
“Sam, are you going to have dinner with John, the cleaner? Have a great time with him! See you tomorrow.”
“Thanks for the suggestion Viv, I’ll think about it. Good night.” Smiling at her, I stretched my arms behind my back. I leaned back in my chair and, with a deep breath, I let my eyes look for Jack. He was in his office, reading and writing, still buried in his work. I had done the right thing leaving him alone.
Suddenly, he lowered his head and rubbed his eyes as if he was wiping an unwanted image from his mind. I tried to ignore him, but something was pulling me to look at him. I had to get out of there.
I saved the file I was working on; it could wait until the following day. I gathered my things to go home, but instead, I found myself walking toward Jack’s office. I stopped in front of his door and looked at him through the glasses. He had loosened his tie and unbuttoned his collar. His hair was rumpled from rubbing his head.
The glass door was closed. I knocked, but I didn’t wait for an answer and went in.
Jack lifted his head toward me, “Still here?” Then, seeing my coat and purse, added, “Are you heading out?”
“Yeah, looking forward to putting my feet up and having a glass of wine. How about you?
He just shrugged his shoulders. “Same old, same old.”
“Jack, you don’t have to sit here alone. Let’s stop for a drink. We don’t have to talk about anything in particular, just pass some time before we both head home.” Had I just said that? Has the past taught me anything?
“Do you take rain checks?”
“You know me better. I’ll wait for you at the elevator.” I headed out without adding anything else. I didn’t look back. I wanted to give him some minutes alone.
Fifteen minutes later I was wondering if he had changed his mind. Really, he had not said yes; but I was sure he would come. Now, I was not so sure. Maybe he was wiser than me.
Just as I decided he was not coming and stepped into the elevator, I heard footsteps approaching. I held the elevator doors and waited.
“Sure of yourself, aren’t you,” Jack said with a playful grin on his face.
“I thought I had lost my touch.”
Stepping toward the elevator, he smiled, “Never happen!”
I bit my lower lip to hide a smile as I pretended to concentrate on pushing the elevator buttons.
It was a short cab ride, which was good, because Jack didn’t say a word. He just gazed out the window. I tried to imagine what he was thinking, but I was more worried about what was going to happen in some minutes. The cab finally stopped, Jack paid the driver, and stood waiting for me.
I moved to the entrance of the bar and pushed the door open. “Have you ever been here? It’s nice. Not too crowded and not too noisy. And, they only serve the best scotch in New York.”
“I don’t want to know how you discovered this gem.” Jack put his hand on my back, motioning me to go in. It was a weird sensation. It was something I was not used to anymore. A shock spread through my body. His touch had always done that to me. I had to resist the temptation of looking at him. I wanted to read his intentions, but I feared he would read my insecurities instead.
I was going to take a seat at the bar, but Jack gently grabbed my arm and led me toward a secluded table. He wanted to talk. Probably he had thought about it during the cab drive. I was a bit surprised. I did not think it would be so easy to make Jack open up. Jack’s phone rang. He looked at the caller ID, excused himself and went out to answer. Anne? His daughters? Maria? I only knew it was not work related. It felt as a déjà vu. Was it my destiny to be left waiting for him sitting alone at a table, while he attends to the part of his life I am not allowed to?
I took the menu and started skimming it. I needed something strong to drink, but a beer would be a better start. Once done with my order, I only have to wait for Jack’s return. I wondered why Jack had said I was the one he would confide in. We barely had talked during the last two years. Our working relationship had always been a good one, but we never overcame that limit again. Why now? He had to be really alone. There was a time we shared something deep. I was what his wife could not, did not want to be for him or he did not let be for him. Now, what did he want from me? Was Anne not enough? Would I have been the other woman forever for him?
We had a past, right, but it had never appeared so distant in time. I thought he was happy with Anne. Then he came out of the blue with the pregnancy announce.
“I felt I owed it to you.”
What did it mean? Why did he have to feel he owed anything to me? He didn’t feel he owed an explanation to me when he decided to go to Chicago. He announced his decision in the office, with everyone there. And now, suddenly, he felt the need to tell me privately he was having a child. Did he really want to tell me, or did he just need to make it real? Jack is very much a loner. He probably thought I could be a good listener if he ever needed to open up. He knew I could keep a secret. He knew that well enough.
Will I always be the ‘other woman’ he turns to when the current woman in his life is pushing him to feel something? My musing was interrupted by Jack’s return to our table.
