May Angels Lead You In, Part 2; C/C; PG
Title: May Angels Lead You In, Part 2
Author: withinveritas
Rating: PG
Characters: Charlie/Claire, Jack/Kate, Hurley
Summary: They survived the island, drugs and several births but something more sinister has been taking hold.
Note: I wrote this for the Tearjerker challenge. Title is from the song "Hear You Me" by Jimmy Eat World. You can find part one here.
Part Two
“You remember that song I used to sing to you? The really cheesy one you like?”
Claire nodded. She was curled up in the chair next to his bed, dressed down in a sweatshirt and jeans. Her hair was a mess and her eyes were bloodshot but Charlie had never seen her look more beautiful.
She cleared her throat. “Right Here Waiting.”
Charlie smiled. “That’s the one,” he half-heartedly lifted a finger up to point at her. “I want us to get married. And I want that song to play at our reception.”
Claire’s eyes instantly welled up, and she brought a fistful of tissues to her face to wipe away the moisture. “Charlie, we can’t get married.”
“We already are.”
“Not according to anyone here except you and me.”
“And the boys. And everyone else on the island.” He paused, gauging her reaction before continuing. “Look, Claire, I don’t have much time left.” Her mouth fell open at his words and he held up his hand, stopping her assault. “It’s true. I don’t. But I want you and me to be married.” He pointed a finger at the sheet and pressed it down. “Right here.”
“In the hospital?”
Charlie held up hands and looked around. “I’m not going anywhere, Claire.”
Claire looked at him incredulously. “What do you mean, you’re not going anywhere? Charlie, your life expectancy took a detour when we got on that island and now it’s cashing in. And I’ve not been given a deadline!” Her shoulders shook, trying to hold in the newest onslaught of emotions.
“Neither have I!” Charlie shouted, his eyes glassy with unshed tears. “This is happening to me, Claire. ME. Not just you and not just our boys. This thing -“ he tapped his chest - “it’s inside me. And I possibly passed it on to our children. I’m the one who’s dying, I could keel over tomorrow! I could in an hour. But what I want, before I go, is to do something for you, for us.” He took a deep breath and wiped his cheeks hastily, coughing lightly before continuing. “I want us to get married. For real. And I want everyone here.”
She blew out a blubbery breath, trying to control her emotions. Finally she looked up at him, eyes bloodshot and puffy, asking a million questions he couldn’t answer. “Everyone?” her voice was low and cautious.
Charlie nodded. “Everyone. The boys. Jack, Kate, our boys . . . everyone that’s important to us, I want them here.”
~.~.~.~.~.~
Their first wedding had been two years after the crash. Claire had wanted to be married at sundown, with a white dress and flowers in her hair. The white dress had been a bit of a stretch, but they found one in Shannon’s suitcase, a flowing spaghetti-strap sundress that hit her at the calves. Sun found flowers, on the hill near the cave, enough to put in her hair and to carry. They couldn’t find rings, so they took a flower and wove the stem to look like a ring, one for her and one for Charlie. Sawyer led the wedding as officiate and when he pronounced them husband and wife, the smile Charlie threw her way made her weak in the knees. He made a promise with that smile, and later on that night, drew her away from the crowd and made her forget that they were anyplace but on the island.
When they were rescued, the first things that Claire grabbed besides her children, were the rings and the dress. She held them all now, in her hands, the dress a crumpled, stained heap and the rings brown and fragile. It seemed silly that her entire life revolved around these three things when in all reality, objects weren’t important at all.
“Mummy?”
Claire turned and saw Liam standing on the steps, cautiously watching her. “Is it okay if Uncle Jack takes us to see daddy?”
Claire smiled, hastily wiping her eyes. “Of course, honey. Are your brothers going with you?”
Liam nodded, his big blue eyes worried but not entirely understanding. Claire nodded at him and motioned up the stairs. “Go on, then. I’ll be there in a little bit.”
Liam grinned and ran down the rest of the stairs as best as he could, one at a time, his arms open to her. He engulfed her in a little hug before running back upstairs. “Thanks mummy!”
Claire watched him go, wondering how this could be normal to him. For once, she wished for the innocence of childhood. Sniffing hard she threw the dress in the washer, blindly adding detergent and hitting buttons. Then she sat down in front of the washer and watched it spin and spin, endlessly, mirroring exactly how her life was spinning out of her hands.
~.~.~.~.~.~
“Should I wear the one I wore on the island or a new one? An actual wedding dress?” Claire bit her lip and looked at Kate in the mirror. She was sitting on the bed, looking at Claire, watching as she held the familiar white sundress up to her body.
