[fic] Violent Tendancies | CSI: Miami | Eric/Ryan
Title: Viloent Tendancies [2/3]
Fandom: CSI: Miami
Characters/Pairing: Eric/Ryan
Rating: PG-13...Language
Word Count: 1,320
Warnings/Spoilers: Just nailed, but that's an infamous episode now lol
Disclaimer: I do not own, and I make no money from this
A/N: Wow, I got alot more comments on the first part than I had expected! Well, I'm glad everyone's enjoying it so much, and you'll be glad to know I got some new spell checking programs. Unfortunatly not everything will be spelled right, but I try ^^;
This time it's Eric's POV.
You know you shouldn't have been so hard on him, but you couldn't help yourself.
It wasn't that you hated him in particular, you were just hurting.
He was there when Speed should have been there instead. He was doing things better, and you realized it.
You feared it.
Speed shouldn't be forgotten. He was trying to make them forget.
No, you remind yourself, he's only doing his job.
And you were cruel.
He was right, you were a jerk. And you only pushed him more when he was shot.
Shot on a job you were meant to do.
You punch the wall.
All you could do was run away. Now you're outside, hiding around the side of the forensics building. You're vagley aware that Horatio has followed you, but in all honesty, you don't care right now.
'What about me?'
His voice rings clear in your mind. You can see his eyes, hazel-brown in his rage, overflowing with tears in his sadness.
He loved you, and you broke him.
Over and over.
You punch the wall again.
"Fuck!"
"Eric. You're bleeding."
You look at Horatio, trying to bite your tongue, not wanting to tear into him. He was just looking out for you. You sigh and glance down at your bloodied fist.
"I really fucked up this time H..."
"I see that."
"Why didn't you stop me?"
"What could we do? You had made up your mind the minute you laid eyes on him. We tried, you couldn't see past Speed's memory."
"What do I do now?"
You've never felt so foolish. But Horatio always knows what to do.
"Go clean yourself up. My best advice would be to stay away from Calleigh and Alexx for the time being, they aren't going to be too pleased with you."
"What about Ryan?"
"You'll have to figure that one out for yourself."
Hortaio turns and walks away, leaving you with your thoughts.
--
You stand under the thin stream of warm water wondering how long he's loved you.
How long he's been hurting.
You know you were both being ignorant. You were too concerned with your pain to see his.
He was too hurt to see yours.
Thinking back you could see so many chances to just talk. Ask him, or let him get just a little closer to you.
God knows he'd tried it before.
His words run over and over in your mind, slashing at you like a hot knife.
'It's all about Eric, or the next lay...'
But you were so lonely. You missed your best friend desperately.
You wonder if you'd given Ryan a chance would you have been so lonely?
You could see yourself with him.
Maybe.
It was too late for that now.
Besides, you were still bitter. He'd slandered your memories. He didn't even know Speed.
You can't help but smile though. They would have gotten along great. You could just picture Speed teasing Ryan about his little quirks and taking him under his wing.
Speed had taken you in, taught you. You thought you could do him proud.
You were probably making him turn in his grave.
You turn off the shower.
--
It felt odd to be sneaking around your own place of work, but you agreed with what Horatio had said to you earlier.
If Calleigh or Alexx got ahold of you...
You shiver at the though.
But you knew it was inevitable.
"Eric..."
You freeze. The icy bitterness dripping for Calleigh's voice nearly stops your heart.
Slowly you turn around.
"Um...hey, Calleigh..."
"Don't you 'hey Calleigh' me!"
You actually flinch and back away. She looks so angry and she doesn't seem to know what to do first.
"You made him cry."
She wasn't yelling anymore, but you were still afraid of her.
"I realize that."
You're surprised at the boldness in your voice. She seems to realize you're just as angry at yourself as she is.
"Why, Eric?"
She had to sum it all up like that, didn't she?
You don't know how to answer. You feel so lost.
"I was hurt too...you know?" you finally reply, "But you...you were all so concerned with him."
You refuse to let the tears fall, but she seems to sense that you want to, no, need to cry.
"We didn't think..."
"That's a lie!" you snarl, your anger flaring up again. "You were the one to question me first! You were worried, but then...then he showed up. He was more important."
"We weren't trying to hurt you. We...I haven't forgotten Tim."
"Where's Ryan?"
You don't know why you want to see him suddenly, but you need to.
"Why?"
"You were there, you heard him."
"Eric...?"
"Look, I know I fucked up. Holy shit did I fuck up. I never hated him, things just...they got out of hand."
"Because we only cared about him..."
"Yes."
"He's with Alexx."
