The new beginning
Title: The new beginning
Author: wire_dancer
Rating: R
Pairing: 2min
Summary: Can you start a new life when the word hope is long forgotten? Can you start to feel again when you think you are dead inside. And what if the only person you fervently wish was different seems to be the same as everyone else?
The time is fragile, the outside world is completely and utterly non-existent and Taemin only envelopes the reality in the form of Minho: Minho’s voice, Minho’s warmth, Minho’s touch, everything around him is Minho now and he lets himself be buried deep into the tender and powerful oblivion of the soft movement of his hyung’s strong arms. All the past memories seem to fade away completely into nothingness, leaving just a lingering trail of sadness behind, as a new and much stronger feeling replaces them as if creating a small refuge, where Taemin’s fragile heart and his trembling soul can hide and Taemin wonders through his fogged mind, how he can feel so secure despite everything that had happened between him and Minho, despite the things he had gone through. The boy just can’t see the reason he feels that way, he is simply too tired to be so guarded against the whole world, against himself and he just gives in to the feeling Minho produces, ready for anything awaiting him, even if it will hurt later he decides that he needs Minho now, it’s time to make his callous heart feel again, it’s time to trust someone once again. So he simply moves closer to Minho, so close that it scares him as he did everything possible to forget about the warmth of another person’s skin, he erased the memories of someone else’s breath, he made sure he never needed them, yet he is there soaking in Minho’s warmth, enjoying those feelings that are reborn with all their might, his awakening heart trembling in longing and anticipation. Eventually he stops sobbing and just lays his head onto Minho’s chest listening to the older boy’s heart beat and enjoying the way Minho’s slender awkward fingers tenderly trace his skin: his cheeks and the bridge of his nose and fluttering closed eyelids, he wants to hear Minho’s voice, doesn’t matter what, just wants this soothing husky voice to pour onto his reopened wounds, helping to heal his lacerated soul. He mumbles it softly to Minho but the older boy fails to catch his whispering and he then asks him
-What is it Taemin? I didn’t catch it. Tell me again. Is there anything I can do? - he gently brushes away the stray strand of hair from the boy’s forehead and lets his fingers run through the silky locks, Taemin leaning onto that touch and shakes his head
-It’s nothing…just…talk to me - he exhales and closes his eyes listening to Minho’s voice, who is talking about some trifle things, but Taemin doesn’t really pay attention to the content, just the sound is enough, as it’s the same as the world outside, Minho’s voice is a part of the sunset, it’s there as a shadow of the darkening sky and the faint moon and the rustling of trees and the gush of evening’s wind. The night is getting closer and the temperature drops a little, so Minho interrupts his own flow of speech and suggests to go into the house to which Taemin slowly nods a bit reluctant to let go of Minho’s warm chest, but Minho pulls him up and puts his arm onto the boy’s shoulder leading them both back to the house only to find it dark and empty with Minho’s parents still out. Minho thinks over the idea of taking a shower but casts it aside, as his eyelids are already heavy and he is yawning from time to time, so he simply pulls off the bedcover, changes into his nightwear and gives a huge t-shirt to Taemin and when the boy also finishes changing, he drags him under the blanket not giving the boy a second option, silencing all Taemin’s words, who tries to say that he can sleep on the sofa. Minho ignores all of it, shushing him and only wraps his arms tighter around the thin waist, feeling the beating heart trapped into the cage of fragile ribs, and even though Taemin is quite tall, still Minho feels as if he holds something really small and delicate, something to treasure like a light of the firefly caught on the dark starless night and Minho pulls this body even closer till he hears a soft breathing by his side. Taemin is asleep. Only then Minho closes his eyes letting the sleep devour him.
In the morning Minho is awakened by his mother’s voice announcing that the breakfast is ready, she peeks into her son’s room, but doesn’t comment on the boy sleeping by Minho’s side, she just chuckles quietly and tells Minho to wake Taemin up and go downstairs and Minho amazes once again at how tolerant his parents are. The windows in his room are opened a little and the fresh breeze is flapping his white blinds while the sun tries to sneak into the room through the lacy fabric of the curtains casting a fancy shadow onto the sleeping boy. Minho silently watches Taemin unable to wake him up from his peaceful oblivion, he just relishes in the sight of the boy’s figure, his heart racing and once again Minho is overpowered by the serene atmosphere, yet tormented by the thought of him being inadequate to hold the boy close, to make him belong only to him. There’s nothing more in the world that Minho wants to have, there’s nothing more in the world he fears to approach, this sleeping boy is his small miracle he is determined to never hurt once again and Minho knuckles under the though his guilty mind produces. He shall never hurt the boy, thus he shall never touch him the way he wants it.
