Prelude
I doubt this will appear in the finished version, but it gets me in the mood, so I thought I'd share it with you all. Don't expect much more until August. ;)
The moon hung low and full, just barely peeking over the tops of the tallest buildings and something in Raumornie’s mind remembered that such a thing was an auspicious sign of some kind. What it was a sign of or for was long lost in a fog of too many cultures and half-remembered bits of wisdom he’d gathered from a few dozen places. Voices ran together and one face turned into another and another, all circling back to the latest ones he would be leaving behind. He wasn’t the kind of person to believe in such things regardless; Rau knew without a doubt that he drove his own destiny and that the appearance of the moon or the direction of the wind had bearing on his life only in the most trivial of ways. But there was a comfort in looking for signs, and no one would begrudge themselves little comforts when they finally decided to leave home.
Not home, really. Just… the latest place I’ve become familiar with… Somehow that distinction would never cease to be important and it seemed to always be there among the reasons he had for deciding that it was time to move on. Even as he walked the streets for this last time, remembering every crack in the sidewalk and every stained brick, the reasons cascaded through his mind, all swirling around that one statement that was really at the heart of it all. The practical reasons could have been overcome. It was true that he was getting too old for this place, but that wouldn’t be a real concern for another 6 or 7 years at least. There was an understanding of sorts that he had with everyone (…and everything...) living around here that placed him in the eye of the social whirlwind that played out day and night in this city. Some of them knew more about him than others and some of the relationships he had were… uncomfortable sometimes, but that was hardly a reason to vanish into the shadows. And there was nothing here that needed him at the moment, though that had been true dozens of times in the last 6 years that he’d been here and it had never been cause to leave before. The real reason seemed to be the memories that he’d accumulated; the growing weight of them forming invisible bonds that were no less real for their lack of tangibility.
The streets around the museum were in better shape and the sidewalks looked like they’d recently been washed by the city, a process that drove the homeless away from here for the night in search of someplace dry to sleep. It was too late for patrons, but there were always people walking the streets for one reason or another at any hour of the night and tonight Rau was allowing himself to look at faces with a bit more intensity than normal. They showed no signs of life in their eyes or their gait, moving more like machines than people with eyes that served no purpose other than to guide the body without risk of injury. Rau stepped off to the side into a patch of shadow, his head cocked slightly and everything but his face blending into the darkness around him as he watched the young woman walking toward him. She was blond and pretty enough, but there was something in her that seemed… wrong in a way. Banal, some of his friends might have called it, and she certainly didn’t seem to take note of him even as she passed right by. It was frightening to think that people like this made the world what it was, and yet they couldn’t see past their own expectations. Someone could attack her as she walked home and, regardless of what it might do to her body and soul, the greatest shock would be to her mind that couldn’t conceive of something upsetting her routine. Her pace didn’t change as she walked by and Rau watched her back for a moment before proceeding onward himself, wishing that he would have seen something that might change his view of humanity in general.
Of course they weren’t all that way. He knew that, and this place was more the reminder than anyone he might see tonight. The objects in the museum had been crafted with a kind of life that most people around here were unfamiliar with, a passion that caused those without it to stare in wonder sometimes, trying to soak the creativity out of each statue and painting by their very presence. It even worked sometimes; Silriel had shared with him the occasions when she’d seen someone really changed by what they had seen, an inner spark igniting in their soul in a way that was far more than momentary inspiration. They would be different because they had seen that it was possible and that, Rau knew, was all that it really took sometimes. He slipped around to the side of the building, knowing that there would be no one in there tonight that needed that kind of inspiration. Or rather, that those inside who needed it had other… issues… and that even the finest art wouldn’t feed their tattered souls. He came in through a side entrance, despite the locked and alarmed door, and he knew that the six murmuring voices would be aware of his presence instantly. The presence of a seventh who seemed to melt silently from the shadows into the dim emergency lighting of the exhibit hall was unexpected, but Rau’s expression remained neutral.