“So, already ordered? Good. I think I’ll see if you’re right about ‘the best scotch served in New York’.” If possible, the ‘chip on his shoulders’ seemed heavier.
“You can bet on it. If I’m wrong, it’ll be on me.” I knew how hard it was for him to open up, and I did not want to make that easier for him, but his shattered demeanor softened me.
A glass of scotch joined my beer on the table and I took the occasion to break the silence.
“I spent all the afternoon on the Clarence case; has anyone worked on it recently? It was a mess.” I kept my voice neutral. Breaking ice with work seemed a safe choice.
“I have no idea.” Jack was playing with his glass. His eyes fixed on the amber liquid. Then, suddenly, he took the glass to his mouth and swallowed his scotch in one gulp. I could read pain in his eyes. I felt my resentment slowly evaporating. He appeared lost, so different from the Jack Malone we knew.
“She just went away.” Jack did not even lift his head, his voice mere audible. “She packed, got a cab and went away. I couldn’t make anything to stop her.”
Anne. He was speaking about Anne. “Did you want it? I mean, did you really want to stop her?”
“Damn, Sam, yes. I really wanted this to work.” Jack was shaking his head, his hands still firm around the empty glass, “Just when I understood I wanted the baby, this happens.” He looked around for the waitress - another round was needed.
Perfect! Just what I needed to end the day on a high tone. Not only I was there, in a bar with my ex-lover and boss, but he was confessing his love for Anne and their unborn baby to ME. Why can’t I stay out of his life?
“I don’t know if she will come back. She asked me to give her some time, no phone calls, no emails, nothing,” Jack said with resignation. His hands where toying with the glass in an almost hypnotizing way.
“In the beginning, I did not want another child. Not at my age and not with my past. Then, as time went on, I started to feel differently. It could be a second chance for me to be the right kind of father. After Anne lost the baby, I realized that I did want the child… Sam, why does everyone leave me?” His eyes displayed despair. I was scared. I had never seen Jack in those conditions. “You’re a woman, why did Anne leave? What did I do wrong?”
“I don’t know, Jack. Maybe she just needs time… I don’t know. She lost your baby; there are a lot more implications for a woman than for a man. And don’t forget it was probably her last possibility to have a child… Maybe she is just shocked…” I realized he was not really listening to me. He was lost in his thoughts. I stopped and let him go on.
“Anne said she just needed time. Did I put pressure on her? She never really had the time to mourn Max' loss, then the baby… Maybe Anne was right, it was too much, too fast… I always had a thing for her, but I was married and then she was married…”
Hilarious! Has your timing ever been right with anyone, Jack? It was way much more than I wanted to hear. The chair was like fire. I wanted to go away, miles away. But I could not. Another round was served and this time I had followed Jack’s steps. I took my glass. The bitter taste invaded my mouth and set fire to my throat.
“….I’m sorry. It’s better if I go home.” But he did not move.
“I don’t believe you.” The liquor give me the courage to break the awkward silence fallen between us. “Anne is not the type who just goes away. She told you something, anything. Was it so painful that you can’t tell me? I know you Jack. Stop hiding. There is something that is eating you up. Why are you accepting passively that the woman who was going to give you a child goes away? What did she tell you?” A wall would have been more responsive.
“Only because she told you not to phone, will you obey? It’s right, she needs time, but if you love each other, you should be with her. You have to face your emotions, Jack. You have to feel. Take some time off, damn it, stay with her. Beg her to let you keep her hand, I don’t know… but don’t stay here questioning your actions…Or are you questioning your feelings? Because that would be the only reason I could understand.” He didn’t answer.
“If you really love her, why are you here, in this bar, with me? It is nonsense, Jack. Have you ever told her you love her? Did you really let her know you were happy about the baby? Have you ever told her what you just told me? You have always been this way. You never let your feelings break out and when someone relies on you, you shut down. You did the same with your wife. You loved her, but you couldn’t face the implications of a marriage. Don’t repeat the same mistakes over and over. If you care about Anne, find her.”
“If I cared about Anne, I should let her go.” His eyes lost on the bottom of his again empty glass.
“Why?” I stretched my hand to touch his. I wanted to look into his eyes.
“Because I only make the people I love suffer. They are better without me.” His eyes were red, and his voice began to show the effects of the alcohol.