After a short while Minho decides to take a shower first and let Taemin sleep a little more, but when he comes out of the bathroom he finds his bed empty with a cover neatly placed on it, so he heads downstairs and sighs a little with relief at the sight of Taemin awkwardly munching his breakfast. He smiles shyly when he sees the older boy, squeaking something that sounds like “Good morning hyung” to Minho and watches a gleeful smile suddenly bloom on the tall boy’s face, then he feels his heart making an attempt to escape the tight cage of his bosom, violently beating against the bars created by his ribs.
They quickly eat their breakfast and after Taemin is done Minho insists that he has something important that he wants to show Taemin, but at the same time in his mind Minho doesn’t feel confident as he is still not used to the rapid change of their relationship, though inside his head only one thought is beating like a trapped bird, the thought of making Taemin happy, making him smile, making him forget about his sour and bitter past and face his future wholeheartedly, but at the same time he doubts he is qualified to even stand next to Taemin, he sure knows he’s not good enough to be even considered a friend to the boy. As if sensing the older boy’s doubts and insecurity, Taemin smiles shyly at him and says:
“You wanted to show me something, right hyung? Let’s go, let’s go” - he then gently takes hold of Minho’s hand and Minho feels all light and fizzy inside, like a glass of cold lemonade on the hot summer day, ice cubes clinking inside, so good, so right.
“Do you…mmm like swings?” - Minho asks cautiously and sighs with relief when he sees Taemin nod happily, which makes him a little more confident now
“We have one in our garden, they are quite old and stuff, but if you don’t mind…
Taemin interrupts him tugging on his arm impatiently and when Minho turns his head to steal a glance at the boy, he sees Taemin’s eyes shining brightly and a warm smile forming on his full lips making Minho’s heart skip one of its pathetic beats.
Once again Taemin and Minho sink into the divine secrecy the garden creates for the two of them, but the weather is a little cold and Minho rushes back to the house leaving surprised Taemin alone for a few minutes and the smaller boy patiently waits until he sees his hyung running back with a sweater in his hands and Taemin almost wants to cry when Minho gently helps him to pull it on. The sleeves are too long and Minho smiles touching the tips of Taemin’s fingers peeking out of them, the warmth Taemin feels, threatening to find its way through his eyes, so he hangs his head low blinking rapidly to prevent it from spilling, but when Minho’s hand tries to retreat as if afraid that he did something wrong, Taemin hastily grabs it back squeezing it almost painfully, not letting go of the strong and big palm.
The swings are old indeed, wrapped in ivy and rust and when Minho tentatively pushes them, they produce a loud screech to which Taemin laughs and Minho embarrassedly says:
“Sorry, we haven’t used those…in a while…I will fix them the next time you come, so… will you come?” - Minho freezes waiting for Taemin to answer, but the boy keeps silent, he only sits on the swings with his back turned to Minho and the soccer player devours his form with his searching eyes, Taemin’s shoulders are pretty wide but seemingly frail, his figure is quite tall, but somehow Minho sees that Taemin is delicate, slim, almost transparent in Minho’s huge sweeter, bones and veins and for a second Minho seriously thinks that it’s quite possible that Taemin consists of wind, rain and sunshine and he yearns to touch the boy this second, just to make sure, just one touch to prove he’s real. He stretches his arm to touch the milky-white skin of Taemin’s long neck but hesitates for a moment right before his fingers touch the boy, Taemin turns around, his eyes fixated on Minho and smiles catching the older boy’s outstretched arm with his own cold hands, bringing it closer to his face whilst he whispers:
“I will definitely come, so you’ll l have to fix them for me” - Taemin presses Minho’s palm to his cheek and covers it with his own, making Minho swallow a lump in his throat and nod.
