005 - this was really inevitable

[wisheskill]

From the apparent panic that has flooded our microcosmic community, I am taken to believe that the mysterious disappearance of the aesthetically disturbing staff is quite the abnormal occurrence.

In their absence, I have taken it upon myself to offer my services to a delightfully dark and cryptic vampire male from my hometown by the name of Angel

Comments

[tadwizard]

How much for blood? We always need donors. At least, we will unless the Barge starts supplying blood again.

[wisheskill]

For my blood? A baseball bat, and two frozen dinners per quart, which I can save for when the food supply gets dangerously low. Big frozen dinners, mind. Ones that would actually be filling. You can't fleece me, young man!

If you would like me to facilitate trading between you and other clients, you would need to give me a day or two to arrange a trade and you would need to pay them whatever price I would be able to haggle out of them.

[tadwizard]

I have frozen dinners. I still have all the groceries I got before I came here. I don't have a baseball bat, though...what do you need it for? Would a chair leg do?

Yes! That would be great! Thank you!

[wisheskill]

If a chair leg would do, I could easily break one of my own chairs! I need a weapon in my pursuit of evildoers and fiends, should anything illicit occur during my time on guard duty!

And I shall begin making inquiries immediately.

[notquitedivine]

And to think-- such a creature was chosen to stand in for the Christ in the commercial markets at Easter.

...overreact much?

watch Anya be a little know-it-all :c

[wisheskill]

The Easter festival is not native to Christian mythology, but was in fact appropriated from the ancient Celtic festival of the dawn, dedicated to the goddess Eostre. The rabbit was her symbol. Because it's a symbol of fertility. Because they breed like mad.

Why would they need to breed that much unless they were building an army to destroy us all? And don't say "because they're natural prey," because I don't see chipmunks and dormice breeding like rabbits!

Gabriel...probably should have known that. Oops.

[notquitedivine]

...of course.

The pagans are all going to Hell anyway. Gabriel is too good to know about their petty customs.

[wisheskill]

Disbelieve me at your own peril. The bunnies are a danger to us all.

<3

[wisheskill]

You are very naive and will surely perish in their very first attack.

oh noes, Giselle D:

[wisheskill]

Are you harboring the little fiends? You're an accomplice, aren't you! A human sympathizer to their insidious goals!

They're only using you to further their own ends, and once they have the world in their furry little mitts, they'll have no more use for you! And then you'll be disposed of, probably in quite a dramatic and gory fashion.

I suspect they may use your entrails as victory streamers.

[kurt_bamf]

...I always knew their fluffy cuteness couldn't be trusted.

[wisheskill]

Thank you, my fellow sane person! We are alone in our knowledge of the truth, but I'm sure that together we can triumph over the disbelieving masses and alert them to the danger in time!

he thinks ur crazy :<

[kurt_bamf]

Yes, they shall sing our praises in the towns for our bravery.

Anya gives many people that impression :c

[wisheskill]

They will indeed!

It's always good to meet someone as knowledgeable in this area as myself. What's your name?

I am Anya.

lawl chara spamz

[fractured_will]

In a time of peril, your suggestion is to ration and sell what little we have available? I welcome you to our meager security force, but your idea for a shop is not very good, Miss.

ftw

[wisheskill]

I am merely propagating the wonder of the modern world that is capitalism! If you have objections to the principles I espouse, you must be a communist!

... You're not a communist, are you? Because then I'd have to have a cold war with you, and I prefer warmer climates.

[fractured_will]

...

I am neither of those things.

[wisheskill]

Well then what are you? Some kind of Bhuddist who doesn't believe in material possessions?

Do you live on a mountain yodeling to goats or something? I'm sure that's quite a peaceful life, but you're missing out on so many things.

Like sex, and Chinese take-away.