(no subject)
Dean cleared his throat and the laughter around the small table at the local pub died to a murmur. He grinned at all the familiar faces and a few new additions with warmth before settling on the couple that had brought the current rowdy group of snakes and lions together.
“ I’ve got a question I’ve always wanted to ask...about the gay thing?” He smiled watching Harry duck his head and Malfoy roll his eyes at his bashful boyfriend, “Nothing too embarrassing,” Dean promised even as Seamus whooped beside him.
“ Well Thomas are you going to ask or stare at us all night?” Malfoy shifted his grip on his pint and looked thoroughly bored with this thread of conversation already.
“ Yes, well, you see, I’m a bit confused. If you’re both gay… who kills the spiders?” he asked grinning as the table roared with laughter and Harry and Malfoy exchanged nervous glances and didn’t laugh at the joke.
“ Oi, what’s wrong you two?” Seamus threw a coaster in their direction, “ It’s just a bit of fun,” he barked as Harry scratched his head and grinned feebly.
“ Well you see…”
---Two Weeks Previously---
Harry started awake hearing a shriek from the bathroom where Draco had been answering a midnight call of nature. Smashing his glasses onto his face he grabbed his wand and stumbled blearily to the bath blinking in the sudden brightness of the lights.
“ Wha’s goin’ on?” he mumbled not seeing any imminent threats to his boyfriend as he was perched haphazardly on the vanity. Draco pointed wildly in the direction of the tub and stuttered as Harry peeked in.
“ Sp-Spider!” he peeped making Harry frown and pull back.
“ House spiders are nothing to be afraid of Draco, I used to play with them when I was young and in second year-“ he leaned over the tub and started to find a sixteen legged hairy violet arachnid slipping and sliding around the porcelain. He jumped back into the counter sitting upon it immediately and pulling his legs up as Draco wound his arms around his shoulders.
“ That’s not a spider…” he swallowed roughly and looked at the disheveled peaky features of his spouse.
After much fretting about if it could get out of it’s slippery prison or if it would swim if they tried to drown it, Harry decided the situation called for drastic action and that was how Ron found himself out of bed at one in the morning shuffling into Harry and Draco’s master bathroom.
“ Wuz goin- on? Christ got enough lube in here? What are you trying to do push a Christmas ham through a key hole-”
“ The spider Weasley!” Draco pointed again but Ron was already out of the room like a shot.
“ What do you mean spider?!” he shrieked his face going pale, chest heaving. Harry swore under his breath.
“ Sorry Ron, I forgot I’ll just floo Hermione then-“
“ No need I’m already here, what did you need with my husband in the middle of the night, Harry?”
“ COULD SOMEONE PLEASE GET THIS THING OUT OF MY TUB?” Draco roared from where he was still crouched on the vanity in the bathroom keeping an eye on the creature.
“ What’s going on?” Hermione frowned pulling her wand out and stalking toward the bath.
“ No, Hermione you don’t want to go in there it’s a really big spider thing-“ Harry tried to stop her while Ron whimpered pathetically in the background.
“ Oh please, three fully grown men can’t take care of a ‘spider thing’ trapped in the tub?” she laughed and entered the bath leaning over the tub and frowning.
“ Fascinating,” she immobilized the furry body and conjured a transparent bubble around it. Reaching out and plucking it up she ignored Draco as he skittered away from her and it, “ I’ve never read about this species, it looks almost magical in origin, did you bring any strange magical fruits or vegetables in here recently?” She asked Harry as she tucked the bubble away from Ron’s sight.
“ Yes. What does that have to do with anything?” Draco finally emerged from the bathroom looking more like himself now that his person was no longer in any imminent danger.
Ron straightened up now the spider thing was detained but didn’t look like he was about to go anywhere near Hermione just yet, “ Why on Earth did you have fruit and veg in the bathroo-“
“ Ron that’s none of your business; Just be a bit more careful from now on how you wash your produce,” Hermione reassured them and began dragging Ron back towards the door. Harry and Draco exchanged a look as they left, the image of Hermione coming to their rescue left behind…
---Present Time---
“ It wasn’t actually a spider though!” Malfoy groused as the table rocked with laughter. Besides Harry and Malfoy, Ron was the only one not laughing, instead choosing to slug back the rest of his pint and signal for another.
“ Right, it was a purple spider, would have thought you’d like that, it probably matched your towels!” Seamus had tears streaming down his face he was laughing so hard. “ Hermione had to save you from an itsy bitsy spider!”
“ Well, as fun as this’ been, it’s enough socializing for tonight I think,” Harry stood gathering his jacket off the back of his chair, Malfoy copying his movements, “ Dean, I hope that answered your question because it’s the last you're asking,” He added before ushering Malfoy off waving lazily over his shoulder to the goodbyes thrown from the table.
