Only Human: A Kunogi Himawari FST (in Two Parts)
I know this community was originally only for icons (hence the name) but I'm going to post it here, anyway. It's my first FST ever! So... sorry if it's not the greatest of FSTs out there. I've been planning this monster for about four months now, but I finally got off my butt and started working on it for the past three days just in time for finals, my timing is stupendous.
Fandom: xxxHOLiC
Subject: Kunogi Himawari
Title: Only Human: A Himawari FST (in two parts)
Warnings: The first cover for part two is a major spoiler for volume 10; and within the descriptions of the lyrics chosen there are major spoilers for volumes 10 and 11.
Notes: This is a Himawari-centric FST, but you can find instances of Himawari/Watanuki, Doumeki/Watanuki/Himawari, and Doumeki/Watanuki-- depending on what you want to see and interpret as platonic or non-platonic love. Regardless, there's a whole lot of love going on in this FST.
File Hosting: If one of the links doesn't work for downloading, please let me know and I'll be happy to reupload it! Secondly, if there's anything wrong with the zip file or the files within, please let me know right away and I'll do what I can to fix it.
Download Part One:
Mediafire
(mirrors provided upon request)
01: Train Wreck by Sarah McLachlan
“Cause I’m a train wreck
Waiting to happen.”
Pretty self-explanatory. Over the course of her life, Himawari has learned to accept that she is a disaster-and has the potential for great harm.
02: Acoustic #3 by The Goo Goo Dolls
“And the least they ever gave you
Was the most you ever knew.”
Once again, Himawari’s past has left her with little to know, little to look forward to. And yet she lives her life to the best of her ability, and while there is not a lot she was ever given or could ever expect, it’s all she knows. Living with her curse is all she knows.
03. All My Friends by The Counting Crows
“Well everyone needs a better day,
And I’m trying to find me a better way
To get through the things I do
And the things I should.”
…
“All you want is a place to lay your head,
You go to sleep dreamin’ how you would
Be a different kind if you thought you could,
But you come awake the way you are instead.”
The bulk of Part One deals with Himawari’s feelings regarding her curse and how she’s grown used to being alone far before she met Watanuki, and far before she started getting close to Watanuki. Like the two songs before this, this song demonstrates, to me, Himawari’s attempts to get through the day. She’s resolved to live her life to the best of her abilities, despite her curse, but she still dreams of what it’d be like if she could be a better person, be able to protect those she cares about, and ultimately live her life to the best of her abilities.
Admittedly, this song is about a girl (and hey, it can work out for Himawari depending on who you pair her with, I suppose!) But ‘girl’ can easily be replaced with ‘boy’ in respect to Watanuki (and to some extent, Doumeki.) It just deals with regret and possibilities.
04. Waiting for the World to Fall by Jars of Clay
“I’m afraid it’s been too long to try to find the reasons why
I let my world close in around a smaller patch of fading sky.”
But despite how she lives her life to the best of her abilities and tries to be as normal and natural as possible, Himawari has limited possibilities in her life. And she’s gone so long expecting and accepting that, too.
05. Hands Open by Snow Patrol
“Why would I sabotage
The best thing that I have?
Well, it makes it easier to know
Exactly what I want with my…
Hands open and my eyes open
I just keep hoping
That your heart opens.”
As she grows closer to Watanuki, she pushes him towards Doumeki. At first, she doesn’t know that Doumeki is unaffected by her curse, of course, and would protect Doumeki-the action is more to get Watanuki away from her and towards someone else. So while this song seems to be a calling on the speaker’s part to a potential significant other, I interpreted this as Himawari’s attempts to encourage Watanuki and Doumeki’s deeper relationship, because she doesn’t want Watanuki or Doumeki to get hurt.
06. Skin by Alexz Johnson
“Oh, he’s under my skin
Just give me something to get rid of him
I’ve got a reason now to bury this alive
Another little white lie.”
As Himawari gets closer and closer to Watanuki and Doumeki, she tries to distance herself, because she doesn’t want to hurt anyone with her curse. But Watanuki and Doumeki keep coming closer and closer to her, and the more they do so the more she tries to push them away.