Taemin stands up a bit disappointed that the swings are out of order and both of them occupy a wooden bench, sitting side by side, with Taemin leaning against Minho just a little bit, watching grey clouds cover the blues of the sky hiding the sun and filling the air with electric tension of the upcoming rain, Taemin moves even closer burying his head on Minho’s shoulder, his voice a little distant:
“I haven’t told you yesterday…” - Minho turns his head and peers at Taemin, unconsciously grabbing his hand
“My stepfather, he held me there for 4 days, but I don’t really remember any of those, only scrappy bits as if in a fog. My teacher found me when she came to check up on me and ask if I needed any help and when she saw me and my stepfather she just called the police. He…he was unstable. He is in a mental institution now, I’ve never seen him since that day. Sometimes I wonder if it’s my fault he is like that…I just don’t know. After that I got into a foster family, they were nice, but well…how should I say it? After some time my new mother she started saying that I was seducing her husband…but I never really did anything like that and it was so painful to hear such words. After that my granny found out about me and took me away. There. She is not actually my granny, just a very distant relative, but she takes care of me and I’m so grateful. She’s quite old, I don’t want to make her upset and I didn’t tell her a lot about…you know…When at school...also…well there always were people who hated me, saw right through me. I got so used to bruises on my body that I…I’m surprised that you haven’t…”
Minho suddenly wraps his arms around Taemin and Taemin notices with amazement that Minho’s eyes are filled with unshed tears the older boy is trying to suppress he then feels Minho’s hands cupping his, face serious eyes look stern and almost burning, the older boy whispers
“Never say that. Nobody’s going to hurt you. I’m a jerk Taemin and so they are. You are just too perfect you see, so in desperate need to have you…people can be cruel sometimes”
“But you are different Minho hyung, so very different” - says Taemin under his breath, so softly it’s practically just a stream of air, just a shadow of words, with practically no weight, feather light touch upon Minho’s screaming mind, soft sound that is melting him and filling him with grief at the same time
“No, I’m the same. I hurt you so many times” - Minho bitterly utters, then gently strokes Taemin’s cheeks and the boy leans closer, his lips practically touching Minho’s ear, hot breath scraping Minho’s skin and Minho closes his eyes, Taemin’s scent so strong and rich he can almost touch it and his whisper is hanging in the air, shooting down his spine to the core
“You are different, so different it hurts”
Author: wire_dancer
Rating: R
Pairing: 2min
Summary: Can you start a new life when the word hope is long forgotten? Can you start to feel again when you think you are dead inside. And what if the only person you fervently wish was different seems to be the same as everyone else?
The time is fragile, the outside world is completely and utterly non-existent and Taemin only envelopes the reality in the form of Minho: Minho’s voice, Minho’s warmth, Minho’s touch, everything around him is Minho now and he lets himself be buried deep into the tender and powerful oblivion of the soft movement of his hyung’s strong arms. All the past memories seem to fade away completely into nothingness, leaving just a lingering trail of sadness behind, as a new and much stronger feeling replaces them as if creating a small refuge, where Taemin’s fragile heart and his trembling soul can hide and Taemin wonders through his fogged mind, how he can feel so secure despite everything that had happened between him and Minho, despite the things he had gone through. The boy just can’t see the reason he feels that way, he is simply too tired to be so guarded against the whole world, against himself and he just gives in to the feeling Minho produces, ready for anything awaiting him, even if it will hurt later he decides that he needs Minho now, it’s time to make his callous heart feel again, it’s time to trust someone once again. So he simply moves closer to Minho, so close that it scares him as he did everything possible to forget about the warmth of another person’s skin, he erased the memories of someone else’s breath, he made sure he never needed them, yet he is there soaking in Minho’s warmth, enjoying those feelings that are reborn with all their might, his awakening heart trembling in longing and anticipation. Eventually he stops sobbing and just lays his head onto Minho’s chest listening to the older boy’s heart beat and enjoying the way Minho’s slender awkward fingers tenderly trace his skin: his cheeks and the bridge of his nose and fluttering closed eyelids, he wants to hear Minho’s voice, doesn’t matter what, just wants this soothing husky voice to pour onto his reopened wounds, helping to heal his lacerated soul. He mumbles it softly to Minho but the older boy fails to catch his whispering and he then asks him
