Music
We, my droogs, are being surrounded by a plethora of crap. Now, there is of course many good songs being plugged out here and there, and don't get me wrong a lot of the songs I will mention are crap is because I do not like their related music videos. But their full experience is what makes them horrid. Let me start with the video I justed watched, at to early in the morning, and for the uptienth time. Shakira's 'Hips don't lie' starring Wycel Jean. Apologies if I bastardized their names, but its pretty early. Frankly, I don't mind the song at all. If you take it for what it is, a combo spanish ramba mixed with colombian regge that was very badly translated into english, it isn't all bad. But add the video to it, and I think I might cry. First the concept of the song is pretty much yet another song about sex, because, well, sex sells. Especially if you have a nice body. The problem is that Shakira made her self less than attractive in this video. There are bright colors flashing around, giving you that very south american feel, very good. Shakira appears in an orange tanktop with a peasant skirt, also in this horrid color of orange. Now, even with this horrible color, she still looks good. Then she dances, because that's what she does. Her hip shaking pretty much put her on the musical map. But half way through the first few dance steps she, to borrow a phrase from Seth Green and the other amazing writers of his show, looked like an epileptic rag doll. Her movements become jutty, and it looks like she was just dumped into a seven eleven slushie machine by accident. At some point they start running through a field of pink bed curtains, which looks quite bad mocked up against Shakira's well publiced orange 'hips'. Now mind you, I don't mind the song at all. The lyrics would probably be better in spanish, but the tune is catchy. But when she is sitting in that chair half way through the video, spreading her legs, and poking her breasts out like they are a nevada missle silo, I have to take pause. What happened to the dancing latina girl that first came to America? When she had little influence from her PR man?
Song: 6 out of 10 Video: 3 out of 10
Rated: PG-13 due to sexual references and bad regge antics
Next there is what's his nuts, emo superstar, James Blunt. I think its james. Blunt is definately a good term to be involved with his name. Without one you'd probably normally feel like going down the river instead of across the train tracks. Fortunately I am strong of will since I don't touch that junk. Now, many of you have probably heard my rant on this gentleman's earlier song where he sings about some woman on a subway. Well, thankfully he made up for it. The new video 'High (or whatever its called)'he has spitting around isn't half as depressing. Though the visuals can give you a headache. He sits in a chair, facing an empty chair, and the lights turn off and on a lot. Not like rave quick, but in a slow pattarn that gets really annoying. Then randomly the scene cuts out to him running through a forest of green by himself. Then back to the empty office space he is in. Then back, and back again. Over and over. By the end of it, I am not even sure what the song is about, which frankly is what makes this video a score. Though by the wailing caterwauling, I am assuming its another love song. Geez can this guy reach a high pitch. I would be surprised if his nuts have even descended yet.
Song: 5 out of 10 Video: 6 out of 10
Rated: PG for occasional drug references, and general teenibopper appeal for the emo crowd
On an up note, an old time favorite has a new video. Judas Priest has decided its time to re-release 'Breakin the Law'. The lead singer, now a bald bearded man, wait... nevermind...he's always been a bald bearded man. He still squints his eyes a lot as well. Pumped out in leather, the whole band, somewhere in their fifties decide to make a live video from one of their concerts. Outstretched armwings painted on the back wall. While the guitarist may look like he is about to have a hernia on the stage from over doing, I have to give Judas Priest a big horns up for doing this. They still rock hardcore, and put on a descent, if a bit slower show.
Song: 8 out of 10 Video: 3 out of 10
Rated: R because its fucking Judas Priest!