07. Darkest Hour by Charlotte Martin
“Waiting I’m
Waiting to hold nothing cause
Everyone knows nothing’s much easier to touch”
…
“I shake, shake from holding back
Someone’s trying to get me back on track from my spiral”
The first chosen lyrics deals, obviously, with Himawari’s attempts to distance herself from others and protect them from herself. In the end, it’s easier for her to hold onto nothing, to touch nothing, and therefore protect everyone.
The second chosen lyrics deals with her growing relationship with the two boys, despite her resolve they’re shaking the foundation. And they’re making her life happier, despite her knowing the danger.
08. Life for Rent by Dido
“But if my life is for rent and I don’t learn to buy
Well, I deserve nothing more than I get
Cause nothing I have is truly mine.
While my heart is a shield and I won’t let it down,
While I’m so afraid to fail so I won’t even try,
Well how can I say I’m alive?”
This is perhaps the turning point for Himawari. She’s gone through her life accepting her position as a cursed girl, thinking that this is what she deserves, that she shouldn’t and can’t get close to anyone. And then Watanuki and Doumeki come into her life. And even though she shields herself away, tries to stay away and afraid of getting close… she realizes that that is not the way to live her life to the fullest.
09. Today by Poe
“And today is the day.
Maybe I should wait
Just a minute or two
It’s getting cold now
I feel so insecure.
The future is a mistress
That is so hard to please
And the past
Is a pebble in my shoe.”
And going off of the last song, this one portrays Himawari’s attempts to be close to Watanuki and Doumeki. She’s afraid of going forward, but she must have the strength to do so. The future is uncertain and scary, and the past weighs her down. But she knows she must, and today is the day.
10. Wreck of the Day by Anna Nalick
“I’d cheat destiny just to be near you
If this is giving up, then I’m giving up.
If this is giving up, then I’m giving up, giving up
On love, on love.”
Because she’s been alone for so long, she’s grown used to it, and even if she’d like to be near those she cares for, she knows that in the end it’s better for her to just accept the way destiny is and stay away. And perhaps that might seem like giving up to someone else, but is just the way life is for her.
11. On Your Shore by Charlotte Martin
“I dig my heels into the dirt.”
…
“Here I am in my insecurity
Here I am in my damaged dignity
Here I am, you’re pulling me in too deep.”
She resists it as best she can, but she cannot stop it. But in the end, it is inevitable. Or, as Yuuko would say, hitsuzen.
Download Part Two:
Mediadfire
(mirrors provided upon request)
01. Fix You by Coldplay
“And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can’t replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?”
This song strikes me as, overall, Watanuki to Himawari. But these lyrics especially strike me as Himawari to Watanuki, especially after he’s fallen from the window. She’s heartbroken to have caused such a thing, but she’s willing to do what it takes to make sure he doesn’t disappear (and Doumeki and Syaoran feel the same way, of course.) And there is nothing worse than losing someone you love-and I believe it’s in these moments that Himawari realizes just how important Watanuki has become to her.
02. You Picked Me by A Fine Frenzy
“I was difficult to reach
But you picked me.”
As mentioned at length in Part One, while Himawari attempted to stay away, to sink into the background, to be just another pretty face-she still managed to form an important connection with Watanuki.
03. Easier to Lie by Aqualung
“And honestly
To look you in the eye
It’s easier to lie
It’s easier to lie.”
Pretty self-explanatory. It’s easier for her to lie and live her life as best she can, sinking into the backdrop, than to tell the truth and admit to her secrets. Even if she knows they’re lies, and that, ultimately, it’s bad, old habits die hard.
04. Here is Gone by The Goo Goo Dolls
“And I’ve got my defenses
When it comes to your intentions for me.
Yeah.
And we wake up in the breakdown
Of the things we never thought we could be.
Yeah.”
At first, she has her defenses against all those trying to get close to her. But after everything that happened, she’s become something she never thought was possible. She’s become loved, needed. Watanuki was happy to have met her-and that was something she never thought she would hear.
05. In the Sun by Joseph Arthur
“And being caught in between all you wish for and all you’ve seen,
And trying to find anything you can feel that you can believe in.”
Once again, this strikes me, overall, as a Watanuki to Himawari song. And these lyrics especially seem like Himawari’s attempts to weigh between what she wants to do and what she’s experienced. She likes Watanuki, but she doesn’t want to hurt him. She’s ready for him to hate her after he falls, but instead he says that he loves her and that he was happy to have met her.
