Noises
omg it's been too long. D: i apologize.
Title: Noises
Author: heroes_and_cons
Pairing: Angsty!Kradam
Rating: R (language)
Word Count: 726
Triggers: signs of mental illness
The sink won’t stop fucking dripping.
Kris swears he can feel his pulse pounding through his veins, coursing up by his temples and around his wrists and neck, and it’s in time with the fat teardrops of water that drip drip drip from the faucet to the sink, and it’s like his whole body is shaking, drip drip drip.
Adam balances the beer bottle cap on his thumb, flipping it up and catching it in the palm of his hand. He flicks it up, catches it, flicks it up again, and it makes a little tick plop tick plop sound. And suddenly there’s so much noise in the goddamn apartment that Kris feels his internal organs trembling.
“Stop!” He yells, though he didn’t mean to yell, his voice just echoes like that off the barren walls. Adam freezes, looks up, gently sets the cap down on the table.
“Kris,” Adam says quietly, the drip drip drip puncturing his words, “I can’t talk to you when you’re like this.”
“I’m not - not like anything, anything. Fine, I’m fine, really. Just the sink, that goddamn fucking sink.” Kris smacks the faucet with his hand, which does nothing, just hurts him, and he watches his skin begin to inflame as the drip drip drip continues.
“I called Dr. Hartman today,” Adam says, running his fingers over the asperous edges of the bottle cap. “I think you should see him tomorrow.”
“No, no, no, no fucking way. Adam, no, I can’t - I mean, I don’t need a doctor. I really don’t. I…” Kris’s voice dissipates at the seams.
Adam isn’t facing Kris, he’s sitting with his back towards the drippy sink, and this suddenly bothers Kris. He can’t see Adam’s face, his eyes, the ones that give everything away. And Kris walks over, plants a hand on Adam’s shoulder and twists him to face Kris.
“I think you’re, you’re afraid of this relationship - you’re afraid of us and you’re afraid of me, so you’re throwing me, disposing of me to some goddamn doctor, some quack, and you don’t know what it’s like, you have no fucking idea. I don’t sleep anymore, I can’t, I can’t stop thinking, and my brain just keeps running in fucking circles and that dripping sink keeps me awake at night.”
Adam presses a curled fist to his mouth, and Kris can see his knuckles blanch white. “No,” he whispers. “Kris, I’m not afraid of you. I love you. I just…” he hesitates, closes his eyes. “You’re right, I have no idea. And I hate myself for that.”
“If you love me, then why don’t you touch me anymore?” Kris is yelling now, his voice straining rough against his throat. He grabs one of Adam’s hands, smacks it against his own chest. “You sleep with your back facing me and you don’t touch me and I don’t sleep and sometimes, Adam, sometimes I just want you to fucking hold me.”
In an effortless move, Adam yanks his hand away from Kris and stands, so abruptly that he knocks the chair over behind him. “I don’t understand, Kris, I don’t fucking understand you.”
Kris stares at Adam’s swollen eyelids, the flamed blotches around his eyes and lips and nose. He wants to touch Adam’s skin, wants to see if it’s really on fire.
Adam runs his hands through his thick hair. “And I know it’s not your fault,” he whispers. “But some nights you’re talking about shit I don’t even understand and pacing the apartment and I have to lock all the doors so you don’ t run off somewhere. And then the next night you’re…you’re crying and rocking yourself and it hurts, Kris, it hurts so goddamn bad just to watch.”
Adam steps forward, reaches out so that his fingers graze Kris’s collarbone. “I miss you,” he breathes finally, his lips trembling. “And I…just want you to get better, okay?”
Maybe he could bring himself to go to Dr. Hartman tomorrow, Kris thinks. Maybe he can make himself take the blue pills and the white ones, the ones that made him feel numb from the inside out. Maybe if he did everything, Adam would touch him again.
And forever echoing behind them was the drip drip drip of the leaky kitchen sink.