“Raumornie.” The single word was a sentence in itself, the low voice echoing off of the tile floor and rolling underneath the displays. The murmurs continued, tonight’s topic of discussion being innocuous enough to relieve either the need to fall silent at the presence of the outsider or to raise voices to demonstrate a point of some kind. The face in front of him wasn’t familiar to Rau, which meant that he was expected in some way, a contingency that was planned for at least. The eyes that stared at him held no expression, but the posture and the frame that wore the black flak vest and cargo pants was one that was used to intimidating others without needing to try. Sometimes a display of friendliness was called for, but Rau was feeling more solemn tonight than usual and so he simply nodded and remained silent for a moment, his gaze passing around and through the guard in front of him.
The focus of his mind and eyes snapped back to the guard as he spoke. “I’ll be removing some things from one of the offices in the back. Personal items. I didn’t wish to alarm anyone.”
“Your courtesy is appreciated.” The answer was spoken almost a litany.
“As is your hospitality.” Showing respect was never improper, and to those striving for a kind of legitimacy that was likely beyond their reach it was a useful tool indeed. The guard nodded slightly, but otherwise did not move and Rau bowed slightly as he stepped past and turned toward the area marked “Employees Only.” He made it a couple of steps before the guard’s voice called after him, almost as an afterthought.
“Karsten will speak to you when you are finished, if you would honor us by returning the way you came in. He will not delay you excessively.”
Rau kept walking, but he would not deny those here their social dance. He continued past the sign and around the corner, where he slipped through another locked door into the small office whose nameplate had recently been removed. For all the museum knew, Silriel Ptarin had received an offer to do some work for a private company in Oslo, a place that was hinted (though never explicitly stated or confirmed) to be her place of birth. This was not remotely close to the truth, nor would be the letters of recommendation or credentials that she carried with her into the next city be genuine, but the truth wasn’t important compared to the message. She wasn’t coming back here and the remote chance that someone saw her in the next locale that she happened to frequent, it would be an odd coincidence, but not one that required excessive fabrication to smooth over. Rau’s own identity was less of an issue in cases like this; few people that he spent any time with were likely to travel much and those that did were the kind not to ask questions about things they didn’t need to know about. But Silriel was the one to be more visible, the legitimate face who could connect to those that Rau could not. All of the trappings of a ‘normal life’ that went along with that were details that they both managed, from her job to her apartment to her facility with any kind of bureaucratic procedures that made doing what they needed to do possible. The last job had been chosen because it allowed her to travel and the prospects that they were looking at now were in the field of information, a resource that they two of them could never get enough of.
The desk in this office was already cleaned out, but there were a couple of items here that had been forgotten, and one that was not supposed to leave. Rau took two of the books off of the largely ornamental bookshelf against the wall and rearranged the shelves so that no one would notice them missing before turning his attention to the frame mounted on the wall that held a unique mosaic. Coins of different colors and shapes and origins were arranged in a spiral pattern that had seemed random to everyone who had admired it, although Sil herself had chosen the pattern quite purposefully. Less important than the pattern had been one of the coins, now sealed under glass, that had served as a focal point in a pattern no one else could see. Even Rau couldn’t see the significance of it with his eyes, but he knew on sight which it would be. The plan was to place a focus in this room, visible but incapable of being lost or accidentally misplaced, so that she wouldn’t forget herself in the midst of her daily endeavors. Not that she would ever truly forget, but the sentimental object tugged at her emotions in ways that little else could and Silriel ‘saw’ things differently than anyone else anyway. For her, this was like having a candle forever burning in memory of the lost, and it was made so much more powerful by the fact that no one else could see it the way she did. Unfortunately it had worked too well and the museum decided earlier that day that they would display the piece after she left, requiring that Rau come in and make a small alteration tonight before it was moved out to the main hall to avoid an incident.