06. The Sun and the Moon by Mae
“I cannot say I was ready for this.
But when worlds collide,
And all that I have is all that I want.”
Self-explanatory, and can be applied to Watanuki (and to some extent Doumeki) on Himawari’s part. She wasn’t ready to be as close to them as she has become, and their two different worlds have become one-and Himawari is happy.
07. Halo by Oleander
“And it’s always little things
That to the surface brings
The comfort in the pain
The fear behind the smile.”
…
“There’s an anchor around my heart
Dragging me down,
Beneath the waves in silence I fall.”
Pretty self-explanatory, once again. Baggage weighs her down, and she’s afraid to love, to open herself to someone. She’s afraid of it, and it drags her down. But Watanuki and Doumeki have been pulling her back to the surface.
08. Ever the Same by Rob Thomas
“Just let me hold you while you’re falling apart
Just let me hold you and we’ll both fall down.”
…
“You may need me there to carry all your weight,
But you’re not burden I assure.”
Watanuki to Himawari. Even though he knows about her curse, he wants to be near her, to hold her, to be her friend and someone important to her. And it is not a burden or an obligation for him.
09. Only Human by K
“Even if we’ve grown used to loneliness
Only relying on the light of the moon
We have to fly away with featherless wings
Just go forward, just a little further.”
She can’t be alone anymore, she can’t be on her own, never making a connection with anyone. She must move forward bravely and live her life-and she will.
10. Become by The Goo Goo Dolls
“For so long I tried to reach you,
I know I’m almost there.
I’m close enough for you to see.”
Watanuki to Himawari. After everything is said and done, she can finally see everything that Watanuki says and means-and how much they care about one another (whether as just as friends or otherwise, depending on your ship, of course.)
11. Redeemed by Charlotte Martin
I really couldn’t choose one exert that fit Himawari best. To me, this entire song applies to her at some point in her story. She’s suffered a lot over the course of her life and grown from her experiences. And she has found love with Watanuki and Doumeki (whether a platonic love or otherwise…) She can’t take back everything she’s done, but she can move forward and grow. And she is, ultimately, redeemed.
Links:
Tags
Resources
Awards
Affiliate?
Join?
Please:
Do not alter the graphics in this FST in any way (icons are coming soon)
X-posted to several communities, so I apologize if this appears in your FL multiple times.
Fandom: xxxHOLiC
Subject: Kunogi Himawari
Title: Only Human: A Himawari FST (in two parts)
Warnings: The first cover for part two is a major spoiler for volume 10; and within the descriptions of the lyrics chosen there are major spoilers for volumes 10 and 11.
Notes: This is a Himawari-centric FST, but you can find instances of Himawari/Watanuki, Doumeki/Watanuki/Himawari, and Doumeki/Watanuki-- depending on what you want to see and interpret as platonic or non-platonic love. Regardless, there's a whole lot of love going on in this FST.
File Hosting: If one of the links doesn't work for downloading, please let me know and I'll be happy to reupload it! Secondly, if there's anything wrong with the zip file or the files within, please let me know right away and I'll do what I can to fix it.
Download Part One:
Mediafire
(mirrors provided upon request)
01: Train Wreck by Sarah McLachlan
“Cause I’m a train wreck
Waiting to happen.”
Pretty self-explanatory. Over the course of her life, Himawari has learned to accept that she is a disaster-and has the potential for great harm.
02: Acoustic #3 by The Goo Goo Dolls
“And the least they ever gave you
Was the most you ever knew.”
Once again, Himawari’s past has left her with little to know, little to look forward to. And yet she lives her life to the best of her ability, and while there is not a lot she was ever given or could ever expect, it’s all she knows. Living with her curse is all she knows.
03. All My Friends by The Counting Crows
“Well everyone needs a better day,
And I’m trying to find me a better way
To get through the things I do
And the things I should.”
…
“All you want is a place to lay your head,
You go to sleep dreamin’ how you would
Be a different kind if you thought you could,
But you come awake the way you are instead.”
The bulk of Part One deals with Himawari’s feelings regarding her curse and how she’s grown used to being alone far before she met Watanuki, and far before she started getting close to Watanuki. Like the two songs before this, this song demonstrates, to me, Himawari’s attempts to get through the day. She’s resolved to live her life to the best of her abilities, despite her curse, but she still dreams of what it’d be like if she could be a better person, be able to protect those she cares about, and ultimately live her life to the best of her abilities.
