[fic] Violent Tendancies | CSI: Miami | Eric/Ryan
Title: Viloent Tendancies [1/3]
Fandom: CSI: Miami
Characters/Pairing: Eric/Ryan
Rating: PG-13...language and some stuff like that
Word Count: 1,404
Warnings/Spoilers: Just nailed, but that's an infamous episode now lol
Disclaimer: I do not own, and I make no money from this
A/N: I wrote this awhile ago, and I'm posting it as a kind of filler until I can get up faerie_lullaby's birthday fic up. Enjoy.
Sometimes you sit up at night, staring into the darkness as if it had all the answers.
You pray that maybe it holds some sembelance of some greater knowledge.
You hope it'll take away the pain you can't rationalize having.
You know you're being ridiculious. It's just darkness after all. It's not even a tangible object.
Sometimes you sit up at night just hurting.
Occasionally you cry, but you try not to. It hurts too much. Everyone always said crying was a release.
For you it's a reminder of how alone you feel.
You can't remember a time when there's been someone there to hold you. It's not that there ever wasn't, there just hasn't been for a long time. It was so long ago you don't even bother remembering anymore.
Because it only makes you cry more.
It's late now, you've been sitting for hours. You still have to work tomorrow, so you might as well get some rest.
Hurt doesn't stop you from doing a good job.
You just wish he'd make it easier for you.
---
You get to woke and you're greeted by Calleigh. She's so sweet to you, and you love her for it.
If it weren't for Calleigh and Alexx you'd have quit a long time ago.
"Ryan, what's wrong? You seem...distracted,"
Calleigh's soft accented voice drifts pleasntly into your conciousness. You love hearing her talk, she helps ease the unexplicable lonliness and hurt.
"I'm fine, just kinda got lost in thought," you reply with a soft laugh.
She seems convinced for the moment and smiles at you. You allow her to take gental hold of your elbow and lead you towards the break room. She always knows when you need a couple minutes to just not function.
You wonder sometimes that if circumstances were different if you'd ever ask her out. You're sure she'd agree.
Sometimes you wish you could love her that much.
You realize now that's she's let you go and you're standing with the others while Horatio hands out assignments.
"Ryan."
"Yeah?"
"I need you on this one with Eric..."
Your heart catches at the news. Some where near you you can feel Calleigh trying to silently reassure you. Your eyes flit to Eric who won't look at you.
"Alright."
You can do this. It won't be so horrible. It's the job, he has to be civil...right?
Looking at him you know you're wrong. This was going to end in bloodshed and tears.
"Calleigh, can I talk to you?" you whisper. She nods and excuses the both of you.
"What's wrong Ryan?"
"I don't know if I can do this," You admit, "Eric hates me. You and Alexx are the only reason---"
"Ryan. He's not going to hurt you. You know that."
"I guess...maybe I am just being ridiculous."
"I know Eric's rough on you," Calleigh says softly, "But he's just trying to sort out his own problems. It's not fair he's taking it out on you. Just tough it out, you'll be friends in no time."
"Yeah, sure." You reply with a bitter laugh.
Calleigh smiles at you, then steps closer to give you a kiss on the cheek. "You'll be fine."
She pats your chest and walks away. You know Eric's right behind you.
"Ready to go?"
"Yeah, let's go." You say, turning around. He nods and walks away. You can only follow.
"So you and Calleigh...?"
"What about us?"
"You guys together?"
"No," You reply. You find you're almost sad to say it, "No. We're just friends."
Eric drops the subject after that and concentrates on driving. You're glad for it. At least he's not picking on you.
Of course he silence isn't any better.
You can feel the unexplicable hurting coming back.
No, this can't happen. You shove it away, try to call up another feeling.
The only one you can get to surface is hate. You really hate the man you never met, the one who was here before you.
Tim Speedle.
If he was still around you wouldn't be going through all this pain, this torment.
Eric hates you because of something you had nothing to do with, and you can only feel hate in return.
The problem is you can't bring yourself to place that hate on Eric.
---
You can breath easy now. No more irrational worry, Eric's off on some other business.
You're comfortable here in the lab.
Maybe you should get a perminent job here. Minimal interactions. You could handle that alot easier.
Working with the chemicals eases you, DNA fasinates you. And best of all none of it hurts you. Not emotionally anyways.
Eric appears in the lab, looking expectant.
"Got anything yet?"
"Still working on it..."
You can't keep the edge out of your voice. You look up and see Eric is frowning.
"Come back in a bit," You say, indicating the door with a slight nod of your head.
"Speed've had it done..."
The growl had been so low and quiet you almost missed it. But you didn't.
Something in you broke.
"Well I'm sorry I'm not Tim fucking Speedle!" You snarl, "I'm sorry if I fucking do a good god damn job!"
"What?"
