Funny that you mention it, I've been thinking somewhere along those lines lately, too. I'm amazed to watch couples that have been together for years, loved each other, based their whole lives upon one another, and then suddenly they split up and the unconditional love turns into this foul hatred.
I think I believe that, if you truly love someone, you can't ever hate them or you never loved them in the first place. I can see not being "in love" with them to a degree, but going from that place of love to a place of hatred just doesn't make sense in my mind.
I'd imagine you're spot on with your assessment. I'd also imagine it's probably a little bit of both. I just don't think you can hate someone you ever truly loved. I do think, though, that you could put on an air of hatred to mask your pain, and try and convince yourself that life is better without them.
(it's taken me like an hour and a half to get this written. okay.. maybe only an hour)
I don't know about the "you can't ever hate them or you never loved them in the first place" idea. I think it's possible to truly love someone but have that love shattered by a certain act or series of acts causing a breakup. Like say you're in a monogamous relationship, end up with and STD, and realize that your boyfriend/girlfriend has been having random unprotected sex with other people. You can go from love to hate pretty quickly.
That seems to me, though, to mean that the "love" they felt for that person wasn't informed. They loved something that wasn't truly how that person was, and when they found out how that person truly was, it opened their eyes.
I just think REAL love doesn't go away. Assuming, of course, you loved the real person.
Sounds like you've had a lot going on in your life. I like email stories if you feel like venting to someone.
Relationships bring out the best and the worst in people. Breakup's just all around bring out the worst in people. It is a shame. Relationships are complicated, truly, truly complicated.
I have to get ahold of you sometime and say hi again...been awhile.
...as for the worst in people...I think much of the time yes...but sometimes, you get two mature people who are saddened by the realization that they don't work together, yet remain good people who treat each other with respect and care...
ah. ok. i was like... er.. he's around but not posting??? i though i was just missing posts.
ok so... i need to ask for your wonderful perspective on my current issue. i know you may think that i don't like your opinions or don't respect you for them but i do, i really, honestly do... sometimes i just don't know how to process it because it brings up stuff that would take more than a reply to really dig into. does that make sense? you make me think and i do like it, even if sometimes i am stopped in my tracks. so, even if you don't have time for this current issue i just posted, i am glad to have told you that. we tend to bash heads a bit and i don't think i've ever mentioned that i don't hold it as a negative against you. i do like you even if you like war (kidding!!!!) oxox
I really appreciate this comment. I always put much thought, compassion and caring into my comments.
OK, I read and re-read your last few posts. I think you are right, it might take more than a reply to dig into. A live conversation might be better if you want to do that (IM or Phone).
However, in sum ... I DO think you should go back to the real world. (won't discuss that here) I DONT think you should get involved with immature men. I DO think you need to figure out what you want when you are 65-70 years old. What will make you happy then when you look back on your life, then work towards that. Is it family, children, career, etc and/or some combo of that?
Soooooooooo many thing in those three points I know.
I think sometimes if a relationship lasts long enough people can truly change, and someone you once loved very much can become an ass. In general though I think love lasts. If I ever like something about someone I still do. Many of my x-boyfriends are still attractive to me for the same initial reasons, even if I don't care to spend a lifetime with them. For myself, I always like to be friends in the end. I have trouble down-shifting into hate mood. Most of my x's are reluctant to spend time with me, which is very sad. I really wouldn't seduce them. It's just silly for them to fear me.
As to your other thought. I think I am pretty candid. If I want sex, I say that. Everyone needs a sex slave once and awhile.
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I think I believe that, if you truly love someone, you can't ever hate them or you never loved them in the first place. I can see not being "in love" with them to a degree, but going from that place of love to a place of hatred just doesn't make sense in my mind.
I'd imagine you're spot on with your assessment. I'd also imagine it's probably a little bit of both. I just don't think you can hate someone you ever truly loved. I do think, though, that you could put on an air of hatred to mask your pain, and try and convince yourself that life is better without them.
(it's taken me like an hour and a half to get this written. okay.. maybe only an hour)
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good points.
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That seems to me, though, to mean that the "love" they felt for that person wasn't informed. They loved something that wasn't truly how that person was, and when they found out how that person truly was, it opened their eyes.
I just think REAL love doesn't go away. Assuming, of course, you loved the real person.
Reply
Sounds like you've had a lot going on in your life. I like email stories if you feel like venting to someone.
Relationships bring out the best and the worst in people. Breakup's just all around bring out the worst in people. It is a shame. Relationships are complicated, truly, truly complicated.
Reply
I have to get ahold of you sometime and say hi again...been awhile.
...as for the worst in people...I think much of the time yes...but sometimes, you get two mature people who are saddened by the realization that they don't work together, yet remain good people who treat each other with respect and care...
Reply
ok so... i need to ask for your wonderful perspective on my current issue. i know you may think that i don't like your opinions or don't respect you for them but i do, i really, honestly do... sometimes i just don't know how to process it because it brings up stuff that would take more than a reply to really dig into. does that make sense? you make me think and i do like it, even if sometimes i am stopped in my tracks. so, even if you don't have time for this current issue i just posted, i am glad to have told you that. we tend to bash heads a bit and i don't think i've ever mentioned that i don't hold it as a negative against you. i do like you even if you like war (kidding!!!!) oxox
Reply
OK, I read and re-read your last few posts. I think you are right, it might take more than a reply to dig into. A live conversation might be better if you want to do that (IM or Phone).
However, in sum ...
I DO think you should go back to the real world. (won't discuss that here)
I DONT think you should get involved with immature men.
I DO think you need to figure out what you want when you are 65-70 years old. What will make you happy then when you look back on your life, then work towards that. Is it family, children, career, etc and/or some combo of that?
Soooooooooo many thing in those three points I know.
PS war sux, but I'd go to defend what is precious
Reply
In general though I think love lasts. If I ever like something about someone I still do. Many of my x-boyfriends are still attractive to me for the same initial reasons, even if I don't care to spend a lifetime with them. For myself, I always like to be friends in the end. I have trouble down-shifting into hate mood. Most of my x's are reluctant to spend time with me, which is very sad. I really wouldn't seduce them. It's just silly for them to fear me.
As to your other thought. I think I am pretty candid. If I want sex, I say that. Everyone needs a sex slave once and awhile.
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