I wanted to hug him, to make him forget. What is it that pulls us toward each other when our emotions are overwhelming? “Let’s get out of here. We drank enough for tonight.”
I was still tightening the coat around my body against the cold, when Jack suddenly said, “Anne told me, ‘It’s better this way. You didn’t want kids’. What is it wrong with me, Sam? Why are my feelings so hard to understand?”
“You’re drunk; you’re not thinking straight and it’s freezing. Let’s go. There is a cab approaching.” He let me guide him without any resistance. He was like a ‘lost’ child.
I leaned over to hug him. I just wanted to kiss his cheek, to reassure him, but he turned his head and our lips touched.
“Sam, stay with me tonight,” Jack whispered with a slurred voice as he buried his head in my hair.
“I can’t, Jack,” I said as I gently pushed him away.
“Why? I thought we were friends.”
“We are. That’s the reason why I can’t. I know you're hurting - but doing this - will just end up hurting more.” It would just end up hurting me more.
The cab stopped, I pushed Jack inside and closed the door. The time was once again not right.
It's a Sam/Jack angsty story, set in season 5 just after Anne left. I cut the ending short. It was really not worth any trouble to make it better. It's not betaed (at least not this last version), every error is only mine.
Enjoy! And if someone is reading, let me know what you think. ;)
This is set after “Tail Spin”. When Jack went to his office and he left a stunned Samantha in the corridor.
The Other Woman
“Anne lost the baby.”
I was frozen in the office corridor. It took a long moment to realize the meaning of those words. A weird sense of relief spread through my body. I didn’t even know something was worrying me. Walking slowly down the corridor toward the bullpen, I wondered how I should feel.
Anne lost the baby. Those had been Jack’s words. He had just said them as if he had to buy a new car. It was so like Jack. Never showing any emotion. But I knew better. He hadn’t looked at me and that meant he didn’t want to show his pain. Why did Anne go away? Was Jack not happy with the pregnancy? Had he not been supportive enough?
Why was I wondering about that? It had nothing to do with me. Jack’s personal life was no concern of mine. I speeded up toward my desk. I had to write my report.
A few minutes later I had written just a few lines. I couldn’t keep my eyes from Jack’s office. To anyone who did not know him, he would appear to be buried in his work. Just the day before Jack had said to me I was the person he would confide in… I was unsure about what to do. Should I go after him and ask him out for lunch? Or should I leave him alone? I didn’t know how I should feel. Could I leave him alone after his declaration of confidence? Definitely. He knew where I was. If he really wanted to talk to me, he could just ask for that.
Before lunch I handed my report to Jack. He did not even lift his head from the document he was reading; he only murmured a thank you. I was going to walk out his office and go back to my desk, but suddenly I heard my voice saying his name. I could read surprise on him. Our eyes locked for a moment. I told him to go home and try to sleep, or at least go out for lunch. I did not wait for an answer. I had to go away or I would regret my actions. I desperately needed some fresh air.
In the afternoon there were no new cases, so I kept busy working on one of the old cases that were still unsolved. There were no new leads, but I was used to revise our past investigations from time to time. Someone had messed with the old files and it took me almost all afternoon to set everything in order again. It was quite boring and also frustrating, but it helped me to keep my mind occupied.
Little by little, thanks to the slow afternoon, everyone went home earlier than usual, leaving only Vivian and me in the office. I was still working at the conference table, when Vivian called it a day.
“Sam, are you going to have dinner with John, the cleaner? Have a great time with him! See you tomorrow.”
“Thanks for the suggestion Viv, I’ll think about it. Good night.” Smiling at her, I stretched my arms behind my back. I leaned back in my chair and, with a deep breath, I let my eyes look for Jack. He was in his office, reading and writing, still buried in his work. I had done the right thing leaving him alone.
Suddenly, he lowered his head and rubbed his eyes as if he was wiping an unwanted image from his mind. I tried to ignore him, but something was pulling me to look at him. I had to get out of there.
I saved the file I was working on; it could wait until the following day. I gathered my things to go home, but instead, I found myself walking toward Jack’s office. I stopped in front of his door and looked at him through the glasses. He had loosened his tie and unbuttoned his collar. His hair was rumpled from rubbing his head.
The glass door was closed. I knocked, but I didn’t wait for an answer and went in.
Jack lifted his head toward me, “Still here?” Then, seeing my coat and purse, added, “Are you heading out?”