Pearl Jam. Not my favorite of bands. Acutally I down right despise them. And their song 'Life Wasted' is no exception. The guitar riffs are rather good, but every few moments the singer reminds me why I really don't like them. Nope, not one bit. I have to say I feel bad for whatever microphone had to record his voice. Every fifteen seconds or so it suddenly sounds like a squirrel that has just been analy raped by a sledgehammer has gotten stuck in his throat, then set on fire, with napalm, then kicked in the nads, with a big spikey boot, of doom, blessed by the pope of pain, then twirled around in a centrifuge for awhile until it vomited, then fell unconscious. It remains unconscious for about fifteen more seconds before waking up and wailing because it just recalled what had previously happened to it. This is rather consitant through the entire video. The band's saving grace is the visuals of the video itself. It was descently done. The images pop out at you, and are almost constantly appealing. The colors tend towards reds, and I will say now, this video is not for the squimish, containing lots of blood, strange imagery, and many scaley crawly bitey creatures. But much like the busts they use (using the same technology that makes the busts in the Haunted House in Walt Ratland sing) the creativeness of the idea is alabastor. Clean, interesting, and a good watch. As long as the tv is on mute.
Song: 1 out of 10 Video: 9 out of 10
Rated: R for graphic content, ear splitting vocals, and the sodomisation of a squirrel
Oh, the sadness this last video has made me feel. Godsmack, a once interesting band has made me lose faith with their latest, 'Speak'. Now, while I am not normally into rap, I like the really old school stuff. The new school stuff, I can't stand. Especially their videos, full of cars, motorcycles, and women, but containing no real substance or any relation to the actual content to the song. Well, somehow Godsmack decided it would be a good idea to copy this motiff. The leader singer begins on a stage, his "bling" hanging from his neck as they play in front of a well named hotel in Vegas. Every now and then they will switch over to images similar to those found in videos of the genre I call 'bling rap'. Now, if it was the same images, I would think maybe it was suppose to be social commentary on the opposing musical genre, but they threw their own little hillbilly touch to it, making it look more like a supped up tracker pull than anything. The song, descent in essence, the drumming fantastic, but lost completely under the mess of the video.
Song: 5 out of 10 Video: 2 out of 10
Rated: C for crap
These guys have to take a few video lessons from the Jet 'Are you gunna be my girl',Weolfmother 'Woman', or Gnarls Barkley 'Crazy', and the amazingly cool video to Knickleback's new song whose song title simply slips my mind, but when you see it you'll know. Or even classic Korn 'Follow the Leader'. It's not like I expect them to have the budget of U2 in 'Vetigo', but I have seen The Red Hot Chili Peppers do amazing things with nothing but some pipes, construction hats, some balloons, and mirrors. Here's to you, balls to the rest.
This complete list of bullshit, crap, or actual congratulations, brought to you by your friendly producers of Snackies brand Snack food. Made with real Snackies.
Trademark - Demented Popcorn Co.
Sincerely, your friend and mine, his anti-fluffiness,
Pink Wombatsquirrel
P.S. It would seem that one of our spelling and grammar departments chief editors was found last night at approximately 5:42am. Their body was mangled and gnawed upon. Probably by other hungry members of same said team. Do not approach for any reason. Report sitings immediatly to animal control. Thank you. (insert legal mumbo-jumbo here)
P.P.S. Love to the little woman, to our friend Weegoddess, and her man J. Hope to see you all, whenever. Long as we see you.
Song: 6 out of 10 Video: 3 out of 10
Rated: PG-13 due to sexual references and bad regge antics
Next there is what's his nuts, emo superstar, James Blunt. I think its james. Blunt is definately a good term to be involved with his name. Without one you'd probably normally feel like going down the river instead of across the train tracks. Fortunately I am strong of will since I don't touch that junk. Now, many of you have probably heard my rant on this gentleman's earlier song where he sings about some woman on a subway. Well, thankfully he made up for it. The new video 'High (or whatever its called)'he has spitting around isn't half as depressing. Though the visuals can give you a headache. He sits in a chair, facing an empty chair, and the lights turn off and on a lot. Not like rave quick, but in a slow pattarn that gets really annoying. Then randomly the scene cuts out to him running through a forest of green by himself. Then back to the empty office space he is in. Then back, and back again. Over and over. By the end of it, I am not even sure what the song is about, which frankly is what makes this video a score. Though by the wailing caterwauling, I am assuming its another love song. Geez can this guy reach a high pitch. I would be surprised if his nuts have even descended yet.