Kate cleared her throat and took a sip of the herbal tea she held in her hands. “I think you should do what you want to do.”
Claire’s arms fell down and she padded to the closet, throwing the dress aside. “Maybe I won’t wear that one. I mean, what if Charlie thinks of the island and then he starts crying and then I’ll start crying and then everyone else will start in -“
“Claire.” Kate stood right outside the closet, her hand on Claire’s arm, stilling her movements. “Do you want to wear your wedding dress?”
Claire stopped, looking Kate squarely in the eyes. “I don’t know. . .” She shook her head, trying to clear it. “I don’t know what I want. I want it to be perfect. I want Charlie to look at me and think I’m the most beautiful woman in the whole world.”
“He already does,” Kate interjected softly, her hand falling away. “Claire, we can go shopping for a new dress if you want.” She paused, looking at Claire carefully, bowing her head to meet her eyes. “Is that what you want?”
Claire’s eyes welled up with fresh tears. She quickly brought her hand up, wiping them away. She turned from Kate and went to hide in the closet again. The sound of hangers moving on the rod - metal against metal - made her ears sting. She had nothing. None of these clothes were hers. Nothing she’d wear. Her hands moved quickly, trying to find something - maybe in the back? She moved faster, trying to reach the end.
There was nothing. She didn’t have anything white, save for the sundress which wasn’t even hers to begin with.
A quiet rage built inside Claire. “This shouldn’t be happening,” she whispered. She looked up at the rack of clothes again. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw her hand reach up and pull a shirt off the rack. One shirt. Two. More and more clothes began piling on the floor. The clang of hangers hitting the wall behind made a satisfying hollow sound, vibrating through the metal. She reached up, grabbed a handful of hangers and pulled. They came crashing down in a metal heap at her feet. She looked at them, her eyes unfocused. All she could see was Charlie, dying by degrees.
She felt Kate take her by the arm, gently dragging her out of the closet. She resisted, trying to stay and hide but Kate was strong. Years on an island did that to you.
Kate took her by the shoulders and squared her body in front of her. “Claire, you’ve got to stop this. Beating up the closet isn’t going to help.”
Claire looked up at Kate, seeing her for the first time since she arrived. “I don’t have anything.” Her lips quivered and her nose stung, threatening a tidal wave of tears. She sniffed, willing it back. “I don’t have anything. Nothing.” Her body fell back into itself, weary and alone. “On the island I had everything I wanted. Everything.” Her voice became stretched, thin. “It’s all gone now.”
Kate pulled her in, hugging her tightly. “You still have the boys and Charlie isn’t gone yet. He’s still here.”
“There shouldn’t be a ‘yet’!” Claire shouted, trying to push Kate away, but she held on. She beat on her back, hoping that pain would make her give up her hold. She didn’t, and eventually Claire sank against Kate’s body, giving into her emotions that had been building up for days. Hot tears began spilling over her cheeks, faster than she could wipe them away. She began babbling, her tears giving way to words. “He’s leaving me, Kate. Why? He’s leaving me. Why? Why can’t he stay?”
~.~.~.~.~.~
The hospital took care of the little details: the place, the officiant, the chairs and decorations. Boone worked a few key people and managed to get some flowers and a DJ for free - people he said "owed" him. Claire didn't ask; she just nodded and thanked him with a hug and a kiss on the cheek. It was the most she could muster out of herself at the moment.
Kate helped her to find a dress, half off, at a bridal shop. It wasn't white but a pale yellow with spaghetti straps and a layered neckline that showed off her tanned clevage. It fit close to the curve of her hips, accentuating her still tiny waistline. After all these years, she still had her figure and that was something she was grateful for, for once.
Over the week, Charlie slowly deteroiated before her eyes, all the while saying he was going to be getting a tux. A real tux, he emphasized with a wicked smile. All she could do was hold his hand and smile, saying she couldn't wait to see him all dressed up.
"Mummy, what's this?" Little Liam sat on her lap while she layered on mascara and eyeliner. It took a few tries, but she was able to remember how to put it on without it smearing all over her face. She looked down to see him holding a tube of lipstick in his hands.
"Lipstick."
"What's it for?"
"To look pretty." She picked up the tube and uncapped it, putting it on carefully, making sure to stay within the confines of her lips. Liam watched closely, not wanting to miss a beat. When she finished, he scrunched up his face, his top lip curling up to his nose.
"Your lips are red."
"I know."
"Why?"
"To look pretty."