Admittedly, this song is about a girl (and hey, it can work out for Himawari depending on who you pair her with, I suppose!) But ‘girl’ can easily be replaced with ‘boy’ in respect to Watanuki (and to some extent, Doumeki.) It just deals with regret and possibilities.
04. Waiting for the World to Fall by Jars of Clay
“I’m afraid it’s been too long to try to find the reasons why
I let my world close in around a smaller patch of fading sky.”
But despite how she lives her life to the best of her abilities and tries to be as normal and natural as possible, Himawari has limited possibilities in her life. And she’s gone so long expecting and accepting that, too.
05. Hands Open by Snow Patrol
“Why would I sabotage
The best thing that I have?
Well, it makes it easier to know
Exactly what I want with my…
Hands open and my eyes open
I just keep hoping
That your heart opens.”
As she grows closer to Watanuki, she pushes him towards Doumeki. At first, she doesn’t know that Doumeki is unaffected by her curse, of course, and would protect Doumeki-the action is more to get Watanuki away from her and towards someone else. So while this song seems to be a calling on the speaker’s part to a potential significant other, I interpreted this as Himawari’s attempts to encourage Watanuki and Doumeki’s deeper relationship, because she doesn’t want Watanuki or Doumeki to get hurt.
06. Skin by Alexz Johnson
“Oh, he’s under my skin
Just give me something to get rid of him
I’ve got a reason now to bury this alive
Another little white lie.”
As Himawari gets closer and closer to Watanuki and Doumeki, she tries to distance herself, because she doesn’t want to hurt anyone with her curse. But Watanuki and Doumeki keep coming closer and closer to her, and the more they do so the more she tries to push them away.
07. Darkest Hour by Charlotte Martin
“Waiting I’m
Waiting to hold nothing cause
Everyone knows nothing’s much easier to touch”
…
“I shake, shake from holding back
Someone’s trying to get me back on track from my spiral”
The first chosen lyrics deals, obviously, with Himawari’s attempts to distance herself from others and protect them from herself. In the end, it’s easier for her to hold onto nothing, to touch nothing, and therefore protect everyone.
The second chosen lyrics deals with her growing relationship with the two boys, despite her resolve they’re shaking the foundation. And they’re making her life happier, despite her knowing the danger.
08. Life for Rent by Dido
“But if my life is for rent and I don’t learn to buy
Well, I deserve nothing more than I get
Cause nothing I have is truly mine.
While my heart is a shield and I won’t let it down,
While I’m so afraid to fail so I won’t even try,
Well how can I say I’m alive?”
This is perhaps the turning point for Himawari. She’s gone through her life accepting her position as a cursed girl, thinking that this is what she deserves, that she shouldn’t and can’t get close to anyone. And then Watanuki and Doumeki come into her life. And even though she shields herself away, tries to stay away and afraid of getting close… she realizes that that is not the way to live her life to the fullest.
09. Today by Poe
“And today is the day.
Maybe I should wait
Just a minute or two
It’s getting cold now
I feel so insecure.
The future is a mistress
That is so hard to please
And the past
Is a pebble in my shoe.”
And going off of the last song, this one portrays Himawari’s attempts to be close to Watanuki and Doumeki. She’s afraid of going forward, but she must have the strength to do so. The future is uncertain and scary, and the past weighs her down. But she knows she must, and today is the day.
10. Wreck of the Day by Anna Nalick
“I’d cheat destiny just to be near you
If this is giving up, then I’m giving up.
If this is giving up, then I’m giving up, giving up
On love, on love.”
Because she’s been alone for so long, she’s grown used to it, and even if she’d like to be near those she cares for, she knows that in the end it’s better for her to just accept the way destiny is and stay away. And perhaps that might seem like giving up to someone else, but is just the way life is for her.
11. On Your Shore by Charlotte Martin
“I dig my heels into the dirt.”
…
“Here I am in my insecurity
Here I am in my damaged dignity
Here I am, you’re pulling me in too deep.”
She resists it as best she can, but she cannot stop it. But in the end, it is inevitable. Or, as Yuuko would say, hitsuzen.