-What is it Taemin? I didn’t catch it. Tell me again. Is there anything I can do? - he gently brushes away the stray strand of hair from the boy’s forehead and lets his fingers run through the silky locks, Taemin leaning onto that touch and shakes his head
-It’s nothing…just…talk to me - he exhales and closes his eyes listening to Minho’s voice, who is talking about some trifle things, but Taemin doesn’t really pay attention to the content, just the sound is enough, as it’s the same as the world outside, Minho’s voice is a part of the sunset, it’s there as a shadow of the darkening sky and the faint moon and the rustling of trees and the gush of evening’s wind. The night is getting closer and the temperature drops a little, so Minho interrupts his own flow of speech and suggests to go into the house to which Taemin slowly nods a bit reluctant to let go of Minho’s warm chest, but Minho pulls him up and puts his arm onto the boy’s shoulder leading them both back to the house only to find it dark and empty with Minho’s parents still out. Minho thinks over the idea of taking a shower but casts it aside, as his eyelids are already heavy and he is yawning from time to time, so he simply pulls off the bedcover, changes into his nightwear and gives a huge t-shirt to Taemin and when the boy also finishes changing, he drags him under the blanket not giving the boy a second option, silencing all Taemin’s words, who tries to say that he can sleep on the sofa. Minho ignores all of it, shushing him and only wraps his arms tighter around the thin waist, feeling the beating heart trapped into the cage of fragile ribs, and even though Taemin is quite tall, still Minho feels as if he holds something really small and delicate, something to treasure like a light of the firefly caught on the dark starless night and Minho pulls this body even closer till he hears a soft breathing by his side. Taemin is asleep. Only then Minho closes his eyes letting the sleep devour him.
In the morning Minho is awakened by his mother’s voice announcing that the breakfast is ready, she peeks into her son’s room, but doesn’t comment on the boy sleeping by Minho’s side, she just chuckles quietly and tells Minho to wake Taemin up and go downstairs and Minho amazes once again at how tolerant his parents are. The windows in his room are opened a little and the fresh breeze is flapping his white blinds while the sun tries to sneak into the room through the lacy fabric of the curtains casting a fancy shadow onto the sleeping boy. Minho silently watches Taemin unable to wake him up from his peaceful oblivion, he just relishes in the sight of the boy’s figure, his heart racing and once again Minho is overpowered by the serene atmosphere, yet tormented by the thought of him being inadequate to hold the boy close, to make him belong only to him. There’s nothing more in the world that Minho wants to have, there’s nothing more in the world he fears to approach, this sleeping boy is his small miracle he is determined to never hurt once again and Minho knuckles under the though his guilty mind produces. He shall never hurt the boy, thus he shall never touch him the way he wants it.
After a short while Minho decides to take a shower first and let Taemin sleep a little more, but when he comes out of the bathroom he finds his bed empty with a cover neatly placed on it, so he heads downstairs and sighs a little with relief at the sight of Taemin awkwardly munching his breakfast. He smiles shyly when he sees the older boy, squeaking something that sounds like “Good morning hyung” to Minho and watches a gleeful smile suddenly bloom on the tall boy’s face, then he feels his heart making an attempt to escape the tight cage of his bosom, violently beating against the bars created by his ribs.
They quickly eat their breakfast and after Taemin is done Minho insists that he has something important that he wants to show Taemin, but at the same time in his mind Minho doesn’t feel confident as he is still not used to the rapid change of their relationship, though inside his head only one thought is beating like a trapped bird, the thought of making Taemin happy, making him smile, making him forget about his sour and bitter past and face his future wholeheartedly, but at the same time he doubts he is qualified to even stand next to Taemin, he sure knows he’s not good enough to be even considered a friend to the boy. As if sensing the older boy’s doubts and insecurity, Taemin smiles shyly at him and says:
“You wanted to show me something, right hyung? Let’s go, let’s go” - he then gently takes hold of Minho’s hand and Minho feels all light and fizzy inside, like a glass of cold lemonade on the hot summer day, ice cubes clinking inside, so good, so right.
“Do you…mmm like swings?” - Minho asks cautiously and sighs with relief when he sees Taemin nod happily, which makes him a little more confident now
“We have one in our garden, they are quite old and stuff, but if you don’t mind…
Taemin interrupts him tugging on his arm impatiently and when Minho turns his head to steal a glance at the boy, he sees Taemin’s eyes shining brightly and a warm smile forming on his full lips making Minho’s heart skip one of its pathetic beats.