"You already are pretty, mummy." He took the lipstick from her and placed it carefully next to the nail polish she had lined up. Shannon had gone on a makeup buying binge when they were finally allowed to leave the hospital and had loaned her nearly everything she'd picked up.
Claire felt her eyes water and picked Liam up, giving him a big kiss. The process left a huge imprint of her lips on his face and she laughed, wiping it off. "Thank you, my big boy." Liam squirmed, wanting to be let down.
"Go find your brothers and bring them in here, okay?" Claire asked against his hair. He nodded, jumping out of her arms and running towards the door. Claire reached up and wiped the bottom of her eyes. She was not crying, not now. She'd shed enough tears over the week to last a lifetime.
"Hey."
She turned. Hurley stood in the doorway, looking quite dapper in a tux. His hair was cut short and he held a corsage in his hands. Over the years on the island, he'd slowly lost weight until he was a respectable size. Still, he was a big, loveable guy and Claire was glad he hadn't changed.
"Hey," Claire stood and motioned for him to come closer. He did, looking nervous. With a pang, she realized that she hadn't seen Hurley since they'd been rescued. She kept missing him at the hospital whenever he'd visit Charlie. "What's up?"
"I don't know how to put this on," Hurley held out the mangled corsage in front of him, making a face. "I don't think I ever had to put on one before the crash."
Claire chuckled and took the flower. She pinned it deftly to his lapel, biting her lip as she did so.
"Are you ready for this?"
Claire looked up, her hands falling away. "What do you mean?"
Hurley shifted. "For Charlie to be gone."
Claire looked down and away. When she spoke, her voice was quiet. "I don't know."
"Have you told your kids? 'Cause I kinda said something. . ."
Claire's face shot up. "What do you mean, you said something?"
Hurley backed up a step. "It wasn't anything bad. I was watching them with Clarissa and I asked what they were going to do when they're dad was gone."
There was dead silence. It stretched for an eternity, dragging out the space between then. And then Claire whispered, "What?"
"I didn't mean to," Hurley tried to explain but Claire shook her head, stopping him.
"Why did you do that?"
"I thought you told them!"
"No! I didn't! I was going to wait -"
"Until what, Claire? Charlie was dead and buried?"
Claire stared at him, her mouth agape. And then she burst into tears, her shoulders shaking violently. She fell into the chair she was sitting in earlier, holding her hand over her mouth, trying to muffle the sound of her crying. Hurley's face was contrite and he reached out, touching her shoulder. Claire flinched and ducked out from under his touch. Hurley took a step back, watching her.
"I'm sorry, Claire. I didn't mean to say that. He’s going to be okay."
Claire shook her head violently, dismissing his words. “No, he’s not. He’s not going to be okay and that’s what hurts the most.” She threw up her hands, looking up at Hurley helplessly. "I can't do this. I can't, Hurley. I can't," she repeated over and over. "I can’t be strong for Charlie because everytime I look at him, I can feel a part of myself slipping away.” She gestured to the sounds her boys were making in the other room. “I can't tell them that Charlie's going to be gone soon because I can't accept it myself. I can’t, Hurley.” She took a deep breath, hard, hot tears falling fast. She wiped them away hastily.
“I keep hoping that the doctors will say it’s a fluke and one day, I’ll arrive at the hospital and Charlie will jump up out of the hospital bed like it was a huge joke.” She grabbed a tissue off the vanity, sniffing hard. “But it’s not going to happen! And I can’t do it Hurley,” she cried, despondent. Her shoulders fell forward, beaten. “I can’t! It's just too soon."
Hurley knelt in front of her, his eyes shining. "I'm sorry, Claire."
Claire smiled with all the sympathy in the world, reaching out to touch his face. “So am I."
~.~.~.~.~.~
The corridor where Charlie's room was was quiet, deathly so. The guard sat outside, reading a magazine when Claire walked up with her three boys in tow. James held onto Liam's hand while Robbie held on to her left hand, hiding behing her slightly. The guard scared him.
"Hey, Claire." The guard put his magazine aside.
"Hi Joshua," Claire drew up, smiling. "How are you, today?"
"Fine," he nodded, looking at her boys. An awkward silence ensued as Claire waited for him to speak. "Well, I'm going to go get some coffee. Take your time." He stood up and strode past them, disappearing around the bend in the hall.
"What are we doing here, Mummy?" Robbie looked up at her, his blue eyes huge.
Claire knelt down and took his hands, looking him in the eyes. "We're here to see your dad."
"Why?"
