(no subject)
Tonight was supposed to be a just a girl's night out with Buffy. I was over-whelmed and just needed to get away from taking care of Oz and the pressures of school. It just so happened that tonight was one of Buffy's few free nights. I called her up and we made plans to meet up at the Bronze.
With a Sprite can in my right hand, I sat down at a table at the Bronze with Buffy. As much as I hate to admit it, it felt good to have a break from Oz. I spent the past few weeks not leaving his side. It felt good to be out with Buffy. "It feels good to get out, doesn't it?"
I saw her smile at me. "You haven't been out much lately have you Will? Have you been spending alot of time with Oz?"
"Well it's weird. When he was in the hospital I refused to leave his side, and even when he was brought home I stayed with him a few days. Now I have the stress of catching up on school work... and I am just exhausted. I really needed this."
"Well its good to get some Willow time, I have missed you!"
"Aw Buffy, I really missed you too."
"So how is Oz, I mean he is doing better since everything happened right?"
I thought about the Oz question a bit. I assumed she was refering to his attack and the whole process of his de-wolfness. "Yeah he's been through a lot. Getting attacked and all that. Still healing. I'm glad he's not a wolf anymore, but it takes him longer to get better. He survived a whole class the other day. I'm really proud of him."
"I am just glad he is working through what happened. It really eats at you when you kill someone and him not being all wolfy has to make it that much worse. I just hope that eventually he will be ok."
"What?!" I thought I heard Buffy wrong. Not wolfy? What was she talking about? "Not wolfy?"
Buffy looked confused. "Yeah, I mean if he had been wolfed it probably wouldn't have been as bad... I mean its bad but the fact that he wasn't made it alot worse on him."
I flung my self out of the chair and started to pace around the table, trying to control myself. "Let me get this straight. Oz killed as a human?! As in with a concience?"
"Will, calm down, whats gotten into you?"
Calm down? Calm down?! "Why didn't anyone inform me of this incident?!! Did they just forget to put in the part where he is an actual murderer???!!!" I began to make a scene at this point.
Buffy grew wide-eyed "Will, you knew about this already, why are you being like this?"
Why was she assuming this? "I didn't know about it! He never told me!"
"What do you mean you didn't know... Oz didn't tell you?"
I just got madder and madder. Why would he tell Buffy but not me? "Do you think I'd be acting like this if I knew? I can't believe he kept this from me too!"
"God, Willow I'm sorry. I wouldn't have said anything I thought... I thought you knew."
"Do you know what happened? Like why did he kill?"
She shook her head. "I don't know much, it was the night he wanted me to kill him and he wasn't much with the sharing."
"He never really is. Gosh, what should I do, Buffy?
"I-I don't know." She looked at me in the eye. "Really Will what can you do?"
"I'm feeling everything at once... I am really angry... but we just got back together...and he wanted you to kill him... I'm so confused. I mean when he killed before, when he was a wolf... it was justified. But now... I don't know what to think. My boyfriend is a cold blooded murderer." Tears started to drip down my face.
Buffy stood up and hugged me. "Willow, no, you can't think like that... part of him is the wolf or was and that had to have some affect on him." She pushed my hair out of my face. "Willow, he really loves you, and people make mistakes. Granted this isn't one that is made often but before you make any desicions you need to talk to him."
"He lied to me. Again. His first lie broke us up. I never thought he could do this again."
"I don't think he was trying to lie more like protect."
"Gah, I come here to get away from the whole Oz situation... but it just gets worse. I don't know why he would tell my friends what happened but not me. I'm sure he's not that stupid to think I wouldn't find out."
"Maybe he didn't know how?"
"I guess I should talk to him. See if he has anything to say first."
"You should talk to him before making any descisions."
"Well, I came here with you to forget stuff and have fun, so why don't we just get up and dance?"
"Sounds like fun to me."
I tried to pretend what Buffy told me didn't bother me. It panged at my heart as I was trying to forget and dance. Inside my heart was breaking... but my smile stayed on. I hoped to fool, deceive... but that's just what Oz was doing to me. I sensed secrets... even beyond what Buffy just told me. I thought things were patching up. On the outside everything looks great - like a complete romantic movie. The way we got back together, how I never left him in the hospital, how he lost his wolfy and how we got to make love under a full moon. On the inside... the Vercua thing still haunted me and now the life he took. Was it him? How can I ever know? Will I ever know?