Song: 5 out of 10 Video: 6 out of 10
Rated: PG for occasional drug references, and general teenibopper appeal for the emo crowd
On an up note, an old time favorite has a new video. Judas Priest has decided its time to re-release 'Breakin the Law'. The lead singer, now a bald bearded man, wait... nevermind...he's always been a bald bearded man. He still squints his eyes a lot as well. Pumped out in leather, the whole band, somewhere in their fifties decide to make a live video from one of their concerts. Outstretched armwings painted on the back wall. While the guitarist may look like he is about to have a hernia on the stage from over doing, I have to give Judas Priest a big horns up for doing this. They still rock hardcore, and put on a descent, if a bit slower show.
Song: 8 out of 10 Video: 3 out of 10
Rated: R because its fucking Judas Priest!
Pearl Jam. Not my favorite of bands. Acutally I down right despise them. And their song 'Life Wasted' is no exception. The guitar riffs are rather good, but every few moments the singer reminds me why I really don't like them. Nope, not one bit. I have to say I feel bad for whatever microphone had to record his voice. Every fifteen seconds or so it suddenly sounds like a squirrel that has just been analy raped by a sledgehammer has gotten stuck in his throat, then set on fire, with napalm, then kicked in the nads, with a big spikey boot, of doom, blessed by the pope of pain, then twirled around in a centrifuge for awhile until it vomited, then fell unconscious. It remains unconscious for about fifteen more seconds before waking up and wailing because it just recalled what had previously happened to it. This is rather consitant through the entire video. The band's saving grace is the visuals of the video itself. It was descently done. The images pop out at you, and are almost constantly appealing. The colors tend towards reds, and I will say now, this video is not for the squimish, containing lots of blood, strange imagery, and many scaley crawly bitey creatures. But much like the busts they use (using the same technology that makes the busts in the Haunted House in Walt Ratland sing) the creativeness of the idea is alabastor. Clean, interesting, and a good watch. As long as the tv is on mute.
Song: 1 out of 10 Video: 9 out of 10
Rated: R for graphic content, ear splitting vocals, and the sodomisation of a squirrel
Oh, the sadness this last video has made me feel. Godsmack, a once interesting band has made me lose faith with their latest, 'Speak'. Now, while I am not normally into rap, I like the really old school stuff. The new school stuff, I can't stand. Especially their videos, full of cars, motorcycles, and women, but containing no real substance or any relation to the actual content to the song. Well, somehow Godsmack decided it would be a good idea to copy this motiff. The leader singer begins on a stage, his "bling" hanging from his neck as they play in front of a well named hotel in Vegas. Every now and then they will switch over to images similar to those found in videos of the genre I call 'bling rap'. Now, if it was the same images, I would think maybe it was suppose to be social commentary on the opposing musical genre, but they threw their own little hillbilly touch to it, making it look more like a supped up tracker pull than anything. The song, descent in essence, the drumming fantastic, but lost completely under the mess of the video.
Song: 5 out of 10 Video: 2 out of 10
Rated: C for crap
These guys have to take a few video lessons from the Jet 'Are you gunna be my girl',Weolfmother 'Woman', or Gnarls Barkley 'Crazy', and the amazingly cool video to Knickleback's new song whose song title simply slips my mind, but when you see it you'll know. Or even classic Korn 'Follow the Leader'. It's not like I expect them to have the budget of U2 in 'Vetigo', but I have seen The Red Hot Chili Peppers do amazing things with nothing but some pipes, construction hats, some balloons, and mirrors. Here's to you, balls to the rest.
This complete list of bullshit, crap, or actual congratulations, brought to you by your friendly producers of Snackies brand Snack food. Made with real Snackies.
Trademark - Demented Popcorn Co.
Sincerely, your friend and mine, his anti-fluffiness,
Pink Wombatsquirrel
P.S. It would seem that one of our spelling and grammar departments chief editors was found last night at approximately 5:42am. Their body was mangled and gnawed upon. Probably by other hungry members of same said team. Do not approach for any reason. Report sitings immediatly to animal control. Thank you. (insert legal mumbo-jumbo here)
P.P.S. Love to the little woman, to our friend Weegoddess, and her man J. Hope to see you all, whenever. Long as we see you.