Claire took a deep breath, reaching up to wipe his hair off his forehead. He was getting so big and he was only eight. "Daddy and I need to talk to you about something."
"About today?" James asked from behind her. They all knew her and Charlie were getting married although they didn't understand why if they already were married to begin with.
"No, not about today." Claire shook her head, looking back at him and Liam. "About the future."
~.~.~.~.~.~
The first hard thing Claire ever had to do in her life was to get on the plane to Los Angeles. She was filled with doubt and rightfully so. She doubted her decision and the people she was supposed to meet. She doubted the unborn child that lay within her.
The second hardest thing she ever had to do was watch Charlie die. When Ethan took him and strung him up, neck first onto the tree, she couldn't look away. She couldn't breathe. All she could think was it was all her fault that Charlie was going to die. And when she came back to camp and he was there, at first she had screamed, thinking she was looking at a ghost. Then he touched her arm and she knew that then she would never leave his side again.
The third hardest thing that she had to do was say good-bye to her unborn child. Her and Charlie had had a child, one that would have been their third child had it not miscarried. She woke up one morning, covered in thick blood and when Jack came rushing over to the sound of her screams and confirmed that her body had expelled a child prematurely, she'd hid in their nook of caves and cried for a week. Charlie had sat by her side, crying with her. They had decided that their child had been a girl and they called her Victoria Amie Pace.
Claire wondered what she was going to call their girl once Charlie was gone.
"What are you doing here, Claire? The ceremony isn't for hours." Charlie sat up straighter in bed, his eyes moving from her to their boys. "And what do we have here?" He held his arms open, a wide grin stretching across his face.
"Daddy!" Liam wiggled himself out of James' careful embrace and ran to Charlie's waiting arms.
"Ugh!" Charlie let out when Liam landed straight on his chest. He immediately began coughing. "Watch where you fall, Liam-boy. Daddy's a bit sensative right now." James and Robbie made their way over to Charlie's bedside as well and each gave him a hug.
"How are you today?" Claire asked, standing a few feet back, watching them interact. Liam started jumping on the bed and Charlie reached out, dragging him down. "Not now, big boy. Wait a minute, yeah?" He turned towards Claire and grinned. "I'm fine, now. But what are you doing here? I'm not supposed to see you in your wedding dress." His eyes pursued her form and she blushed, tucking her hair behind her ears. "Not that I'm complaining."
Claire pulled a chair close and motioned for Robbie to come sit on her lap. James stood next to her, protectively. He'd grown up too fast, Claire realized then. He shouldn't have to worry about protecting her in a hospital of all places. Liam wiggled his way onto Charlie's chest, sticking his thumb in his mouth, sighing contentedly. He wasn't supposed to do that, and Claire's eyes lingered on it for a second before letting it go.
"We came here to see you," she said, smiling faintly, knowing that her eyes gave her away. Charlie's eyes scanned her face knowingly and he shook his head slightly.
"What are you really here for, Claire?"
Claire leaned her head against Robbie and sighed, keeping her eyes locked with Charlie's. When she spoke, it was quiet and she had to repeat herself. "I think you - I think you know why."
Charlie let out a breath, looking up and out and back again. "I thought we weren't going to until after the wedding."
"We can't."
"Can't what?" Robbie turned to look at her. Her eyes flickered down to his and then up to Charlie. Their eyes locked for a few seconds but to Claire it seemed like the world stopped and funneled itself into that moment. She took a deep breath and kissed Robbie's forhead, blinking away unshed tears, all the while looking at Charlie.
"Robbie, Daddy isn't going to come home from the hospital."
Liam brought his thumb out of his mouth. "Why?"
Claire broke eye contact with Charlie and hid her face behind Robbie's head, her body shaking slightly from the tears.
"Don't cry, Mummy." Robbie turned and threw his arms around her, burying his face in her neck.
"I'm not," Claire protested, trying to wipe her eyes and hug him at the same time. Charlie drew Liam up and looked him in the eyes, brushing his long hair out of his eyes.
"Daddy is very sick," Charlie said, still brushing Liam's hair away who brought his thumb out of his mouth again long enough to ask, "Why?"
There was a pause and then Charlie said, "I don't know. I don't know, Liam. I really don't know."
"Are you going to die?" James finally spoke from his spot next to Claire. His hand was clutching the arm of the chair so tight his nuckles were white. Claire reached over and pried his hand loose, letting him clutch her instead.
"Yes, James, I am," Charlie finally replied, looking him in the eyes. "I'm going to die."
x-posted to charlie_claire and lost_fanfic
I'm having a bit of trouble wrangling part three. it just won't sit still! anyone care to help?