With a Sprite can in my right hand, I sat down at a table at the Bronze with Buffy. As much as I hate to admit it, it felt good to have a break from Oz. I spent the past few weeks not leaving his side. It felt good to be out with Buffy. "It feels good to get out, doesn't it?"
I saw her smile at me. "You haven't been out much lately have you Will? Have you been spending alot of time with Oz?"
"Well it's weird. When he was in the hospital I refused to leave his side, and even when he was brought home I stayed with him a few days. Now I have the stress of catching up on school work... and I am just exhausted. I really needed this."
"Well its good to get some Willow time, I have missed you!"
"Aw Buffy, I really missed you too."
"So how is Oz, I mean he is doing better since everything happened right?"
I thought about the Oz question a bit. I assumed she was refering to his attack and the whole process of his de-wolfness. "Yeah he's been through a lot. Getting attacked and all that. Still healing. I'm glad he's not a wolf anymore, but it takes him longer to get better. He survived a whole class the other day. I'm really proud of him."
"I am just glad he is working through what happened. It really eats at you when you kill someone and him not being all wolfy has to make it that much worse. I just hope that eventually he will be ok."
"What?!" I thought I heard Buffy wrong. Not wolfy? What was she talking about? "Not wolfy?"
Buffy looked confused. "Yeah, I mean if he had been wolfed it probably wouldn't have been as bad... I mean its bad but the fact that he wasn't made it alot worse on him."
I flung my self out of the chair and started to pace around the table, trying to control myself. "Let me get this straight. Oz killed as a human?! As in with a concience?"
"Will, calm down, whats gotten into you?"
Calm down? Calm down?! "Why didn't anyone inform me of this incident?!! Did they just forget to put in the part where he is an actual murderer???!!!" I began to make a scene at this point.
Buffy grew wide-eyed "Will, you knew about this already, why are you being like this?"
Why was she assuming this? "I didn't know about it! He never told me!"
"What do you mean you didn't know... Oz didn't tell you?"
I just got madder and madder. Why would he tell Buffy but not me? "Do you think I'd be acting like this if I knew? I can't believe he kept this from me too!"
"God, Willow I'm sorry. I wouldn't have said anything I thought... I thought you knew."
"Do you know what happened? Like why did he kill?"
She shook her head. "I don't know much, it was the night he wanted me to kill him and he wasn't much with the sharing."
"He never really is. Gosh, what should I do, Buffy?
"I-I don't know." She looked at me in the eye. "Really Will what can you do?"
"I'm feeling everything at once... I am really angry... but we just got back together...and he wanted you to kill him... I'm so confused. I mean when he killed before, when he was a wolf... it was justified. But now... I don't know what to think. My boyfriend is a cold blooded murderer." Tears started to drip down my face.
Buffy stood up and hugged me. "Willow, no, you can't think like that... part of him is the wolf or was and that had to have some affect on him." She pushed my hair out of my face. "Willow, he really loves you, and people make mistakes. Granted this isn't one that is made often but before you make any desicions you need to talk to him."
"He lied to me. Again. His first lie broke us up. I never thought he could do this again."
"I don't think he was trying to lie more like protect."
"Gah, I come here to get away from the whole Oz situation... but it just gets worse. I don't know why he would tell my friends what happened but not me. I'm sure he's not that stupid to think I wouldn't find out."
"Maybe he didn't know how?"
"I guess I should talk to him. See if he has anything to say first."
"You should talk to him before making any descisions."
"Well, I came here with you to forget stuff and have fun, so why don't we just get up and dance?"
"Sounds like fun to me."
I tried to pretend what Buffy told me didn't bother me. It panged at my heart as I was trying to forget and dance. Inside my heart was breaking... but my smile stayed on. I hoped to fool, deceive... but that's just what Oz was doing to me. I sensed secrets... even beyond what Buffy just told me. I thought things were patching up. On the outside everything looks great - like a complete romantic movie. The way we got back together, how I never left him in the hospital, how he lost his wolfy and how we got to make love under a full moon. On the inside... the Vercua thing still haunted me and now the life he took. Was it him? How can I ever know? Will I ever know?