(no subject)
nothing eventful ever happens in my life. except, of course, at work. it's crazy working at the rehab center. we have all sorts of people.
-The Crying Asshole Girl (alias: The Ugly Bitch)
No matter what, this girl cries at dinner every single fricking day. I don't know if it's because she's emotionally unstable, or if it's because she's so freaking ugly.
-Thomas
We all used to love Thomas. He would come to dinner late because he couldn't miss Fresh Prince. Yeah, we used to like him alright. Before he became a stalker.
-Jonathan
Jonathan is kind of blind. He's either there for having a visual impairment, or for having THE FATTEST ASS EVER. He dumped his blind girlfriend Angela for some hot new blind ass, Crystal. They can be found having sex in random rooms for all the world to see. They never notice the people watching them. He always wants extra chicken strips, the fatty.
-Angela
Has since graduated, but never failed to annoy me. When she came through the lunch line, she would ask what we had, decide what she'd like, and then proceed to change her mind-she wouldn't have anything-then she'd give us a detailed explanation of what she'd already eaten. She knew some pretty good sign language for a blind chick. She knew two words in spanish: communication and business education.
"What's the word for communication? COM-MOONY-CASHIE-OWN!!!!" -Angela, every day, approximately 57 times
-Crystal
Jonathan's new girlfriend. Eats the same thing every day: bowl of cheese and ranch dressing. Ew. One day she came in crying hysterically that her granny was choking her sister. She looks like a twelve year old boy dressed up as a forty-five year old girl, for some odd reason.
-Kenny
Kenny was a dwarf. He was in a wheelchair. Every day he made an ice cream cone about a foot tall. Then he would make jokes about big chocolate ice cream cones in relation to his penis. Hilarious. He graduated.
-The Ugly Redneck
He's sooo ugly. He dresses in camo and rebel flags. He sometimes carries an empty rifle case on his shoulder. Tries to hit on me.
-The Car Guy
When he walked around campus, he steered an invisible car. When he came to the dining room, he put it in park and left it outside.
-Crazy Enthusiasm Man
He's always so enthusiastic about everything
Me: "What would you like?"
Him, with huge-ass smile: "Those chicken strips. Those are real good. I mean, I like beefsteak, but chicken strips are real good."
-or-
Him: "Do you know Victoria?"
Me: "I've met her, what about her?"
Him: "Yeah, she's real nice." --walks off--
Yesterday, Crazy Enthusiasm Man wanted me to go to the mall with him in the Rehab van. I knew this because he kept trying to go out of doors he knew were locked just to get closer to me, then asked me if I was going to go with him.
-"Call me Jason"
This new guy came through the line. Well all the students wear name tags. I was just trying to make some conversation, so I called him by his first name. That's when I heard the robot in him come out, as if he had been programmed to respond to my mistake. "CALL ME JASON PLEASE!" he said, then he snatched his tray from my hand and walked away.
-Cornelius
Cornelius think's he's the shit. Granted, he is pretty cool for a rehab student. He doesn't really belong there. He says he's in for "behavior problems." He's been kicked out at least four times for pot. There's nothing wrong with this guy. He does think he's gangsta though, and wears a safety pin through anything red.
-Michael
Thank god he's gone now. He was in a wheelchair and was more demanding than anyone i've ever known. He would always make weird requests, like seven pink lemonades or four hot chocolates with the cups filled halfway. Once he sneezed, snotted all over his little claw hand, and proceeded to lick it off. He also spilt ranch dressing on his crotch and asked Lauren to clean it off.
-Mr. Mac
Mac is one of my bosses. It's weird though, because he doesn't do anything. He's 75 years old and insensitive as hell. He yells at the deaf students and other stupid stuff like that. He has had prostate cancer, and the surgery they gave him makes him inable to control his farts. And let me tell you, it's raunchy. Ew. He once pinned me up against the wall and told me "not to be flirtin' with them boys, that's what the last two got fiiiired for." Yeah asshole, I'm flirting with rehab students! Cha.
-The Girl I Hate
I can't stand her. I just can't. She always complains about the food, knowing full well it's all she'll get. She also stands in front of the line and refuses to acknowledge my repeated "what would you like"s for like 30 full seconds. Every. Single. Day. What an ass.
-The Best Deaf Kid Ever
This guy is awesome. He's got blonde, blonde hair and a hearing aid. He still can't hear. He's good at reading lips. He likes to tease people and start fights in sign language. He also likes to dance. If he could hear, he'd love rap music.
-Jeremy
Total child molester. Knows Sabrina, Me, and Lauren by our ages. "16, 16, 17," he'll say to address us. He as the biggest chest hair bush ever, and loves cinnamon toast crunch. He was once caught, uh, manually stimulating his girlfriend under the lunch table. Also arranges oranges and bananas into penis shapes.
-Jeremy's girlfriend
She acts like a child. She brought a cup with tomatoes, ranch dressing, and hot cocoa mix in it up to the dishroom when I was in there once. She also gave me a valentine the other day and took my picture. She's weird.
-Mary
Mary is a FAT ASS. She looks like a troll. Her favorite song is "Holiday Inn". She was in cahoots with Jeremy's girlfriend on the gross cup scheme.
-Matt
He's a student, but also our dishwasher. He
knocked up his rehab girlfriend. He has random homophobic outbursts when we eat together. "You're not an American if you don't think that Michael Jackson... is a fuckin' fag." or "You see that guy over there? Fuckin' gay." He's a total redneck.
-Courtney
Huge lesbian who tells me that I'm "fiiiine." She's on the diet tray, and has successfully lost 15 pounds. You totally can't tell.