Author: withinveritas
Rating: PG
Characters: Charlie/Claire, Jack/Kate, Hurley
Summary: They survived the island, drugs and several births but something more sinister has been taking hold.
Note: I wrote this for the Tearjerker challenge. Title is from the song "Hear You Me" by Jimmy Eat World. You can find part one here.
Part Two
“You remember that song I used to sing to you? The really cheesy one you like?”
Claire nodded. She was curled up in the chair next to his bed, dressed down in a sweatshirt and jeans. Her hair was a mess and her eyes were bloodshot but Charlie had never seen her look more beautiful.
She cleared her throat. “Right Here Waiting.”
Charlie smiled. “That’s the one,” he half-heartedly lifted a finger up to point at her. “I want us to get married. And I want that song to play at our reception.”
Claire’s eyes instantly welled up, and she brought a fistful of tissues to her face to wipe away the moisture. “Charlie, we can’t get married.”
“We already are.”
“Not according to anyone here except you and me.”
“And the boys. And everyone else on the island.” He paused, gauging her reaction before continuing. “Look, Claire, I don’t have much time left.” Her mouth fell open at his words and he held up his hand, stopping her assault. “It’s true. I don’t. But I want you and me to be married.” He pointed a finger at the sheet and pressed it down. “Right here.”
“In the hospital?”
Charlie held up hands and looked around. “I’m not going anywhere, Claire.”
Claire looked at him incredulously. “What do you mean, you’re not going anywhere? Charlie, your life expectancy took a detour when we got on that island and now it’s cashing in. And I’ve not been given a deadline!” Her shoulders shook, trying to hold in the newest onslaught of emotions.
“Neither have I!” Charlie shouted, his eyes glassy with unshed tears. “This is happening to me, Claire. ME. Not just you and not just our boys. This thing -“ he tapped his chest - “it’s inside me. And I possibly passed it on to our children. I’m the one who’s dying, I could keel over tomorrow! I could in an hour. But what I want, before I go, is to do something for you, for us.” He took a deep breath and wiped his cheeks hastily, coughing lightly before continuing. “I want us to get married. For real. And I want everyone here.”
She blew out a blubbery breath, trying to control her emotions. Finally she looked up at him, eyes bloodshot and puffy, asking a million questions he couldn’t answer. “Everyone?” her voice was low and cautious.
Charlie nodded. “Everyone. The boys. Jack, Kate, our boys . . . everyone that’s important to us, I want them here.”
~.~.~.~.~.~
Their first wedding had been two years after the crash. Claire had wanted to be married at sundown, with a white dress and flowers in her hair. The white dress had been a bit of a stretch, but they found one in Shannon’s suitcase, a flowing spaghetti-strap sundress that hit her at the calves. Sun found flowers, on the hill near the cave, enough to put in her hair and to carry. They couldn’t find rings, so they took a flower and wove the stem to look like a ring, one for her and one for Charlie. Sawyer led the wedding as officiate and when he pronounced them husband and wife, the smile Charlie threw her way made her weak in the knees. He made a promise with that smile, and later on that night, drew her away from the crowd and made her forget that they were anyplace but on the island.
When they were rescued, the first things that Claire grabbed besides her children, were the rings and the dress. She held them all now, in her hands, the dress a crumpled, stained heap and the rings brown and fragile. It seemed silly that her entire life revolved around these three things when in all reality, objects weren’t important at all.
“Mummy?”
Claire turned and saw Liam standing on the steps, cautiously watching her. “Is it okay if Uncle Jack takes us to see daddy?”
Claire smiled, hastily wiping her eyes. “Of course, honey. Are your brothers going with you?”
Liam nodded, his big blue eyes worried but not entirely understanding. Claire nodded at him and motioned up the stairs. “Go on, then. I’ll be there in a little bit.”
Liam grinned and ran down the rest of the stairs as best as he could, one at a time, his arms open to her. He engulfed her in a little hug before running back upstairs. “Thanks mummy!”
Claire watched him go, wondering how this could be normal to him. For once, she wished for the innocence of childhood. Sniffing hard she threw the dress in the washer, blindly adding detergent and hitting buttons. Then she sat down in front of the washer and watched it spin and spin, endlessly, mirroring exactly how her life was spinning out of her hands.
~.~.~.~.~.~
“Should I wear the one I wore on the island or a new one? An actual wedding dress?” Claire bit her lip and looked at Kate in the mirror. She was sitting on the bed, looking at Claire, watching as she held the familiar white sundress up to her body.