“Yeah, looking forward to putting my feet up and having a glass of wine. How about you?
He just shrugged his shoulders. “Same old, same old.”
“Jack, you don’t have to sit here alone. Let’s stop for a drink. We don’t have to talk about anything in particular, just pass some time before we both head home.” Had I just said that? Has the past taught me anything?
“Do you take rain checks?”
“You know me better. I’ll wait for you at the elevator.” I headed out without adding anything else. I didn’t look back. I wanted to give him some minutes alone.
Fifteen minutes later I was wondering if he had changed his mind. Really, he had not said yes; but I was sure he would come. Now, I was not so sure. Maybe he was wiser than me.
Just as I decided he was not coming and stepped into the elevator, I heard footsteps approaching. I held the elevator doors and waited.
“Sure of yourself, aren’t you,” Jack said with a playful grin on his face.
“I thought I had lost my touch.”
Stepping toward the elevator, he smiled, “Never happen!”
I bit my lower lip to hide a smile as I pretended to concentrate on pushing the elevator buttons.
It was a short cab ride, which was good, because Jack didn’t say a word. He just gazed out the window. I tried to imagine what he was thinking, but I was more worried about what was going to happen in some minutes. The cab finally stopped, Jack paid the driver, and stood waiting for me.
I moved to the entrance of the bar and pushed the door open. “Have you ever been here? It’s nice. Not too crowded and not too noisy. And, they only serve the best scotch in New York.”
“I don’t want to know how you discovered this gem.” Jack put his hand on my back, motioning me to go in. It was a weird sensation. It was something I was not used to anymore. A shock spread through my body. His touch had always done that to me. I had to resist the temptation of looking at him. I wanted to read his intentions, but I feared he would read my insecurities instead.
I was going to take a seat at the bar, but Jack gently grabbed my arm and led me toward a secluded table. He wanted to talk. Probably he had thought about it during the cab drive. I was a bit surprised. I did not think it would be so easy to make Jack open up. Jack’s phone rang. He looked at the caller ID, excused himself and went out to answer. Anne? His daughters? Maria? I only knew it was not work related. It felt as a déjà vu. Was it my destiny to be left waiting for him sitting alone at a table, while he attends to the part of his life I am not allowed to?
I took the menu and started skimming it. I needed something strong to drink, but a beer would be a better start. Once done with my order, I only have to wait for Jack’s return. I wondered why Jack had said I was the one he would confide in. We barely had talked during the last two years. Our working relationship had always been a good one, but we never overcame that limit again. Why now? He had to be really alone. There was a time we shared something deep. I was what his wife could not, did not want to be for him or he did not let be for him. Now, what did he want from me? Was Anne not enough? Would I have been the other woman forever for him?
We had a past, right, but it had never appeared so distant in time. I thought he was happy with Anne. Then he came out of the blue with the pregnancy announce.
“I felt I owed it to you.”
What did it mean? Why did he have to feel he owed anything to me? He didn’t feel he owed an explanation to me when he decided to go to Chicago. He announced his decision in the office, with everyone there. And now, suddenly, he felt the need to tell me privately he was having a child. Did he really want to tell me, or did he just need to make it real? Jack is very much a loner. He probably thought I could be a good listener if he ever needed to open up. He knew I could keep a secret. He knew that well enough.
Will I always be the ‘other woman’ he turns to when the current woman in his life is pushing him to feel something? My musing was interrupted by Jack’s return to our table.
“So, already ordered? Good. I think I’ll see if you’re right about ‘the best scotch served in New York’.” If possible, the ‘chip on his shoulders’ seemed heavier.
“You can bet on it. If I’m wrong, it’ll be on me.” I knew how hard it was for him to open up, and I did not want to make that easier for him, but his shattered demeanor softened me.
A glass of scotch joined my beer on the table and I took the occasion to break the silence.
“I spent all the afternoon on the Clarence case; has anyone worked on it recently? It was a mess.” I kept my voice neutral. Breaking ice with work seemed a safe choice.
“I have no idea.” Jack was playing with his glass. His eyes fixed on the amber liquid. Then, suddenly, he took the glass to his mouth and swallowed his scotch in one gulp. I could read pain in his eyes. I felt my resentment slowly evaporating. He appeared lost, so different from the Jack Malone we knew.
“She just went away.” Jack did not even lift his head, his voice mere audible. “She packed, got a cab and went away. I couldn’t make anything to stop her.”