Rau’s fingers touched the glass above the coin and something twisted as the coin fell through the surface and into his fingers. He knew what it would feel like to hold it again, but the intensity of the emotion of it all was still overwhelming for a moment and he stood for several moments just holding it and letting it all wash through him. There was power in this thing, power that Silriel had placed there quite deliberately, and the memories that it triggered weren’t the easiest ones to carry. He could smell the flames and taste the smoke the instant he touched it, and the sounds were a cacophony of voices that he silenced by dropping the thing in his pocket before they reached their inevitable conclusion. Even then, the ensuing silence was a little too realistic and he had half a mind to leave instantly without giving Karsten the chance to fulfill whatever part of the social dance he felt best applied. He decided against it though and, having retrieved what he came for, he looked again at the pattern the coins made. It was, to his eyes, now incomplete, though no one else would likely see it. The void made by the missing item was simply one more in a shape that still seemed an aesthetically pleasing example of modern art. He sighed and left the way he’d come in, moving back down the hall and toward the door where a tall and well-groomed man was waiting for him, facing toward him and standing patiently, his companions nowhere in evidence. He was dressed in a clean white button-down shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows and his tie pulled loose. His stood comfortably and with the hint of a smile on his face. As Rau neared him, he spoke in a voice that was formal without sounding pretentious.
“Thank you for letting me borrow a few of your remaining moments here. I feel as though we still owe you a debt of gratitude for...”
Rau's hand came up instantly at those words, having expected that Karsten would begin with this. Again. “You are well aware that what I did was in no way motivated by you or yours. I do not wish to be discourteous, but you owe me nothing, nor could I accept anything from you for what I chose to do of my own accord.”
Karsten smiled. “As you have said before. What I offer is only what I know you can accept and it comes on the verge of your leaving. This is no secret to any of us, as I'm sure you know, and I would feel remiss if I did not say what I will say before I no longer have a chance to do so. For everyone's sake. Please...” He gestured to a bench that sat near the doorway, but Rau didn't move.
“You don't trust us, do you?” Karsten continued, his expression not changing despite the lack of response from the smaller man. “I suppose I can dispense with that part of the lecture then. I would never call you complacent Raumornie, but your nature serves you even better among us than it would among any other people you will find. My gift to you as you depart is only this word of knowledge: we are all the same. We are the worst kind of lie, and so when we speak lies it is only because that is the most natural thing that we can do. If you find any of us you deem worthy of trust, it is surely because someone has already gotten the better of you and you would do well to leave that city just as you are leaving this one.”
Rau looked for a moment with inscrutable eyes before speaking. “I trust you, in a way. I think I understand enough of your nature to constantly question your words, but I know things about you that can be trusted. Your fears. Your needs. Your... culture, I suppose. I don't find you to be that different on the inside, except that you look at life from a different perspective.”
Karsten's laugh was a short bark, absent of real humor, though the smile might have seemed genuine enough. “I suppose you could call it that, in the same way that wolves have a different perspective on sheep than others of their kind do. But we know that you are neither sheep nor wolf. One or the other we might know how to deal with, but it is the fact that you are neither that makes you both and outsider and an object of fascination.” He sighed, an affected gesture, but one that was well practiced enough to seem natural. “ I don't know where you're going, but I could send word of some kind if...”
“Don't.” There was nothing courteous in that word, and Rau's eyes narrowed. “i have never sought anything from any of you, nor do I plan on doing so in the future. I am leaving things behind here, as I have done before, and I do so by my own wish. I have no desire for anything to follow me to where I'm going next. You should be able to appreciate that.
“Very well then. Your path, as you've said, is your own, and while you may claim an understanding of us, I won't claim any such thing of you or yours. We do not forget, and so you are welcome here, should you ever choose to return and claim what hospitality or courtesy we can provide. No attachments, simply memories that we will respect, as is our way.”
Rau bowed with his left hand covering his right fist, a gesture that was meaningful, despite the tension that seemed to have formed in the few short moments. “I hope you find balance. All of you. Despite what you may claim, despite what you've heard from others, I believe it's possible.”
Karsten nodded, saying nothing, and turned to stare out the window. Rau was gone a few moments later, back on the street. He was glad Karsten had decided against opening old arguments, something he was prepared for but not looking forward to. They had both been around long enough to have views of the world that were set and complete, and neither of them were willing to change that perspective. Rau was certain he would never need to.
