(no subject)
TITLE: Better that we Break
RATING: PG-13
SUMMARY: Sometimes it all gets a little too much...
FANDOM: Jonas Brothers (Joe/OFC)
STATUS: Complete - One Shot
DISCLAIMER: I do not own anything. This story is a work of fiction and came from the deepest darkest corner of my imagination.
AUTHORS NOTE: I have so much Joe fanfiction lying around my computer... may as well post it.
I hated sharing him. My eyes flicked across the room and I tried not to let the fact that she was hanging all over him bother me. I gritted my teeth in annoyance I hated the way I felt in these moments - insecure, annoyed, ignored, small. I lowered my eyes and gripped at my drink.
“Easy,” Danielle murmured from beside me, “he’s only doing his job.”
I bit at my lip. Yes, he was only doing his job. He was ONLY EVER doing his job. And it always put me in second place, or no place at all. I sculled down the rest of my drink and grabbed another from the waiter before sculling that one too. I had a tendency to rebel in moments like these. I wanted to get drunk, and swear and do all the crazy shit that I didn’t do around him. It suddenly sounded like a great idea to have sex, do drugs, skydive, and get stupidly drunk. It was easy for Danielle to say, Kevin didn’t have girls hanging all over him like Joe did - he never did. Joe was the ‘cute’ one, the good-looking one and the funky one, he had more girls lining up than I was willing to count and they would do anything, absolutely anything to tear us apart. Most of the time I didn’t really think about it... but at moments like these, it hit me stronger than ever before.
I sighed and tipped the dregs of my drink down my throat before excusing myself and stepping outside. Once out in the cool Autumn weather, I wrapped my light coat tighter around my body and sat myself down on the bench, stretching my legs out in front of me and crossing them at the ankle.
I must have only been out there for less than 15minutes when all of a sudden Joe was squatting down in front of me, one hand resting on my legs, the other on the bench beside me. I let out a soft breath, Danielle must have sent him out. Of course. He met my eyes, reading my mood before lowering his eyes and shaking his head slightly with a small smile. I frowned annoyed by his response - yes I was being stupid, I knew that, but I couldn’t help the way I felt! The thing was, that it wasn’t like he could say anything to make it all better. I knew it all, I had heard it all before. It was their job, they had to do this, but he loved me more than anything and although he couldn’t be with me right now, he wanted to be. I closed my eyes and frowned, gods, why did I have to make this so complicated all over again? “I’m fine,” I told him flatly, “go back inside Joe.”
He met my eyes and frowned, “don’t lie to me. I can see that you’re not okay.”
And for whatever reason, maybe I was angry or maybe I was just embarrassed that he was out here coddling me - I didn’t want to have this conversation. I didn’t ever want to have this conversation. I wanted out, I wanted out with every fibre of my being. Everything over the past few months hit me and all of a sudden - I didn’t want to do this anymore. Then before I could change my mind I whispered, “I’m going home.”
And as soon as it was out of my mouth I felt relief, I wanted this, more than anything.
He nodded, “okay, sure I’ll get a car for you and...”
He hadn’t understood me. I shook my head and interrupted, “no, I’m going home. To Australia.”
His mouth dropped in surprise and he mouthed silently at me for several seconds before asking, “For how long? Are you coming back?”
I dropped my eyes and shook my head slightly. “No.” I met his eyes once more and I could tell he was totally thrown by my sudden decision, there was so many emotions in his eyes but he couldn’t find the words to express what he was feeling. He didn’t need to, I could see the shock, surprise and horror in his liquid brown depths.
Joe’s father poked his head around the door, “Joe?”
And this moment right here was the epitome of our relationship. I watched as Joe stood in a daze and looked between his father and me. I knew a somewhat knowing look had crossed my face, I knew who he was going to choose and I didn’t hate him for it - I just hated me for putting up with it for so long.
“Will you stay for the show?” he asked quietly.
I found myself nodding, “sure.”
And then he was gone.
He didn’t perform well. Though after the bombshell I just dropped I didn’t really think he would. As always we drove home separately and by the time Joe stepped through my bedroom door I already had my suitcase out on my bed and was rolling up my clothes so that everything would fit inside.
Joe hovered in the doorway watching for a couple of moments before whispering, “don’t do this.”
I closed my eyes briefly and my hands stilled before resuming, “don’t try to talk me out of this please.”
He crossed the room, “I don’t get where this is coming from. Did I do something?”
I shoved a shirt into my suitcase and looked up at him, “this isn’t about you, okay? This is about me.” I closed the distance between us and grabbed his suit jacket, “you, you are great. But... this whole situation isn’t me. You know it’s not me.”
Joe frowned, “what situation?”
I threw my hands up, “everything! The waiting around waiting for you to come home, the sharing you with the whole world, the standing side stage proud girlfriend thing, the secrecy...” I trailed off and frowned knowing how much these words were hurting him, “I need to be independent.”
“You are,” Joe whispered.
I shook my head, “no I’m not. With you I can’t be. ”
“That’s okay,” Joe assured me reaching out and clasping my hands.
I rubbed my face before whispering, “I need things you can’t give me Joe.”
“Like what?”
I held up his purity ring in example.
He looked at me, “sex. Is this all about sex?”
“No.” I threw my hands up exasperated, “it’s an example Joe. Everything has always been about what we can’t do. We can’t go to the shops together, we can’t kiss or hold hands in public, we can’t have sex, we can’t go out clubbing, we can’t drink, we can’t go on holidays...” I trailed off. “And I can’t change those things, and neither can you. And in the beginning it was fine, but... things are different now.”
Joe’s mouth was almost on the floor, “its just for a ...”
“Don’t you dare say a little bit longer,” I cut in, “because you know thats not true.”