You weren't surprised to hear this, but it worried you just a bit. You set you jaw and turn around with determination. You'll talk to him., regardless of who he was with.
"You'd better not make him cry again!"
You don't acknowledge Calleigh calling after you.
--
You stand uneasily outside the door to Alexx's office. From what you can tell, Ryan's not crying anymore.
The only thing you can think of is your countless one night stands, and how your hurt only increased each time.
You wonder if he's sat up at night, all alone, wishing for a way to ease his pain.
Like you had.
With a deep sigh to steady your nerves, you knock on the door.
You almost fear for your life when Alexx opens it.
"What do you want?"
"Alexx, I need to talk to him..."
"After what---"
"Alexx!"
You're actually pleading. You're willing to get down on your knees. But if you know Alexx, just the voice will work. You decide to throw in your best most pleading pout, and you can see her cracking.
"Ten minutes," she finally says.
You step into the office and Alexx leaves, closing the door behind her.
Ryan won't even look at you.
You deserve more than his hate, and you know it.
Even so, you swallow your pride and approach him.
"I'm sorry."
"Yeah right."
Your temper flares. Can't he see you're making an effort?
"Really Ryan---"
"Eric...go away."
The monotone of Ryan's voice shocks you, but you can't leave.
"I was hurt too."
"I know."
"Then you were the only one."
You sigh and go sit next to him. You can't look at him, so you stare at your feet.
"Look, I was...jealous. They stopped seeing me and only saw you. And you did such a good job..."
"I don't know why it had to be you."
You look up to see him facing you now. His eyes are puffy from his crying, but he's smiling.
A sort of distant smile, you realize, almost bitter.
"Life would have been easier if it was Calleigh. I think she knew though, long before I did."
"Ryan...?"
"I sit up at night. I always try and make the pain go away. I thought if we fought it would be better. But then I knew...we both knew."
"I sit up too..." You say softly. You look at the floor again with another sigh, "I hate feeling so lonely all the time."
"Maybe..." Ryan starts, then pauses. You look up at him again.
"Maybe we could sit up...together?"
"Yeah, maybe."
You can't help but smile because the look he gives you just then is so...perfect. You grab his hand in yours and fixate your eyes with his.
"I should never have hurt you."
"I shouldn't have either."
You've forgotten why you were pissed off at him.
In less than 5 minutes he's won you over, you know you've fallen.
And the hurt is edging away.
TBC.
Fandom: CSI: Miami
Characters/Pairing: Eric/Ryan
Rating: PG-13...Language
Word Count: 1,320
Warnings/Spoilers: Just nailed, but that's an infamous episode now lol
Disclaimer: I do not own, and I make no money from this
A/N: Wow, I got alot more comments on the first part than I had expected! Well, I'm glad everyone's enjoying it so much, and you'll be glad to know I got some new spell checking programs. Unfortunatly not everything will be spelled right, but I try ^^;
This time it's Eric's POV.
You know you shouldn't have been so hard on him, but you couldn't help yourself.
It wasn't that you hated him in particular, you were just hurting.
He was there when Speed should have been there instead. He was doing things better, and you realized it.
You feared it.
Speed shouldn't be forgotten. He was trying to make them forget.
No, you remind yourself, he's only doing his job.
And you were cruel.
He was right, you were a jerk. And you only pushed him more when he was shot.
Shot on a job you were meant to do.
You punch the wall.
All you could do was run away. Now you're outside, hiding around the side of the forensics building. You're vagley aware that Horatio has followed you, but in all honesty, you don't care right now.
'What about me?'
His voice rings clear in your mind. You can see his eyes, hazel-brown in his rage, overflowing with tears in his sadness.
He loved you, and you broke him.
Over and over.
You punch the wall again.
"Fuck!"
"Eric. You're bleeding."
You look at Horatio, trying to bite your tongue, not wanting to tear into him. He was just looking out for you. You sigh and glance down at your bloodied fist.
"I really fucked up this time H..."
"I see that."
"Why didn't you stop me?"
"What could we do? You had made up your mind the minute you laid eyes on him. We tried, you couldn't see past Speed's memory."
"What do I do now?"
You've never felt so foolish. But Horatio always knows what to do.
"Go clean yourself up. My best advice would be to stay away from Calleigh and Alexx for the time being, they aren't going to be too pleased with you."
"What about Ryan?"
"You'll have to figure that one out for yourself."
Hortaio turns and walks away, leaving you with your thoughts.
--
You stand under the thin stream of warm water wondering how long he's loved you.
How long he's been hurting.
You know you were both being ignorant. You were too concerned with your pain to see his.
He was too hurt to see yours.