The moon hung low and full, just barely peeking over the tops of the tallest buildings and something in Raumornie’s mind remembered that such a thing was an auspicious sign of some kind. What it was a sign of or for was long lost in a fog of too many cultures and half-remembered bits of wisdom he’d gathered from a few dozen places. Voices ran together and one face turned into another and another, all circling back to the latest ones he would be leaving behind. He wasn’t the kind of person to believe in such things regardless; Rau knew without a doubt that he drove his own destiny and that the appearance of the moon or the direction of the wind had bearing on his life only in the most trivial of ways. But there was a comfort in looking for signs, and no one would begrudge themselves little comforts when they finally decided to leave home.
Not home, really. Just… the latest place I’ve become familiar with… Somehow that distinction would never cease to be important and it seemed to always be there among the reasons he had for deciding that it was time to move on. Even as he walked the streets for this last time, remembering every crack in the sidewalk and every stained brick, the reasons cascaded through his mind, all swirling around that one statement that was really at the heart of it all. The practical reasons could have been overcome. It was true that he was getting too old for this place, but that wouldn’t be a real concern for another 6 or 7 years at least. There was an understanding of sorts that he had with everyone (…and everything...) living around here that placed him in the eye of the social whirlwind that played out day and night in this city. Some of them knew more about him than others and some of the relationships he had were… uncomfortable sometimes, but that was hardly a reason to vanish into the shadows. And there was nothing here that needed him at the moment, though that had been true dozens of times in the last 6 years that he’d been here and it had never been cause to leave before. The real reason seemed to be the memories that he’d accumulated; the growing weight of them forming invisible bonds that were no less real for their lack of tangibility.
The streets around the museum were in better shape and the sidewalks looked like they’d recently been washed by the city, a process that drove the homeless away from here for the night in search of someplace dry to sleep. It was too late for patrons, but there were always people walking the streets for one reason or another at any hour of the night and tonight Rau was allowing himself to look at faces with a bit more intensity than normal. They showed no signs of life in their eyes or their gait, moving more like machines than people with eyes that served no purpose other than to guide the body without risk of injury. Rau stepped off to the side into a patch of shadow, his head cocked slightly and everything but his face blending into the darkness around him as he watched the young woman walking toward him. She was blond and pretty enough, but there was something in her that seemed… wrong in a way. Banal, some of his friends might have called it, and she certainly didn’t seem to take note of him even as she passed right by. It was frightening to think that people like this made the world what it was, and yet they couldn’t see past their own expectations. Someone could attack her as she walked home and, regardless of what it might do to her body and soul, the greatest shock would be to her mind that couldn’t conceive of something upsetting her routine. Her pace didn’t change as she walked by and Rau watched her back for a moment before proceeding onward himself, wishing that he would have seen something that might change his view of humanity in general.
Of course they weren’t all that way. He knew that, and this place was more the reminder than anyone he might see tonight. The objects in the museum had been crafted with a kind of life that most people around here were unfamiliar with, a passion that caused those without it to stare in wonder sometimes, trying to soak the creativity out of each statue and painting by their very presence. It even worked sometimes; Silriel had shared with him the occasions when she’d seen someone really changed by what they had seen, an inner spark igniting in their soul in a way that was far more than momentary inspiration. They would be different because they had seen that it was possible and that, Rau knew, was all that it really took sometimes. He slipped around to the side of the building, knowing that there would be no one in there tonight that needed that kind of inspiration. Or rather, that those inside who needed it had other… issues… and that even the finest art wouldn’t feed their tattered souls. He came in through a side entrance, despite the locked and alarmed door, and he knew that the six murmuring voices would be aware of his presence instantly. The presence of a seventh who seemed to melt silently from the shadows into the dim emergency lighting of the exhibit hall was unexpected, but Rau’s expression remained neutral.