"Oh, don't bull shit me! Speedle wasn't the man you've made him out to be! Do you know how many cases I've had to go over and redo because he rushed!"
"Shut up!" Eric yells at you. But it's too late. There's no turning back.
You step around your lab table to stand off with Eric.
"No! You shut up! I'm tired of you always comparing me to some dead CSI! It's his own fault, he didn't clean his gun! I'm sorry if you loved him or something, but he's gone! Let it go! I'm here to do a job, and you are too. So why don't you back the fuck off and let me work, stop harrasing me!"
"Oh, you haven't been harrassed, not yet."
You manage to avoid the first swing, but weren't anticipating the second. The blow hardly phased you. Within seconds you were up and swinging, sending him falling back into the glass wall. You grab his collar, pull him away and slam him against it again. You ignore the faint cracking sound.
"All I've done was worked my ass off. I didn't have to, but I did."
"And what did you get for it?" Eric growls.
"Nothing but grief! Everyone liked me just fine, but you...haha..you were just a big fucking jerk."
By this point the crack is visible behind Eric, but you don't care. Calleigh's gotten Horatio and they're running towards you, but you barely notice.
"I just wanted for you to once, ONCE, say 'Good job Ryan,' or show some sort of appreciation for my work. Hell, I got shot in the eye with a fucking nail, and do you let up? No!"
You don't realize tears are stinging your eyes, or that they've been running down your cheeks for a while now.
You don't care that Eric's expression has softened from anger and he looks sorry.
You just want the hurt out, and this is helping.
"Ryan..."
"Shut up!" you snap, not reconizing Calleigh's voice, "So what do I have to do Eric? Fuck up a case, I mean I've already been shot. Do I have to die, what?"
"You don't..."
"I don't even know why I fucking try! You don't care! It's all about Eric, or the next lay, or whatever!"
You've released him from your grip. You can feel the tears now, and you're shaking.
"What about me?"
Silence falls in the room.
You suddenly know why you hurt, and now so does he.
As you fall to your knees and break down, he moves away from the glass, and backs away from you.
You can't see the venomous glares Calleigh is giving Eric, or the fear on his face.
You don't know he's turned and taken off, left the building.
All you know is your head is throbbing as you cry. Calleigh's embraced you as you let out all your anguish.
"It's okay baby..."
"I loved him for so long..." you sob, "I didn't know it."
"I know hun..."
"It hurst."
"I know."
Calleigh continues to hold you and you cry past the point of tears.
You wish it made the hurt leave.
But since when do wishes come true?
TBC
Fandom: CSI: Miami
Characters/Pairing: Eric/Ryan
Rating: PG-13...language and some stuff like that
Word Count: 1,404
Warnings/Spoilers: Just nailed, but that's an infamous episode now lol
Disclaimer: I do not own, and I make no money from this
A/N: I wrote this awhile ago, and I'm posting it as a kind of filler until I can get up faerie_lullaby's birthday fic up. Enjoy.
Sometimes you sit up at night, staring into the darkness as if it had all the answers.
You pray that maybe it holds some sembelance of some greater knowledge.
You hope it'll take away the pain you can't rationalize having.
You know you're being ridiculious. It's just darkness after all. It's not even a tangible object.
Sometimes you sit up at night just hurting.
Occasionally you cry, but you try not to. It hurts too much. Everyone always said crying was a release.
For you it's a reminder of how alone you feel.
You can't remember a time when there's been someone there to hold you. It's not that there ever wasn't, there just hasn't been for a long time. It was so long ago you don't even bother remembering anymore.
Because it only makes you cry more.
It's late now, you've been sitting for hours. You still have to work tomorrow, so you might as well get some rest.
Hurt doesn't stop you from doing a good job.
You just wish he'd make it easier for you.
---
You get to woke and you're greeted by Calleigh. She's so sweet to you, and you love her for it.
If it weren't for Calleigh and Alexx you'd have quit a long time ago.
"Ryan, what's wrong? You seem...distracted,"
Calleigh's soft accented voice drifts pleasntly into your conciousness. You love hearing her talk, she helps ease the unexplicable lonliness and hurt.
"I'm fine, just kinda got lost in thought," you reply with a soft laugh.
She seems convinced for the moment and smiles at you. You allow her to take gental hold of your elbow and lead you towards the break room. She always knows when you need a couple minutes to just not function.
You wonder sometimes that if circumstances were different if you'd ever ask her out. You're sure she'd agree.
Sometimes you wish you could love her that much.
You realize now that's she's let you go and you're standing with the others while Horatio hands out assignments.
"Ryan."
"Yeah?"
"I need you on this one with Eric..."
Your heart catches at the news. Some where near you you can feel Calleigh trying to silently reassure you. Your eyes flit to Eric who won't look at you.
"Alright."
You can do this. It won't be so horrible. It's the job, he has to be civil...right?