Kate cleared her throat and took a sip of the herbal tea she held in her hands. “I think you should do what you want to do.”
Claire’s arms fell down and she padded to the closet, throwing the dress aside. “Maybe I won’t wear that one. I mean, what if Charlie thinks of the island and then he starts crying and then I’ll start crying and then everyone else will start in -“
“Claire.” Kate stood right outside the closet, her hand on Claire’s arm, stilling her movements. “Do you want to wear your wedding dress?”
Claire stopped, looking Kate squarely in the eyes. “I don’t know. . .” She shook her head, trying to clear it. “I don’t know what I want. I want it to be perfect. I want Charlie to look at me and think I’m the most beautiful woman in the whole world.”
“He already does,” Kate interjected softly, her hand falling away. “Claire, we can go shopping for a new dress if you want.” She paused, looking at Claire carefully, bowing her head to meet her eyes. “Is that what you want?”
Claire’s eyes welled up with fresh tears. She quickly brought her hand up, wiping them away. She turned from Kate and went to hide in the closet again. The sound of hangers moving on the rod - metal against metal - made her ears sting. She had nothing. None of these clothes were hers. Nothing she’d wear. Her hands moved quickly, trying to find something - maybe in the back? She moved faster, trying to reach the end.
There was nothing. She didn’t have anything white, save for the sundress which wasn’t even hers to begin with.
A quiet rage built inside Claire. “This shouldn’t be happening,” she whispered. She looked up at the rack of clothes again. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw her hand reach up and pull a shirt off the rack. One shirt. Two. More and more clothes began piling on the floor. The clang of hangers hitting the wall behind made a satisfying hollow sound, vibrating through the metal. She reached up, grabbed a handful of hangers and pulled. They came crashing down in a metal heap at her feet. She looked at them, her eyes unfocused. All she could see was Charlie, dying by degrees.
She felt Kate take her by the arm, gently dragging her out of the closet. She resisted, trying to stay and hide but Kate was strong. Years on an island did that to you.
Kate took her by the shoulders and squared her body in front of her. “Claire, you’ve got to stop this. Beating up the closet isn’t going to help.”
Claire looked up at Kate, seeing her for the first time since she arrived. “I don’t have anything.” Her lips quivered and her nose stung, threatening a tidal wave of tears. She sniffed, willing it back. “I don’t have anything. Nothing.” Her body fell back into itself, weary and alone. “On the island I had everything I wanted. Everything.” Her voice became stretched, thin. “It’s all gone now.”
Kate pulled her in, hugging her tightly. “You still have the boys and Charlie isn’t gone yet. He’s still here.”
“There shouldn’t be a ‘yet’!” Claire shouted, trying to push Kate away, but she held on. She beat on her back, hoping that pain would make her give up her hold. She didn’t, and eventually Claire sank against Kate’s body, giving into her emotions that had been building up for days. Hot tears began spilling over her cheeks, faster than she could wipe them away. She began babbling, her tears giving way to words. “He’s leaving me, Kate. Why? He’s leaving me. Why? Why can’t he stay?”
~.~.~.~.~.~
The hospital took care of the little details: the place, the officiant, the chairs and decorations. Boone worked a few key people and managed to get some flowers and a DJ for free - people he said "owed" him. Claire didn't ask; she just nodded and thanked him with a hug and a kiss on the cheek. It was the most she could muster out of herself at the moment.
Kate helped her to find a dress, half off, at a bridal shop. It wasn't white but a pale yellow with spaghetti straps and a layered neckline that showed off her tanned clevage. It fit close to the curve of her hips, accentuating her still tiny waistline. After all these years, she still had her figure and that was something she was grateful for, for once.
Over the week, Charlie slowly deteroiated before her eyes, all the while saying he was going to be getting a tux. A real tux, he emphasized with a wicked smile. All she could do was hold his hand and smile, saying she couldn't wait to see him all dressed up.
"Mummy, what's this?" Little Liam sat on her lap while she layered on mascara and eyeliner. It took a few tries, but she was able to remember how to put it on without it smearing all over her face. She looked down to see him holding a tube of lipstick in his hands.
"Lipstick."
"What's it for?"
"To look pretty." She picked up the tube and uncapped it, putting it on carefully, making sure to stay within the confines of her lips. Liam watched closely, not wanting to miss a beat. When she finished, he scrunched up his face, his top lip curling up to his nose.
"Your lips are red."
"I know."
"Why?"
"To look pretty."