“Raumornie.” The single word was a sentence in itself, the low voice echoing off of the tile floor and rolling underneath the displays. The murmurs continued, tonight’s topic of discussion being innocuous enough to relieve either the need to fall silent at the presence of the outsider or to raise voices to demonstrate a point of some kind. The face in front of him wasn’t familiar to Rau, which meant that he was expected in some way, a contingency that was planned for at least. The eyes that stared at him held no expression, but the posture and the frame that wore the black flak vest and cargo pants was one that was used to intimidating others without needing to try. Sometimes a display of friendliness was called for, but Rau was feeling more solemn tonight than usual and so he simply nodded and remained silent for a moment, his gaze passing around and through the guard in front of him.
The focus of his mind and eyes snapped back to the guard as he spoke. “I’ll be removing some things from one of the offices in the back. Personal items. I didn’t wish to alarm anyone.”
“Your courtesy is appreciated.” The answer was spoken almost a litany.
“As is your hospitality.” Showing respect was never improper, and to those striving for a kind of legitimacy that was likely beyond their reach it was a useful tool indeed. The guard nodded slightly, but otherwise did not move and Rau bowed slightly as he stepped past and turned toward the area marked “Employees Only.” He made it a couple of steps before the guard’s voice called after him, almost as an afterthought.
“Karsten will speak to you when you are finished, if you would honor us by returning the way you came in. He will not delay you excessively.”
Rau kept walking, but he would not deny those here their social dance. He continued past the sign and around the corner, where he slipped through another locked door into the small office whose nameplate had recently been removed. For all the museum knew, Silriel Ptarin had received an offer to do some work for a private company in Oslo, a place that was hinted (though never explicitly stated or confirmed) to be her place of birth. This was not remotely close to the truth, nor would be the letters of recommendation or credentials that she carried with her into the next city be genuine, but the truth wasn’t important compared to the message. She wasn’t coming back here and the remote chance that someone saw her in the next locale that she happened to frequent, it would be an odd coincidence, but not one that required excessive fabrication to smooth over. Rau’s own identity was less of an issue in cases like this; few people that he spent any time with were likely to travel much and those that did were the kind not to ask questions about things they didn’t need to know about. But Silriel was the one to be more visible, the legitimate face who could connect to those that Rau could not. All of the trappings of a ‘normal life’ that went along with that were details that they both managed, from her job to her apartment to her facility with any kind of bureaucratic procedures that made doing what they needed to do possible. The last job had been chosen because it allowed her to travel and the prospects that they were looking at now were in the field of information, a resource that they two of them could never get enough of.
The desk in this office was already cleaned out, but there were a couple of items here that had been forgotten, and one that was not supposed to leave. Rau took two of the books off of the largely ornamental bookshelf against the wall and rearranged the shelves so that no one would notice them missing before turning his attention to the frame mounted on the wall that held a unique mosaic. Coins of different colors and shapes and origins were arranged in a spiral pattern that had seemed random to everyone who had admired it, although Sil herself had chosen the pattern quite purposefully. Less important than the pattern had been one of the coins, now sealed under glass, that had served as a focal point in a pattern no one else could see. Even Rau couldn’t see the significance of it with his eyes, but he knew on sight which it would be. The plan was to place a focus in this room, visible but incapable of being lost or accidentally misplaced, so that she wouldn’t forget herself in the midst of her daily endeavors. Not that she would ever truly forget, but the sentimental object tugged at her emotions in ways that little else could and Silriel ‘saw’ things differently than anyone else anyway. For her, this was like having a candle forever burning in memory of the lost, and it was made so much more powerful by the fact that no one else could see it the way she did. Unfortunately it had worked too well and the museum decided earlier that day that they would display the piece after she left, requiring that Rau come in and make a small alteration tonight before it was moved out to the main hall to avoid an incident.