Once again Taemin and Minho sink into the divine secrecy the garden creates for the two of them, but the weather is a little cold and Minho rushes back to the house leaving surprised Taemin alone for a few minutes and the smaller boy patiently waits until he sees his hyung running back with a sweater in his hands and Taemin almost wants to cry when Minho gently helps him to pull it on. The sleeves are too long and Minho smiles touching the tips of Taemin’s fingers peeking out of them, the warmth Taemin feels, threatening to find its way through his eyes, so he hangs his head low blinking rapidly to prevent it from spilling, but when Minho’s hand tries to retreat as if afraid that he did something wrong, Taemin hastily grabs it back squeezing it almost painfully, not letting go of the strong and big palm.
The swings are old indeed, wrapped in ivy and rust and when Minho tentatively pushes them, they produce a loud screech to which Taemin laughs and Minho embarrassedly says:
“Sorry, we haven’t used those…in a while…I will fix them the next time you come, so… will you come?” - Minho freezes waiting for Taemin to answer, but the boy keeps silent, he only sits on the swings with his back turned to Minho and the soccer player devours his form with his searching eyes, Taemin’s shoulders are pretty wide but seemingly frail, his figure is quite tall, but somehow Minho sees that Taemin is delicate, slim, almost transparent in Minho’s huge sweeter, bones and veins and for a second Minho seriously thinks that it’s quite possible that Taemin consists of wind, rain and sunshine and he yearns to touch the boy this second, just to make sure, just one touch to prove he’s real. He stretches his arm to touch the milky-white skin of Taemin’s long neck but hesitates for a moment right before his fingers touch the boy, Taemin turns around, his eyes fixated on Minho and smiles catching the older boy’s outstretched arm with his own cold hands, bringing it closer to his face whilst he whispers:
“I will definitely come, so you’ll l have to fix them for me” - Taemin presses Minho’s palm to his cheek and covers it with his own, making Minho swallow a lump in his throat and nod.
Taemin stands up a bit disappointed that the swings are out of order and both of them occupy a wooden bench, sitting side by side, with Taemin leaning against Minho just a little bit, watching grey clouds cover the blues of the sky hiding the sun and filling the air with electric tension of the upcoming rain, Taemin moves even closer burying his head on Minho’s shoulder, his voice a little distant:
“I haven’t told you yesterday…” - Minho turns his head and peers at Taemin, unconsciously grabbing his hand
“My stepfather, he held me there for 4 days, but I don’t really remember any of those, only scrappy bits as if in a fog. My teacher found me when she came to check up on me and ask if I needed any help and when she saw me and my stepfather she just called the police. He…he was unstable. He is in a mental institution now, I’ve never seen him since that day. Sometimes I wonder if it’s my fault he is like that…I just don’t know. After that I got into a foster family, they were nice, but well…how should I say it? After some time my new mother she started saying that I was seducing her husband…but I never really did anything like that and it was so painful to hear such words. After that my granny found out about me and took me away. There. She is not actually my granny, just a very distant relative, but she takes care of me and I’m so grateful. She’s quite old, I don’t want to make her upset and I didn’t tell her a lot about…you know…When at school...also…well there always were people who hated me, saw right through me. I got so used to bruises on my body that I…I’m surprised that you haven’t…”
Minho suddenly wraps his arms around Taemin and Taemin notices with amazement that Minho’s eyes are filled with unshed tears the older boy is trying to suppress he then feels Minho’s hands cupping his, face serious eyes look stern and almost burning, the older boy whispers
“Never say that. Nobody’s going to hurt you. I’m a jerk Taemin and so they are. You are just too perfect you see, so in desperate need to have you…people can be cruel sometimes”
“But you are different Minho hyung, so very different” - says Taemin under his breath, so softly it’s practically just a stream of air, just a shadow of words, with practically no weight, feather light touch upon Minho’s screaming mind, soft sound that is melting him and filling him with grief at the same time
“No, I’m the same. I hurt you so many times” - Minho bitterly utters, then gently strokes Taemin’s cheeks and the boy leans closer, his lips practically touching Minho’s ear, hot breath scraping Minho’s skin and Minho closes his eyes, Taemin’s scent so strong and rich he can almost touch it and his whisper is hanging in the air, shooting down his spine to the core
“You are different, so different it hurts”