That's all i've got for today.
-The Crying Asshole Girl (alias: The Ugly Bitch)
No matter what, this girl cries at dinner every single fricking day. I don't know if it's because she's emotionally unstable, or if it's because she's so freaking ugly.
-Thomas
We all used to love Thomas. He would come to dinner late because he couldn't miss Fresh Prince. Yeah, we used to like him alright. Before he became a stalker.
-Jonathan
Jonathan is kind of blind. He's either there for having a visual impairment, or for having THE FATTEST ASS EVER. He dumped his blind girlfriend Angela for some hot new blind ass, Crystal. They can be found having sex in random rooms for all the world to see. They never notice the people watching them. He always wants extra chicken strips, the fatty.
-Angela
Has since graduated, but never failed to annoy me. When she came through the lunch line, she would ask what we had, decide what she'd like, and then proceed to change her mind-she wouldn't have anything-then she'd give us a detailed explanation of what she'd already eaten. She knew some pretty good sign language for a blind chick. She knew two words in spanish: communication and business education.
"What's the word for communication? COM-MOONY-CASHIE-OWN!!!!" -Angela, every day, approximately 57 times
-Crystal
Jonathan's new girlfriend. Eats the same thing every day: bowl of cheese and ranch dressing. Ew. One day she came in crying hysterically that her granny was choking her sister. She looks like a twelve year old boy dressed up as a forty-five year old girl, for some odd reason.
-Kenny
Kenny was a dwarf. He was in a wheelchair. Every day he made an ice cream cone about a foot tall. Then he would make jokes about big chocolate ice cream cones in relation to his penis. Hilarious. He graduated.
-The Ugly Redneck
He's sooo ugly. He dresses in camo and rebel flags. He sometimes carries an empty rifle case on his shoulder. Tries to hit on me.
-The Car Guy
When he walked around campus, he steered an invisible car. When he came to the dining room, he put it in park and left it outside.
-Crazy Enthusiasm Man
He's always so enthusiastic about everything
Me: "What would you like?"
Him, with huge-ass smile: "Those chicken strips. Those are real good. I mean, I like beefsteak, but chicken strips are real good."
-or-
Him: "Do you know Victoria?"
Me: "I've met her, what about her?"
Him: "Yeah, she's real nice." --walks off--
Yesterday, Crazy Enthusiasm Man wanted me to go to the mall with him in the Rehab van. I knew this because he kept trying to go out of doors he knew were locked just to get closer to me, then asked me if I was going to go with him.
-"Call me Jason"
This new guy came through the line. Well all the students wear name tags. I was just trying to make some conversation, so I called him by his first name. That's when I heard the robot in him come out, as if he had been programmed to respond to my mistake. "CALL ME JASON PLEASE!" he said, then he snatched his tray from my hand and walked away.
-Cornelius
Cornelius think's he's the shit. Granted, he is pretty cool for a rehab student. He doesn't really belong there. He says he's in for "behavior problems." He's been kicked out at least four times for pot. There's nothing wrong with this guy. He does think he's gangsta though, and wears a safety pin through anything red.
-Michael
Thank god he's gone now. He was in a wheelchair and was more demanding than anyone i've ever known. He would always make weird requests, like seven pink lemonades or four hot chocolates with the cups filled halfway. Once he sneezed, snotted all over his little claw hand, and proceeded to lick it off. He also spilt ranch dressing on his crotch and asked Lauren to clean it off.
-Mr. Mac
Mac is one of my bosses. It's weird though, because he doesn't do anything. He's 75 years old and insensitive as hell. He yells at the deaf students and other stupid stuff like that. He has had prostate cancer, and the surgery they gave him makes him inable to control his farts. And let me tell you, it's raunchy. Ew. He once pinned me up against the wall and told me "not to be flirtin' with them boys, that's what the last two got fiiiired for." Yeah asshole, I'm flirting with rehab students! Cha.
-The Girl I Hate
I can't stand her. I just can't. She always complains about the food, knowing full well it's all she'll get. She also stands in front of the line and refuses to acknowledge my repeated "what would you like"s for like 30 full seconds. Every. Single. Day. What an ass.
-The Best Deaf Kid Ever
This guy is awesome. He's got blonde, blonde hair and a hearing aid. He still can't hear. He's good at reading lips. He likes to tease people and start fights in sign language. He also likes to dance. If he could hear, he'd love rap music.
-Jeremy
Total child molester. Knows Sabrina, Me, and Lauren by our ages. "16, 16, 17," he'll say to address us. He as the biggest chest hair bush ever, and loves cinnamon toast crunch. He was once caught, uh, manually stimulating his girlfriend under the lunch table. Also arranges oranges and bananas into penis shapes.
-Jeremy's girlfriend
She acts like a child. She brought a cup with tomatoes, ranch dressing, and hot cocoa mix in it up to the dishroom when I was in there once. She also gave me a valentine the other day and took my picture. She's weird.
-Mary
Mary is a FAT ASS. She looks like a troll. Her favorite song is "Holiday Inn". She was in cahoots with Jeremy's girlfriend on the gross cup scheme.
-Matt
He's a student, but also our dishwasher. He
knocked up his rehab girlfriend. He has random homophobic outbursts when we eat together. "You're not an American if you don't think that Michael Jackson... is a fuckin' fag." or "You see that guy over there? Fuckin' gay." He's a total redneck.
-Courtney
Huge lesbian who tells me that I'm "fiiiine." She's on the diet tray, and has successfully lost 15 pounds. You totally can't tell.
That's all i've got for today.