Looking at him you know you're wrong. This was going to end in bloodshed and tears.
"Calleigh, can I talk to you?" you whisper. She nods and excuses the both of you.
"What's wrong Ryan?"
"I don't know if I can do this," You admit, "Eric hates me. You and Alexx are the only reason---"
"Ryan. He's not going to hurt you. You know that."
"I guess...maybe I am just being ridiculous."
"I know Eric's rough on you," Calleigh says softly, "But he's just trying to sort out his own problems. It's not fair he's taking it out on you. Just tough it out, you'll be friends in no time."
"Yeah, sure." You reply with a bitter laugh.
Calleigh smiles at you, then steps closer to give you a kiss on the cheek. "You'll be fine."
She pats your chest and walks away. You know Eric's right behind you.
"Ready to go?"
"Yeah, let's go." You say, turning around. He nods and walks away. You can only follow.
"So you and Calleigh...?"
"What about us?"
"You guys together?"
"No," You reply. You find you're almost sad to say it, "No. We're just friends."
Eric drops the subject after that and concentrates on driving. You're glad for it. At least he's not picking on you.
Of course he silence isn't any better.
You can feel the unexplicable hurting coming back.
No, this can't happen. You shove it away, try to call up another feeling.
The only one you can get to surface is hate. You really hate the man you never met, the one who was here before you.
Tim Speedle.
If he was still around you wouldn't be going through all this pain, this torment.
Eric hates you because of something you had nothing to do with, and you can only feel hate in return.
The problem is you can't bring yourself to place that hate on Eric.
---
You can breath easy now. No more irrational worry, Eric's off on some other business.
You're comfortable here in the lab.
Maybe you should get a perminent job here. Minimal interactions. You could handle that alot easier.
Working with the chemicals eases you, DNA fasinates you. And best of all none of it hurts you. Not emotionally anyways.
Eric appears in the lab, looking expectant.
"Got anything yet?"
"Still working on it..."
You can't keep the edge out of your voice. You look up and see Eric is frowning.
"Come back in a bit," You say, indicating the door with a slight nod of your head.
"Speed've had it done..."
The growl had been so low and quiet you almost missed it. But you didn't.
Something in you broke.
"Well I'm sorry I'm not Tim fucking Speedle!" You snarl, "I'm sorry if I fucking do a good god damn job!"
"What?"
"Oh, don't bull shit me! Speedle wasn't the man you've made him out to be! Do you know how many cases I've had to go over and redo because he rushed!"
"Shut up!" Eric yells at you. But it's too late. There's no turning back.
You step around your lab table to stand off with Eric.
"No! You shut up! I'm tired of you always comparing me to some dead CSI! It's his own fault, he didn't clean his gun! I'm sorry if you loved him or something, but he's gone! Let it go! I'm here to do a job, and you are too. So why don't you back the fuck off and let me work, stop harrasing me!"
"Oh, you haven't been harrassed, not yet."
You manage to avoid the first swing, but weren't anticipating the second. The blow hardly phased you. Within seconds you were up and swinging, sending him falling back into the glass wall. You grab his collar, pull him away and slam him against it again. You ignore the faint cracking sound.
"All I've done was worked my ass off. I didn't have to, but I did."
"And what did you get for it?" Eric growls.
"Nothing but grief! Everyone liked me just fine, but you...haha..you were just a big fucking jerk."
By this point the crack is visible behind Eric, but you don't care. Calleigh's gotten Horatio and they're running towards you, but you barely notice.
"I just wanted for you to once, ONCE, say 'Good job Ryan,' or show some sort of appreciation for my work. Hell, I got shot in the eye with a fucking nail, and do you let up? No!"
You don't realize tears are stinging your eyes, or that they've been running down your cheeks for a while now.
You don't care that Eric's expression has softened from anger and he looks sorry.
You just want the hurt out, and this is helping.
"Ryan..."
"Shut up!" you snap, not reconizing Calleigh's voice, "So what do I have to do Eric? Fuck up a case, I mean I've already been shot. Do I have to die, what?"
"You don't..."
"I don't even know why I fucking try! You don't care! It's all about Eric, or the next lay, or whatever!"
You've released him from your grip. You can feel the tears now, and you're shaking.
"What about me?"
Silence falls in the room.
You suddenly know why you hurt, and now so does he.
As you fall to your knees and break down, he moves away from the glass, and backs away from you.
You can't see the venomous glares Calleigh is giving Eric, or the fear on his face.
You don't know he's turned and taken off, left the building.
All you know is your head is throbbing as you cry. Calleigh's embraced you as you let out all your anguish.
"It's okay baby..."
"I loved him for so long..." you sob, "I didn't know it."
"I know hun..."
"It hurst."
"I know."
Calleigh continues to hold you and you cry past the point of tears.
You wish it made the hurt leave.
But since when do wishes come true?
TBC