"You already are pretty, mummy." He took the lipstick from her and placed it carefully next to the nail polish she had lined up. Shannon had gone on a makeup buying binge when they were finally allowed to leave the hospital and had loaned her nearly everything she'd picked up.
Claire felt her eyes water and picked Liam up, giving him a big kiss. The process left a huge imprint of her lips on his face and she laughed, wiping it off. "Thank you, my big boy." Liam squirmed, wanting to be let down.
"Go find your brothers and bring them in here, okay?" Claire asked against his hair. He nodded, jumping out of her arms and running towards the door. Claire reached up and wiped the bottom of her eyes. She was not crying, not now. She'd shed enough tears over the week to last a lifetime.
"Hey."
She turned. Hurley stood in the doorway, looking quite dapper in a tux. His hair was cut short and he held a corsage in his hands. Over the years on the island, he'd slowly lost weight until he was a respectable size. Still, he was a big, loveable guy and Claire was glad he hadn't changed.
"Hey," Claire stood and motioned for him to come closer. He did, looking nervous. With a pang, she realized that she hadn't seen Hurley since they'd been rescued. She kept missing him at the hospital whenever he'd visit Charlie. "What's up?"
"I don't know how to put this on," Hurley held out the mangled corsage in front of him, making a face. "I don't think I ever had to put on one before the crash."
Claire chuckled and took the flower. She pinned it deftly to his lapel, biting her lip as she did so.
"Are you ready for this?"
Claire looked up, her hands falling away. "What do you mean?"
Hurley shifted. "For Charlie to be gone."
Claire looked down and away. When she spoke, her voice was quiet. "I don't know."
"Have you told your kids? 'Cause I kinda said something. . ."
Claire's face shot up. "What do you mean, you said something?"
Hurley backed up a step. "It wasn't anything bad. I was watching them with Clarissa and I asked what they were going to do when they're dad was gone."
There was dead silence. It stretched for an eternity, dragging out the space between then. And then Claire whispered, "What?"
"I didn't mean to," Hurley tried to explain but Claire shook her head, stopping him.
"Why did you do that?"
"I thought you told them!"
"No! I didn't! I was going to wait -"
"Until what, Claire? Charlie was dead and buried?"
Claire stared at him, her mouth agape. And then she burst into tears, her shoulders shaking violently. She fell into the chair she was sitting in earlier, holding her hand over her mouth, trying to muffle the sound of her crying. Hurley's face was contrite and he reached out, touching her shoulder. Claire flinched and ducked out from under his touch. Hurley took a step back, watching her.
"I'm sorry, Claire. I didn't mean to say that. He’s going to be okay."
Claire shook her head violently, dismissing his words. “No, he’s not. He’s not going to be okay and that’s what hurts the most.” She threw up her hands, looking up at Hurley helplessly. "I can't do this. I can't, Hurley. I can't," she repeated over and over. "I can’t be strong for Charlie because everytime I look at him, I can feel a part of myself slipping away.” She gestured to the sounds her boys were making in the other room. “I can't tell them that Charlie's going to be gone soon because I can't accept it myself. I can’t, Hurley.” She took a deep breath, hard, hot tears falling fast. She wiped them away hastily.
“I keep hoping that the doctors will say it’s a fluke and one day, I’ll arrive at the hospital and Charlie will jump up out of the hospital bed like it was a huge joke.” She grabbed a tissue off the vanity, sniffing hard. “But it’s not going to happen! And I can’t do it Hurley,” she cried, despondent. Her shoulders fell forward, beaten. “I can’t! It's just too soon."
Hurley knelt in front of her, his eyes shining. "I'm sorry, Claire."
Claire smiled with all the sympathy in the world, reaching out to touch his face. “So am I."
~.~.~.~.~.~
The corridor where Charlie's room was was quiet, deathly so. The guard sat outside, reading a magazine when Claire walked up with her three boys in tow. James held onto Liam's hand while Robbie held on to her left hand, hiding behing her slightly. The guard scared him.
"Hey, Claire." The guard put his magazine aside.
"Hi Joshua," Claire drew up, smiling. "How are you, today?"
"Fine," he nodded, looking at her boys. An awkward silence ensued as Claire waited for him to speak. "Well, I'm going to go get some coffee. Take your time." He stood up and strode past them, disappearing around the bend in the hall.
"What are we doing here, Mummy?" Robbie looked up at her, his blue eyes huge.
Claire knelt down and took his hands, looking him in the eyes. "We're here to see your dad."
"Why?"
Claire took a deep breath, reaching up to wipe his hair off his forehead. He was getting so big and he was only eight. "Daddy and I need to talk to you about something."