Anne. He was speaking about Anne. “Did you want it? I mean, did you really want to stop her?”
“Damn, Sam, yes. I really wanted this to work.” Jack was shaking his head, his hands still firm around the empty glass, “Just when I understood I wanted the baby, this happens.” He looked around for the waitress - another round was needed.
Perfect! Just what I needed to end the day on a high tone. Not only I was there, in a bar with my ex-lover and boss, but he was confessing his love for Anne and their unborn baby to ME. Why can’t I stay out of his life?
“I don’t know if she will come back. She asked me to give her some time, no phone calls, no emails, nothing,” Jack said with resignation. His hands where toying with the glass in an almost hypnotizing way.
“In the beginning, I did not want another child. Not at my age and not with my past. Then, as time went on, I started to feel differently. It could be a second chance for me to be the right kind of father. After Anne lost the baby, I realized that I did want the child… Sam, why does everyone leave me?” His eyes displayed despair. I was scared. I had never seen Jack in those conditions. “You’re a woman, why did Anne leave? What did I do wrong?”
“I don’t know, Jack. Maybe she just needs time… I don’t know. She lost your baby; there are a lot more implications for a woman than for a man. And don’t forget it was probably her last possibility to have a child… Maybe she is just shocked…” I realized he was not really listening to me. He was lost in his thoughts. I stopped and let him go on.
“Anne said she just needed time. Did I put pressure on her? She never really had the time to mourn Max' loss, then the baby… Maybe Anne was right, it was too much, too fast… I always had a thing for her, but I was married and then she was married…”
Hilarious! Has your timing ever been right with anyone, Jack? It was way much more than I wanted to hear. The chair was like fire. I wanted to go away, miles away. But I could not. Another round was served and this time I had followed Jack’s steps. I took my glass. The bitter taste invaded my mouth and set fire to my throat.
“….I’m sorry. It’s better if I go home.” But he did not move.
“I don’t believe you.” The liquor give me the courage to break the awkward silence fallen between us. “Anne is not the type who just goes away. She told you something, anything. Was it so painful that you can’t tell me? I know you Jack. Stop hiding. There is something that is eating you up. Why are you accepting passively that the woman who was going to give you a child goes away? What did she tell you?” A wall would have been more responsive.
“Only because she told you not to phone, will you obey? It’s right, she needs time, but if you love each other, you should be with her. You have to face your emotions, Jack. You have to feel. Take some time off, damn it, stay with her. Beg her to let you keep her hand, I don’t know… but don’t stay here questioning your actions…Or are you questioning your feelings? Because that would be the only reason I could understand.” He didn’t answer.
“If you really love her, why are you here, in this bar, with me? It is nonsense, Jack. Have you ever told her you love her? Did you really let her know you were happy about the baby? Have you ever told her what you just told me? You have always been this way. You never let your feelings break out and when someone relies on you, you shut down. You did the same with your wife. You loved her, but you couldn’t face the implications of a marriage. Don’t repeat the same mistakes over and over. If you care about Anne, find her.”
“If I cared about Anne, I should let her go.” His eyes lost on the bottom of his again empty glass.
“Why?” I stretched my hand to touch his. I wanted to look into his eyes.
“Because I only make the people I love suffer. They are better without me.” His eyes were red, and his voice began to show the effects of the alcohol.
I wanted to hug him, to make him forget. What is it that pulls us toward each other when our emotions are overwhelming? “Let’s get out of here. We drank enough for tonight.”
I was still tightening the coat around my body against the cold, when Jack suddenly said, “Anne told me, ‘It’s better this way. You didn’t want kids’. What is it wrong with me, Sam? Why are my feelings so hard to understand?”
“You’re drunk; you’re not thinking straight and it’s freezing. Let’s go. There is a cab approaching.” He let me guide him without any resistance. He was like a ‘lost’ child.
I leaned over to hug him. I just wanted to kiss his cheek, to reassure him, but he turned his head and our lips touched.
“Sam, stay with me tonight,” Jack whispered with a slurred voice as he buried his head in my hair.
“I can’t, Jack,” I said as I gently pushed him away.
“Why? I thought we were friends.”
“We are. That’s the reason why I can’t. I know you're hurting - but doing this - will just end up hurting more.” It would just end up hurting me more.
The cab stopped, I pushed Jack inside and closed the door. The time was once again not right.