Rau’s fingers touched the glass above the coin and something twisted as the coin fell through the surface and into his fingers. He knew what it would feel like to hold it again, but the intensity of the emotion of it all was still overwhelming for a moment and he stood for several moments just holding it and letting it all wash through him. There was power in this thing, power that Silriel had placed there quite deliberately, and the memories that it triggered weren’t the easiest ones to carry. He could smell the flames and taste the smoke the instant he touched it, and the sounds were a cacophony of voices that he silenced by dropping the thing in his pocket before they reached their inevitable conclusion. Even then, the ensuing silence was a little too realistic and he had half a mind to leave instantly without giving Karsten the chance to fulfill whatever part of the social dance he felt best applied. He decided against it though and, having retrieved what he came for, he looked again at the pattern the coins made. It was, to his eyes, now incomplete, though no one else would likely see it. The void made by the missing item was simply one more in a shape that still seemed an aesthetically pleasing example of modern art. He sighed and left the way he’d come in, moving back down the hall and toward the door where a tall and well-groomed man was waiting for him, facing toward him and standing patiently, his companions nowhere in evidence. He was dressed in a clean white button-down shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows and his tie pulled loose. His stood comfortably and with the hint of a smile on his face. As Rau neared him, he spoke in a voice that was formal without sounding pretentious.
“Thank you for letting me borrow a few of your remaining moments here. I feel as though we still owe you a debt of gratitude for...”
Rau's hand came up instantly at those words, having expected that Karsten would begin with this. Again. “You are well aware that what I did was in no way motivated by you or yours. I do not wish to be discourteous, but you owe me nothing, nor could I accept anything from you for what I chose to do of my own accord.”
Karsten smiled. “As you have said before. What I offer is only what I know you can accept and it comes on the verge of your leaving. This is no secret to any of us, as I'm sure you know, and I would feel remiss if I did not say what I will say before I no longer have a chance to do so. For everyone's sake. Please...” He gestured to a bench that sat near the doorway, but Rau didn't move.
“You don't trust us, do you?” Karsten continued, his expression not changing despite the lack of response from the smaller man. “I suppose I can dispense with that part of the lecture then. I would never call you complacent Raumornie, but your nature serves you even better among us than it would among any other people you will find. My gift to you as you depart is only this word of knowledge: we are all the same. We are the worst kind of lie, and so when we speak lies it is only because that is the most natural thing that we can do. If you find any of us you deem worthy of trust, it is surely because someone has already gotten the better of you and you would do well to leave that city just as you are leaving this one.”
Rau looked for a moment with inscrutable eyes before speaking. “I trust you, in a way. I think I understand enough of your nature to constantly question your words, but I know things about you that can be trusted. Your fears. Your needs. Your... culture, I suppose. I don't find you to be that different on the inside, except that you look at life from a different perspective.”
Karsten's laugh was a short bark, absent of real humor, though the smile might have seemed genuine enough. “I suppose you could call it that, in the same way that wolves have a different perspective on sheep than others of their kind do. But we know that you are neither sheep nor wolf. One or the other we might know how to deal with, but it is the fact that you are neither that makes you both and outsider and an object of fascination.” He sighed, an affected gesture, but one that was well practiced enough to seem natural. “ I don't know where you're going, but I could send word of some kind if...”
“Don't.” There was nothing courteous in that word, and Rau's eyes narrowed. “i have never sought anything from any of you, nor do I plan on doing so in the future. I am leaving things behind here, as I have done before, and I do so by my own wish. I have no desire for anything to follow me to where I'm going next. You should be able to appreciate that.
“Very well then. Your path, as you've said, is your own, and while you may claim an understanding of us, I won't claim any such thing of you or yours. We do not forget, and so you are welcome here, should you ever choose to return and claim what hospitality or courtesy we can provide. No attachments, simply memories that we will respect, as is our way.”
Rau bowed with his left hand covering his right fist, a gesture that was meaningful, despite the tension that seemed to have formed in the few short moments. “I hope you find balance. All of you. Despite what you may claim, despite what you've heard from others, I believe it's possible.”
Karsten nodded, saying nothing, and turned to stare out the window. Rau was gone a few moments later, back on the street. He was glad Karsten had decided against opening old arguments, something he was prepared for but not looking forward to. They had both been around long enough to have views of the world that were set and complete, and neither of them were willing to change that perspective. Rau was certain he would never need to.