"About today?" James asked from behind her. They all knew her and Charlie were getting married although they didn't understand why if they already were married to begin with.
"No, not about today." Claire shook her head, looking back at him and Liam. "About the future."
~.~.~.~.~.~
The first hard thing Claire ever had to do in her life was to get on the plane to Los Angeles. She was filled with doubt and rightfully so. She doubted her decision and the people she was supposed to meet. She doubted the unborn child that lay within her.
The second hardest thing she ever had to do was watch Charlie die. When Ethan took him and strung him up, neck first onto the tree, she couldn't look away. She couldn't breathe. All she could think was it was all her fault that Charlie was going to die. And when she came back to camp and he was there, at first she had screamed, thinking she was looking at a ghost. Then he touched her arm and she knew that then she would never leave his side again.
The third hardest thing that she had to do was say good-bye to her unborn child. Her and Charlie had had a child, one that would have been their third child had it not miscarried. She woke up one morning, covered in thick blood and when Jack came rushing over to the sound of her screams and confirmed that her body had expelled a child prematurely, she'd hid in their nook of caves and cried for a week. Charlie had sat by her side, crying with her. They had decided that their child had been a girl and they called her Victoria Amie Pace.
Claire wondered what she was going to call their girl once Charlie was gone.
"What are you doing here, Claire? The ceremony isn't for hours." Charlie sat up straighter in bed, his eyes moving from her to their boys. "And what do we have here?" He held his arms open, a wide grin stretching across his face.
"Daddy!" Liam wiggled himself out of James' careful embrace and ran to Charlie's waiting arms.
"Ugh!" Charlie let out when Liam landed straight on his chest. He immediately began coughing. "Watch where you fall, Liam-boy. Daddy's a bit sensative right now." James and Robbie made their way over to Charlie's bedside as well and each gave him a hug.
"How are you today?" Claire asked, standing a few feet back, watching them interact. Liam started jumping on the bed and Charlie reached out, dragging him down. "Not now, big boy. Wait a minute, yeah?" He turned towards Claire and grinned. "I'm fine, now. But what are you doing here? I'm not supposed to see you in your wedding dress." His eyes pursued her form and she blushed, tucking her hair behind her ears. "Not that I'm complaining."
Claire pulled a chair close and motioned for Robbie to come sit on her lap. James stood next to her, protectively. He'd grown up too fast, Claire realized then. He shouldn't have to worry about protecting her in a hospital of all places. Liam wiggled his way onto Charlie's chest, sticking his thumb in his mouth, sighing contentedly. He wasn't supposed to do that, and Claire's eyes lingered on it for a second before letting it go.
"We came here to see you," she said, smiling faintly, knowing that her eyes gave her away. Charlie's eyes scanned her face knowingly and he shook his head slightly.
"What are you really here for, Claire?"
Claire leaned her head against Robbie and sighed, keeping her eyes locked with Charlie's. When she spoke, it was quiet and she had to repeat herself. "I think you - I think you know why."
Charlie let out a breath, looking up and out and back again. "I thought we weren't going to until after the wedding."
"We can't."
"Can't what?" Robbie turned to look at her. Her eyes flickered down to his and then up to Charlie. Their eyes locked for a few seconds but to Claire it seemed like the world stopped and funneled itself into that moment. She took a deep breath and kissed Robbie's forhead, blinking away unshed tears, all the while looking at Charlie.
"Robbie, Daddy isn't going to come home from the hospital."
Liam brought his thumb out of his mouth. "Why?"
Claire broke eye contact with Charlie and hid her face behind Robbie's head, her body shaking slightly from the tears.
"Don't cry, Mummy." Robbie turned and threw his arms around her, burying his face in her neck.
"I'm not," Claire protested, trying to wipe her eyes and hug him at the same time. Charlie drew Liam up and looked him in the eyes, brushing his long hair out of his eyes.
"Daddy is very sick," Charlie said, still brushing Liam's hair away who brought his thumb out of his mouth again long enough to ask, "Why?"
There was a pause and then Charlie said, "I don't know. I don't know, Liam. I really don't know."
"Are you going to die?" James finally spoke from his spot next to Claire. His hand was clutching the arm of the chair so tight his nuckles were white. Claire reached over and pried his hand loose, letting him clutch her instead.
"Yes, James, I am," Charlie finally replied, looking him in the eyes. "I'm going to die."
x-posted to charlie_claire and lost_fanfic
I'm having a bit of trouble wrangling part three. it just won't sit still! anyone care to help?