How to Survive a Zombie Apocalypse

[wistwisp]

Okay you guys.

I was thinking about the Modern Pentathlon again today, what with the Olympics starting on Friday and all (my gods - the two days that the modern pentathlon is scheduled for are the first two days of school!! How is that fair?!), and I made a stunning realization.

Earlier today, I had taken a Zombie Survival Quiz sent to me by my

Comments

[ankeelv2]

Well, I can already fence-- epee, too, to boot-- so there's that. Now, what else? "equestrian with an unfamiliar horse, shooting, swimming, running, and epee fencing".

...well, I'm terrified of horses, I probably can aim a gun well enough, can swim okay, I suppose (well enough to survive going to the beach every summer, anyway), and absolutely SUCK at running.

Hell, I figure I'll just trip the first person I come across, and if they get up I'll either stab them or shoot them.

[wistwisp]

Epee fencing is so cool! :D Definitely gives you an advantage of the undead.

Instead of horses, you could practice biking. The last time I rode a horse, I fell off (totally not my fault).

The only thing I don't suck at out of these five things is swimming. And I have some knowledge of the straight sword, but not really enough to do anything.

But what if you trip them and they're NOT a zombie??

[ankeelv2]

YES IT IS. :D

Ooh, I already bike to school and back, so that's an advantage, then! (I love how you're the Authority on zombie attacks and how to survive them right now).

Erm, well, I'm not tripping a ZOMBIE, I'm tripping some random person so the zombies'll eat THEM and not ME.

God, I'm a selfish bastard.

(May I ask: what's your icon of?)

[wistwisp]

And I'm probably the last person that should be any kind of an authority on zombies. ;)

OH. I thought tripping a zombie sounded kind of dangerous, but creating a distraction by tripping someone else... Well, in a zombie apocalypse, drastic measures must be taken to ensure survival.

(My icon is the character Jeong Jeong from Avatar: The Last Airbender. He's a master firebender that defected from their evil army. And totally cool.)

[cookie_heist]

O_o; You are definitely right.
This means that, as I am not a modern pentathlete or even a modern athlete, I have zero chance of surviving a zombie apocalypse.

[wistwisp]

No way, you could totally survive. One of the best things to do would be to run away, and I know you can run!!

(In the quiz, they gave me an F for physical-ness and I still ended up with an overall A for survival)

[cookie_heist]

There's a bit of a difference between jogging and running, but I'll take your compliment. ^^

(Weird.... That somehow seems like it would be... important...)

The thing that sucks about zombie apocalypses and apocalypses in general is that you can keep running away and coming up with ways to survive, but eventually everyone else is going to be dead/a zombie, so it might be better to just get killed from the beginning.

[wistwisp]

Actually, my individual scores after the quiz were deplorable, but overall I got an A. I guess they figured that I'd be able to bumble my way along and survive out of sheer luck.

But by being killed at the beginning, you succumb to the thought of No Hope! What if there was a zombie outbreak, but everyone was calling it an apocalypse, so you killed yourself, but then it turned out to not be an apocalypse?

[floralcloud]

I agree with this wholeheartedly! Zombie Defense League should get on this idea ASAP.

Pssht. I could totally survive a zombie attack. I can run for a long period of time without slowing in giant platforms /and/ I can use a baseball bat!

[wistwisp]

They should! I'm going to join just so I can propagate the modern pentathlon and get people to practice all this stuff with me.

Really?? In platforms?! That's amazing.

[floralcloud]

It's a great idea. If you ever want someone to practice with, I am totally game!

Heck yeah. I mean, if you're going to be a snotty shoe elitist, you've at least got to be able to learn how to not kill yourself in the big guns. :D

[wistwisp]

Yes! Somehow, I find the prospect of "training" for the modern pentathlon would be more fun in a group. Because there's no way I'd be able to find the motivation to run for any length of time on my own.

The big guns? XD That's great!

[samyswitzerland]

This . . . is the most beautiful thing I've read in a long time. You absolutely must bombard the ZDL with this for . . . it would provide the club with something to actually /do/.

[wistwisp]

:D Thank you!

Oh, I'm planning a bombardment. I've been wondering what the ZDL actually did outside of hosting zombie days and watching zombie movies.

The ZDL has a lot of potential to be transformed into a club where everyone exercises, gardens, and watches survival shows. We can all buy and personalize our own crowbars and radio each other through walkie-talkies. ;)

[floralcloud]

LOL since when have you been into science? =P