They all turned back facing a rather serious Ron.
“ Well at least you’ve got Hermione mate,”
“ I’ve got a question I’ve always wanted to ask...about the gay thing?” He smiled watching Harry duck his head and Malfoy roll his eyes at his bashful boyfriend, “Nothing too embarrassing,” Dean promised even as Seamus whooped beside him.
“ Well Thomas are you going to ask or stare at us all night?” Malfoy shifted his grip on his pint and looked thoroughly bored with this thread of conversation already.
“ Yes, well, you see, I’m a bit confused. If you’re both gay… who kills the spiders?” he asked grinning as the table roared with laughter and Harry and Malfoy exchanged nervous glances and didn’t laugh at the joke.
“ Oi, what’s wrong you two?” Seamus threw a coaster in their direction, “ It’s just a bit of fun,” he barked as Harry scratched his head and grinned feebly.
“ Well you see…”
---Two Weeks Previously---
Harry started awake hearing a shriek from the bathroom where Draco had been answering a midnight call of nature. Smashing his glasses onto his face he grabbed his wand and stumbled blearily to the bath blinking in the sudden brightness of the lights.
“ Wha’s goin’ on?” he mumbled not seeing any imminent threats to his boyfriend as he was perched haphazardly on the vanity. Draco pointed wildly in the direction of the tub and stuttered as Harry peeked in.
“ Sp-Spider!” he peeped making Harry frown and pull back.
“ House spiders are nothing to be afraid of Draco, I used to play with them when I was young and in second year-“ he leaned over the tub and started to find a sixteen legged hairy violet arachnid slipping and sliding around the porcelain. He jumped back into the counter sitting upon it immediately and pulling his legs up as Draco wound his arms around his shoulders.
“ That’s not a spider…” he swallowed roughly and looked at the disheveled peaky features of his spouse.
After much fretting about if it could get out of it’s slippery prison or if it would swim if they tried to drown it, Harry decided the situation called for drastic action and that was how Ron found himself out of bed at one in the morning shuffling into Harry and Draco’s master bathroom.
“ Wuz goin- on? Christ got enough lube in here? What are you trying to do push a Christmas ham through a key hole-”
“ The spider Weasley!” Draco pointed again but Ron was already out of the room like a shot.
“ What do you mean spider?!” he shrieked his face going pale, chest heaving. Harry swore under his breath.
“ Sorry Ron, I forgot I’ll just floo Hermione then-“
“ No need I’m already here, what did you need with my husband in the middle of the night, Harry?”
“ COULD SOMEONE PLEASE GET THIS THING OUT OF MY TUB?” Draco roared from where he was still crouched on the vanity in the bathroom keeping an eye on the creature.
“ What’s going on?” Hermione frowned pulling her wand out and stalking toward the bath.
“ No, Hermione you don’t want to go in there it’s a really big spider thing-“ Harry tried to stop her while Ron whimpered pathetically in the background.
“ Oh please, three fully grown men can’t take care of a ‘spider thing’ trapped in the tub?” she laughed and entered the bath leaning over the tub and frowning.
“ Fascinating,” she immobilized the furry body and conjured a transparent bubble around it. Reaching out and plucking it up she ignored Draco as he skittered away from her and it, “ I’ve never read about this species, it looks almost magical in origin, did you bring any strange magical fruits or vegetables in here recently?” She asked Harry as she tucked the bubble away from Ron’s sight.
“ Yes. What does that have to do with anything?” Draco finally emerged from the bathroom looking more like himself now that his person was no longer in any imminent danger.
Ron straightened up now the spider thing was detained but didn’t look like he was about to go anywhere near Hermione just yet, “ Why on Earth did you have fruit and veg in the bathroo-“
“ Ron that’s none of your business; Just be a bit more careful from now on how you wash your produce,” Hermione reassured them and began dragging Ron back towards the door. Harry and Draco exchanged a look as they left, the image of Hermione coming to their rescue left behind…
---Present Time---
“ It wasn’t actually a spider though!” Malfoy groused as the table rocked with laughter. Besides Harry and Malfoy, Ron was the only one not laughing, instead choosing to slug back the rest of his pint and signal for another.
“ Right, it was a purple spider, would have thought you’d like that, it probably matched your towels!” Seamus had tears streaming down his face he was laughing so hard. “ Hermione had to save you from an itsy bitsy spider!”
“ Well, as fun as this’ been, it’s enough socializing for tonight I think,” Harry stood gathering his jacket off the back of his chair, Malfoy copying his movements, “ Dean, I hope that answered your question because it’s the last you're asking,” He added before ushering Malfoy off waving lazily over his shoulder to the goodbyes thrown from the table.
They all turned back facing a rather serious Ron.
“ Well at least you’ve got Hermione mate,”