Title: Noises
Author: heroes_and_cons
Pairing: Angsty!Kradam
Rating: R (language)
Word Count: 726
Triggers: signs of mental illness
The sink won’t stop fucking dripping.
Kris swears he can feel his pulse pounding through his veins, coursing up by his temples and around his wrists and neck, and it’s in time with the fat teardrops of water that drip drip drip from the faucet to the sink, and it’s like his whole body is shaking, drip drip drip.
Adam balances the beer bottle cap on his thumb, flipping it up and catching it in the palm of his hand. He flicks it up, catches it, flicks it up again, and it makes a little tick plop tick plop sound. And suddenly there’s so much noise in the goddamn apartment that Kris feels his internal organs trembling.
“Stop!” He yells, though he didn’t mean to yell, his voice just echoes like that off the barren walls. Adam freezes, looks up, gently sets the cap down on the table.
“Kris,” Adam says quietly, the drip drip drip puncturing his words, “I can’t talk to you when you’re like this.”
“I’m not - not like anything, anything. Fine, I’m fine, really. Just the sink, that goddamn fucking sink.” Kris smacks the faucet with his hand, which does nothing, just hurts him, and he watches his skin begin to inflame as the drip drip drip continues.
“I called Dr. Hartman today,” Adam says, running his fingers over the asperous edges of the bottle cap. “I think you should see him tomorrow.”
“No, no, no, no fucking way. Adam, no, I can’t - I mean, I don’t need a doctor. I really don’t. I…” Kris’s voice dissipates at the seams.
Adam isn’t facing Kris, he’s sitting with his back towards the drippy sink, and this suddenly bothers Kris. He can’t see Adam’s face, his eyes, the ones that give everything away. And Kris walks over, plants a hand on Adam’s shoulder and twists him to face Kris.
“I think you’re, you’re afraid of this relationship - you’re afraid of us and you’re afraid of me, so you’re throwing me, disposing of me to some goddamn doctor, some quack, and you don’t know what it’s like, you have no fucking idea. I don’t sleep anymore, I can’t, I can’t stop thinking, and my brain just keeps running in fucking circles and that dripping sink keeps me awake at night.”
Adam presses a curled fist to his mouth, and Kris can see his knuckles blanch white. “No,” he whispers. “Kris, I’m not afraid of you. I love you. I just…” he hesitates, closes his eyes. “You’re right, I have no idea. And I hate myself for that.”
“If you love me, then why don’t you touch me anymore?” Kris is yelling now, his voice straining rough against his throat. He grabs one of Adam’s hands, smacks it against his own chest. “You sleep with your back facing me and you don’t touch me and I don’t sleep and sometimes, Adam, sometimes I just want you to fucking hold me.”
In an effortless move, Adam yanks his hand away from Kris and stands, so abruptly that he knocks the chair over behind him. “I don’t understand, Kris, I don’t fucking understand you.”
Kris stares at Adam’s swollen eyelids, the flamed blotches around his eyes and lips and nose. He wants to touch Adam’s skin, wants to see if it’s really on fire.
Adam runs his hands through his thick hair. “And I know it’s not your fault,” he whispers. “But some nights you’re talking about shit I don’t even understand and pacing the apartment and I have to lock all the doors so you don’ t run off somewhere. And then the next night you’re…you’re crying and rocking yourself and it hurts, Kris, it hurts so goddamn bad just to watch.”
Adam steps forward, reaches out so that his fingers graze Kris’s collarbone. “I miss you,” he breathes finally, his lips trembling. “And I…just want you to get better, okay?”
Maybe he could bring himself to go to Dr. Hartman tomorrow, Kris thinks. Maybe he can make himself take the blue pills and the white ones, the ones that made him feel numb from the inside out. Maybe if he did everything, Adam would touch him again.
And forever echoing behind them was the drip drip drip of the leaky kitchen sink.