Download Part Two:
Mediadfire
(mirrors provided upon request)
01. Fix You by Coldplay
“And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can’t replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?”
This song strikes me as, overall, Watanuki to Himawari. But these lyrics especially strike me as Himawari to Watanuki, especially after he’s fallen from the window. She’s heartbroken to have caused such a thing, but she’s willing to do what it takes to make sure he doesn’t disappear (and Doumeki and Syaoran feel the same way, of course.) And there is nothing worse than losing someone you love-and I believe it’s in these moments that Himawari realizes just how important Watanuki has become to her.
02. You Picked Me by A Fine Frenzy
“I was difficult to reach
But you picked me.”
As mentioned at length in Part One, while Himawari attempted to stay away, to sink into the background, to be just another pretty face-she still managed to form an important connection with Watanuki.
03. Easier to Lie by Aqualung
“And honestly
To look you in the eye
It’s easier to lie
It’s easier to lie.”
Pretty self-explanatory. It’s easier for her to lie and live her life as best she can, sinking into the backdrop, than to tell the truth and admit to her secrets. Even if she knows they’re lies, and that, ultimately, it’s bad, old habits die hard.
04. Here is Gone by The Goo Goo Dolls
“And I’ve got my defenses
When it comes to your intentions for me.
Yeah.
And we wake up in the breakdown
Of the things we never thought we could be.
Yeah.”
At first, she has her defenses against all those trying to get close to her. But after everything that happened, she’s become something she never thought was possible. She’s become loved, needed. Watanuki was happy to have met her-and that was something she never thought she would hear.
05. In the Sun by Joseph Arthur
“And being caught in between all you wish for and all you’ve seen,
And trying to find anything you can feel that you can believe in.”
Once again, this strikes me, overall, as a Watanuki to Himawari song. And these lyrics especially seem like Himawari’s attempts to weigh between what she wants to do and what she’s experienced. She likes Watanuki, but she doesn’t want to hurt him. She’s ready for him to hate her after he falls, but instead he says that he loves her and that he was happy to have met her.
06. The Sun and the Moon by Mae
“I cannot say I was ready for this.
But when worlds collide,
And all that I have is all that I want.”
Self-explanatory, and can be applied to Watanuki (and to some extent Doumeki) on Himawari’s part. She wasn’t ready to be as close to them as she has become, and their two different worlds have become one-and Himawari is happy.
07. Halo by Oleander
“And it’s always little things
That to the surface brings
The comfort in the pain
The fear behind the smile.”
…
“There’s an anchor around my heart
Dragging me down,
Beneath the waves in silence I fall.”
Pretty self-explanatory, once again. Baggage weighs her down, and she’s afraid to love, to open herself to someone. She’s afraid of it, and it drags her down. But Watanuki and Doumeki have been pulling her back to the surface.
08. Ever the Same by Rob Thomas
“Just let me hold you while you’re falling apart
Just let me hold you and we’ll both fall down.”
…
“You may need me there to carry all your weight,
But you’re not burden I assure.”
Watanuki to Himawari. Even though he knows about her curse, he wants to be near her, to hold her, to be her friend and someone important to her. And it is not a burden or an obligation for him.
09. Only Human by K
“Even if we’ve grown used to loneliness
Only relying on the light of the moon
We have to fly away with featherless wings
Just go forward, just a little further.”
She can’t be alone anymore, she can’t be on her own, never making a connection with anyone. She must move forward bravely and live her life-and she will.
10. Become by The Goo Goo Dolls
“For so long I tried to reach you,
I know I’m almost there.
I’m close enough for you to see.”
Watanuki to Himawari. After everything is said and done, she can finally see everything that Watanuki says and means-and how much they care about one another (whether as just as friends or otherwise, depending on your ship, of course.)
11. Redeemed by Charlotte Martin
I really couldn’t choose one exert that fit Himawari best. To me, this entire song applies to her at some point in her story. She’s suffered a lot over the course of her life and grown from her experiences. And she has found love with Watanuki and Doumeki (whether a platonic love or otherwise…) She can’t take back everything she’s done, but she can move forward and grow. And she is, ultimately, redeemed.
Links:
Tags
Resources
Awards
Affiliate?
Join?
Please:
X-posted to several communities, so I apologize if this appears in your FL multiple times.