Thinking back you could see so many chances to just talk. Ask him, or let him get just a little closer to you.
God knows he'd tried it before.
His words run over and over in your mind, slashing at you like a hot knife.
'It's all about Eric, or the next lay...'
But you were so lonely. You missed your best friend desperately.
You wonder if you'd given Ryan a chance would you have been so lonely?
You could see yourself with him.
Maybe.
It was too late for that now.
Besides, you were still bitter. He'd slandered your memories. He didn't even know Speed.
You can't help but smile though. They would have gotten along great. You could just picture Speed teasing Ryan about his little quirks and taking him under his wing.
Speed had taken you in, taught you. You thought you could do him proud.
You were probably making him turn in his grave.
You turn off the shower.
--
It felt odd to be sneaking around your own place of work, but you agreed with what Horatio had said to you earlier.
If Calleigh or Alexx got ahold of you...
You shiver at the though.
But you knew it was inevitable.
"Eric..."
You freeze. The icy bitterness dripping for Calleigh's voice nearly stops your heart.
Slowly you turn around.
"Um...hey, Calleigh..."
"Don't you 'hey Calleigh' me!"
You actually flinch and back away. She looks so angry and she doesn't seem to know what to do first.
"You made him cry."
She wasn't yelling anymore, but you were still afraid of her.
"I realize that."
You're surprised at the boldness in your voice. She seems to realize you're just as angry at yourself as she is.
"Why, Eric?"
She had to sum it all up like that, didn't she?
You don't know how to answer. You feel so lost.
"I was hurt too...you know?" you finally reply, "But you...you were all so concerned with him."
You refuse to let the tears fall, but she seems to sense that you want to, no, need to cry.
"We didn't think..."
"That's a lie!" you snarl, your anger flaring up again. "You were the one to question me first! You were worried, but then...then he showed up. He was more important."
"We weren't trying to hurt you. We...I haven't forgotten Tim."
"Where's Ryan?"
You don't know why you want to see him suddenly, but you need to.
"Why?"
"You were there, you heard him."
"Eric...?"
"Look, I know I fucked up. Holy shit did I fuck up. I never hated him, things just...they got out of hand."
"Because we only cared about him..."
"Yes."
"He's with Alexx."
You weren't surprised to hear this, but it worried you just a bit. You set you jaw and turn around with determination. You'll talk to him., regardless of who he was with.
"You'd better not make him cry again!"
You don't acknowledge Calleigh calling after you.
--
You stand uneasily outside the door to Alexx's office. From what you can tell, Ryan's not crying anymore.
The only thing you can think of is your countless one night stands, and how your hurt only increased each time.
You wonder if he's sat up at night, all alone, wishing for a way to ease his pain.
Like you had.
With a deep sigh to steady your nerves, you knock on the door.
You almost fear for your life when Alexx opens it.
"What do you want?"
"Alexx, I need to talk to him..."
"After what---"
"Alexx!"
You're actually pleading. You're willing to get down on your knees. But if you know Alexx, just the voice will work. You decide to throw in your best most pleading pout, and you can see her cracking.
"Ten minutes," she finally says.
You step into the office and Alexx leaves, closing the door behind her.
Ryan won't even look at you.
You deserve more than his hate, and you know it.
Even so, you swallow your pride and approach him.
"I'm sorry."
"Yeah right."
Your temper flares. Can't he see you're making an effort?
"Really Ryan---"
"Eric...go away."
The monotone of Ryan's voice shocks you, but you can't leave.
"I was hurt too."
"I know."
"Then you were the only one."
You sigh and go sit next to him. You can't look at him, so you stare at your feet.
"Look, I was...jealous. They stopped seeing me and only saw you. And you did such a good job..."
"I don't know why it had to be you."
You look up to see him facing you now. His eyes are puffy from his crying, but he's smiling.
A sort of distant smile, you realize, almost bitter.
"Life would have been easier if it was Calleigh. I think she knew though, long before I did."
"Ryan...?"
"I sit up at night. I always try and make the pain go away. I thought if we fought it would be better. But then I knew...we both knew."
"I sit up too..." You say softly. You look at the floor again with another sigh, "I hate feeling so lonely all the time."
"Maybe..." Ryan starts, then pauses. You look up at him again.
"Maybe we could sit up...together?"
"Yeah, maybe."
You can't help but smile because the look he gives you just then is so...perfect. You grab his hand in yours and fixate your eyes with his.
"I should never have hurt you."
"I shouldn't have either."
You've forgotten why you were pissed off at him.
In less than 5 minutes he's won you over, you know you've fallen.
And the hurt is edging away.
TBC.